Aunt Ida Quotes in Female Trouble (1974)

Aunt Ida: [to Gater] I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.

Aunt Ida: Oh, Ernie! Have another pretzel for Chrissakes! Wait 'til you meet my little Gater. You two are gonna fall right in love.

Ernie: My dear, I hope so. Are you sure he's gay?

Aunt Ida: Well I just use common sense. I mean, if they're smart they're queer, and if they're stupid they're straight, right Earnie? Are you sure you won't have another pretzel?

Ernie: I'm sure, Miss Thing, I'm sure. Pretzels give you plaque.

Aunt Ida: And remember my offer still stands. If you get tired of being a Hare Krishna, you come live with me and be a lesbian!

Gator: I'm straight, I mean I like a lot of queers but I don't dig their equipment, you know. I like women.

Aunt Ida: But you could change. Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a fag and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I'd never have to worry.

Gator: You have nothing to worry about.

Aunt Ida: Aahhh! Ahhhh! Dawn, ya son of a bitch! You're the one who did it! YOU! You drove Gater away!

[as Ida enters the room]

Donald Dasher: Oh my God!

Donna Dasher: Incredible!

Dawn Davenport: Ida Nelson, you get out of my house!

[hurling acid into Dawn's face]

Aunt Ida: You made Gater leave! I got somethin for your face, motherfucker!

Gator: Hello, Aunt Ida.

Aunt Ida: Gater, what a coincidence! There's somebody here dying to meet you! Ernie, this is Gater; Gater, this is Ernie!

Ernie: Hi, stud!

Gator: Get him outta here!

Aunt Ida: Gater Nelson, you be polite to Ernie! He wants a date with you!

Gator: Well, I don't want a date with him. I came to say goodbye, Aunt Ida. I'm moving to Detroit.

Aunt Ida: WHAT?

Gator: I want to be near the auto in-duss-try. I'm sick of hairdressing, and besides, Dawn had me fired.

Ernie: I can get you a job at the baths, Mary!

Gator: Look, fucker, take a walk!

Ernie: Well!

Gator: Look, you better beat it before I punch your fuckin' face out that window.

Ernie: No gay knocks for me, Ida! At best, all you've got here is trade.

Aunt Ida: Oh, Gater! Ernie's your type! Move back in with me, and we'll get you a job as a female impersonator!

Ernie: His hands are too big, dahling. Bye, Gater. It was... fab meeting you!

Gator: Fuck you! You're worse than my wife!

Aunt Ida: Fucker! Pig fucker! Hetero! Filthy hetero stink-shit!