Angus Quotes in The 13th Warrior (1999)

Angus: Watch where you throw that... you dig like a dog.

Herger the Joyous: Did you call me a dog?

Angus: I said you dig like one. Flinging earth carelessly like an animal.

Herger the Joyous: So, now I'm an animal?

Angus: You're not listening.

Herger the Joyous: I'm deaf?

Angus: You're a fool, little man.

Herger the Joyous: That is because, boy, your words are feeble and twisted as an old woman!

Angus: This old woman'll send you to the next world, old man.

[From Trailer; Angus Scattergood has been locked out of his mansion and was trying to get back in, only to be electrified by the fence and slams into a sheet of glass before flopping down on the road]

Angus: [lying on his back] I am completely paralyzed except for my mouth.

[moves his arm and index finger]

Angus: I am completely paralyzed except for my mouth... and my finger!

Angus: There's nothing like a cruise to clean the sand out of your wicket, ay?

Angus: [after Bobby walks off the green, during the British Open, quitting the competition] You made a mistake laddy. You can be forgiven for losing but you can't be forgiven for giving up. Not by them mind you,

[points at the public]

Angus: but by yourself. You'll always remember the day Wee Bobby quit the British Open.

Angus: Do you know the definition of insanity Bobby? Its when you do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

Angus: The way I look at it, the world couldn't survive without my comedy, and who's going to have the moral backbone to play the Seekers when the mood is right?

Dave: They've split up.

Angus: I intend to celebrate the back catalogue.

Dave: I intend to stop you doing so.

Mark: [silently stands up and lights a cigarette]

Simon: As some of you know, my wife left me after 17 hours of marriage, but I survived that because I live for music. And now, with nothing else to live for, I'm willing to die for it as well.

'On-The-Hour' John: I've always lived for news and weather. Happy to die for them, too. Especially the weather.

Bob Silver 'the Dawn Treader': I've got nowhere else to go.

Harold: I have somewhere else to go, but it's Peckham. So I think I'll stick around.

Felicity: Can't let everyone starve. And I'm slightly worried where my increasingly powerful sexuality will take me when I return to normal life.

Thick Kevin: I've got a very strong suspicion that Felicity fancies me. Not about to go anywhere, just when I'm in with a chance.

'Young' Carl: Obviously, I'm in. You're the only people in the world who like me.

Angus: Official sources word today sad to announce this separation of Simon and Eleanor, after 17 hours of marriage. It is understood due to musical differences.

Angus: She likes the bearded man...

Dave: With a tiny knob...

Angus: 'How about it?' How about this? Try and fuck your way out of this one Mark!

Angus: And the bride is blushing now as the groom is gazing into her eyes. You can almost see Cupid fluttering his wings above their heads

[imitating wings flapping, then cawing]

Angus: No, that was a seagull.

Dave: Sure throwing him in is the best way to get him to learn how to swim?

The Count: Absolutely.

Dave: Ok.

The Count: On second thought, it might just be for kids.

Angus: I can't touch the bottom!

The Count: Yeah, that's right. Throw a baby in, it floats. Instinctively, naturally. It's a beautiful thing. I think if you throw in an adult, doesn't work that way.

Angus: Goodbye!

Angus: Hartman, for the love of God, stop tanning! You look like a Cheese Nip! You look like an orange with lips.

Angus: And you! Geraldo! Lose the wig! You look like a retired porn star. Who you fooling? Oh, that's a great disguise, Einstein. THE VAN'S THE SAME, DUMBASS!

Angus: I wanted to grow old with you. You're beautiful and clever now - it's easy to love you now - but I'll still love you when the wind's dried you out, and when you're old and broken.

Angus: Do you know what today is?

Pest: The first day of the rest of our lives?

Angus: No.

Pest: Sean Connery's birthday?

Angus: Sean Connery's birthday?

Bagpipe Player: SEAN CONNERY'S BIRTHDAY?

[Band plays "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow"]

[Pest and Angus speak over telephone]

Angus: You'd show more respect if we were the Italian mob.

Pest: Oh, please. Don't start that again.

Angus: Just because we're Scottish people don't take us seriously

[Pest burps into mouthpiece]

Angus: Today is Monday. I want all the money you owe me by Wednesday or I'm going to kill your whole family.

Pest: How 'bout Thursday and you just take out a cousin?

Angus: I'm still here, *asshole*! I'll *always* be here!

[begins to violently push Rick across the dance floor]

Angus: You push me down and I'll get right back up again, and again, and *again*, and *again* and * again*!

[Rick falls, hitting his head on the steps to the stage]

Angus: I could beat you *right* here, *right* now! But *I don't want* to be better than you, Rick! *I don't want* to be better than *anybody*! I want to be who I *am*: a *fat* kid, who's good at science, and fair at football. That's who I *am*! I can *live* with it. Why can't you?

Rick: Because it's not normal. *You're* not normal.

Angus: And who is? You?

Rick: You bet your ass.

Angus: And so what? to be normal, we all have to be like YOU? There are 400 people in this room that are *nothing* like you! Some of them are fat, some of them are skinny. Some of them are tall, some of them are short. Some of them have braces, some of them have birth marks, or scars, or frizzy hair, or *ears that stick out*!

[Troy's head pops up out of crowd]

Angus: But most of them probably walk through these halls *every day*, never telling anybody the truth about what they really want, or need, or believe, because people like you, *normal* people like *you*, have them *terrified* of being who they are. I mean, if *you're* normal, what does that make them? So which is it, Rick? Are you normal? Or are you just one of us?

Rick: Whatever I am, it's something you're never gonna be.

Angus: Thank God.

Grandpa: Superman isn't brave.

Angus: Did you take your pills this morning?

Grandpa: [chuckles] You don't understand. He's smart, handsome, even decent. But he's not brave. No, listen to me. Superman is indestructible, and you can't be brave if you're indestructible. It's people like you and your mother. People who are different, and can be crushed and know it. Yet they keep on going out there every time.

Mr. Kessler: Now, if I could see your science experient, Mr. Bethune. Do you have a science experiment, Mr. Bethune?

Angus: Yes. Yes, I do.

Mr. Kessler: May I See it?

Angus: You're looking at it.

Mr. Kessler: Is this a joke, Mr. Bethune?

Angus: No. I'm hoping to prove that within every normal system, there exists an aberration. Something different.

Mr. Kessler: The Chaos theory.

Angus: The Bethune Theory.

Mr. Kessler: Your hypothesis?

Angus: When a small, abnormal element is forced into a larger normal system, the element will either be rejected or destroyed.

Mr. Kessler: Obviously.

Angus: But it doesn't have to be that way! If...

Mr. Kessler: If?

Angus: If the element is brave.

Mr. Kessler: Brave?

Angus: If the element can hold out long enough and face the torment of the system until the system's energy is depleted. If the element can look the system in the eye and say 'I'm still here, asshole!' Then, the system will have to change, adapt, mutate. And if this happens, it will have proved my fucking point.

Mr. Kessler: Which is what?

Angus: There is no normal.

Meg Bethune: Angus, Where are you going?

Angus: To mutate.

Angus: I don't sweat. I rain.

Grandpa: These ARE my teeth!

Angus: I guess - you paid for 'em.

Angus: I get this pain in my stomach whenever I see her.

Troy: You get a boner in your stomach?

[last lines]

Angus: The dance ended. School closed for the holidays. Rick Sandford got suspended for his little prank. I got into Jefferson, but I didn't go. I said screw 'em. I finally knew what it felt like to be on top of the world. I had had my moment, and then I heard my grandfather's voice say to me, "Now go have another." Maybe I will. Who knows, maybe Melissa Lefevre actually likes me. All I know is I'm still here.

Rick: Isn't Angus a cow's name?

Angus: Moo.

[Punches Rick in the face]

Angus: I can't dance. My limbs are lethal weapons. Innocent people got hurt trying to teach me dance.

Angus: I'm still here, adenoid.

Angus: I'm still here, asshole!

Angus: My grandfather was as smart as they come... when he was awake.

Angus: You just don't know how it feels!

Troy: I don't know how it feels? Do you think you're the only one who wakes up wishing they could be somebody else?

[first lines]

Angus: My mother named me after my father, Angus; a cow's name, which didn't help matters much, because I was a big kid. My mother was in labor with me for two days, but it was my father who died during child birth. He had a heart attack waiting for her to deliver, but this wasn't really my problem. In fact, I perceived my family situation as relatively normal, until I began to collect expert opinion around kindergarten.

Angus: Mom, what'd you mean when you said Dorian was your favorite?

Mrs. Lever: Oh, Angus, I love you both.

[Holds thumb and forefinger an inch apart]

Mrs. Lever: It's a difference of *this* much.

Angus: Star quality, Aunt Pearl, that's what she's got. Star quality.

Pearl: Star quality, eh? And what might that be?

Angus, Jackie: It's that LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA!

Pearl: Yeah? Well so is bullshit, and you're both full of it.

Nana: Lay off him love, you know he's got a plate in his head.

Angus: A plate? I think they threw in the knife and fork, too.

Robbie: The next "New Faces" act is Miss Jackie Muggins.

Angus: It's "Mullins", you moron!

Robbie: Miss Jackie Mullins-you-Moron.

Angus: Him? I'm not going *anywhere* with him. Actually, I think I'm gonna go throw meself under a bus.

Angus, Paul, Carl: It's so unfair... I'm not supposed to leave the house during the May Day celebrations... but my mum and dad wanted to go to the feast I have to wait until I'm a man before I can.