Abigail Van Buren quotes:

If you are looking for a kindly, well-to-do older gentleman who is no longer interested in sex, take out an ad in The Wall Street Journal.

So yesterday you fell off the wagon? Or maybe you blew your diet? Or lost your temper and shot off your mouth? Well, that was yesterday. Today is a brand-new day with a clean slate, so forget yesterday!

You could move.' ---"Dear Abby" responds to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood.

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.

It is a sad commentary of our times when our young must seek advice and counsel from 'Dear Abby' instead of going to Mom and Dad.

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.

The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister.

While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, it usually spoils faster.

Psychotherapy, unlike castor oil, which will work no matter how you get it down, is useless when forced on an uncooperative patient.

Never give a golfer an ultimatum unless you're prepared to lose.

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

For many of us we are always wanting more - we would be happier if we had such and such. Maybe we should pause for a moment and hear what some people in the third world countries would like to make them happier. 1. Having enough to eat so when you go to sleep at night your stomach doesn't ach. 2. Having shoes on your feet and any kind of clothing to keep the cold out. 3. Having a roof over your head. 4. Having the hope that you'll be lucky enough to get some kind of an education. 5. Believing that the dream of freedom, brotherhood, and peace for all mankind will someday come true.

Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.

Never advise anyone to go to war or to get married.

Accept every blind date you can get, even with a girl who wears jeans. Maybe you can talk her out of them.

If you want a place in the sun, you have got to put up with a few blisters.

Maturity is the ability to do a job whether you're supervised or not; finish a job once it's started; carry money without spending it; and the ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

Cruel words erode the self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

Fighting fire with fire only gets you ashes!

O, heavenly Father: we thank thee for food and remember the hungry. We thank thee for health and remember the sick. We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless. We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved. May these remembrances stir us to service, That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Many husbands today pitch in to help with household chores - it's called partnership.

It is totally unconscionable to subject defenseless animals to mutilation and death, just so a company can be the first to market a new shade of nail polish or a new, improved laundry detergent. It's cruel, it's brutal, it's inhumane, and most people don't want it.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires.

I agree that marijuana laws are overdue for an overhaul. I also favor the medical use of marijuana -- if it's prescribed by a physician. I cannot understand why the federal government should interfere with the doctor-patient relationship, nor why it would ignore the will of a majority of voters who have legally approved such legislation.

Religion, like water, may be free, but when they pipe it to you, you've got to help pay for the piping. And the piper.

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.

I can't think of a more potent combination than God and a good lawyer.

Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age.Nothing does --- except wrinkles.It's true,some wines improves with age.But only if the grapes were good in the first place

Fear less, hope more. Eat less, chew more. Talk less, say more. Hate less, love more...

Love is what enables us to bridge the gap of disappointment when others don't live up to the expectations we have of them.

You are what you are when nobody is looking.

Loneliness is the ultimate poverty.

A bad habit never disappears miraculously, it's an undo-it-yourself project.

The lack of faith is not doubt. It is certainty.

Women who miscalculate are called mothers.

It is almost impossible to throw dirt on someone without getting a little on yourself

The purpose of life is to amount to something and have it make some difference that you lived at all.

If you don't value what you have, you're sure to lose it.

True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.

The less you talk, the more you're listened to.

Kids grow up awfully fast these days,"she said. "You should try to have a good relationship with your kids, no matter what they do.

Kissing power is stronger than will power.

Some People are more turned on by money than they are by love. In one respect they're alike. They're both wonderful as long as they last.

Kissing power is stronger than will power: Girls need to "prove their love" like a moose needs a hat rack.

Believing that the dream of freedom, brotherhood, and peace for all mankind will someday come true.

Then, there's the modern mother-in-law. In her mid 40s, she is the compact car of her breed: efficient, trim, attractive and in harmony with her times. She's pretty stiff competition for the plain young matron who's overweight and under-financed. If there is going to be friction in this relationship, it could start from envy and resentment in the younger woman. But Father Time is on her side, even if Mother Nature played her a dirty trick

It's true, some wine improves with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.

There is no end to the undeserved misery and mischief it could create.

In Biblical times, a man could have as many wives as he could afford. Just like today.

How should they answer?

SO the richest are often the poorest as this saying goes, "Loneliness is the ultimate poverty"