Ashburn Quotes in The Heat (2013)


Ashburn Quotes:

  • Captain Woods: This job is destroying me... you know how old I am?

    Ashburn: Um... um... 58.

    Captain Woods: I'm 43 years old.

    Ashburn: Uh-huh... see I always round up.

    Captain Woods: I have a five year-old son who calls me Grampa.

  • Mullins: [in bathroom] Jesus, what are those?

    Ashburn: Stop it, they're my Spanx. They hold everything together.

    Mullins: Why, what's gonna come popping out?

    Ashburn: Nothing, it just keeps everything where it's supposed to be. Like...

    Mullins: Shit, like medically?

  • Ashburn: Could you just close the door on your way out?

    Mullins: I'll shut the door on you. You lay down here and put your head in the door and I'll slam it about 157,000 fucking times.

    Rojas: Aw, shit, girl You'd better run. Run like you're on fire!

  • Ashburn: [Ashburn's cell phone rings] Ashburn.

    [Hands phone to Mullins]

    Ashburn: Why don't you have your own phone?

    Mullins: What am I, the Queen of England?

    Ashburn: I don't know. Does the Queen of England only wear sweatpants?

    Mullins: Fuck you.

    Ashburn: You... 'F' you.

  • Ashburn: I'm gonna say this one more time. Stand down, Officer.

    Mullins: Fuck off, Officer.

    Ashburn: Oh, okay. Guess what? Now you've really done it. I'm going to call my boss.

    Mullins: You do that, tattle-tits! Fuckin' narc!

  • Mullins: You want something to eat? I didn't finish my submarine sandwich from the other day.

    Ashburn: Oh god, no thank you.

    Mullins: Sorry I don't have poached eggs and rubies for ya.

    Ashburn: No, I... I don't mean to be rude but one could catch a MRSA infection in here, that's all.

    Mullins: Yeah, what part of that wasn't rude?

  • Levy: Alright, ladies, here's the DNA results from the book of matches and the cigarette butt you got from Tatiana's. We pulled two sets of prints. First one's a real nut job. Look at this: reckless driving, assault, arson...

    [pulls up Mullins' photo on the screen]

    Ashburn: [clears throat]

    Levy: Oh, God.

    Ashburn: Really?

    Mullins: Who the fuck is this guy?

    Ashburn: He's my assistant. What...?

    Levy: Uh, you know I'm an agent, right?

    Ashburn: Arson?

    Mullins: It was a drug house!

    Levy: [Ignored as he holds up his ID badge, whistles, and taps on it]

    Ashburn: I really feel the need to finish reading your files because this is just...

    Mullins: I really feel the need for you to stay out of my business so I don't punch you in the teeth.

  • Ashburn: [Leans in close to talk to Mullins after waking up in a bar] Hey, how ya doin'?

    Mullins: Jesus, you've gotta get a mint in that dumpster.

    Ashburn: Oh, God, was I smoking cigarettes last night?

    Mullins: Yeah, you kept takin' 'em out of people's mouths and smoking them.

    Ashburn: God, that's so nasty.

    Mullins: It *was* pretty gross.

  • Mullins: [Walking toward a man on the street] Oh, shit.

    Ashburn: What's wrong?

    Mullins: Just... just don't look. Don't look! Don't look! Just act like we're talking.

    Robin: Hey, Shannon.

    Mullins: Hi, Robin.

    Robin: I really enjoyed our night together, Shannon. You just disappeared on me.

    Mullins: Yeah, I know. I was there.

    Robin: Well, can I take you to dinner? A movie or something?

    Mullins: God, buddy, do you not hear how pathetic everything out of your mouth sounds? I mean, there's a girl out there for you, but it's not... it's not me. Maybe it's her.

    [indicating Ashburn]

    Mullins: Her lady business is like an old dirty attic. Full of broken Christmas lights and like doll shoes and shit. Why don't you clean THAT out for her?

    Ashburn: Uh, that's a... that's a misrepresentation of my vagina.

  • Ashburn: Okay, here we go.

    [Ashburn goes to pull the fire alarm in the club, and the face plate comes off in her hand]

    Ashburn: My God, there are absolutely no wires attached to this thing! And what is that?

    [poking at object in recessed fire alarm box]

    Ashburn: What is that? Gum? Or is that... Silly Putty?

    Mullins: [Slaps Ashburn's hand] Don't touch that! That's a condom.

    Ashburn: [Ashburn dry heaves]

  • Ashburn: I was actually married for six-some years.

    Mullins: Was he a hearing man?

  • Ashburn: [Horn blows twice. A mini-van slowly drives up to Ashburn and Mullins as they are walking on the street. The van's windows are down, and the radio is blasting Boston's "More Than a Feeling" as the driver flips off Mullins] Who is... who is that?

    Mullins: My mom.

  • Ashburn: [after drunkenly breaking a glass and cutting her hand] Ah. Ah. I don't - I don't feel it. I don't feel it.

    Mullins: [laughs hysterically while raising Ashburn's arm] Keep it up!

  • Ashburn: [getting angrier] God, you guys are just - what is the matter with you? You're such... you're just such jerks! You're just such... shit jerk! You're just a shit jerk dick... fucker! You're a shit jerk dick fucker assholer. And you can all just go fuck yourselves!

  • Mullins: Two against two. I like those odds.

    Ashburn: I'm gonna call for backup.

    LeSoire: [Whispers] It's already here.

    Ashburn: Hey, I was looking for you. I forgot to get your number.

    LeSoire: Cool. It's 1-800-GiveMeYourFuckingGuns.

    Ashburn: That's too many numbers.

  • Mullins: Get on the ground! You are under arrest. Put your hands up where I can see them and tell me where the fuck Larkin is!

    Dealer: [Cocks gun and points it at Mullins] Hey, I think It'd be much more better if you put your hands up.

    Ashburn: [Cocks gun and points it at dealer] Much more better? Drop the gun and take a grammar course, you idiot.

    Dealer: Who the fuck are you?

    Ashburn: Me and her? We're the fucking heat!

  • Mullins: Tatiana, you ready to get real?

    Tatiana: Let's get real.

    Mullins: We both know you've been blowing shit up your nose all day. Man, there's nothing I'd love more to do than slip into my camisole, put my feet up, have a little smack, Real good time, maybe a couple of cold ones, a little chip and dip, watch some cartoons. I'd get a big bowl of fucking coke, I'd put my face in it, cut it with a little Ritalin, heaven on fucking Earth, right? I'll camp out all week for tickets to that show.

    Ashburn: What is this, Training Day?

  • Ashburn: [referring to Mullins] That officer right there is a better law enforcement officer than *anybody* in this room. Myself included.

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