Dara O Briain quotes:

On getting mugged: I carry around months and months of receipts. I need a mugger who can file my VAT returns.

Nostalgia is heroin for old people.

Herbal medicine's been around for thousands of years! Indeed it has. And then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became medicine. And the rest of it's just a nice bowl of soup and some pot pourri.

My iPod holds 3,000 albums. I own, like, 90 albums. My iPod sits at home, sullen, frustrated, and underused, like a wife who gave up her career and the kids turned out to be shite.

There are three states of legality in Irish law. There is all this stuff which comes under That's grand, then it moves into Ah now don't push it, and finally it comes under Right now you're takin the piss, and that's when the police come in.

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

Science knows it doesn't know everything; otherwise, it'd stop. But just because science doesn't know everything doesn't mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairy tale most appeals to you.

If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?

Science knows it doesn't know everything, otherwise it would stop

I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich.

I think the English are bipolar. 'We're the greatest, no we're terrible' - that's a constant English struggle. Crime is down, there's little poverty - yet it's always the worst time to have lived here.