Arlene Quotes in Grindhouse (2007)

Stuntman Mike: Do I frighten you?

[Arlene nods]

Stuntman Mike: Is it my scar?

Arlene: It's your car.

Stuntman Mike: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. It's my mom's car.

Arlene: Who do you want to hear?

Jungle Julia: Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich.

Arlene: Who?

Jungle Julia: Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich.

Arlene: Who the fuck are they?

Jungle Julia: For your information, Pete Townsend, at one point, almost quit The Who. And if he had, he would have ended up in this group, thus making it Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich and Pete. And if you ask me, he should have.

[flips on the radio to hear "Hold Tight" by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich]

Jungle Julia: That's my boy!

Stuntman Mike: So, how about that lapdance?

Arlene: What's your name again?

Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.

Arlene: Well, Stuntman Mike, I'm Butterfly. My friend Jungle Julia over here says that jukebox inside is pretty impressive.

Stuntman Mike: Yeah, it is.

Arlene: Yeah? Why don't you go get ready for your lapdance?

[Stuntman Mike gets up and walks back into the bar]

Arlene: Hey, Mike.

Stuntman Mike: Yeah?

Arlene: No touch.

Stuntman Mike: No.

Arlene: I touch you, you don't touch me.

Stuntman Mike: I know.

Arlene: Good.

Arlene: [about the nametags she's made for the reunion] I had the yearbook pictures put on so everybody knows who everybody was!

Martin Q. Blank: A special torture!

[Felix enters the school gym]

Arlene: Welcome back, Pointer! It's Arlene Oslott-Joseph! And who might you be?

Felix La PuBelle: [glances at the badges on the table] It is I... Sidney Feldman.

Arlene: Oh, been overseas?

[looks at the badge before handing it to him]

Arlene: My... you *have* changed.

Nancy Pryor: Arlene, can you help Bette up here?

Arlene: OK.

Arlene: [Arlene and Nermal see Odie out of the house] Poor Odie. That cat is such a pig.

Nermal: Garfield's a pig?

Arlene: You never leave the dog out at night.

Nermal: Why not?

Arlene: Because dogs run away.

Arlene: Garfield, are you alright?

Garfield: I think so. Luca's about to have Odie for lunch.

Arlene: If it wasn't for Odie, you'd be Luca's chew toy.

Nermal: Yeah, he saved your life. Odie's a hero!

Garfield: Why, because I wasn't ripped to shreds? No. Odie's an imbecile until further notice.

Luca: Hey, what are you looking at?

Garfield: Nothing. Just looking for some company.

Nermal: Keep walking, creepo.

Garfield: What's going on?

Arlene: We know how much you hated Odie. We know how much you wanted him gone.

Garfield: Wait a minute. All I wanted was to sleep in my own bed.

Arlene: And to do it, you cast Odie out into the cold, cruel world?

Nermal: We saw you locked Odie out last night!

Garfield: Gee, I don't believe you guys. I didn't know Odie was gonna run away. He's a dumb dog. No offense, Luca.

Luca: Uh... what?

Garfield: You can't blame me for that.

Nermal: Any one of us could be next.

Arlene: Yeah. There's no room for anybody else in Garfield's world.

Garfield: [after being left alone by Luca, Arlene and Nermal] Oh that was a little traumatic. Well maybe I've been a little... tough in protecting my turf, but, um... I don't hate the guy.

Garfield: [from a deleted scene]

[to Arlene]

Garfield: Well, hello.

Luca: [to himself] Garfield, always working the angles. Thinks he's so slick.

Garfield: [to Arlene] If you have any itches, I'm available for a scratch.

Arlene: Go play in traffic.

Garfield: Alone? Come on, Arlene. I'm a simple cat. All I want is shelter, lasagna and to be loved, for maybe five times a day.

Arlene: Hah! Not in my nine lives.

Luca: In your face, Garfield.

Garfield: Come on Arlene...

[sees a pie on a windowsill]

Garfield: Oh baby, you smell so good.

Arlene: You think I'm gonna fall for a line like that?

Garfield: I can already taste you from here, my love, my desire. I worship you. I dream of you. I'm humbled, and crumbled in your presence.

Arlene: Garfield, I didn't realise your feelings ran so deep.

Garfield: Oh uh... excuse me, baby. Could you wait right here until after I finish my lunch?

Arlene: Huh? Oh, Garfield. You're impossible.

Arlene: Eminem's on the phone; he wants an answer now.

Jenna: Umm... plain.

[Arlene looks at her strangely]

Jenna: Peanut? Plain!

Arlene: Teenage boys are physically attracted to naked women.

Robert: Our research doesn't support that, sir.

Arlene: [about the iBabe] Look, at the very least we need to put a warning sticker on the box.

Boss: MP3 players don't have a warning not to have sex with it, right? A bag of potato chips doesn't have a warning, "Please don't fuck these potato chips"!

Arlene: I think that there are two forces on Earth you never want to be fighting. One is Mother Nature.The other is love.

Arlene: She's lovely. It's not an ideal situation but she adores my son. Now how can you be a sensible parent and not feel warmly towards someone who adores your child? That is practically anti-social.

Sam: [arriving at restaurant] Your mother's standing.

Brian: I know.

Arlene: They have no folding chairs here.

Sam: It's The Carlyle, Arlene.

[to Arielle]

Sam: You know when we first met, she only sent back entrées. Now it's chairs.

Arlene: [with Brian sitting in the back seat of the car] Do you remember what you said to me after the very first time we had intercourse?

Sam: Are you hungry?

Arlene: Before that.

Sam: Yes, I remember.

[they kiss]

Arlene: Tell us about yourself.

Arielle: Well, I am 33, married and the mother of two.

[Arlene sits]

Sam: Waiter, Canadian Club.

Sam: Can I finish this conversation?

Arlene: You have finished it eight times.

Sam: In 30 years, I don't remember once ever being able to finish a sentence.

Arlene: Well, with your subjects, you don't deserve predicates.

Sam: Oh! What is that? A grammar insult? A syntax barb?

Arlene: We're now officially spending that law school money.

Sam: Half of it.

Arlene: We're seeing The Book of Mormon.

Sam: It's about Mormons.

Arlene: Not the original cast, but still.

Sam: Yeah. It's the replacement Mormons.

Arlene: [after winning strip Fooze ball] Score! Now I wanna see my trophy.

Arlene: I'm 35 years old, Jon!

Jon: You're not 35 years old, I'm 40 and you're older than I am!

Arlene: I'm 35! I'm got two obnoxious teenage boys and no husband. I have to compete with firm young women and there's only so much plastic surgery can do for me.

[Steve and Jerry, Arlene's sons, come running in]

Arlene: Look who's here, Uncle Jon.

Steve: The asshole from Chicago?

Arlene: That's him.

[the bank has refused to extend Billy's loan]

Arlene: Bill, what will you do now?

Billy Wade: Well, there's only one way out - sell the calves and start all over again.

Arlene: You mean *we* start all over.

Billy Wade: When I square myself with the bank, there won't be enough left to pay the preacher.

Arlene: The bank won't give you an extension and neither will I.

Arlene: Did you happen to see an odd sort of person come through here?

Arlene: He would have been on a bicycle.

Arlene: Your space invader is behind this. Where is he?

Stuntman Mike: [handing Arlene and Jungle Julia beers] Cheers, Butterfly. The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. And I have promises to keep. Miles to go before I sleep. Did you hear me, Butterfly? Miles to go, before you sleep.

Jungle Julia: Sorry, Stuntman Burt...

Stuntman Mike: [angrily interrupting her] Mike.

Jungle Julia: Mike. She already broke off that dance.

Stuntman Mike: Is that true? Did I... miss my chance?

[Arlene doesn't respond]

Stuntman Mike: Do I frighten you?

[Arlene silently nods]

Stuntman Mike: Is it my scar?

Arlene: It's your car.

Stuntman Mike: Yeah, I know. Sorry, it's my mom's car.

Arlene: Have you been following us?

Stuntman Mike: No, but that's what I love about Austin - it's just so damn small.

Jungle Julia: [to Arlene] You seen this guy before?

Arlene: I saw him outside of Gueros.

Stuntman Mike: I saw you outside of Gueros, too. You saw my car, I saw your legs. Now look, I ain't stalking you all, but I didn't say that I wasn't a wolf.

Arlene: So you really weren't following us?

Stuntman Mike: I'm not following you, Butterfly. I just... got lucky. So, how about that lap dance?

Jungle Julia: Sorry, it was a one-time only offer and she did it earlier this evening at Anton's.

Stuntman Mike: No, she didn't.

Arlene: How do you know?

Stuntman Mike: I'm good that way. And you look a little touché.

Arlene: What's touché?

Stuntman Mike: Wounded, slightly.

Arlene: Why sould I be wounded?

Stuntman Mike: Because you expected guys to be pestering you all night, but from your look I can tell nobody pestered you at all. That kind of hurt your feelings a little bit, didn't it? There are few things as fetching as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel.

[Arlene smiles]

Stuntman Mike: [slowly] So, how about that lap dance?

Arlene: I think I'm going to have to give you a rain check.

Stuntman Mike: Well, since you'll be leaving in the next couple of days, that rain check will be worthless. But that's okay. I understand if I make you uncomfortable. You're still a nice girl, and I still like you. But I must warn you of something - you know how people say "You're okay in my book" or "In my book, that's no good"? Well, I actually have a book.

[Stuntman Mike pulls out a little book from his back pocket]

Stuntman Mike: And everybody I ever meet goes in this book. And, now I've met you, and you're going in the book! Except, I'm afraid I must file you... under... "chicken shit."

Arlene: [grabbing the book] And what if I did it?

Stuntman Mike: Well, definitely couldn't file you under "chicken shit" then, now, could I?

Arlene: What's your name again?

Stuntman Mike: [quietly] Stuntman Mike.

Arlene: Well, Stuntman Mike, I'm Butterfly. My friend Jungle Julia over here says that jukebox inside is pretty impressive.

Stuntman Mike: Yeah, it is.

Arlene: Yeah.

[hands Stuntman Mike back his book]

Arlene: Why don't you get ready for your lapdance?

Jungle Julia: [to Arlene] I think you got Mike laid tonight.

[the two of them laugh]

Jungle Julia: [to Stuntman Mike] Looking good, Cannonball Run!

Pam: He's just giving me a ride.

Jungle Julia: Oh, no doubt.

Arlene: [waves to them] Have a nice ride.

[they go back to laughing]

Pam: Look, double-fucks...

[she approaches them]

Pam: ...I am not gonna fuck him!

Stuntman Mike: [as he lights a cigarette] I can hear you!

[Jungle Julia and Arlene laugh and Pam approaches even closer]

Pam: He's old enough to be my da...

Stuntman Mike: I can still hear you!

[the girls go back to laughing]

Pam: Bye!

Jungle Julia: What happened with you and Nate last night?

Arlene: Not much. I mean, we just fucking met each other. If you don't bust their balls a little bit they're never gonna respect you.

Jungle Julia: Okay, we're pretty clear on what you did do, how about enlightening us on what you did do?

Arlene: Nothing to write home about. We just made out on the couch for about twenty minutes.

Shanna: Dressed, half dressed or naked?

Arlene: Dressed. I said we made out. We didn't do "the thing".

Jungle Julia: Excuse me for living, but what is "the thing"?

Arlene: You know, it's everything but.

Shanna: They call it "the thing"?

Arlene: I call it the thing.

Shanna: Do guys like the thing?

Arlene: They like it better than no thing.

Arlene: Who do you want to hear?

Jungle Julia: Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich.

Arlene: Who?

Jungle Julia: Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich.

Arlene: Who the fuck are they?

Jungle Julia: For your information, Pete Townshend, at one point, almost quit The Who. And if he had, he would have ended up in this group, thus making it Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich and Pete. And if you ask me, he should have.

[flips on the radio to hear "Hold Tight" by Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich]

Jungle Julia: That's my boy!

Arlene: You got two jobs; kiss good, and make sure my hair don't get wet.

Waitress at Guero's: Okay! Warren is sending over shots... And you know the house rule: if he sends over shots, you gotta do them!

Arlene: Why?

Jungle Julia: Hey! There is the rule baby: Warren says it, we do it!

Warren the Bartender: I love that philosophy: Warren says it, we do it! So let's do it!

Arlene: What is it?

Warren the Bartender: Hey! Shot first, questions later. Here we go, post-time! Hum!

Jungle Julia: Wouhou!

Warren the Bartender: Is that a tasty beverage or is that a tasty be-ve-rage?

Arlene: What the fuck is it?

Warren the Bartender: Chartreuse! The only liquor so good they named a color after it!

[first lines]

Arlene: [shouting to Jungle Julia] Hold on, I gotta come up! I gotta take the world's biggest fuckin' piss!

Nate: [surprising her on the porch in front of the bar] I was thinking we can make out?

Arlene: What, on a porch? Not even in the bar, but in front of the entrance? Forget it.

Nate: No, in my car!

[points to the parked cars in front of the bar]

Arlene: What, out there? It's fucking 'Nam out there.

[heavy rain in the background]

Nate: Not in my car, it's not.

[pause]

Nate: Look, you won't get wet.

[puts up an umbrella]

Nate: I promise you.

Arlene: [grins] You know, most guys wouldn't brag about that.

Shanna: Remember: no hookin' up tonight. You can hang with 'em, you can make out with 'em, but no hookin' up with 'em, because we are driving to Lake LBJ tonight, and my daddy's pretty clear on one thing. He said "Ah am lettin' you and your *girl friends* stay at my lake house. Not you and some horny boys tryin' to get their fuck on with my daughter."

Arlene: Your dad talks like that?

Shanna: Hell, yeah!

Jungle Julia: Okay, we're pretty clear on what it is you didn't do. How bout' enlightening us on what it is you did do?

Arlene: Nothing to write home about. We just made out on the couch for about twenty minutes.

Shanna: Dressed, half dressed, or naked?

Arlene: Dressed! I said we made out. We didn't do "the thing".

Jungle Julia: Excuse me for living, but what is "the thing"?

Arlene: You know, it's everything but.

Shanna: They call that "the thing"?

Arlene: I call it "the thing".

Shanna: Do guys like "the thing"?

Arlene: They like it better than no thing.

Jungle Julia: Who's holding?

Shanna: If you're not, then nobody.

Arlene: We were kinda hoping you were.

Shanna: Yeah, how are you not holding?

Jungle Julia: Jesus Christ, Shanna, it is not my fuckin' job to supply y'all with weed whenever we go out.

Shanna: Whoa, whoa whoa, little lady, you're gettin' angry kinda quick, doncha think? I was just teasin' you!

Jungle Julia: I'm not angry, it would be nice if y'all didn't just count on me all the fucking time and surprise me every once in a while with pot.

Shanna: Okay, mean girl in a high school movie, are you through havin' a tantrum?

Jungle Julia: I'm not having a tantrum.

Shanna: Yes, you are! You've been in the car all of two seconds and you're already cursin' at me!

Jungle Julia: I am not cursing at you.

Shanna: You said "Jesus Christ Shanna". And before the sentence was over, ya threw a fuckin' in there to emphasize your irritatedness.

Arlene: Alright, c'mon guys, don't fight, I'll pay for it when we get some.