Alan Jay Lerner quotes:

Coughing in the theater is not a respiratory ailment. It is a criticism.

The winter is forbidden till December, And exits March the second on the dot. By order summer lingers through September In Camelot.

Don't let it be forgot, that once there was a spot, for one brief shining moment, that was known as Camelot.

A schedule so tight that it would only work if I didn't sleep on Monday nights.

Mud can make you prisoner and the plains can make you dry. Snow can burn your eyes but only people make you cry.

It's not a pretty face, I grant you. But underneath its flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

Lots of cosy sky That God and I can share. I need air. I need air.

There's a smile on my face for the whole human race.

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

Men die but an idea does not.

Youth has many glories, but judgement is not one of them, and no amount of electronic amplification can turn a belch into an aria.

I'm getting married in the morning! / Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime. / Pull out the stopper! Let's have a whopper! / But get me to the church on time!.

We used to say that inside Cecil Beaton there was another Cecil Beaton sending out lots of little Cecils into the world. One did the sets, another did the costumes. A third took the photographs. Another put the sketches in an exhibition, then into magazines, then in a book.

England still will be here without you.

Why can't a woman be more like a man? Men are so honest, so thoroughly square; Eternally noble, historically fair; Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat. Why can't a woman be like that?

There even are places where English completely disappears. In America, they haven't used it for years! Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

Thank heaven for little girls! For little girls get bigger every day.

I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I've never done before.

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

I could have danced all night!

Stay close to the young... and a little rubs off.

Pleasure without joy is as hollow as passion without tenderness.

For a painter, the Mecca of the world, for study, for inspiration and for living is here on this star called Paris. Just look at it, no wonder so many artists have come here and called it home. Brother, if you can't paint in Paris, you'd better give up and marry the boss's daughter.

You write a hit the same way you write a flop.

Back home everyone said I didn't have any talent. They might be saying the same thing here but it sounds better in French.

On a clear day, rise and look around you and you'll see who you are on a clear day, how it will astound you that the glow of your being outshines every star! You feel part of every mountain, sea and shore. You can hear from far and near a world you've never heard before And on that clear day you can see forever more

The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.

You see what happens today. Women act like men and want to be treated like women.

All to often, however, what she [the woman] does want is the man she hopes she will make out of the man she already has.

An Englishmans way of speaking absolutely classifies him.

We met at nine We met at eight I was on time No, you were late Ah yes! I remember it well.