Annie Hall Quotes in Annie Hall (1977)

[In California]

Annie Hall: It's so clean out here.

Alvy Singer: That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.

Alvy Singer: Hey listen, gimme a kiss.

Annie Hall: Really?

Alvy Singer: Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna go home later, right, and then there's gonna be all that tension, we've never kissed before and I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now and get it over with, and then we'll go eat. We'll digest our food better.

[Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen]

Alvy Singer's Therapist: How often do you sleep together?

Annie Hall's Therapist: Do you have sex often?

Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.

Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I'd say three times a week.

[Alvy confronts Annie about having an affair]

Alvy Singer: Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school.

Annie Hall: Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase.

Alvy Singer: Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man...

Annie Hall: Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close.

Alvy Singer: What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.

Annie Hall: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.

Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

Annie Hall: We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat.

Alvy Singer: "Neat." What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions.

Annie Hall: Who cares? Who cares?

Alvy Singer: Next thing you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing you know, he's got his hand on your ass.

Annie Hall: You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him.

Alvy Singer: Dav - you call your teacher David?

Annie Hall: It's his name.

Alvy Singer: It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba?

Annie Hall: So you wanna go into the movie or what?

Alvy Singer: No, I can't go into a movie that's already started, because I'm anal.

Annie Hall: That's a polite word for what you are.

Annie Hall: Sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture.

Alvy Singer: You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything.

[Alvy is asked to try cocaine]

Alvy Singer: I don't want to put a wad of white powder in my nose. There's the nasal membrane...

Annie Hall: You never want to try anything new, Alvy.

Alvy Singer: How can you say that? Whose idea was it? I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome.

Annie Hall: Well, that's sick.

Alvy Singer: Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You didn't say it couldn't be sick.

Annie Hall: La-di-da, la-di-da, la la.

Annie Hall: So I told her about, about the family and about my feelings towards men and about my relationship with my brother. And then she mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that?

Alvy Singer: Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that.

Annie Hall: You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew.

Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you.

Annie Hall: Oh, you see an analyst?

Alvy Singer: Yeah, just for fifteen years.

Annie Hall: Fifteen years?

Alvy Singer: Yeah, I'm gonna give him one more year, and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.

[Alvy is having sex with Annie]

Alvy Singer: Hey, is something wrong?

Annie Hall: No, why?

Alvy Singer: I don't know. It's like you're removed.

[a ghost of Annie rises from herself, and sits in a chair to watch]

Annie Hall: No, I'm fine.

Alvy Singer: Are you with me?

Annie Hall: Uh, huh.

Alvy Singer: I don't know. You seem sort of distant.

Annie Hall: Let's just do it, all right?

Alvy Singer: Is it my imagination, or are you just going through the motions?

Ghost of Annie Hall: Alvy, do you remember where I put my drawing pad? Because while you two are doing that, I think I'm going to do some drawing.

Alvy Singer: [gesturing to the ghost] You see, that's what I call removed.

[Annie wants to smoke marijuana before sex]

Alvy Singer: Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday.

Annie Hall: Well, have you ever made love high?

Alvy Singer: Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love.

Annie Hall: It relaxes me.

Alvy Singer: You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?

Annie Hall: Well, what's the difference anyway?

Alvy Singer: Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentathol. You can sleep through it.

Annie Hall: Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time.

Annie Hall: Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean you're like New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself.

Alvy Singer: I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

Alvy Singer: What are you depressed about?

Annie Hall: I missed my therapy, I overslept.

Alvy Singer: How can you possibly oversleep?

Annie Hall: The alarm clock.

Alvy Singer: You know what a hostile gesture that is to me?

Alvy Singer: You're extremely sexy. Because you are polymorphously perverse.

Annie Hall: What does that mean?

Alvy Singer: You're exceptional in bed because you get pleasure in every part of your body when I touch it. Like when I touch your nose or stroke your teeth of your kneecaps, you certainly get excited.

Annie Hall: You know what? I like you, I really do.

Annie Hall: You're seeing an analyst?

Alvy Singer: Just for 15 years. I'm giving him one more year and then I'm going to Lourdes.

Annie Hall: Offering joint to Alvy Singer: Here - you want some?

Alvy Singer: No - I don't use any major hallucinogenics. I took a puff about five years ago at a party... I tried to take my pants off over my head.

Annie Hall: I hope you don't mind that I took so long to finish

Alvy Singer: No - I'm starting to get some feeling back in my jaw now.