Archie Long Quotes in Tough Guys (1986)


Archie Long Quotes:

  • Harry Doyle: [on the radio to Yablonski] We're running to Mexico!

    Archie Long: Tell him to open the switches all the way, or we'll wreck the goddamn train.

    Harry Doyle: [on the radio] Open the switches all the way, or we'll wreck the goddamn train.

    Leon B. Little: Let's wreck the goddamn train anyway!

  • [last lines]

    [Harry and Archie have crashed a train into Mexico. The federales show up]

    Federale Captain: Buenos dias señores. Put up your hands. I'm afraid you're under arrest.

    [the federales aim their guns at Harry and Archie]

    Harry Doyle: Eh, now wait a minute, wait a minute. This ain't fair!

    Federale Captain: No?

    Archie Long: Señor, there's twelve of you and... just two of us.

    Federale Captain: Si?

    Harry Doyle: A-and you got guns, and we got nothin'.

    Federale Captain: But this is how we put you under arrest señor!

    Archie Long: Where we come from...

    [points back to the US]

    Archie Long: ...they've got rules about making arrests.

    Federale Captain: Rules?

    [Harry and Archie nods]

    Archie Long: Si.

    Federale Captain: What kind of rules?

    [Harry and Archie glance amused at each other with a "here we go again" look]

    Archie Long: Well... for one thing...

    [Archie kicks the captain in the crotch]

  • Archie Long: [from trailer]

    [to the engineer]

    Archie Long: Your train is being robbed.

    Train Engineer: You're crazy. Nobody robs trains anymore.

    Harry Doyle: [comes up behind engineer and puts gun to his neck] I'd say you've been misinformed.

  • Archie Long: Well, Derek... Am I hot?

    Derek: You're practically on fire.

  • Harry Doyle: Well, what do you want to do now, Archie? Steal another empty armored truck? Maybe start a collection?

    Archie Long: No, we've got to do something big. Something they woun't laugh at.

    Harry Doyle: Like what?

    Archie Long: We could take down the flier!

    Harry Doyle: The Gold Coast Flier? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard!

    Archie Long: That's what you said about the armored truck.

    Harry Doyle: No, I said the armored truck was dumb. This is stupid.

  • Archie Long: I never thought the great Harry Doyle would turn into a gutless wimp!

    Harry Doyle: Keep it up Arch, I'll put another hole in that chin a yours!

  • Harry Doyle: What the hell are you doing here? I thought you was workin'.

    Archie Long: I quit.

    Harry Doyle: You quit?

    Archie Long: Couldn't take it anymore. People treating me like dirt ever since I got out of jail. Sweeping out toilets, scraping crud off dishes, my girlfriend tryin' to kill me with sex - and I'm dressing like Bozo the Clown, just to fit in! I don't want to fit in anymore.

    Harry Doyle: That makes two of us.

  • [first lines]

    Archie Long: I'm tellin' ya, Harry...

    Harry Doyle: I know, I know. We could have got away with it.

    Archie Long: Did I say that before?

    Harry Doyle: Every day for thirty years.

  • Harry Doyle: And I ain't goin' to your funeral!

    Archie Long: You ain't invited!

  • [Archie has just landed a job at Penguin's]

    Archie Long: What'll it be, sport?

    Yogurt boy: Let me have strawberry yogurt. No, chocolate. No... Strawberry!

    Archie Long: Look, kid... Just take your time, okay? Let me know when you've made up your mind.

    Yogurt boy: I've already made up my mind.

    Archie Long: So do you want chocolate or strawberry?

    Yogurt boy: Neither. I want amarillo.

    [Archie starts to get it for him]

    Yogurt boy: Hey, that's GELLOTTI! I asked for YOGURT!

    Archie Long: [peering at it] I don't see any difference.

    Yogurt boy: GELLOTTI is made out of CREAM! YOGURT is made out of BACTERIA CULTURE! Where were you raised, in a cave?

    Archie Long: All right, all right...

    [gets the yogurt for him]

    Archie Long: ... What, did I leave something out?

    Yogurt boy: What about my toppings? You're supposed to ask me what kind of toppings I want.

    Archie Long: Okay... What kind of toppings do you want?

    Yogurt boy: Do you have peanut butter M&M's?

    [Archie starts to put those on the yogurt]

    Yogurt boy: Hey, what are you doing? I didn't say I WANTED m&m's! I just asked if you HAD them!

    Archie Long: Yeah, we got 'em.

    Yogurt boy: Well, I don't want 'em! Do you have Oreo pieces?

    Archie Long: [holding those up] You want 'em?

    Yogurt boy: That's why I asked. And walnuts... NOT peanuts, WALNUTS. And jellybeans... NOT m&m's; I HATE m&m's... JELLYBEANS. And almond slices instead of walnuts.

    [the sweating Archie brings him the completed yogurt]

    Yogurt boy: Forget it; I'll just have it plain.

    Archie Long: [forcing himself not to faint, Archie scrapes everything off the yogurt] You sure you still want it?

    Yogurt boy: Of course I do! What do you think I came in here for?

    [Archie throws the yogurt in the boy's face]

    Archie Long: [smiling] You got it, kid. That'll be a $1.60, please.

  • Derek: Our colors are cherry, peach, lime, olive, and avocado.

    Archie Long: I don't want to eat the suit, I just want to wear it.

  • [repeated line]

    Archie Long: Whatever you say, Harry.

  • Man in gay bar: Shall we?

    Archie Long: Shall we what?

    Man in gay bar: Shall we dance?

    [Archie looks around and sees males dancing with each other, and suddenly realizes he's in a gay bar; he quickly leaves while the man makes an "oh well" shrug. Archie exits the place and runs into Harry on the street]

    Archie Long: [to Harry] You don't want to go in there!

  • Harry Doyle: There ain't nothing to steal on the Gold Coast Flier.

    Archie Long: So? We'll steal the whole Goddamn train and ride it to Mexico.

    Harry Doyle: What for?

    Archie Long: To prove we can do it! It's the only thing that we'll have done to have worked out.

    Harry Doyle: You can't do this!

    Archie Long: Harry, I'm sick and tired of you telling me what I can do and what I can't do.

    Harry Doyle: Archie, the Gold Coast Flier is no armored truck. It's a 70-ton train speeding at 100 miles per hour.

    Archie Long: That didn't stop us the last time.

    Harry Doyle: The last time we were 30 years younger and we got caught. We were put away for 30 years!

    Archie Long: Now we're 30 years smarter. We woun't make the same mistakes.

    Harry Doyle: That's right. Because we ain't gonna do it.

  • Bank Robber #1: [as Harry wrests his gun from him] I'll kill you, man! I was only kiddin', Grampa! Let me go!

    Harry Doyle: Grampa, huh?

    Archie Long: What are you gonna do with him, Harry?

    Harry Doyle: I'm gonna blow his head off.

    Archie Long: No, you don't want to do that.

    Harry Doyle: He was disrespectful to me!

    Archie Long: But you just got your suit cleaned. You'll get brains all over it.

    Harry Doyle: This punk don't have any brains.

    Archie Long: Yeah. But there'll be blood. All red and sticky, *bleah*. It'll be messy.

    Harry Doyle: Get a mop!

    Archie Long: Okay...

    [Harry cocks the gun and the robber faints]

    Archie Long: These guys are in the wrong business.

    Harry Doyle: They don't make crooks like they used to.

  • Harry Doyle: You know, Arch, I never met so many stupid people in one day.

    Archie Long: Ugly too.

  • Archie Long: [to Schultz] Screw you!

    Archie Long: [to Schultz's parrot after it repeats "screw you"] Screw you, too!

  • Leon B. Little: Ah, lovers' quarrel! It breaks my heart. Turn around, worm food! Start walking! And don't try anything stupid or you'll die right here! And don't let the goggles fool ya, buster! I'm a sharpshooter!

    [They enter an alleyway]

    Leon B. Little: All right, turn here! Turn! What the hell is this, a parade?

    Harry Doyle: Where are we going, friend?

    Leon B. Little: We're going up this alley, 'friend'.

    Archie Long: And then what?

    Leon B. Little: And then I'm coming out... alone.

    [Harry and Archie move a construction barrier and Leon falls screaming down a manhole]

    Leon B. Little: Come back, you bastards! Let's finish it once and for all! You'll rot! It stinks down here!

    Harry Doyle: Finish it? Finish what?

    Archie Long: You sure you don't know that guy?

    Harry Doyle: No.

    Leon B. Little: Damn it, I'm up to my knees in guck!

    Harry Doyle: Could we be losing our memories?

    Archie Long: I dunno. Could be, Harry.

    Leon B. Little: I'm gonna get pneumonia!

  • Archie Long: Who the hell are you, anyway?

    Leon B. Little: I'm Peter Pan. I've come to take you to Never-Never Land, okay? But you won't be comin' back!

    Harry Doyle: You mind telling us why you want to kill us?

    Leon B. Little: I'm Leon B. Little.

    Archie LongHarry Doyle: So?

    Leon B. Little: Leon B. Little! Don't the name mean nothin' to ya?

    Archie LongHarry Doyle: No.

    Leon B. Little: Do you at least know Vinnie Mendelman?

    Archie LongHarry Doyle: Yeah.

    Leon B. Little: [to a reporter] Thank God they know somebody!

Browse more character quotes from Tough Guys (1986)