Don Herold quotes:

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  • [Reviewing a production of Uncle Tom's Cabin] The dogs were poorly supported by the cast.

  • Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

  • It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

  • A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

  • There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe.

  • Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

  • Babies are such a nice way to start people.

  • There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

  • Interruptions are the spice of life.

  • It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

  • Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

  • Be kind and considerate to others, depending somewhat upon who they are.

  • Comic-strip artists do not make good husbands, and God knows they do not make good comic strips.

  • Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

  • Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we would never need solace.

  • Gentlemen prefer blondes, but take what they can get.

  • Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

  • The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

  • The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

  • Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different people

  • I wish I were either rich enough or poor enough to do a lot of things that are impossible in my present comfortable circumstances.

  • Babies are a great way to start people.

  • Be kind to dumb people.

  • I had, out of my sixty teachers, a scant half dozen who couldn't have been supplanted by phonographs.

  • There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

  • If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

  • Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

  • Very few people look the part and are it too.

  • I wish I could stand on a busy corner, hat in hand and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours. If all you can see is your shadow, you're blocking your own light. If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

  • In all systems of theology, the devil figures as a male person.

  • The chief trouble with jazz is that there is not enough of it; some of it we have to listen to twice.

  • I do not believe in doing for pleasure things I do not like to do.

  • Intellectuals should never marry; they won't enjoy it; and besides, they should not reproduce themselves.

  • Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it.

  • Nobody ever looked up and saw a good shot.

  • A lot of men think that if they smile for a second, somebody will take advantage of them, and they are right.

  • Conversation: The slowest form of human communication.

  • If I had my life to live over, I would try to make more mistakes. I would relax. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very few things that I would take seriously. I would be less hygienic. I would go more places. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less spinach. I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary troubles.

  • Some people have nothing but experience.

  • Methods of locomotion have improved greatly in recent years, but places to go remain about the same.

  • This is the greatest paradox: the emotions cannot be trusted; yet it is the emotions that tell us the greatest truths.

  • An honourable agreement among men as to their conduct toward women, and it was devised by women.

  • A woman's hair net tangled in a man's spectacles on top of the bedroom dresser.

  • About the time we get old enough to be as wicked as we want to be, we don't want to be so very wicked after all.

  • There is something distinctive about living in New York; over eight million other people are doing it.

  • The mind of man has no defense To equal plain, old common sense. This homely virtue don't despise, If you would be happy as well as wise.

  • If I had my life to live over, I'd pick more daisies.

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