Archer Quotes in Small Soldiers (1998)

Archer: Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there.

Archer: Greetings. I am Archer, emissary or the Gorgonites.

Alan: Awfully polite for a monster.

Archer: Alan, friend of Archer, defender of all Gorgonites, Keeper of Encarta...

Alan: "Keeper of Encarta"? You were using my computer? If I find a virus in there you're headed for the microwave!

Punch-It: We shouldn't fight, we should hide.

Archer: If we hide, we will still lose. No more hiding.

Archer: Gorgonites, we must help Alan.

Freakenstein: But if we fight, we would lose.

Freakenstein: Last time we fought, I woke up with AM/FM.

Insaniac: I tell you, war is nuts, and I know what I'm talking about.

Punch-It: We shouldn't fight, we should hide.

Alan: [Freakenstein and Punch-It are at Alan's computer] What are you looking for?

Freakenstein: Gorgon.

Alan: Well, this is a Central Park.

Freakenstein: The Isle of Gorgon is our homeland.

Punch-It: Will you help us find it?

Alan: I don't think you're gonna find it in here.

Archer: [at Alan's bedroom window] Alan, if Gorgon is not in that window, is it in this one?

Archer: What's your name?

Alan: Alan. Now shut up!

Archer: Greetings, Alan now shut up.

Archer: Major Chip Hazard.

Major Chip Hazard: Gorgonite scum!

Archer: Leave Alan alone. Your fight is with me.

Major Chip Hazard: You've got a lot of guts. Let's see what they look like.

[stabs Archer in the knee]

Archer: They're wires and metal, the same as yours.

[pulls knife out and attacks Chip, who grabs Archer]

Major Chip Hazard: We're nothing alike. You are programmed to lose!

[kicks Archer a few times]

Archer: I'm also programmed to learn.

Major Chip Hazard: Too bad you never learned to win. School's out, loser. Hyah!

[kicks Archer off the pole]

Major Chip Hazard: Victory is ours!

Alan: Have I got a shock for you.

[grabs Chip]

Alan: You stupid toy!

[jams Chip into the transformer, electrocuting him]

Archer: Sometimes, someday I somehow get the strangest notion they're trying to break my spirit.

Escort: Name and number.

Archer: 4721, Archer, sir.

Governor: Ahh, Archer. Insolence, graffiti. Guilty?

Archer: Misplaced trust, sir.

Archer: [Carlin offers Archer a sausage] No strings?

Carlin: Get it down you, sharpish.

Duke: You might be a smart ass, Archer, but your nothing but a fool to yourself.

Archer: I get by.

[Carlin walks in to the lounge and takes three snooker balls from the snooker table and puts them in an extra sock. The two people playing snooker look confused]

Carlin: Carry on.

[Carlin continues moving and stands at a corner. Richards is kicking Woods]

Woods: [to Richards] Ah! Leave it out, Stripey! I ain't hurting you!

Richards: Yer in my bleedin' way!

Archer: Oi!

Woods: It's all right, Ben.

Richards: What's up with you, weirdo? You want stripin' do ya? You might get left alone 'ere, but I'll cut you to bleedin' ribbons if I get any of yer poxy lip 'ere!

[Carlin whacks Richards with the sock containing the snooker balls. Eckersley tries to report this to Mr Sands but Carlins orders him not to]

Carlin: Back, grass! I said, get back, shit head.

[Eckersley backs off, Carlin kicks Richards and returns the snooker balls]

Carlin: Yeah, well, carry on.

Duke: Look at you sitting there with that daft smile on your face. Why aren't you over there with the rest of them?

Archer: I'm an atheist.

Duke: What do you think that lot are, Disciples?

Archer: You know when I was in the Scrubs, sweating it out in that filthy cell, I had this matchbox. And it said on this matchbox that it takes 60 muscles to frown but only 13 to smile, so why waste energy? You see, I'm doing me time in a matchbox.

Archer: [From subtitles] By selfless sacrifice ministers have built this kingdom, yet you invite gutter rats to mock us.

Floyd: Have I got this right? Our team has just been penalized for gay-bashing?

Archer: How cool is that?

Archer: Joey is not my "piece," thanks. He's my...

Floyd: Boyfriend?

Archer: Partner.

Floyd: You're shaggin', not opening up a restaurant together.

Archer: Joey is not a queen. I'm not into queens. "Gay" means you're into men. Look, it don't mean we all have to be queens, does it?

Floyd: It means we can be whatever the fuck we wanna be as far as I'm concerned.

Archer: Well, if you wanna be a queen, you can be a queen on your own time.

Floyd: This is my time.

Archer: Mate, this is soccer. This is lethal, savage caveman shit, and queens will not be tolerated. Queens will get a kickin'.

Floyd: Well, speak for yourself, MATE. This queen DOES the kickin'. It's a new fuckin' day, okay?

Archer: I say we at least try and establish ourselves as a force to be reckoned with in this league BEFORE we start skippin' about in ballet slippers and blowin' kisses.