David Thorne quotes:

If you had managed to persuade my mother not to procreate, I would not exist to send you the plans for constructing your own time machine in which to travel back in time to persuade my mother not to procreate. Apparently, this is known as a pair of ducks."

Should check the Internet and make sure everything on there is correct.

the old man dance, where I tense up, shuffle my feet intermittently, complain about the music volume, and sit down for a rest.

Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.

While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?" to which he replied "Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.

I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism.

I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out, and I am not a fan of carrying anything. Even watching other people carrying things makes me uncomfortable. Mainly because of the possibility they may ask me to help.

You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work.

Opinions are like nipples, everybody has one. Some have firm points, others are barely discernible through layers, and some are displayed at every opportunity regardless of whether the audience has stated "I am interested in your nipples" or not.

Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense