Bruce Robinson quotes:

I like situational comedy when people are being completely serious and yet you can find something extremely funny, not jokes.

I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.

I wake up most days with a vague feeling of doom - 'Dear God. Here I am again.' Then, when I read about politicians in the newspaper, the vengefulness starts. By mid-morning, the anxiety is kicking in.

Bernard Shaw said that when you copy yourself, you know you've got style. And I feel that if you can write like you write, then you are true to yourself. And it's not an easy thing to do - it's a disgustingly difficult thing to do.

I read 'The Rum Diary,' and I didn't really like it very much.

If you are a junkyard dog, you assume that that's what life is: chained up, barking all day.

My early life has given me a great deal to draw on, certainly - but would I have swapped a happy childhood for the writing? Yes.

I've always felt that in a comedy script the stage directions should also have a comedic value.

I think you're a good person or a todd by the age of eight.

I've always been that contemptible thing, a luxury communist.

You can't be a 20-mile a day eater if you're just a 5-mile a day runner.

We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell.

Those with the money are eccentric. Those without, insane.

He didn't like religion, hadn't liked it for years, but he adored churches, loved them like old scientific instruments whose time is long past but are nevertheless fascinating and strange.