Bryan Callen quotes:

Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.

If you're the Rolling Stones, you can sing 'Start Me Up' for 35 years, and people still cheer.

Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.

My point of view is that men are basically animals, and I'm okay with that.

Women find men attractive who are aggressive... but later on, they get worried that that aggression, that alpha energy, is going to be turned back against them and their children.

I guess I am attracted to older women. I'm looking for a 40-something who has had her heart broken two or three hundred times. She's going to be fun!

My dad's idea of punishment was to dress me up in all green to disguise me as grass, and then throw me in the pasture. Cows bit me all over.

I've always wanted to be a brooding, deep, dark artist, but I can never keep that facade going for more than 15 minutes.

As an actor, you're never busy enough.

Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.

I'm always driven to keep doing something different and better.

There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.

I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.

My parents were really nice to me.

Its always a shock to me when I get recognized.