Dawn French quotes:

Theatre outings are my favourite thing to spend money on. The most influential play I saw was Bent, which starred Ian McKellen. And I loved the original performance of The Rocky Horror Show, with Richard OBrien and Tim Curry at the Royal Court, when I was about 15.

If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush.

It was fantastic to work in Cornwall partly because my family live there so I was able to do lots of visiting and eat lots of cake. They live all over Cornwall and all over Devon.

It was my father who taught me to value myself. He told me that I was uncommonly beautiful and that I was the most precious thing in his life.

I have turned away from the thought of writing fiction in the past through what I suppose is, actually, fear. The direct, raw invitation for the reader to come in and explore my imagination is fairly scary for me so I have busied myself with so much else.

I'm not a big drinking person and hardly ever have alcohol. Perhaps it's not sweet enough for my sweet tooth.

I have had the unfortunate experience of having someone write an unauthorised biography of me. Half of it is lies and the other half is badly written. My feeling is that if I'm going to write my life story, I ought to have my life first.

I keep my own personality in a cupboard under the stairs at home so that no one else can see it or nick it.

Why would anyone want to be called a size zero or even aspire to being a zero? I don't even understand the thinking behind it, let alone the practicalities. What is all that about?

My best friend is the most important girl, outside of family, to me. I met her when I went to college and we bonded immediately. I'd do anything for her at any time. We phone each other every day.

In actual life I am a grumpy old bag.

I never do any television without chocolate. That's my motto and I live by it. Quite often I write the scripts and I make sure there are chocolate scenes. Actually I'm a bit of a chocolate tart and will eat anything. It's amazing I'm so slim.

That's the awful thing about dating. Tight underwear. We would all like to be in a big bra and pants and when you are in a secure relationship you can do that.

I'll always be a fat girl and I am happy with that.

When I wrote 'Dear Fatty,' I realised that sitting and writing alone is an absolute joy.

I watch schlock telly. Like the 'Kardashians.' I love it. It's my guilty pleasure.

That's the weird thing about not being married - you can't get regular kissing; you can't be guaranteed of it, and that's a great shame.

Turn up your radio. Watch lots of telly and eat loads of choc. Feel guilty. Stay up all night. Learn everything in six hours that has taken you two years to compile. That's how I did it.

I'm constantly astounded by how amazing women are. And as we go through all these different stages of life as long as you share them with others and say, 'Well, this is bloody weird', you can get through everything.

Writing has become my great joy - I simply love it.

Im constantly astounded by how amazing women are. And as we go through all these different stages of life as long as you share them with others and say, Well, this is bloody weird, you can get through everything.

The person I have admired the most in comedy terms would be Eric Morecambe, who is my total hero.

I don't know what the future holds, but I have to be confident about it. It's just the way I am.

I know what it's like to struggle for cash. When I went to drama school, I worked as a chambermaid to make ends meet.

The theatre is one of those muscles - if you don't exercise it, it becomes a strange and truly fearful place.

Divorce is not easy, but if you genuinely put your kids first, that dictates the civility you should show each other. What example are you otherwise?"

I've always loved kissing. We all do, don't we?

I am a kid in the dressing-up box at heart.

Any people whose lives are about the way they look, whether it's fat or thin, are in a dangerous area.

Funny how women are ashamed of their inner fairy whereas men are forever proudly displaying their inner cowboy or fireman

I don't know why I feel so crazy...I feel like I'm going through a stargate. Maybe it's the diet pills. Maybe it's Buddha.

If I were alive in Rubens's time, I'd be celebrated as a model. Kate Moss would be used as a paint brush.

I think of myself now as a writer, although I wouldn't go as far as to say 'novelist' because that sounds like a Victorian person.

I do think you are supposed to go through wars with your child because otherwise the tearing apart that has to happen when they go off to lead their own life would be unbearable.

Turning 50 can be difficult, sometimes dangerous, for women. The danger is in that blip that can come from the fact that you become invisible, and if you're not careful and don't embrace that, it can trip you up and you lose confidence.

I want to do something where I play Judi Dench's younger sister or daughter.

My daughter couldn't care less about me being famous. She finds it revolting and, like a lot of teenagers, is virtually allergic to me. That started at 12 and hasn't gone anywhere yet.

Theatre outings are my favourite thing to spend money on. The most influential play I saw was 'Bent,' which starred Ian McKellen. And I loved the original performance of 'The Rocky Horror Show,' with Richard O'Brien and Tim Curry at the Royal Court, when I was about 15.

My approach to parenting is that everything is open - everything. I'm not very good at covert, or subtle, and I've had to learn timing. I do blunder in a bit.

Divorce is not easy, but if you genuinely put your kids first, that dictates the civility you should show each other. What example are you otherwise?

I've chosen to stay in a jolly place for most of my life, and that is a lot of who I am.

Why would I worry about getting older - what's to moan about?

We have to do a film parody for Comic Relief. We can't decide which film to parody at the moment. Any ideas welcome, but not Spiderman owing to costume being too tight.

I've often said the most difficult things I have to say to people through humour. I can very quickly put someone in their place with it. But we all walk away unscathed because there's been some funnies around it, and I'll usually make sure that it comes back at me.

I've never disliked myself, and my weight has had nothing to do with my self-esteem.

Young people need their own private places which mothers don't belong to, even if they want mother all around the edge of that.

I am not, I repeat, NOT a lesbian - even though I'd like to be one when I grow up.

Evolving into a middle-aged person is quite interesting if we can understand what it means. I would like to think it meant being a bit sure of what I want.

People need to learn to take everyone as they are.

You have to let kids live their own lives and make their mistakes, but it is difficult now because there are so many things in their lives which weren't in mine - I never had Facebook. And some of the things I see now I'm appalled by. So I'm as nosey about my daughter's life as I can be. I tell her, 'I'm all over you, whether you like it or not.'

The best way to lose weight is to put the handle of the fridge two inches from the ground.

Other than my memory being a bit woolly and my knees being a bit creaky, I don't really think there's anything I can't do.

It was my father who taught me to value myself...

I'm known among my friends for saying things I probably shouldn't sometimes, but I have to get things out in the air.

I don't read novels whilst I'm writing one; I just haven't got a wide enough brain to concentrate on incoming and outgoing in the same time zone.

What was I thinking? Fact is I wasn't thinking. I didn't want to think. I wanted to feel.

I am a rubbish flirt.

For me, whatever age or size I've been, I have rather liked myself. The shell is not the thing at all.

I'd like to play a horse, many people think I already have. Either end of the horse would be fine.

There is a latent fairy in all women, but look how carefully we have to secrete her in order to be taken seriously. And fairies come in all shapes, colours, sizes and types, they don't have to be fluffy. They can be demanding and furious if hey like. They do, however, have to wear a tiara. That much is compulsory.

The only time I did not know how to be, physically, was when I lost a lot of weight. That was the only time I didn't understand my body.

I love it when somebody makes me laugh - it's what attracts me to people.

I haven't really ever had to audition for anything.