Dan Savage quotes:

  • Christmas can have a real melancholy aspect, 'cause it packages itself as this idea of perfect family cohesion and love, and you're always going to come up short when you measure your personal life against the idealized personal lives that are constantly thrust in our faces, primarily by TV commercials.

  • Mother's Day is a torment if your mother is dead. Valentine's Day is a torment if you don't got one. And at some point in our lives, we will be tormented by Valentine's Day even if we're relatively lucky in love.

  • One man's blasphemy doesn't override other people's free-speech rights, their freedom to publish, freedom of thought.

  • The Bible is a radically pro-slavery document. Slave owners waved Bibles over their heads in the Civil War and justified it.

  • I think the best thing for you to do is just live your life. Live a life that's worth living, one where you do what you want to do, pursue your passions. That way, if you meet someone, they'll be joining a life that's already really good.

  • The bullied straight kid goes home to a shoulder to cry on and support and can talk freely about his experience at school and why he's being bullied. I couldn't go home and open up to my parents.

  • A lot of kids are bullied because of their sexual identity or expression. It's often the effeminate boys and the masculine girls, the ones who violate gender norms and expectations, who get bullied.

  • But it doesn't matter what you're doing, it matters how you're doing it.

  • Ultimately life is disease, death and oblivion. It's still better than high school.

  • Straight couples don't have to be monogamous to be married or married to be monogamous. Monogamy no more defines marriage than the presence of children does. Monogamy isn't compulsory and its absence doesn't invalidate a marriage.

  • Every question is a hypothetical question for everyone but the person who asks it.

  • The successes of the LGBT civil rights movement and the more prominent role openly gay people are playing in the public eye has actually turned up the temperature in middle schools and high schools for queer kids.

  • School is very conformist, and one of the very first conforming that goes on in preschool and kindergarten is gender.

  • I own a lot of my house, because I'm Irish and from people who never owned anything.

  • I got picked on a lot, even by teachers too. I liked to listen to musicals and bake, and my homeroom teacher found out and mocked me in front of the whole class for baking.

  • Really, when it comes to gay rights, there's two wars going on. The first war is political. But the culture war is over.

  • Children have a right to some stability and constancy from the adults in their lives.

  • You want to help gay kids, you have to reach them in middle school and high school, when they're being bullied.

  • I'm always telling people who say two men can't make a baby: 'Anything is possible for God. I'm going to keep inseminating my husband and keep my fingers crossed.'

  • Most Americans don't care about gay marriage.

  • I don't think it's the responsibility of gays and lesbians to reinvent the family.

  • Books are magic: you never know where they're going to end up.

  • The cultural expectation should be if there's infidelity, the marriage is more important than fidelity.

  • I think it's going to take three or four generations of gay people being able to get married before it starts feeling less like we're going through these motions, that we're aping a heterosexual institution.

  • The only way to get gay issues off the front pages of Canadian newspapers is to grant gay and lesbian people our full civil equality and leave it alone.

  • We're living through an age of irrationality and religious "fervor" I would call it religious idiocy. It's exhausting to year after year be on the receiving end of this demagoguery.

  • Like it or not children are being raised by gay and lesbian parents all over America - as many as 10 million children. And it does nothing to make their lives more stable and secure to attack their families, to attack their parents to prevent us from marrying each other.

  • I treat people who write me the way my friends and I all treat each other when we go to each other for advice, which is sometimes with supreme cruelty.

  • When you're young and queer and closeted, you can end up in this place where you regard your straight peers as the enemy.

  • I didn't want kids to think that to be happy, they had to be famous or rich or live in the big city.

  • TV commercials make parenting look like there are going to be good days and bad days - like, it'll be this gentle wave, like you'll have a blissed-out, really wonderful day or two, and then, you know, then you'll have an issue. And what parenting is, is kind of earthquake.

  • Take me to the driest county in the most conservative state, and in two hours this determined hedonist will find you all the drugs, whores, and booze you'll need to pass an eventful weekend.

  • My dad was a homicide cop in the gay neighborhood in the city when gay neighborhoods were desperate, depressing, sad places run by the mob. The only gay people he'd met when I came out to him were corpses.

  • A huge part of what animates homophobia among young people is paranoia and fear of their own capacity to be gay themselves.

  • Shouldn't homophobic politicians and anti-gay bullies be presumed to be gay until they get caught up in a straight sex scandal?

  • Today's unspeakable perversion is tomorrow's kink, is next week's good clean fun

  • We can learn to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about gay people. The same way we have learned to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about shellfish, about slavery, about dinner, about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation.

  • In an open adoption agreement, you agree to a minimum number of visits - a floor, not a ceiling. It's enforceable.

  • I don't think that gay and lesbian relationships are identical to heterosexual relationships. I do think that heterosexual weddings, or at least most of them, are sort of camp pantomimes about male and female sex roles, even if the couple is marrying as individuals and equals...

  • I'm not a Pollyanna sort of kumbaya type.

  • Preaching to the choir actually arms the choir with arguments and elevates the choir's discourse. There's a reason the right does it and does it well and triumphs.

  • You can't have Rosie on The View and Elton John packing Mom and Pop in at Caesars Palace and gay people all over television, and then have these politicians run out there with a straight face and say that gay and lesbian relationships are a threat to the family. We are winning in the culture - which is why we'll ultimately win the political war.

  • Straight people are everywhere!

  • The truly revolutionary promise of our nation's founding document is the freedom to pursue happiness-with-a-capital-H.

  • How can you tell somebody who is pursuing happiness that they're somehow not American when that was the very first promise that America made~?

  • I don't think that sin and pursuing happiness are not necessarily the same thing.

  • I have a thick skin, but I have a heart.

  • Sedaris, in his essay in the It Gets Better book, writes that when he was growing up nobody called him gay because you might as well have called him a warlock. Nobody knew what gay was.

  • I'm allergic to dogs, so I couldn't even adopt what gay men typically adopt when they have that maternal gene.

  • I believe it's in the best interests of a child to be in a stable environment.

  • The mistake that straight people made was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous.

  • Men were never expected to be monogamous.

  • Sometimes I talk to religious people about my column or what I do, and I ask them to, you know, read 20 or 30 of them and then come tell me that the message at the heart of every column isn't, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' In every possible sense.

  • I wouldn't say that holidays are manufactured by corporations, but they're certainly exploited and mined by them.

  • When I was in high school I got involved in the fringe theater scene in Chicago, and I met some openly gay people. I could see that it got better, that they were happy and loved and supported. I saw with my own eyes that it got better.

  • If what you want is a life where your homosexuality is not an issue, move, as many have done.

  • No, I'm not good looking.

  • When I was a kid, and I was odd, the default assumption was that I was odd, not that I was gay. Now when a kid is odd in a Greensburg, gay or straight, the default assumption is gay.

  • To be gay is nothing to be proud of. It's in how you are gay that you have something to be proud of, considering the obstacles placed in your path if you are gay.

  • To be a straight person and discover you're infertile is almost like discovering you're not a straight person.

  • There are so many people out there with less shame talking about their problems.

  • Don't mistake being an asshole for being a man.

  • Pride became this dogma which meant you couldn't criticize anything gay - if you were the least bit critical of gay culture or people or any gay person doing any gay thing, that was an insufficient display of pride. You were suffering from internalized homophobia. As opposed to external homophobia.

  • the truth is often a mixed message

  • every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn't

  • I think abortion should be mandatory for about 30 years,

  • There's always something new with sex. We lived in a world without Viagra, now we live in a world with Viagra. We lived in a world without blowjobs and anilingus in the Oval Office, and then it happens and you get to write about it. We live in a world where now the government is screwing with contraception and holding back vaccines that could save 4,000 women's lives a year, and you get to write about that. It's not as much fun as anilingus in the Oval Office, but what are you going to do? If you pay attention, there's always something new, and it's always really invigorating.

  • A certain tiny percentage of everyone is gay.

  • I think it's better to have limits. My limits are different from other people's limits. I'm all for freedom, I'm all for people doing what they want. I'm also all for people shouldering the consequences of their behaviors, and not being assholes, and not lying unless they need to, and being honest except when you shouldn't, and being faithful except when it's okay to cheat. I guess I'm just a mass of contradictions.

  • I'm not good looking. I'm very strange - a very bony face on an enormous skull, and I don't like to be naked because I don't like how I look naked. And - no, no. I own a lot of my house, because I'm Irish and from people who never owned anything. So I could have a lot more trappings of wealth if every time I had 20 extra dollars I didn't pay off more of the mortgage.

  • Bisexuals need to recognize that their being closeted is a huge contributing factor to the hostility they face.

  • You can't pray away the gay, but you can torture a conflicted closet-case to death.

  • the Bible is only as good and decent as the person reading it.

  • Owning a gun in America is one way for conservative white males to demonstrate their anger at crime, liberalism, feminism, and modernity.

  • Relationships are monuments build on lies

  • Only someone obsessed with sexual fidelity to an unhealthy degree places a higher value on preserving the ideal of monogamous marriage over preserving an actual marriage.

  • If sex isn't an important part of your marriage, you can't beef if your wife or husband does this unimportant thing with somebody else every once in a while, if you have no interest in it.

  • Actual gay people can make many others feel uncomfortable and paranoid because they don't know and can't articulate what makes a person gay, and they worry that maybe they themselves are gay.

  • If kids got raped at Denny's as often as they get raped at church it would be illegal to take your kids to Denny's.

  • I'm an agnosto-theist. I cross myself on airplanes. I pray when I'm sick. When you're sick I'll keep you in my thoughts; when I'm sick, I'm entreating a higher power.

  • One man's piss-soaked sadomasochistic orgy is another man's poetic ecstasy.

  • For me, my discomfort with gay weddings was articulated by a close friend, who observed that gay people getting married is like retarded people getting together to give each other PhDs. It doesn't make them smarter, and it doesn't make us married.

  • I'm one of those gay people who's constantly reminded of how fortunate I am to live now and not to be Ennis and Jack [from Brokeback Mountain] or whatever - not that I'd mind being Ennis for half an hour. But it's been so much worse recently. It still is terrible. In Iran, they're hanging gay teenagers. I'm grateful for how far the United States, even with its crazy Christians, has come on a lot of issues. And the fact that I get called a faggot occasionally by a crack addict, while annoying, certainly isn't a lobotomy and prison.

  • We all have our scars. That's what falling is love is all about: revealing your scars to somebody who then loves you anyway.

  • Outing is brutal and it should be reserved for brutes

  • Is it adultery if I'm committing it at one end of a guy and he's committing it at the other end of that same guy?

  • Parenting is about being competent and responsible. It's not about gender, necessarily.

  • No one has ever gone broke underestimating the insecurities of the gay and lesbian consumer.

  • I don't write about my life in my column.

  • You know, my problem is I cant say no to people, especially people who want to write me checks to do things.

  • So while gun owners are always saying that owning guns is about defending freedom, the only freedom gun owners seem interested in defending with their guns is the freedom to defend their freedom to own guns.

  • Women can go on marrying and pretending that their boyfriends and husbands are Mr. Darcy or some RomCom dream man. But where's that going to get 'em? Besides divorce court?

  • I think the 'South Park' guys are brilliant.

  • Every American may have equal access to ice cream, but there's no guarantee that the outcome of eating ice cream will be equal.

  • I get letters every year from women who think Valentine's Day is an empty exercise, but are ironically pretty exercised when their boyfriends neglect or forget it.

  • Iâ??m searching for some exit poll data from California. Iâ??ll eat my shorts if gay and lesbian voters went for McCain at anything approaching the rate that black voters went for Prop 8.

  • There's going to be some places where you're treated with respect and dignity and some places where you'd have to be a fool to live, .. So, there will be places where people can get their hair done well and places where they can't.

  • ...even if gay marriage were legalized there would still be gay men who didn't want to marry, gay men no other gay men would want to marry, and gay men who didn't want to leave the priesthood in order to marry.

  • I think astrology is annoying bullshit-which is so Libra of me

  • I waver between a cop-out agnostic and principled atheism

  • How can you tell somebody who is pursuing happiness that they're somehow not American when that was the very first promise that America made?

  • Yes, yes: Taking out Saddam Hussein means war, and war is bad for children and other living things. I went to grade school in the 1970s, and I recall the poster. But there are times when war is not only a tragic and unavoidable necessity, but also good for children and other living things.

  • It's going to take generations of gay people marrying before these things start to feel natural. We haven't had it long enough to remake it as our own, so it does feel like you're getting dressed up in straight drag to do it.

  • The right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness means that each of us is free to go our own way, even if the ways some of us may choose to go seem sinful or shocking to our fellow citizens.

  • Natural isn't something I get called a lot in Texas.

  • A lot of people are living their lives online in much more public ways with Facebook and Twitter.

  • When you're a writer, you want to try to avoid cliches. Unfortunately, when you're writing about marriage or family, all cliches seem to apply.

  • Valentine's Day is much more of a holy day of obligation for a guy in a relationship with a woman, because a woman has certain emotional expectations. Even if she doesn't value Valentine's Day, or views it as a corporate exercise, she still often wants her boyfriend or husband to go through the motions, just in case she values it.

  • I treat people who write me the way my friends and I all treat each other when we go to each other for advice, which is sometimes with supreme cruelty. I think that's what helps the advice sink in. If somebody comes at you with both barrels, the first shot opens your head, and the second shot allows the advice to get lodged inside.

  • Oftentimes, when people write me 4,000-word letters, I write them back and tell them if their problem's that complicated, they probably need a lawyer or a cop, and not me.

  • I feel like I'm a compassionate guy, but I also feel if somebody's grip on life or sanity is so tenuous that a joke in an advice column that usually is nothing but jokes pushes them over the edge, then if not me, it would have been a leaf blowing past them that did it, or something else. You almost have to feel that way, doing this.

  • I started doing drag in Seattle because I started doing my column before I moved here, and then moved here and wanted to be able to go out and do things as Dan Savage without being recognized the next day, because the column was just in Seattle and it was kind of a sensation and I was beating people up. I was really worried and I didn't want to beat somebody up in a column and have that person know what I look like when I didn't know what they looked like.

  • There's a big mistake the left has made with talking to religious people, which is attempting to talk them out of their interpretations of the Bible, attempting to have theological debate with them. When I'm on right-wing whackjob radio, when people call up to inform me that I'm going to hell, I concede the point. "I'm going to hell. Yes. Can you leave me alone now?"

  • It really did take Billy Lucas's suicide to wake me up to, kind of, the damage of the success of the LGBT civil-rights movement - higher-profile LGBT people - has done to LGBT youth who are trapped out there in those shitholes. But I don't think we need Pride. I am still opposed, on philosophical grounds, to the flap of the rainbow windsock and the damage that does to us intellectually.