Arnold Epstein Quotes in Biloxi Blues (1988)

Toomey: Epstein, Arnold B.

Arnold Epstein: Ho, ho!

Toomey: Are there two Arnold Epsteins in this company?

Arnold Epstein: No, sergeant.

Toomey: But I heard more than one Ho.

Arnold Epstein: Yes, sergeant.

Toomey: Epstein, Arnold B.

Arnold Epstein: Ho!

Toomey: One more time.

Arnold Epstein: Ho!

Toomey: Do I make myself clear, Epstein?

Arnold Epstein: Ho!

Toomey: Do I make myself clear, Jerome?

Jerome: Ho, yes!

Toomey: Ho what?

Jerome: Ho nothing!

Toomey: Are you having trouble understanding me, Jerome?

Jerome: Ho no. I mean, no ho, sergent. Just plain ho.

Sergeant Toomey: Hey, Fred Astaire, you tryin' to tell me something?

Arnold Epstein: I have to go to the bathroom, sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey: You can't do that. We don't have "bathrooms" in the Army.

Arnold Epstein: They had them at Fort Dix.

Sergeant Toomey: Not bathrooms, they didn't

Arnold Epstein: Yes, they did. I went in them a lot.

Sergeant Toomey: I'm tellin' you, we don't have any "bathrooms" on this base. Do you doubt my veracity?

Arnold Epstein: No, sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey: Then you've got a problem, don't you Epstein?

Arnold Epstein: Ho ho.

Sergeant Toomey: You bet your ass ho ho. You know why you've got a problem?

Arnold Epstein: Because I've got to go real bad.

Sergeant Toomey: No, son. You've got a problem because you don't know Army terminology. The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, shit, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French.

Arnold Epstein: Why do you think I'm a homosexual?

Eugene Morris Jerome: I guess it's because you never talk about girls.

Arnold Epstein: I never talk about dogs either. Does that make me a cocker spaniel?

Arnold Epstein: You're a witness. You're always standing around watching what's happening, scribbling in your book what other people do. You have to get in the middle of it. You have to take sides. Make a contribution to the fight. Any fight. The one you believe in.

Joseph Wykowski: I've got three enemies now, Jerome. The Japs, the Germans, and you!

Eugene Morris Jerome: I wasn't in on that Pearl Harbor thing.

[Epstein, who has a problem with flatulence, selects the bunk next to Selridge]

Arnold Epstein: Is this bunk taken?

Selridge: Oh, no! I don't mind dyin', but I don't wanna get my nose blown off...

Arnold Epstein: Once you start compromising your thoughts, you're a candidate for mediocrity.

Arnold Epstein: I would like to make Sergeant Merwyn J. Toomey do 200 push-ups in front of this platoon.

Eugene Morris Jerome: Why is it that we come from the same place but I can't understand you?

Arnold Epstein: You're a witness. You're always standing around watching what's happening, scribbling in your book what other people do. You have to get in the middle of it. You have to take sides. Make a contribution to the fight.

Eugene Morris Jerome: What fight?

Arnold Epstein: Any fight. One you believe in. Until you do you'll never be a writer Eugene.

Sergeant Toomey: Epstein, Arnold B.

Arnold Epstein: Ho, ho!

Sergeant Toomey: Are there two Arnold Epsteins in this company?

Arnold Epstein: No, Sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey: Then just give me one Goddamn ho!

Arnold Epstein: Yes, Sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey: Epstein, Arnold B.

Arnold Epstein: Ho!