Ash Quotes in Cleanskin (2012)


Ash Quotes:

  • Nabil: In Afghanistan, we had to fight to earn respect and freedom from the Russians.

    Ash: You were there? What was it like?

    Nabil: What happens on the battlefield is between you and God.

  • Ash: The American forefathers fought the British, beat them hands down, and now what are they? They're the biggest superpower on this planet. Why? Because violence is the supreme authority all authorities derive their power and legitimacy from. Law is completely irrelevant in the face of true force. That applies to any country.

  • Ash: A case to end all cases.

  • [after removing a bug from Ash's eye]

    Ash: What just happened?

    Trinity: Mr. Ash, dream of having an eye exam lately?

    [quick flashback to dream]

    Ash: Yeah, how'd you know?

    [Trinity hands Ash the bug]

    Trinity: You've just stepped to the edge of the looking glass.

  • Ash: It's times like these that I wish I had been named Bob.

  • [English Version]

    Ash: [crying] I'll do whatever it takes to get that third treasure. But, what if I mess up? What if... I...

    Misty: You can do it.

    Melody: We know you can.

    Ash: Yeah, you're right. I can do it. I'm the Chosen One.

    [walking on the snow]

    Ash: Right now I feel more the frozen one.

    [falls on the snow]

    Ash: Maybe they got the wrong Ash.

    [Japanese Version]

    Satoshi: [crying] And I'm just... Kasumi, Kenji, Flula-san.

    Kasumi: Satoshi.

    Flula: Satoshi-kun.

    Satoshi: Let's go save the world! We have to try!

    [walking on the snow]

    Satoshi: I said I'd do it.

    [falls on the snow]

    Satoshi: But it's still a long way to go.

  • Mrs. Ketchum: And remember Ash, everyday, you're my hero.

    Ash: Thanks, mom.

  • Ash: [after realizing the "World shall turn to Ash" statement] Right now I wish I was named "Bob" instead of "Ash".

  • Jesse: Prepare for more trouble than you've ever seen!

    James: Make it double; we're on the big screen!

    Ash: I'm going to have to catch this on video!

  • Ash: Let me ask you something. Are you accessing from a terminal somewhere or are you part of the system itself?

    Game Master: What does it matter? You couldn't confirm it anyway.

  • Murphy: Have you ever been shot? Do you want to feel real pain in a real body?

    Ash: Does it have to be this way?

    Murphy: When one of us dies and that body doesn't vanish, the other one will know.

  • Ash: Sorry I messed up the room.

    Game Master: Don't worry. Everyone has days like that.

  • Ash: Is this what you wanted? For this you abandoned us all? To spend the rest of your life as a hollow shell in a hospital bed, staring at nothing?

    Murphy: How can you be so sure? Do I look like a hollow shell? Do I? Reality is only what we tell ourselves it is! That's all! I choose this one. I prefer this reality.

  • Murphy: Why did you come? Because of me?

    Ash: Isn't that a good reason?

  • Bishop: Just as I thought, you are the only one who got through the gate.

    Ash: Is this "Special A"?

    Bishop: We call it "Class Real". Building it has taken huge amounts of very sophisticated data. In many ways, it's still very experimental.

    Ash: In many ways?

    Bishop: There's just one thing you have to do to complete it. That's finishing off the Unreturned. Your equipment and skill parameters are returned to default. All you have is a pistol and one clip of ammunition. There are neutral characters operating under free will. Hurt one of them and your game is over. There's no time limit. The only exit from the game is completion. If you get back safely, you can be one of us. Any questions?

    Ash: Why did you send me here?

    Bishop: Surely the answer to that lies within you. If there's no questions, we'll begin.

  • Ash: You're not ready yet for class A, you still have a lot of work to do in class C and B.

  • Ash: [after being headlocked by Lucario] Whyd did you do that?

    Lucario: You snuck up behind me; that is always a mistake.

    Ash: Hey Lucario, I'm really glad you're coming along to help me find Pikachu.

    Lucario: This Pikachu, are you its master?

    Ash: Master? Are you kidding? No Pikachu and I are best friends.

    Lucario: Friends?

    Ash: If one of your friends was lost, you'd wanna bring 'em too, wouldn't ya?

    Lucario: I don't have any friends and I don't want any.

    [leaves the room]

    Ash: [sarcastically] Nice attitude.

  • Lucario: You humans are all alike! You can't be trusted!

    Ash: Are you saying you don't trust me?

    Lucario: You'd leave Pikachu without hesitating if you had to!

    Ash: There's no way I'd ever run out on Pikachu!

    Lucario: Humph... your word means nothing.

    [turns to go]

    Ash: [growls] How do we know Sir Aaron deserted the queen like you say? How about you tell us the real story, Lucario? You deserted Sir Aaron and the Queen didn't you?

    Lucario: [turns around angrily] WHAT DID YOU SAY?

    May: [crosses her arms at Ash] Ash, you're not helping!

    Ash: [to May, says calmly] I didn't start it.

    Lucario: What makes you think that Pikachu didn't run off and desert you cause it didn't want you for a master?

    [Starts walking off]

    Ash: [growls] Take it back!

    [He throws himself at Lucario, the two wrestle in the river until Lucario leaps out and walks off]

    May: [later that night as Ash is drying himself off] That was so uncalled for!

    Ash: So what? It shouldn't have said Pikachu left me.

    May: Well, you know, you said some pretty terrible things to Lucario too.

    Ash: [He looks down] ... yeah.

  • Ash: [thinking] No, Lucario isn't really gone...


    Ash: Its Aura is with me!

  • Brock: [handing out food] Next comes Kidd... What?

    [Notices the Bonsly eating food off the tray]

    Brock: What kinda Pokemon are you? Back off! I made that especially for Kidd!

    [Bonsly fakes crying by using Fake Tears]

    Ash: Hey!

    [to Brock while scowling]

    Ash: That wasn't nice!

    May: You didn't have to shout!

  • Sir Aaron: [sits down and receives damage] Lucario, forgive me.

    Lucario: I do Master.

    Sir Aaron: Please understand. I had to seal you inside the staff. I knew if I didn't you'd follow me here and suffer the same fate.

    [places his gloves down]

    Sir Aaron: I only wish you could have known the real story.

    Lucario: [gasps] I understand!

    Sir Aaron: One day you will be released in a peaceful and more distant time. What would it be like? I wonder if-

    [takes damage and begins to disappear]

    Sir Aaron: I have no regrets. My journey has been good. I served a beautiful queen and you and I shared many adventures.

    [closes his eyes]

    Sir Aaron: Those memories will always be with me.

    Lucario: [begins to tear up] Master! If you could only hear me, I want to tell you how much you mean to me.

    Sir Aaron: Lucario, farewell.

    [Lucario gasps]

    Sir Aaron: [only his head remains] You were more to me than just my student. You are my closest friend.

    Lucario: I feel the same.

    Sir Aaron: Who knows? It could be... one day... we will see each other again.

    [a single tear falls]

    Sir Aaron: I hope so my friend.

    [finally disappears fully]

    Sir Aaron: [the Time Flower ends]

    Lucario: [cries] Aaron, my friend. I'm sorry I failed you.

    Ash: [holds Lucario's paw] That's not true. You proved you're a true Guardian of Aura like Sir Aaron.

    Pikachu: Pika.

    Lucario: Thank you, Ash.

    [Ash nods]

    Lucario: [Lucario takes massive damage]

    Ash: Lucario! Please, hang on! You can't leave us yet.

    Lucario: I have to go Ash. Aaron is waiting for me.


    Lucario: [Lucario and Aaron's spirits join together and fly up to the sky]

  • Ash: You should probably put your bandit hat on now. Personally, I- I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock.

    [they put on their 'hats']

    Kristofferson: We look good.

    Ash: Yeah. We do.

  • Beaver's Son: We don't like you and we hate your dad. Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it.

    Ash: I'm not gonna eat mud!

    Beaver's Son: Cuss yeah you are.

    [he picks up a large glob of mud and shoves it in Ash's face. Ash makes a gagging sound but does not react further]

    Kristofferson: [takes off his shoes] Don't do that.

    Beaver's Son: Why'd you take your shoes off?

    Kristofferson: So I don't break your nose when I kick it.

    [he proceeds to take Beaver's son out with some precision karate moves, ending with a throwdown in the mud. Beaver's son walks away quietly sobbing]

    Ash: I can fight my own fights.

    Kristofferson: [turns to Ash] No you can't...

  • Ash: What's that white stuff around his mouth?

    Kylie: I think he eats soap.

    Mr. Fox: That's not soap.

    Kylie: Wha- why does he have that...

    Mr. Fox: He's rabid. With rabies.

  • Mrs. Fox: [Kristofferson has just departed after Ash's comment] You have got twenty-nine minutes to come up with a proper apology.

    Ash: [snaps, gestures wildly] Me? *Me* have an apology? He gets a bandit hat? He just got here, and he gets a bandit hat? Where's *my* bandit hat? Why didn't *I* get shot at? It's because, you... you... you think I'm no good at anything! Well, maybe you're right, thanks.

    [stomps away angrily and slams door upon exit]

    Kylie: [sighs, to Mr. Fox] Told ya not to bring him.

  • Beaver's Son: [lays down a box of supplies during a Science lab class] Why's your cousin such a wet sandwich?

    Kristofferson: I beg your pardon?

    Beaver's Son: What's that mean?

    Kristofferson: That means that I don't understand what you just said. A wet sandwich?

    Beaver's Son: Yeah! A wet sandwich. He's too short, he dresses like a girl, he's

    [makes a motion with his hands]

    Beaver's Son: different.

    Kristofferson: Are you a bully? You're starting to sound like a bully.

    Beaver's Son: Watch this.

    [he takes a spoonful of yellow powder and drops it into the bubbling liquid over a Bunsen burner; it explodes and covers both of them in the yellow substance]

    Kristofferson: That's... you just destroyed the whole experiment. We'd better extinguish this magnesium.

    [they raise their safety goggles]

    Kristofferson: Stand back.

    [Kris sprays the fire with an extinguisher]

    Agnes: [watching from a few feet away] Wow.

    Kristofferson: [whistles] Whew!

    Agnes: [to Kris] Hmm. I like your ears.

    [gestures to her own]

    Kristofferson: M... Mine?

    Agnes: Mmhmm.

    Kristofferson: Thank you! I like your... spots.

    Agnes: Really? I used to cover them up, but, you know...

    Ash: Ugh.


    Agnes: Hmm?

    Ash: You're supposed to be *my* lab partner.

    Agnes: I am!

    Ash: No you're not. You're disloyal.

  • Ash: [Mr. Fox has just lost his tail in the shooting] It'll grow back, won't it?

    Kylie: Tails don't grow back.

    Ash: Tails don't grow back?

    Kylie: Uh-uh. 'Cept for lizards.

    Mr. Fox: Tails don't grow back. I'm gonna be tail-less for the rest of my life.

    Ash: Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double pneumonia, right? I mean his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel. That's a lot worse than just a...

    Kristofferson: [ricochets an acorn around the room, which lands in the teacup he is holding. The others glare in amazement] Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour.

    [exits quickly]

  • Ash: There's a lot of attitudes going on around here... don't let me get one.

  • Ash: Can I ask you a question?

    Kristofferson: You may.

    Ash: What's the point of sitting on the floor with your legs twisted into a pretzel talking to yourself for an hour and forty-five minutes? It's - it's weird.

    Kristofferson: My father and I first started practicing meditation together when I was...

    Ash: Yeah? Well, that's great. But I worry more about what that does for your reputation than whether or not you have beagle ticks or not.

    Kristofferson: I don't. Nor pelt lice.

  • Mr. Fox: I spotted a couple of broken burglar bars underneath the back door to Bean's secret cider cellar.

    Kylie: We're breaking into Bean's *house*?

    Mr. Fox: Cellar.

    Kylie: Where he *lives*?

    Mr. Fox: Where he keeps the cider.

    Ash: [appears behind them] *Below* where he lives.

    Mr. Fox: [takes] Where'd you come from? Why don't you go back to the tree and do your homework?

    Ash: I want to help you steal some cider.

    Mr. Fox: *We're* going to a *book* party, and keep your mouth shut about any cider, because no one ever said that! Now get out of here!

    Ash: But, ah...

    Mr. Fox: But nothing! You're gonna get me in a lot of trouble! Besides, you're too little and uncoordinated.

    [Ash frowns, twitches, and spits]

    Mr. Fox: One, two, three!

    [Mr. Fox points in the direction of the tree. Ash stomps off, growling]

  • Mr. Fox: The whole time I was putting paw over paw with your mother digging beside me, and I thought to myself: I wonder who this little boy...

    Ash: Or girl!

    Mr. Fox: Right, 'cause at the time we didn't know. I wonder who this little boy or girl is gonna be? Ash, I'm so glad he was you.

  • Kristofferson: Uh, do you mind if I slide my bed roll slightly out from under the train set? It's hard to sleep in that corkscrew position.

    Ash: [in the top bunk] There's a lot of attitudes going on around here. Don't let me get one.

    Kristofferson: No, it's only just my spinal cord getting...

    Ash: Sleep wherever you want, man. Here, take my bed! I'll just uh... I'll crawl under the bookcase! Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?

    Kristofferson: Never mind.

    Ash: Oh, you gonna pout about it? 'Cuz I've had it up to HERE

    [gestures with his hand]

    Ash: with the "sad houseguest" routine.

    [Ash turns off the light and continues to read his White Cape comic in bed]

    Kristofferson: Good night.

    [he lies down under the train set and begins to quietly sob; Ash comes down, turns on the train, Kris gets up and they watch it]

  • Mr. Fox: Ash, are you mad at me? I understand if you are and I'm sorry; I wouldn't have ever involved your cousin if I had realized you would feel this way. It was only ever just because he's kind of a natural... I mean... I mean look at him dig!

    [View changes to Kristofferson, Kylie and Mrs. Fox digging, with Kristofferson leading with athletic determination, then switches back]

    Mr. Fox: Anyway, I'm sorry if you feel any...

    Ash: [as he shoves dirt in his ears] You know what? I'm just gonna put dirt in my ears. Ow... That's better. I can't hear you now, but keep talking.

  • Ash: [points to a sign Agnes carries] What's that stand for?

    Agnes: Huh? It's for, uh, it's for pep... pep.

    Ash: It's a K.

    Coach Skip: [runs into frame, grabs a bottle from the cooler; to players] Come on, now! Look alive!

    [to score-keeper]

    Coach Skip: 'Atta boy.

    [runs out of frame]

    Agnes: [to Ash, about Kristofferson] We're going steady.

    [Ash exclaims angrily]

  • Buster Moon: [showing her a shiny, overly flashy outfit he wants Ash to wear for the performance] Isn't this a great color for you?

    Ash: I can't tell. It's melting my eyes.

  • Lance: [going over the song list given to Ash by Buster Moon] Man, these are like the cheesiest songs of all time!

    Ash: I know right? I mean, I was thinking of writing my own song instead.

    Lance: Wait, what? Your own song?

    Ash: Well... Yeah.

    Lance: Look, if you wanna win that money... Just do what the koala says.

    Ash: Why, you think I can't write my own song?

    Lance: Hey, I'm just saying. Not everyone can write songs, okay? I may make it look easy, babes, but no it's not!

  • Ash: [Ash has just discovered that her boyfriend, Lance, has been cheating on her and is throwing him out of her house] I DID ALL OF THIS FOR YOU...

    [throws Lance's guitar case into his lap, knocking the wind out of him]

    Ash: FOR *BOTH OF US!*

    [Ash slams the door behind her. She looks hurt as she listens to Lance and his new girlfriend Becky]

  • Ash: Hey, Moon, you gave me the wrong list! Cheesy pop's not exactly my style.

    Buster Moon: Style. I'm glad you brought that up. Now, let's see. There... Isn't this a great colour for you?

    Ash: I can't tell. It's melting my eyes...

  • Ash: Yeah!

    [after shooting King Arthur's sword in half]

    Ash: Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my BOOMSTICK! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

  • [last lines]

    Ash: [voiceover] Sure, I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been king. But in my own way, I *am* king.

    [Ash grabs girl close]

    Ash: Hail to the king, baby.

    [Ash kisses the girl]

  • [Upon getting the powered glove in place of his right hand]

    Ash: Groovy.

  • Ash: Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

  • [In a passionate moment of romance]

    Ash: Gimme some sugar, baby.

  • Duke Henry: You Sir, are not one of my vassals... who are you?

    Ash: Who wants to know?

    Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.

    Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things, right now: Jack and shit... and Jack left town.

  • Ash: [to the Witch] Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!

  • Ash: Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.

    Possessed woman: Who the hell are you?

    Ash: Name's Ash.

    [cocks rifle]

    Ash: Housewares.

  • Old Woman: I'll swallow your soul!

    Ash: Come get some.

  • Ash: Klaatu Barada N... necktie... nectar... nickel... noodle. It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N...


    Ash: [pause] Okay then... that's it!

  • Ash: Klaatu Barada Nikto.

    Wiseman: Well, repeat them.

    Ash: Klaatu Barada Nikto.

    Wiseman: Again.

    Ash: I got it, I got it! I know your damn words, alright?

  • Arthur: Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?

    Ash: Nope. Just me baby... Just me.

  • Ash: Hail to the king, baby.

  • Sheila: You found me beautiful once...

    Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!

  • [from Director's Cut]

    Ash: What are you? Are you me?

    Evil Ash: Whad are do? Are do be? HAHAHAHAHAH! You sound like a jerk!

    Ash: Why ya doin' this, huh?

    Evil Ash: Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes!

    [begins to sucker-punch Ash]

    Evil Ash: Goody little TWO-SHOES! Goody little TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE!

    [honk honk honk]


    Ash: [cocks shotgun and points it under Evil Ash's nose]

    [nods head and shoots him]

    Ash: Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

  • Sheila: But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?

    Ash: Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all.

  • Ash: Maybe. Just maybe my boys can protect the book. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.

  • [after Ash chops up Evil Ash with a chainsaw and throws him into a hole]

    Evil Ash: You'll never retrieve the Necronomicon! You'll die before ya get it!

    Ash: Hey! What's that you got on your face?

    Evil Ash: Huh?

    [Ash throws dirt on Evil Ash's face]

    Ash: See how that works?

  • Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?

    Ash: Yeah, basically.

    Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?

    Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

  • [first lines]

    [opening monologue]

    Ash: My name is Ash and I am a slave. Close as I can figure, the year is thirteen hundred A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a real life, once. A job.

    Ash: [now Ash is in a flashback] Umm... Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart!

    Ash: [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend Linda. Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomiconexmortis. The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Samarian text contained bizarre burial rights, funeral incantations, and demon resurrection passages, it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods, something evil.

    [something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams]

    Ash: It took Linda. Then it came after me, it got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist.

    [Ash is seen cutting off his hand]

    Ash: But that didn't stop it, it came back big time.

    Ash: [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake how do you stop it?

    [Ash falls into the vortex and the opening credits start]

  • [Sheila wants to apologize to Ash]

    Ash: First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.

  • Ash: Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures.

  • Ash: It's a trick. Get an axe.

  • Ash: [trying to kill a small Ash that has jumped into his mouth and into his stomach, he gets a kettle of boiling water] Okay, little fella, here's a little


    Ash: hot chocolate for ya! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

  • Ash: Alright. Who wants some?

  • [as undead Ash stands triumphant on catapult]

    Ash: Buckle up Bonehead. 'Cause you're goin' for a ride!

  • [when Sheila walks into the blacksmith's shop to talk to Ash]

    Ash: What? Were you raised in a barn? Shut the door! Probably was raised in a barn, along with the other primitives.

  • Ash: Now I swear the next one of you primates even *touches* me...

  • Ash: Now whoa whoa whoa right there spinach chin!

  • Ash: That's it, go ahead and run. Run home and cry to mama!

  • Ash: [as a soldier blocks his way, he pushes him aside] Get the fuck out of my face!

  • [as an evil Ash begins growing out of his shoulder]

    Ash: Oh, dear God, it's growing bigger!

  • Ash: Keep your damn filthy bones outta my mouth.

  • Evil Ash: You're going down!

    Ash: I'm going up!

  • Ash: Oh you little bastards! All right, I'll crush each and every last one of ya! I'll squash you so hard you'll have to look down to look up!

    Mini Ash: Hey dumbass!

  • Ash: Say hello to the twenty-first century!

  • [Directors cut ending: Ash emerges from a cave where he's been asleep for 700 years. He looks overjoyed]

    Ash: Ha ha. Manufactured parts. Ha...

    [Look of joy turns to horror as he sees a world devastated by nuclear war]

    Ash: No. No. Oh God I slept too long!

    Ash: [as the credits start] Hahahahahahahahaha...

  • Ash: [to Arthur] You know your shoe lace is untied.

  • Ash: I know you're scared; we're all scared, but that doesn't mean were cowards. We can take these skeletons, we can take them, with science.

  • Ash: We can take these Deadites, we can take 'em! With science.

  • Ash: London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling doown!

    [steps on a nail held by the mini Ashes]

    Mini Ashs: My fair lady ha!

  • Ash: [to himself] Like, like what am I supposed to do - take one book, or all books, or what?

  • Ash: [after being sucked into a blackhole in a fake copy of the Necronomicon and struggling back out] Whoa. Wrong book.

  • Ash: So what's the deal? Can you send me back or not?

    Wiseman: Only the Necronomicon has the power. An unholy book which we also require. Within its pages are passages that can send you back to your time. Only you the promised one can quest for it.

    Ash: I don't want your book, I don't want your bullshit. Just send me back to my own time, pronto, today. Chop chop!

  • Ash: [after crushing skeletons with boulders] Ooh that's gotta hurt.

  • Ash: [after reaching the location of the Necronomicon, and finding three identical books]

    [scratches himself in the head]

    Ash: Three books? Wait a minute... Hold it... Nobody said anything about three books!

  • Ash: [for no apparent reason] ... Groovy.

  • Henrietta: I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!

    Ash: [aims shotgun at Henrietta's face] Swallow this.

  • Ash: Workshed.

  • [upon gaining the chainsaw in place of his lost right hand]

    Ash: Groovy.

  • Ash: [talking to mirror] I'm fine... I'm fine...

    [Mirror Ash jumps out of the mirror and grabs Ash]

    Mirror Ash: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound "fine"?

  • Annie: [Looking at a picture in the Necronomicon of Ash himself] In 1300 AD they called this man the uh, 'hero from the sky'. He was prophesied to have destroyed the evil.

    Ash: He didn't do a very good job...

  • Ash: Hey, what do you say we have some champagne, huh, baby?

    Linda: Sure.

    Ash: After all, I'm a man and you're a woman... at least last time I checked. Huh huh.

  • [Ash grabs a chainsaw]

    Ash: That's right... who's laughing now... who's laughing *now*?

  • Ash: [to his freshly sawn-off possessed hand] Here's your new home.

    [Ash places a bucket and a bunch of books on it to trap the hand, the top book reads "A Farewell to Arms"]

  • Annie: The first passage will allow the demon to manifest itself in the flesh.

    Ash: Why the hell would we want to do that?

  • Ash: [having just gotten hit in the face with a gusher of blood that turns to black goo] Old double-barrel here, blow your butts to Kingdom Come!

    [staggers backward, voice drops]

    Ash: See if we don't!

  • Ash: Got you, didn't I, you little sucker!

  • Linda: Even now we have your darling Linda's soul, as she suffers in torment!

    Ash: You're going DOWN!

  • Ash: [as his evil sawn-off hand gives him the finger] Son of a...!

  • Ash: [after his hand is cut off] You bastards... you dirty bastards!

  • [Ash's hand gains a life of its own]

    Ash: Gimme back my hand... GIMME BACK MY HAND!

  • Ash: You're goin' down. Chainsaw.

  • Ash: Then let's head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch.

  • Ash: [being sucked in a vortex] For God's sake! How do you stop it?

  • Ash: [as all the knights start hailing him] No. Nooo, Noooo... noooo! NOOOOOO!

  • Ash: You did it kid...

  • Bobbie Joe: [pointing to an *empty* room] It's in there...

    Ash: We'll all go in together.

    Jake: Hell no! You're the curious one!

  • Ash: There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark... something... something that's come back from the dead.

  • Ash: [to Henrietta] Let's go.

  • [Ash is trapped in the cellar with Henrietta walking towards him]

    Ash: Open the door. There's something down here!

    Annie: Open it. Quickly!

    Jake: It's a trick!

  • Brad: Why would we go there?

    Eddie: Not a single student would be caught dead there.

    Ash: Don't you mean caught... UNDEAD there?

  • Ash: If some great white can jump 20 feet out of the air to grab a tasty seagull snack-pack, who's to say a zombie can't?

  • Tracey: You're not some kind of child molester, are you?

    Ash: If I was a child molester, would I tell you about it?

    Tracey: [ponders a beat] Good point.

  • [last lines]

    Ash: Groovy.

  • Ripley: Ash, can you hear me?

    [slams her hands down on the table]

    Ripley: Ash?

    Ash: [awakens and starts speaking in an electronic and distorted voice] Yes, I can hear you.

    Ripley: What was your special order?

    Ash: You read it. I thought it was clear.

    Ripley: What was it?

    Ash: Bring back life form. Priority One. All other priorities rescinded.

    Parker: The damn company. What about our lives, you son of a bitch?

    Ash: I repeat, all other priorities are rescinded.

    Ripley: How do we kill it, Ash? There's gotta be a way of killing it. How? How do we do it?

    Ash: You can't.

    Parker: That's bullshit.

    Ash: You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.

    Lambert: You admire it.

    Ash: I admire its purity. A survivor... unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.

    Parker: Look, I am... I've heard enough of this, and I'm asking you to pull the plug.

    [Ripley goes to disconnect Ash, who interrupts]

    Ash: Last word.

    Ripley: What?

    Ash: I can't lie to you about your chances, but... you have my sympathies.

  • Ash: There is an explanation for this, you know.

  • Ripley: Ash. Any suggestions from you or Mother?

    Ash: No, we're still collating.

    Ripley: [laughing in disbelief] You're what? You're still collating? I find that hard to believe.

    Ash: What would you like me to do?

    Ripley: Just what you've been doing, Ash: nothing.

  • Ripley: What's it key off?

    Ash: Micro changes in air density.

  • Ash: Ripley, for God's sake, this is the first time that we've encountered a species like this. It has to go back. All sorts of tests have to be made.

    Ripley: Ash, are you kidding? This thing bled acid. Who knows what it's gonna do when it's dead.

    Ash: I think it's safe to assume it isn't a zombie.

  • Ripley: Ash, that transmission... Mother's deciphered part of it. It doesn't look like an S.O.S.

    Ash: What is it, then?

    Ripley: Well, I... it looks like a warning. I'm gonna go out after them.

    Ash: What's the point? I mean by the-the time it takes to get there, you'll... they'll know if it's a warning or not, yes?

  • Ripley: [Ash is observing the facehugger] That's amazing. What is it?

    Ash: Uh, yes, it is. Um. I don't know yet. Did you want something?

    Ripley: Yes, I, uh... have a little talk. How's, uh, how's Kane?

    Ash: He's holding, no changes.

    Ripley: And, uh, our guest?

    Ash: Um.

    Ripley: Hm?

    Ash: Well, as I said, I'm still... collating, actually, but uh, I have confirmed that he's got an outer layer of protein polysaccharides. Has a funny habit of shedding his cells and replacing them with polarized silicon, which gives him a prolonged resistance to adverse environmental conditions. Is that enough?

    Ripley: That's plenty. What does it mean?

    [Ripley bends down to look through the micro-scanner]

    Ash: Please don't do that. Thank you.

    Ripley: I'm sorry.

    Ash: Well, it's an interesting combination of elements making him a... tough little son-of-a-bitch.

    Ripley: And you let him in.

    Ash: I was obeying a direct order. Remember?

    Ripley: Ash. When Dallas and Kane are off the ship, I'm Senior Officer.

    Ash: Oh, yes. I forgot.

    Ripley: You also forgot the Science Division's basic quarantine law.

    Ash: No, that I didn't forget.

    Ripley: Oh, I see. You just broke it, hm?

    Ash: Look, what would you have done with Kane, hm? You know his only chance of survival was to get him in here.

    Ripley: Unfortunately, by, uh, breaking quarantine, you risk everybody's life.

    Ash: Maybe I should have left him outside. Maybe I've jeopardized the rest of us, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

    Ripley: That's a pretty big risk for a Science Officer. It's, uh, not exactly out of the manual, is it?

    Ash: I do take my responsibilities as seriously as you, you know. You do your job and let me do mine, yes?

  • Brett: [realizing Nostromo has changed its course and they have to investigate] Well, so what?

    Kane: Well, we are obligated under section eight...

    Parker: I hate to bring this up but, uh, this a commercial ship, not a rescue ship...

    Brett: Right.

    Parker: ...and it's not in my contract to do this kind of duty. Now what about the money? If you wanna give me some money to do it, I'll be happy to, uh, t-to, you know, oblige.

    Brett: The man's right.

    Dallas: Parker...

    Parker: Let's go over the bonus situation. We haven't... Can we just talk about the bonus situation?

    Ash: I'm sorry, can I say something?

    Parker: Let's talk about the bonus more.

    Ash: There is a clause in the contract which specifically states any systematized transmission indicating a possible intelligent origin must be investigated.

    Parker: I don't wanna hear it...

    Brett: We don't know if it's intelligent.

    Parker: I wanna go home and party.

    Dallas: Parker, will you just listen to the man?

    Ash: On penalty of total forfeiture of shares. No money.

    Dallas: You got that?

    Parker: [chuckling] Well, yeah.

    Dallas: All right, we're going in.

    Parker: [to Brett] Yeah, we're going in, aren't we?

  • Dallas: Now, this air shaft may work to our advantage. Here. It leads up to and comes out in the main airlock. All right, there's only one big opening along the way, we can cover that up, and then we... drive it into the airlock and zap it into outer space.

    Parker: How? This son of a bitch is huge! I mean, it's like a man; it's... it's big!

    Ash: [softly] Kane's son.

  • Ripley: Come on, Ash. I mean, the Science Department should be able to help us. What can we do to drive it?

    Ash: Yes, well, it's adapted remarkably well to our atmosphere considering its nutritional requirements. The only thing we don't know about is temperature.

    Ripley: Okay, what about temperature? What happens if we change it?

    Ash: Let's try it. I mean most animals retreat from fire, yes?

    Dallas: Fire, yeah.

  • Ash: Primordial... deep cold... way below the line...

  • Ash: Oh, Mother says the sun's coming up in twenty minutes

  • Linda: Hey, Ash! I guessed the card right!

    Ash: Yeah... truly amazing.

  • Ash: Shut up, Linda!

  • Shelly: [about Cheryl] Why does she keep making those horrible noises?

    Ash: I don't know!

    Shelly: Look at her eyes. Look at her eyes! For God's sake, what happened to her eyes?

  • Ash: You bastards, why are you torturing me like this? Why?

  • Ash: Now the sun will be up in an hour or so, and we can all get out of here together. You, me, Linda, Shelly. Hmm... Well... not Shelly, she? We'll all be going home together. Wouldn't you like to be going home? I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you, Scott?

  • Ash: Linda's still asleep. I don't know what else to do for her. It'll be dawn in a few hours so...

    Scotty: I can't wait. I'm getting out of here... now!

    Ash: Scotty, we can't take Linda anywhere with her leg like that. We don't even know if there is any other way back besides the bridge.

    Scotty: Well... maybe there's an old road or a hiking trail or something. I mean, there must be another away around the cliff.

    Ash: Listen to me. Linda cannot walk with her leg like that. She can't even stand up.

    Scotty: So, we'll leave her here until we can send somebody back.

    Ash: What, are you crazy? I'm not...

    Scotty: [interupting] Look, I'm getting out of here! I don't care what happens to her! She's your girlfriend, you take care of her!

  • [Shelly has been hacked into several pieces]

    Ash: We can't bury Shelly - S-She's a friend of ours.

  • [first lines]

    Scotty: Hey, Ash, where are we?

    Ash: Well we just crossed the Tennessee border...

  • [last lines]

    [an unseen force rips through the cabin and comes up behind the unsuspecting Ash]

    Ash: Aaaaaah!

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