Anna Riley Quotes in Keeping the Faith (2000)

Anna Riley: I work harder than God. If He had hired me, He would have made the world by Thursday.

Anna Riley: [to Jake] So what's your chick situation?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, don't ask, it's not a good story.

Anna Riley: Why?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Because his whole congregation is trying to set him up and it makes him very uncomfortable.

Anna Riley: What's wrong with that?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: There's a reason pandas don't mate in captivity.

Anna Riley: What does that mean?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: It means these mothers keep making these dates for me that I can't refuse. They're very intimidating, they're like the Kosher Nostra. They're little women but very determined.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I think you get a little melodramatic about this, don't you think?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Oh, yeah? Today one of them faxed me her daughter's resume.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Let me see that. Ali Decker.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Look at the bottom.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh. She has a skills section.

Anna Riley: Yes?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, you win. She put jogging as a skill.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: See? She doesn't even know the difference between a hobby and a skill.

Anna Riley: All right, so maybe she's a skilled jogger.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I have to go on a date with this woman. Why can't I just say no?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I don't know, why can't you?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I can't alienate these women, I need body count at the temple.

Anna Riley: Jake Schram.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Yes.

Anna Riley: How are you? Who are you? Tell me everything, give me the 4-1-1, I wanna know. Girls, job, news.

Anna Riley: [Brian dials Anna's phone number and hears her voice on the answering machine] Hi, this is Anna. Only three people have this number. If you're not one of them, leave me alone.

Anna Riley: I haven't screamed that hard since the US hockey team beat the Russians.

Anna Riley: You think you're sorry now, wait till you realize I just went out that door and I'm not coming back.

[door slams; beat; reopens]

Anna Riley: This is MY apartment. YOU get out.

Anna Riley: You don't understand. I have a relationship with my phone, we have a chemistry together, I can't explain it.

Anna Riley: So this is a rectory. That sounds like a dirty word. Rectory!

Anna Riley: Rachel Rose. Yeah. When's that going down?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Thursday.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [in Rain Man accent] Thursday night, 8p.m., dinner.

Anna Riley: Are you excited?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Yeah. I have a pretty good feeling.

Anna Riley: Where are you taking her?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I don't know. I thought, uh, Ernie's.

Anna Riley: Ernie's? You can't take her to Ernie's. Ernie's has been around since we were kids. You might as well take her to Houlihan's. You cannot take Rachel Rose to Ernie's.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] Definitely not Ernie's. Definitely not. Mm-mmm. Uh-oh.

Anna Riley: No, you gotta take her someplace new and hot.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] No, hot. Definitely hot.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Well, what's - Okay, what's new and hot?

Anna Riley: What do we know about this girl?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] Rachel Rose, 29 years old, Columbia School of Journalism. Middle East affairs expert.

Anna Riley: Perfect. Middle Eastern. She can order in Arabic. Give her a chance to shine. What's a good place?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] Delphini's. Definitely Delphini's. Four stars, New York Times. Definitely Delphini's. Need a reservation. Delphini's.

Anna Riley: Now, are you gonna wear a suit, or are you gonna go cas'?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I don't know. I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. I guess cas'.

Anna Riley, Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, suit.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] Definitely suit. Definitely...

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Hey, shut up, Rain Man. Seriously. Enough, all right? Now you're making me think about this.

Anna Riley: Oh, relax. You'll do great.

Anna Riley: I read your sarin gas report. It was very powerful.

Rachel Rose: Thanks, I really earned my stripes with that piece.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I earned my stripes by getting through a bris without fainting.

Anna Riley: I just called to see how the date went.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: That's so funny. I had an impulse to call you last night but then I thought it might be too late.

Anna Riley: You should've. I was stuck here barking at Los Angeles. So what did you wear?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What? I'm not gonna tell you what I wore on my date. Why would I do that?

Anna Riley: I want to get an image of a young rabbi on the prowl, what's your game man?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ok. Navy blue pin stripe suit.

Anna Riley: Mmm.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Navy blue button down shirt.

Anna Riley: Good colour for your eyes. Shoes?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Black. Kenneth Cole. Leather.

Anna Riley: Size?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Big.

Anna Riley: Ow!

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: You wanna hear about the special knot in my tie?

Anna Riley: Baby no, we gotta keep room for dessert. Don't give up hope ok?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I'll keep it alive.

Anna Riley: Good bye Mr Sharp Dressed Man.

Anna Riley: Can I ask you a question?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, of course, anything.

Anna Riley: It's personal, so...

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, are we gonna have the sex talk here?

Anna Riley: Yes, you're my friend and I wanna know how this works for you.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Fire away, you must have a list of questions.

Anna Riley: Really?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Really?

Anna Riley: So you... don't. Right?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Right.

Anna Riley: At all.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: At all.

Anna Riley: Have you ever, er?

[getting uncomfortable]

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Had sex? Yes.

Anna Riley: With women.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes.

Anna Riley: So you're not gay.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No. No.

Anna Riley: Are you sure?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes, but even if I was the rules are the same.

Anna Riley: Do you miss it?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No.

Anna Riley: Are you tempted?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Nah!

Anna Riley: Oh, admit it. If they changed the rules you'd be psyched.

Anna Riley: Don't you have work?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: We're doing a hostile takeover of Congregation Bertov Sholem.

Anna Riley: People should have to qualify to go out with you. You're too precious to be on the open market.

Anna Riley: I thought I'd got the Tony Robbins hotline by mistake.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Rabbi Lewis! Anna, this is Rabbi Lewis.

Rabbi Lewis: Good to see you again Miss Riley.

Anna Riley: Good to see you again Rabbi Lewis.

Rabbi Lewis: You missed our last class.

Anna Riley: I know, I'm sorry, I thought I was leaving town.

Rabbi Lewis: [to Jake] Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Anna Riley: I would love to start up again if that's all right with you.

Rabbi Lewis: I'd be delighted. Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got some dancing to do.

Anna Riley: What's happening with Ruth and Ethan?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh. Ethan married a Catholic girl and that did not go over well.

Anna Riley: That's why they're fighting?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: They're not fighting, they're not talking. Two years now no communicado.

Anna Riley: Are you serious?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah.

Anna Riley: What? Weren't they really close though?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: As close as Ruth and Jake.

Anna Riley: That explains a lot.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You see why tonight was not just a date.

Anna Riley: I can't Wednesday night, I have a class.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ok, what are these classes already?

Anna Riley: I like to try new things sometimes, I don't wanna talk about it, I get embarrassed.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: You shouldn't be embarrassed. A lot of people take... aikido.

Anna Riley: No.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Line dancing.

Anna Riley: Not even close.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What's the big deal, why?

Anna Riley: Jake.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Feng Shui?

Anna Riley: No.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: You shouldn't be embarrassed if it's Feng Shui. You know what? Don't tell me, I like the whole mysterioso thing, it turns me on.

Anna Riley: I'm gonna miss a lot of things around here. Like Len's endless Howard Stern recountings and of course my Romeo Casanova boy across the way.

Len: [someone in Casanova's office starts waving a sign] Hey, what is that?

Anna Riley: I don't know.

[looks through binoculars]

Debbie: Who is that?

Anna Riley: It's Jake.

Debbie: What's he doing?

Anna Riley: [He's miming "pick up the phone", she picks up the phone] Anna Riley.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Hi, Anna? Can, can you see me? Cause I can't see you, I'm just looking at a reflection of myself.

Anna Riley: Jake, I can see you, what are you doing?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I've been trying to get up there for the last hour but it's like the frigging Pentagon with that T-Bone guy. So I decided to try Mr Casanova here - by the way his name is Howard. Anyway I've been doing some thinking and there are some things I'd like to talk to you about.

[Debbie switches to speakerphone]

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Am I on speakerphone?

All Anna's colleagues: Hi, Jake!

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Hi. Hi. Can I talk to you alone? Can I come over there?

Anna Riley: No, I think now would be a good time.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ok. Well, I've been thinking about some of the things you said and you were right.

Anna Riley: About what?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: About us. About me, especially about me.

Anna Riley: So what are you saying Jake?

All Anna's colleagues: Yeah, what are you saying Jake?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I'm saying I love you. I'm in love with you. And I've been waiting my whole life for someone like you and I'm not gonna let you go. Please don't go. Anna, I'm not gonna let you go.

[pause]

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Could we hang up the phone maybe.

Anna Riley: We have a chemistry together, I can't explain it.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Well, chemistry's a funny thing.

Anna Riley: Yes, it is. Are you speaking abstractly or specifically?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Abstractly.

Rachel Rose: [to Brian and Anna] So how long have you two been together?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, right!

Anna Riley: Oh, we go way back.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, we've known each other since we were kids 'cause we grew up together and we connected again a couple months back this was and we just clicked, really unexpectedly.

Anna Riley: I've seen the way women look at you, even though they know you're a priest - especially when they know actually.

Anna Riley: You look so hot in your suit, can I just tell you.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Thank you. You look beautiful.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, you really do.

Anna Riley: Thanks, men!

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I don't know what it is.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: An absence of something.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Yeah, the cell phone.

Anna Riley: Uh, uh, uh. It's set to vibrate.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Wow, that's... sexy.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You must think I'm such an idiot!

Anna Riley: No, Brian!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, no no, I think I'm an idiot!

Anna Riley: How is that possible?