Charlie Sheen quotes:

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  • I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, 'I can't process it' well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?

  • What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

  • I'm 0 for 3 with marriage - the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.

  • I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

  • The only thing I'm addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.

  • I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don't think people are ready for the message that I'm delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.

  • I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

  • I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point.

  • I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.

  • I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.

  • Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.

  • When friends asked me, Can we help? I'd say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars.

  • I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don't have time for these clowns.

  • Slash sat me down at his house and said, You've got to clean up your act. You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you've got to get into rehab.

  • Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course.

  • Duh! So, we're asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines that this warlock brain produced?

  • I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs.

  • Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.

  • What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class. My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn't save any money.

  • I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.

  • Dad almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now, the biggest movie of his life. It doesn't make you want to jump into that business.

  • I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.

  • As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?

  • There have to be more important things going on in the world than my past.

  • The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.

  • I don't sleep. I wait. I sleep in cars and on couches. I sleep when I can, but when I can't sleep, I just don't, so I figure there's a higher calling keeping me on point that night.

  • What you come to discover is, it isn't how you get there, it's that you get there. If that's what it took to get me where I'm at today, so be it.

  • The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

  • Sure, I did a lot of things in excess. But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued, what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn't?

  • Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.

  • Charlie Sheen has the potential to cause your soul to weep and forfeit

  • I gotta take the baton from Chuck Norris.

  • Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.

  • I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips.

  • I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.

  • Usually in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you're acting.

  • I have one speed, I have one gear: go!

  • I'm grandiose because I live a grandiose life.

  • Let's hook up and just bring fiery death.

  • I never insert myself into situations where I am completely blind or don't have a single clue about what's being discussed. I don't to be an impostor and just helping for the sake of helping. If I am going to help somebody, I want it to be valuable. And if they don't follow my advice, then they are a frigging idiot. I'm joking.

  • People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

  • It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

  • I'm an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground.

  • We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art.

  • Early on, I used to think it was really cool and macho to jump out of the car and tackle the bad guy. But then when you see the stunts in the movie, you realize it could've been a lady in a poncho.

  • I knew if I got loaded I was going away for a while. People would say, Oh, you're just sober because you're on probation.

  • I think I have a duty as a recovering guy to help, to make my knowledge of what I went through accessible.

  • There was a reason my first substantial role after rehab was to play a maniac whose personal story ended badly. I knew what it was like to go those dark places. I played a guy who died as a result of his abuse.

  • From my big beautiful warlock brain, welcome to 'Sheen's Korner' ... You're either in my corner, or you're with the trolls.

  • I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.

  • I'm not wearing a golden sombrero.

  • I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer - I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero.

  • It's not an act. I love it. It's totally original. People go, 'What's going on with this guy? Why does he sound so weird? What is going on in his brain. I don't know. Just one day I suddenly woke up with a new brain.

  • For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.

  • I've spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold.

  • I was born dead. Yeah, the umbilical cord was like, floppy baby, the whole thing. Yeah, it was bad.

  • That we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

  • I've got volumes on how not to behave. I've got more information now than a guy should have at my age.

  • You have this great big fantasy life, and it looks like a non-stop 24/7 party. But what do you do when you get to the end of the Internet and there's nothing left to buy? There's just a picture of Wayne Newton flipping you off.

  • A lot of people think Major League's called Wild Thing. As they should.

  • I have a different constitution. I have a different brain; I have a different heart; I got tiger blood, man.

  • I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

  • I'm tired of ignoring that I march to a different beat.

  • The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.

  • You have the right to kill me, but you don't have the right to judge me. That's life. There's nobility in that. There's focus. It's genuine. It's crystal and it's pure and it's available to everybody, so just shut your traps and put down your McDonalds, your vaccines, your Us Weekly, your TMZ and the rest of it.

  • I think what drove me insane for a long time is feeling like I hadn't earned most of what I achieved because it came so fast.

  • I just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.

  • But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.

  • I've got mad energy for days. That's what people can't get their minds around. They say, 'Oh, he's going to crash.' They try to apply all these common terms to a guy who is not common. I don't fit into their little box.

  • I'm bi-winning. I win here, I win there.

  • I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

  • I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.

  • It's quite fitting that Slash is getting a star on the very street Axl Rose will one day be sleeping on,

  • Athletes become our heroes, because they're superhuman. They do things nobody else can do. They're better than 6 billion other people.

  • I'm still alive, which is pretty cool.

  • My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math.

  • Guys want to be respected and acknowledged. They want to feel what they contributed matters.

  • People ask all the time, "What are you thinking?" It's my least favorite question in the world. The last bastion of solace is my mind. It's an invasion.

  • Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.

  • Just tell the truth and you're home free. If there are amends to be made, you make them. You own it and move on.

  • There was this one time in Vegas when I took four Victoria's Secret models and did one gram off each of their bodies within, like, 45 minutes. I declared myself King of Vegas and decided to remodel my hotel room with my bare hands to resemble King Louis XIV's bedroom at Versailles. Knocked down two entire walls, and later had four knuckle surgeries. Still wasn't as high as Rob Ford.

  • You never have to look over your shoulder when you tell the truth. You never have to remember the details, because they are what they are. And you don't have to make sure your story matches everyone else's.

  • I don't believe in rock bottom. Rock bottom is like a fishing term.

  • If someone follows you, go to a different room. If they keep following you, get in your car. If they follow you in your car, drive to a police station. There are ways to not engage.

  • You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.

  • If you love with violence and you hate with violence there is nothing that can be questioned.

  • You can't process me with a normal brain.

  • Iā??m done with the winning cause Iā??ve already won.

  • The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning.

  • You make a choice to win and you win

  • A lot of people will say, "Oh, I got into acting because I wanted to explore my craft." They're a bunch of liars, unless they're Sean Penn, DeNiro or my dad. For the rest of us it was all about chicks and money.

  • Dying is for fools. I'm proud of what I created. I exposed people to magic. I exposed people to things they would never see in their normal lives.

  • Shooting a movie can be so tedious. You're trying to get 20 different angles on the same swing. You never get into a rhythm. But I took it very seriously.

  • Can't is the cancer of happening.

  • Steroids build your muscles, but they don't build your tendons or ligaments.

  • Get your egos off the battlefield.

  • I have Tiger Blood running through my vains.

  • Once you start altering your body's blueprint, things start falling apart. Some players take steroids, and two years later, after they've broken records, suddenly they have back problems, shoulder problems, arm problems. They're out of the game for good.

  • Fear is never a good enough reason to do nothing

  • People misinterpret my passion for anger.

  • The last time I took drugs, I probably took more than anybody could survive.

  • There's a lot of stuff I want to do, just things that I want to explore that don't involve show business. I'm going to become a television critic. Can you imagine? But I would even consider becoming a baseball scout. Traveling around the heartland looking for the next world-beating phenom.

  • They sell pot named after me in the dispensaries. And I'm not even a pot guy. I was so honored.

  • Shut your evil mucus-hole you truth terrorist. You LOSE every time a mirror implodes from your barbed and gristle image.

  • I don't want to get high with my kids, because then everything is different forever. That's so stupid, I think.

  • I blinked and I cured my brain.

  • I've always been a little skittish about death. On certain days I'm okay with it. On other days it's like, "Really? I have to? No, man, not me."

  • I dare anyone to spend 10 years in the laugh-track that is Chuck Lorre's hive of oppression and not suffer some form of an emotional tsunami.

  • I'm not in any way religious. I don't go to church, but I consider myself spiritual.

  • You can't criticize Bob Dylan's singing. You have to respect Billy Joel as a brilliant poet. You can't tell me there's a better rock band ever than Led Zeppelin. And if you speak during the Eagles' "Last Resort," we're done. I'm just asking for seven minutes. This stuff really matters, you know.

  • I just think the whole disease model of addiction is crap. It's rooted in fiction and junk science.

  • The truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy!

  • Defeat is not an option. Period. The End.

  • I refuse to grow up. I won't become the adult guy.

  • You can put people's feet to the fire a bit just by reminding them that we're constantly creating our own history.

  • I'll hear a song I love and suddenly I'm isolated from everything around me just for a nanosecond. That's a moment between a moment.

  • You should have read the directions before you showed up to the party.

  • Touch my children and I will eat your hands off your freakin arms.

  • It's not about the big deal you struck that day, it's not about the new car, it's not about the obvious stuff. It's about that little introspective moment you had in the middle of all that. Those are moments between the moments, and that's where life is.

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