Angry fan Quotes in Ted (2012)

[Norah Jones returns to the stage after an intermission]

Norah Jones: Thank you. So I'm gonna give my chops a rest and bring a friend up to the stage. He's gonna sing a song to a special lady in the audience who he loves very much. Please, give a big hand... to John Bennett!

[John enters the stage and waves at the crowd]

Lori: Oh... my God.

Rex: Holy... shit.

[John attempts to shake Norah's hand, but she smacks his bottom on her way toward the piano. John approaches the microphone]

Ted: I gotta fuck her again.

John: Um, hiya. My name is John Bennett, and this is for Lori Collins, 'cause I love you. You know, this song reminds me of the most important night in my life... the night we met. Uh, this is the theme song from the movie Octopussy.

[Norah plays the saxophone and piano to start the song]

John: [singing off-key] All I wanted was a sweet distraction for an hour or two / Had no intention to do the things we've done...

Ted: Still better than Katy Perry.

John: [singing off-key] Funny how it always goes with love, when you don't look, you find / But then we're two of a kind /

[raises voice]

John: We move as one / We're an all-time high...

Rex: You suck! Get off the stage - Oh, c'mon, give him a chance!

[Crowd boos John as he continues to sing]

Angry fan: You're an asshole!

[Angry fan jumps off the guard rail and runs toward John, but John knocks him out with the microphone stand, sending him crashing off the stage]

Norah Jones: Oh Jesus!

[Security escorts John off the stage as other personnel surround the injured fan]

Angry Fan: Boo! You suck Bullard!

Jane Bullard: No you suck! You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself! So guess what? You can all just kiss my... Canadian ass!

[crowd cheers]

Jane Bullard: Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to...

Coach Punch Cherkov: Are you as turned on as I am right now?

Jane Bullard: You're a bad bad person.

Coach Punch Cherkov: I'll take that as a yes!

Jane Bullard: Pitka's coming just stall! Ew!