April Quotes in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
Splinter: For 15 years now, we have lived here. Before that time, I was a pet of my master Yoshi. When we were forced to come to New York, I found myself for the first time without a home, wandering thew sewers, scavaging for whatever I could find. And then, one day, I came upon a shattered glass jar and four baby turtles.
Michaelangelo: [interrupts] That was us! Hee hee.
Donatello: Shut up! Oh, no...
Splinter: The little ones were crawling into a strange glowing ooze from a broken canister nearby. I gathered them up in an old coffee can and when I awoke the next morning, I received a shock. For they had doubled in size. I, too, was growing. Particularly in intellect. I was amazed by how intelligent they seemed, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next: one of them spoke.
Young Michaelangelo: [in flashback] Pizza. Pizza.
Splinter: More words followed, and I began their training. Teaching them all that I had learned from my master. And soon, I gave them all names: Leonardo, Michaelangelo
Michaelangelo: That's me.
[he makes a heroic-sounding hum]
Splinter: and Raphael.
April: I'm not dreaming, am I?
Splinter: No. I'm afraid not.
April: Detective Harris, I strongly urge you to fire before you find a rod of steel in your chest.
April: Women can make a difference!
April: What we did to that posse, I can't do that again, I can't, Sherrie, I want to go home.
Sherrie: I know, April, I know.
Ellie: Ungrateful bitch.
Hannah: They wouldn't last for five minutes on their own and they know it.
[while forced to listen to an uncool song on a car stereo]
April: Oh, God! Oh, no! Here comes the uplifting chorus!
Wren: Maybe you could do an explaining rap too.
Wren: I'm E.O. Wilson and I'm a scientist, I study ants and stuff if you get the gist, I'm about as cool as a guy can get...
Roosevelt: Think Jason Bourne with a butterfly net.
Wren: Prang mantis, Prang mantis, the turtle, the turtle.
April: Don't do that.
Wren: What? Wha-what?.
Wren: [farts April faces]
April: Oh, my God, my ass is killing this cat!
April: Sexy Kitty, or Sexy Mouse?
April: Lizards? Those lizards took my parents?
April: [to Klitz] I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute.
April: Is your name really Clitz?
Klitz: Yeah, with a K.
Ferrari: I know I lost my virginity at prom. How about you? When did you lose your virginity?
April: When I was ten.
Ferrari: Okay, moving on...
April: Oooh? What are you gonna say?
Will Hayes: I'm still working on it I don't know
April: OH! You should work it on with me you should practice with me; I'm really good at that.
[Walks over to the railing]
April: I'll be Emily.
April: I'm Emily your college sweetheart is there something you wanted to ask me?
Will Hayes: Emily...
April: Wait! You gotta get down on your knee
Will Hayes: No I'm not getting down on my knee
April: [Walks towards Will] She'll like it; she'll like seeing you down on your knee...
Will Hayes: I'm not getting down on my knee
April: [Rolls her eyes and walks back to the railing and turns around] Such a mistake! Okay
Will Hayes: Emily...
April: Yes William?
Will Hayes: Don't make me laugh! Emily will you... um... marry me?
Will Hayes: Oh my god...
April: What do you mean, 'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfil an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?
Will Hayes: Oh! Oh, my God.
April: You should've got on your knee.
Will Hayes: Just shut up! Here... I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?
April: Definitely. Maybe.
Will Hayes: I kept the book...
Will Hayes: Because it was the only thing that I had left of you.
April: You and me, it'd kinda be like cats and dogs.
Will Hayes: Oil and water.
April: Sand paper and bare ass.
Will Hayes: That's gross.
April: Pack of American Eagles, blue, please.
Will Hayes: 4.25? You pay four dollars and twenty-five cents for a pack of cigarettes?
April: They don't put as many chemicals in them.
Will Hayes: So those are healthy cigarettes.
April: Something like that.
Will Hayes: So, if there's not as many chemicals in them they should cost less, not more, don't you think?
April: They put saltpeter in your cigarettes, which make them burn faster, which make you smoke more. Which means, at the end of the day, your cigarettes actually cost more, not less.
April: You know what's really cool?
Will Hayes: I don't.
April: We can just sit hear and not have to worry about flirting, or all the attraction stuff.
Will Hayes: Yea, all that stuff...
April: Very cool.
Will Hayes: Yea...
April, Will Hayes: [make out for about 10 seconds then freeze]
Will Hayes: [sits up]
Will Hayes: I got to go
Will Hayes: [quickly leaves]
Will Hayes: You think it's ridiculous that I want to be a politician, don't you?
April: [laughing] Yes.
Will Hayes: Thank you.
April: No, no, I get the whole politician thing. It's easy to like you.
Will Hayes: That's true, that's very true.
April: I just wonder if you want people to like you a little too much.
Will Hayes: That's also true. I should want them to hate me. I'm gonna start working on that right away, you got any tips for me?
April: [laughing] No, you're off to a great start, I'm hating you already.
April: I don't know and I don't know how to know, you know?
April: Come on let's dance.
Will Hayes: No
Will Hayes: Ok
[about Clinton's affair]
Russell T. McCormack: Arms for oil, no problem. But a little 'oral-ness' and you're headed for impeachment.
Will Hayes: Maybe he should be impeached.
Kelly: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you did not just say that!
[Russell, Gareth and Anne make similar exclamations]
April: You love him!
Will Hayes: We all did! We thought he was gonna be different then the other jokers, but this guy, he can't even define the word 'is'! What happens if they give him one of the hard words, like 'truth'?
April: So Emily is what, like your college sweetheart?
Will Hayes: It's amazing how you do that.
Will Hayes: The way you take the simplest statement and then you twist it with a completely negative connotation. It's really, actually, impressive.
April: [laughing] I didn't mean to do that. I actually think it's very sweet.
Will Hayes: See, you did it again!
April: And it felt life changing and - and I realized I had to tell someone. When I realized who that person was, it was so unexpected.
Ring Salesman: [the Ring Salesman enters and presents a ring to Will] Here we are sir.
April: It's like when something is staring at you in the face. And you're too blind to
[April notices the ring]
April: see it. What's that?
Will Hayes: ...I have some news for you too.
April: You're the toilet paper guy.
Will Hayes: Yes, I am in fact the toilet paper guy, but feel free to cal me the bagel-and-coffee guy. Or, Todd in accounting calls me Chrystal, which I'm pretty sure is a girl's name.
April: Don't make me staple your head.
Will Hayes: I haven't had sex since Clinton was re-elected.
April: Why bother? He's having enough sex for the entire country.
April: What happened to your...
Adam: I got stabbed in the face with a fork, I saw it coming, I avoided it, I didn't avoid it, it happened to me in a different way.
April: Maybe the universe will bring us together again...
Jessica Spencer, April: Boys are cheats and liars, they're such a big disgrace. They will tell you anything to get to second base... ball, baseball he thinks he's gonna score. If you let him go all the way then you are a hor... ticulture studies flowers, geologist studies rocks. The only thing a guy wants from you is a place to put his cock... roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs. Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of jug... glers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck. All guys really want to do is - forget it, no such luck.
April: So... do you really have a penis?
Jessica (Clive): I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here.
April: Can I see it?
Jessica (Clive): April!
April: Sorry... can I see it?
[Jessica gives April a dirty look]
April: Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.
April: Uh, Jessica has a... problem.
Ling Ling: She's only going to make us wait an hour this time.
Lulu: What about the class trip to Six Flags. She took so long in the bathroom we missed the bus.
Ling Ling: Our parents had to drive three hours to pick us up.
Jessica (Clive): I had my period, OK!
Jessica (Clive): April, do you remember in second grade when you moved here from Arkansas? And everyone made fun of you and threw rocks at you, 'cuz you talked funny and your front two teeth were brown. I was your only friend. I gave you that locket, round your neck, when your grandmother was sick. You said, you said...
April: We'd be bestest friends forever.
[after Jake asks April for a second chance]
April: I'm sorry. But I'm kind of into that new boyfriend smell.
April: Ok, let's make a list of all the people that hate Jessica.
Lulu: You know what would be a shorter list? All the people that don't hate Jessica.
Jessica: You bitch!
Jessica (Clive): Well, THAT was an experience... Is there any ice in here?
Jessica (Clive): Thank God.
April: Can I ask you a personal question?
Walt: Nine inches.
April: [after surgery to separate the twins] Bob, you look good.
Walt: He looks good. What am I chopped liver?
April: Actually, yeah.
Walt: What's a three-letter word for man's best friend?
Walt: No, I've tried that already.
Bob: We share a liver.
April: Are you sure you even need a liver?
April: [Walking around the abandoned cinema] Hello? Hello? I just want some popcorn! Customer here! This is your last chance!
[Starts to happily fill a huge bucket of popcorn, then walks out]
April: Thank You, Come Again!
Justin: I'm Justin.
April: Justin. Hmm.
Justin: And you are?
April: I'm what?
Justin: Your name is...
April: [whispering] January, February, March, April. April!
Lo: Stop! Oh! Oh oh oh! Dinner, I have a question. Did your girlfriend just make up her name?
Rich: How come I'm not in the picture?
April: Because you haven't wanted to be.
[after she refuses to sleep with him]
Perry Foley: You fucking bitch.
April: Fuck you.
[sees Duncan watching them]
April: Hey, alter boy, come up here and take my virginity. I'm not graduating with it.
April: You want to cry and smile, but instead you just stare and you can't do anything.
April: I wish I didn't care about anything. But I do care. I care about everything too much.
April: I'm not depressed, why do you always think I'm depressed? I'm just tired.
Principal Layton: Adolescent can be a difficult time. It's normal to be drawn to death and murder, but you can go too far down that road, too far away from normal.
April: What do you say John?
John Wayne Cleaver: I'm interested in how many times you felt it was necessary to say the word normal
April: [after making out with Perry] Darling, don't ever take a Southern woman for granted.
[while driving recklessly on the road at night]
Patti Jean: I swear to God, I can't stand them when they get drunk, and belive me I have learned that you do not want to mess with them when they get that way. You just gotta ride it out until it passes. Besides, if they ain't drunk, they're just dull as hell. I'm glad you came along, cause he was staring to drive me crazy. Hey, you got a cigarette? I left my pack back in my purse back there at the carnival.
April: I don't smoke.
Patti Jean: God, I wish I had your discipline. I tried to quit smoking once but I thought, "what the fuck? I'm just gonna die sooner or later anyway." Is your name April? I knew it. You're the one about to be married. Perry told me all about you when we first met this afternoon. I'm Patti Jean. Say, did that son of a bitch make you take an AIDS test before he fucked you? Didn't think so. He said it wasn't cause he's afraid of dying. He just didn't want to be spreading the disease on down the line. Personally, if you ask me, I think he didn't want to die havin' people think he was gay. Cause he's pretty enough to give people that impression. It kind of humiliated me. You wanna talk about humiliation? I know this girl who flies with Savannah, and she told me that when people die on airplanes, what they do is lock 'em in the fucking bathroom before they land. Now I ask you, if that ain't the ultimate humiliation, what is? Ending up your life on a toilet seat, 35,000 feet in the air.
Patti Jean: So, what color's your living room?
April: White. But it's not my house, its my parents.
Patti Jean: Is your bedroom white too?
April: It's beige with floral print.
Patti Jean: My whole place down in Texas is wood panel. Never lived in anything but. Except when I lived in Vegas. I was married to my second husband, he was this guy in the Air Force. They put us up at this high-rise condo at Indian Springs that was great. A prefab with a balcony.
[Perry and April are fighting in a motel parking lot with all the motel guests looking on]
April: I don't even know you, yet you just come inside my house, uninvited, and take my life away!
Perry: Maybe you don't know it, but you did invite me!
April: Oh, go to hell!
Perry: Oh, sweetheart!
April: Oh, fuck you!
Perry: Be careful what you say because people around here might think we love each other.
April: You can rot in hell for all I care!
Perry: You're sexy when you're angry.
April: You bastard!
Perry: You already said that!
DJ: What's up? What's wrong?
DJ: Hey you know, if you wanna talk, I'm here.
DJ: All right.
April: [notices DJ jacket] Congratulations. Why didn't you tell me you pledged?
DJ: Maybe I wanted to surprise you.
April: As if I didn't already know. What?
DJ: I like your earrings. They're nice. They're new, right?
April: Yeah. You noticed them?
DJ: I notice everything about you.
April: Oh yeah?
April: So, what's my favorite color?
DJ: Well... You always wear green eye shadow. Your favorite ring has green in it. And I'm gonna bet your car is green. Right?
April: We should probably get started.
DJ: I done already schooled you once homeboy, how many lesson you wanna learn?
Grant: Oh so you think you funny nigga?
DJ: No... but she clearly does.
April: What? No, Grant let's just go.
Davey Diamond: Hey, you need a ride?
April: [shakes her head] No.
Davey Diamond: I'm Davey Diamond. You're sitting on my face. Turn around, that's me, see? Good lookin' guy, right? You need an apartment, I can help you with that, I'll find you a gem. That's my motto, I'll find you a gem, you get it, "diamond", gem?
April: [starts walking away] Uh.
Davey Diamond: Give me a call. You know your gonna need a friend in this town...
April: It's her turn.
April: When the music stops, you'll see him in the mirror standing behind you.
April: Great Tongue!
Vix: You don't know the half of it.
April: What do you want for Christmas?
Ray: [whispers] You.
Ray: I want you for Christmas.
April: Good, because then I don't have to shop... and I'll be fun to unwrap.
April: It's time to put your dick on the chopping block.
Ray: Good mouth!
April: I'm trying to be more colorful.
[Sex scene is ending.]
April: God, that hit the spot!
[She starts dressing.]
Neal: Uh, April, I didn't finish.
April: That's all right. We'll get to you next time.
April: Claire, darling. So what's with you advising Neil to break up with me?
Claire: [drunk] He broke up with you?
April: Yes, he did.
Claire: Well, good for him.
April: Good for him? Why are you all of a sudden interested in my love life?
Claire: First, I'd be careful in calling it a love life. Second, Neil is my friend. I thought I'd crack the door, let a little light in. I'd do the same for you, April.
April: [scoff] Really? Ooh, this is good, Claire. Let me just absorb this.
Claire: You're wrong for Neil! He deserves better. Something a little more dignified.
April: You know, you're right actually, 'cause I thought you and Neil would make such a good couple.
Claire: No. No, no. I would never fuck my best friend's boyfriend.
April: Mm, I would!
Jason: How does it feel like to have the biggest pussy known to mankind?
April: You're really trying my patience, Jason. That's really funny.
Jason: Yeah, well, you're looking a little spent there.
April: Listen, you little faggot! You want me to drag you out by your puny, little cock and take away what manhood you have left, 'cause I'll do it!
Jason: What're you gonna do? You gonna blow me to death?
April: [slaps Jason]
April: So what are you gonna do now?
Neal: I'm working.
April: So? Stop working.
April: I love it when you call me that.
Neal: Everyone calls you that. It's your name.
April: Will you lock the door on your way out?
Neal: April, this is my house.
April: 'Chad'? That's his name?
April: Honey, Chads are the worst.
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