Amy Dickinson quotes:

You cannot tie your fiance to the railroad track of self-reflection and personal improvement.

This is a tough situation. But it is what it is, and time has an amazing way of knitting together solutions as long as everybody stays calm and resolves to be as gentle and patient as possible.

Couples who have been together for a long time say the key to staying together is to work as a team toward the greater good, tolerating some tough (even tragic) times to grow together and work toward a mature kind of union.

Weddings and funerals are when you figure out who your real friends are.

Unsolicited advice is always self-serving.

Your job in life is to look after yourself and to find ways to get what you need - emotionally and otherwise - so that you live your best possible life, without being mired in anger and hurt over the past.

Ask 10 people about their family relationships and at least five of them will report an estrangement.

In life, you don't get instant satisfaction. In life, you get to slog. You work. You grow. You take the long view. You fill the void with self-actualization.

As an advice columnist, I spend a lot of time reading through psychology journals to ensure that I give the most up-to-date advice.

Individuals who are uncomfortable with themselves sometimes emit vibes that make others uncomfortable.

One of the benefits of being divorced is that you no longer need to listen to your ex's assessment of the appropriateness of your actions.

Bullies often act out by marshaling aggression to cover up for insecurity.

You should not propose marriage until you have resolved your feelings about your ex.

When you're a single parent, you're often lonely, yet seldom alone. There is no backup ... It is mothering without a net.

Boredom has an important function, because pushing through it can unleash creativity.

Life is weird. And guess what makes it weird? People.

Bullies never want to acknowledge their own actions. They want to move through life without reflection or apology.

One downside of being an optimist is that optimistic people tend to forget yesterday's trauma in the belief that everything will turn out well. This can keep people in bad relationships because they genuinely believe that things will always improve.

Attraction happens when you feel important, valued, appreciated and wanted.

Do not make your current partner pay for the crimes and misdemeanors of your previous partners.

Almost any group of three is going to form a triangle, with two points closer to one another.

I think that, on some level, everybody lives vicariously through couples who are getting married.

People don't change when they don't acknowledge their actions.

Sometimes the way through someone's tough outer shell is to do something obvious, thoughtful and sweet.

All promises are empty - until they are fulfilled.

[from a reader] I hope she learns to look for the joy in life instead of picking out negatives - it will change her life for the better.

When you are criticizing someone, you should speak only to your own experience - not others'.

"Don't be stupid!" is excellent advice.

In the name of friendship you should make sure your door is always open to listen. Don't feel you need to provide unsolicited possible solutions, answers or even ideas. Listening without judgment and offering assistance when asked should be enough. That's friendship's high calling.

You should not be hovering in the background, inflating the drama. Simply envelop him in love and affection and let him know that you will support his efforts, whatever they are.

Being alone is almost always preferable to being with the wrong person.

Marriage is an intimate relationship between two people. It is a bad idea to involve a third party.

Love is an irrational force, making humans do all sorts of strange and wonderful things like write poetry and take up the ukulele.

You should do what you want, but I think you should also consider wanting something different.

You must give and receive love only when doing so doesn't hurt others. That's the ethical path, and you should gain strength from walking it.

Absence really can make the heart grow fonder, even when the [man's] feet wander.

We human beings are definitely capable of loving more than one person, but it seems to go more smoothly if we don't love more than one person at a time.

When the choice is between a demanding relationship and a vintage pickup truck, I'll choose the truck every time.

When you are wondering whether to say something negative about someone - even if it is true - the best rule to follow is, "I'll think about doing this tomorrow."

If you turn the heat down on the relationship, she will soften, the tension will lessen, and she will eventually inch closer to you. Don't go in for the hug until you achieve a handshake.

[from a reader] Whenever I feel myself resenting someone, I reach out. I have made good friends that way.

You cannot beat the clock. My advice is to grab your moments of grace and enjoy them while they last.

Life is both short and complicated. People sometimes make baffling choices.

Life is easier when you are comfortable in your own skin.

Healthy boundaries are important, but you may be building a brick wall when a picket fence would do.

He sounds like someone who might best be loved from a distance.

Have you ever noticed how bored people are also boring?

Groveling for connection from someone who compares you to Hitler is not good for a person's self-esteem.

Friendships can survive after massive disappointment, but only if both parties are honest with one another.

Friends tell each other the truth, and then friends stick around for the aftermath.

Being inclusive sometimes means being kind toward people whose views are repugnant. But you should only do so if it is physically and emotionally safe for you.

I believe that everyone deserves love, and sometimes looking outside your own culture is a good way to find it.

A threat is a promise followed by a consequence.

If you've got a good book with you, you're never bored (or alone).

If you miss one moment of enjoying your own life and relationships because you're trying to punish someone else, the bad guy wins.

If you feel guilty about not "playing nice," then you could easily alleviate your guilt by playing nice.

If people thought more, we'd all have less to amuse us.

Climb aboard life's elevator, hit the "up" button, and see where it takes you.

Friends tell the truth to one another. Friends don't slam the door to correction or reflection when it is offered with affection.

We are not our best intentions. We are what we do.

There is true freedom in letting go.

Needy and boring parents tend to have needy and bored children.

One of the privileges of adulthood is that your parents don't get to tell you what to do.

Not every relationship can be altered to fit.

People who are combative in one relationship tend to be combative in other relationships.

"Nags" nag because they feel they aren't being heard.

Mature people must find their own ways to cope with their own temptations.

If nothing changes, you will have to put your disappointment in perspective.

There is nothing more painful than being rejected simply for being who you are.

Single parenthood is hard, but it's simple too. You just do everything yourself.

You need to start behaving like the person you want to attract.

Perspective is the enemy of long-lost love.

Sometimes toxic people are so resistant to change that therapy does not really help them - but they send everybody else into therapy to find ways to cope.

The ability to break a loved one's heart is the essential contradiction in human relationships.

The fullness of life is incubated in its messy places.

When someone repeatedly insists that something isn't true, it increases the likelihood that it is.

One person gets to decide if something is a problem in a relationship.