E. W. Howe quotes:

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It is hard to convince a high-school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.
You needn't love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough.
None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The record does not show that Adam and Eve were ever married.
Instead of loving your enemies - treat your friends a little better.
If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.
Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.
People are always neglecting something they can do in trying to do something they can't do.
There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night's sleep.
For every quarrel a man and wife have before others, they have a hundred when alone.
When a man has no reason to trust himself, he trusts in luck.
When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.
If your faith is opposed to experience, to human learning and investigation, it is not worth the breath used in giving it expression.
The greatest humiliation in life, is to work hard on something from which you expect great appreciation, and then fail to get it.
Virtue must be valuable, if men and women of all degrees pretend to have it.
Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.
The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.
One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.
A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.
The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.
If a woman doesn't chase a man a little, she doesn't love him.
No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.
A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.
Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.
All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.
The way out of trouble is never as simple as the way in.
The most destructive criticism is indifference.
Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.
The average man's judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.
Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.
It is hard to convince a high-school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry."
Every successful person I have heard of has done the best he could with the conditions as he found them, and not waited until next year for better.
Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist.
I express many absurd opinions. But I am not the first man to do it; American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.
American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
People never have confidence in a Big Talker. They know his statements must be cut down, but they can never tell how much.
A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.
Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.
A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man.
Common sense is compelled to make its way without the enthusiasm of anyone.
Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.
No man can smile in the face of adversity and mean it.
Farmers only worry during the growing season, but townspeople worry all the time.
Most people eat as if they were fattening themselves for market.
There is always a type of man who says he loves his fellow men, and expects to make a living at it.
Fishing seems to be the favorite form of loafing.
To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.
There is no get-rich-quick scheme equal to a poor girl marrying a rich man.
A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
I believe in grumbling; it is the politest form of fighting known.
One trouble with growing old is that it gets progressively tougher to find a famous historical figure, who didn't amount to much when he was your age.
When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.
If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.
When men are not regretting that life is so short, they are doing something to kill time.
So long as we do not blow our brains out, we have decided life is worth living.
The modest person is usually admired, if people ever hear of them.
Loving everybody is polygamy. I care for no friend who loves his enemy equally well.
Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made.
Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.
There is something in the red of a raspberry pie that looks as good to a man as the red in a sheep looks to a wolf.
Put cream and sugar on a fly and it tastes very much like a raspberry.
Everyone suffers wrongs for which there is no remedy
A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country.
A thief believes everybody steals.
If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.
The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can't get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.
Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.
The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.
A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country
An honest answer is the sign of true friendship.
The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.
Half the time men think they are talking business, they are wasting time.
A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.
To be an ideal guest, stay at home.
Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.
Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.
There is nothing so well known as that we should not expect something for nothing - but we all do and call it Hope.
A theory is no more like a fact than a photograph is like a person.
The way out of trouble is never as simple as the way in
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
There is no such thing as a convincing argument, although every man thinks he has one.
I try to have no plans the failure of which would greatly annoy me. Half the unhappiness in the world is due to the failure of plans which were never reasonable, and often impossible.
Some people never have anything except ideals.
Probably no man ever had a friend that he did not dislike a little.
When I get hold of a book I particularly admire, I am so enthusiastic that I loan it to someone who never brings it back.
When a man asks your advice, he usually tells you just how he expects you to decide.
It is a matter of regret that many low, mean suspicions turn out to be well founded.
When a man dies, and his kin are glad of it, they say, "He is better off."
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool
When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.
Faith may have removed mountains way off somewhere, a long time ago, but it won't remove a wart at home this week.
A conquered foe should be watched.
Love affairs have always greatly interested me, but I do not greatly care for them in books or moving pictures. In a love affair, I wish to be the hero, with no audience present.
No really sensible person ever remembers enough poetry to recite it.
A man who will not get scared on some occasions, lacks good sense.
Reading is like permitting a man to talk a long time, and refusing you the right to answer.
The only thing some people do is get older.
Don't be crazy to do a lot of things you can't do ....
It may be a cold, clammy thing to say, but those that treat friendship the same as any other selfishness seem to get the most out of it.
No man has all the wisdom in the world; everyone has some.
Every man is a reformer until reform tramps on his toes.
I have long been disposed to judge men by their average. If it is reasonably high, I am charitable with faults that look pretty black.
When a man once gets a start holding office, it is nearly always necessary to finally choke him off.
If you have sense enough to realize why flies gather around a restaurant, you should be able to appreciate why men run for office.
A really busy person never knows how much he weighs.
Express a mean opinion of yourself occasionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth.
A poem is no place for an idea.
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
No scheme pays as well as legitimate business.
When I am idle and shiftless, my affairs become confused; when I work, I get results ... not great results, but enough to encourage me.
A loafer never works except when there is a fire; then he will carry out more furniture than anybody.
A religion that never suffices to govern a man will never suffice to save him; that which does not sufficiently distinguish one from a wicked world will never distinguish him from a perishing world.
Men are virtuous because women are; women are virtuous from necessity.
There must be some good in the cocktail party to account for its immense vogue among otherwise sane people.
I declare my belief that it is not your duty to do anything that is not to your own interest. Whenever it is unquestionably your duty to do a thing, then it will benefit you to perform that duty.
The most agreeable thing in life is worthy accomplishment. It is not possible that the idle tramp is as contented as the farmers along the road who own their own farms, and whose credit is good at the bank in town. When the tramps get together at night, they abuse the farmers, but do not get as much satisfaction out of it as do the farmers who abuse the tramps. The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.
You can't do anything unless you do it yourself. And usually you can't do it yourself very well.
Most people put off till tomorrow that which they should have done yesterday.
What is common sense? That which attracts the least opposition that which brings most agreeable and worthy results.

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