Alan Patrick Herbert quotes:

The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

A highbrow is the kind of person who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.

If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.

The critical period in matrimony is breakfast-time.