Damien Lemon quotes:

I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. It gets in the way of Black History Month. Cupid didn't free any slaves.

If you had a man when I was your friend and then we started hooking up and you broke up with your boyfriend, so now we're together and you have a new male friend? I'm going to look at you sideways because your character's horrible and now I'm thinking you're going to do to me what you did to your ex.

I always say this: If you a dude texts you after 2 a.m. and you reply, then you will never get called at 8 p.m. He won't take you serious.

Love is to be cherished because you're lucky to feel it even once in your life.

What I've learned is that love is made up of three ingredients: consideration, spontaneity, and [whispers] oral sex for guys and women.