Al Bernstein quotes:

If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Should the beholder have poor eyesight, he can ask the nearest person which girls look good. Beauty is in the hand of the beer holder. Beauty is in the heart of the beholder.

Spring being a tough act to follow, God created June.

If I were the commissioner of all sports media I would issue an immediate ban on three-person announcing teams on telecasts of live sporting events. In almost all cases three is one voice too many.

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.

Easy doesn't do it.

Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.

A fool and his money get a lot of publicity.

To the victor belong the responsibilities.

We treat this world of ours as though we have a spare in the trunk.

Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the job done.

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

The voice of experience keeps its mouth shut.