Angela Quotes in Eragon (2006)

Angela: Do you wish Angela to read your fortune?

Eragon: I don't have any money.

Angela: Did Angela ask for money?

Angela: Great battles rage around you.

[Jigsaw and his gang break into the Donatelli home]

Grace: Mommy!

Loony Bin Jim: Boo.

Billy Russoti: Hello, Mrs. Donatelli or will you be calling yourself "Miss" from now on?

Angela: What do you want from us?

Billy Russoti: I'm looking for my money, which your rat of a husband stole from me.

Angela: But we don't have it, I swear to God!

[Jigsaw considers that, then lunges down, putting his face next to Grace's]

Billy Russoti: How about you, sweet cheeks? Would you also like to swear on an imaginary friend?

Angela: [after Frank has saved both their lives, at the cost of Micro's, he starts to walk away] Wait, wait! My husband, Nicky. We talked about you. Argued about you. He said you were one of the good guys.

James: Hey baby, come meet my man Bone. He just whooped the Hammerman.

Angela: [sauntering up] Words can't describe how little I give a damn.

Angela: Enough vis ze fucking tea already!

Angela: Just think about it. Our whole world is sitting there on a computer. It's in the computer, everything: your, your DMV records, your, your social security, your credit cards, your medical records. It's all right there. Everyone is stored in there. It's like this little electronic shadow on each and everyone of us, just, just begging for someone to screw with, and you know what? They've done it to me, and you know what? They're gonna do it to you.

Angela: You know the story. I thought I was lonely, and he forgot he was married.

Dr. Alan Champion: I figured you'd be hungry, so I stopped on the way over. I got your favorite, Chinese.

Angela: Um, it's your favorite. I never really cared for it, remember?

Dr. Alan Champion: Ah, it's immaterial, I knew it was somebody's favorite.

Jack: Computers are your life, aren't they?

Angela: Yes. The perfect hiding place.

Angela: I'm surprised you didn't kill me then fuck me!

[discussing the movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's"]

Jack: When I was about thirteen, I had this sort of identity crisis. I used to think I was one of the characters.

Angela: You thought you were Audrey Hepburn?

Jack: No. I used to think I was the cat.

Angela: So, what's this for?

[showing Jack his gun]

Jack: It's uh... it's for shark fishing.

Angela: Shark fishing... with a silencer?

Jack: Yeah. You certainly seem to know your ordnance.

Angela: Colorado. You grow up with guns.

Angela: For future reference you should know that the living tend to interest me just a little more than the dead do.

Angela: Such a nightmare! It's like I'm not even me anymore.

Jack: God, we're pathetic, aren't we?

Angela: Excuse me?

Jack: Well, we're here. We're sitting on the most perfect beach in the world, and all we can think about is-...

Angela: "Where I can hook up my modem?"

Jack: Yeah, exactly.

[Angela's working on her computer]

Jack: Is that business or pleasure?

Angela: Is there a difference?

Jack: Not a great deal if you're a hacker.

Devlin: What were you trying to do? Save the world?

Angela: No. Not the world, just myself.

Jack: I reckon you've got to try a few things in life without a safety net. How else are you gonna know you're alive?

Angela: Well, I take my share of risks. Uh-huh. Um, I don't always floss. I rip the tags off my pillows.

Dr. Alan Champion: This is bizarre. I haven't seen you in so long. What are we even doing here?

Angela: Um, I just figured you would be safe.

Dr. Alan Champion: Oh great, so I've gone from being a self-centered asshole to safe. Thank you very much.

Angela: No, I just figured that they couldn't, um, trace me to you and that your, your patient records are confidential, right?

Dr. Alan Champion: My patient records! Yeah, I knew I had my subtle charms.

Angela: I just don't, I don't understand. Why me? Why me? I am nobody. I am nothing. They knew, they knew everything about me. They knew. They knew what I ate, they knew what I drank, they knew what movies that I watch, they knew, they knew, they knew what, where I was from, they knew what cigarettes I used to smoke, and, and, and everything they, they did, they must have watched on the, on the Internet, I don't know, watched my credit cards? Our whole lives are on the computer, and they knew, they knew that I could be vanished. They knew that nobody would care, that nobody would understand, and that you would, that it wouldn't matter anymore.

Dr. Alan Champion: Will you be handling the outpatient care, nurse?

Angela: Well, do you mind?

Dr. Alan Champion: Visions of sponge baths dance in my head.

Angela: They hack into computers and they cause this chaos.

Angela: What is this? Oh my God.

Angela: They screwed up my life and took my fingerprints.

Angela: I know I shouldn't ask you. Will you stay?

Mannaja: Who can tell? I can bet on a couple of cards.

Valler: [Dahlmen's men digs up the chest filled with gold, which Blade buried and hid] You saved us the trouble of digging your grave. You see the sun? That's gonna be your damn nation, fella. I am reserved to the slowest edge your heart could sink off, YOU TRASH!

[Valler kicks Blade]

Angela: YOU BASTARD! I'LL TEAR YOUR EYES OUT!

[Angela attacks Valler and scratches his left cheek, leaving a bloody scratch mark]

Valler: YOU PROSTITUTE!

[Valler stabs and kills Angela with a knife]

Mannaja: GODDAMN YOU! I KILL YOU!

[Blade attacks Valler, but Valler kicks Blade again. Blade screams. Angela lies on the ground dead]

Jessica: So, you think Bella's gonna be showing?

Angela: Jess, she is not pregnant!

Jessica: [sarcastically] Okay. Who else gets married at 18?

Angela: I'm telling you, I saw something in the woods!

Eric: It's okay, baby. I believe you.

Jessica: No he doesn't. He's just trying to get lucky.

Angela: It was jet black and huge. On all fours it was still taller than a human.

Jessica: A bear, maybe?

Mike: Or an alien. You're lucky you didn't get probed.

Jessica: Yeah, like that would happen.

Angela: Well, I saw it.

Bella Swan: You know, you're not the only one. My dad's been getting reports down at the station. Something like 5 hikers been killed by a bear, but they can't find the bear.

Angela: Hm.

Eric: Hahahaha. Last time you clowns doubt my girlfriend!

Alice Cullen: I've decided to throw a party.

Jasper Hale: After all, how many times are we going to graduate high school.

[Edward scoffs]

Angela: A party at your place?

Jessica: I've never seen your house.

Eric: No one's ever seen their house.

Edward Cullen: Another party Alice?

Alice Cullen: It'll be fun.

Bella Swan: Yeah. That's what you said last time.

[Alice slumps back, has a vision]

Bella Swan: [trying to distract her from Alice] Hey Angela.

Angela: Yeah?

Bella Swan: You need some help with those?

Delta: [Rachel has poured some water in the dogs' glasses] Don't worry Chloe, Viv'll be back before you know it.

Bimini: Rachel doesn't look so bad.

Chloe: [Chloe scoffs] You don't know the half of it!

Blair: [watching the dogs sit in their lounge chairs in their little bikinis] They all look so cute in their little outfits!

Rachel Ashe Lynn: You didn't have to dress her. She's so picky!

Angela: Uh, Rach? You're talking about a Chihuahua.

Rachel Ashe Lynn: She's not just *any* Chihuahua, Angela! She's a bossy, arrogant, manipulative Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Chloe: [about Rachel] She has no direction, she can't keep a job, she's never on time; I'm going to be late to all my appointments!

Rachel Ashe Lynn: [about Chloe] And don't even get me started on her schedule! Shiatsu massages, doggy birthday parties, couture fittings! I have to change her outfit four times a day!

Chloe: [about Rachel] I mean, look at her!

Chloe, Rachel Ashe Lynn: [in unison, about each other] She's so...

Chloe: [about Rachel, ending her sentence] Irresponsible!

Rachel Ashe Lynn: [about Chloe, ending her sentence] Spoiled!

Chloe: [barking] Woof!

Anna Beam: [about spilled drink] Sorry.

Angela: For what? Being human? Don't mind him. He don't have kids, and he has no personality. You know, when you got kids, things get messy.

Christy Beam: I have three.

Angela: See? So, you know. You either roll with it or you get rolled on. You get rolled on, you get flat.

[great big smile]

[on the deceased former workers of a nuclear plant]

Angela: They all look as though they died before they were dead.

Karen Silkwood: What should I wear on the plane?

Angela: Uh, somethin' that won't wrinkle!

Drew Stephens: Yeah, like a shroud, maybe!

Angela: I get sooooo tired of yer jokes...

Little Bo: Hey, he wants to meet the gang. Why don't you take him inside?

Angela: I can't. Mau-Maus are waiting for a war council with the Bishops. My brother's inside.

David Wilkerson: It's all right, Bo. We'll go in.

Little Bo: Now wait a minute, I don't know. Like I said, I'm a loner. I swing from one gang to another, they might not like it.

Angela: You're just afraid they might cut you.

Little Bo: Oh go on, take him in!

Angela: Anh-anh. I ain't gonna get bawled out... unless you give me five dollars.

Little Bo: C'mon, you can turn him loose once he's inside the door.

Angela: Five dollars is my price.

Little Bo: [pulls David away to talk in privacy] Five dollars is this chick's top dollar. For that you get two joints of marijuana, her body AND two bits change.

David Wilkerson: Should I give her some money?

Little Bo: Two bucks top.

[David reaches for his wallet]

Little Bo: You better make it three, you don't wanna insult her pride...

[they walk back to Angela]

Little Bo: Cat could only swing two.

Little Bo: [hands Angela two dollars while she keeps one for herself]

Angela: You didn't pay the electric bill again, didn't you?

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar: Shit!

Angela: Yeah. shit. And now they have to come back over and turn it on, again. And I have to call Susan and make something up. It's embarassing, Stuey.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar: Can't we just pay 'em for the whole year or something?

Angela: No! That's not the way it works! We could put it on a credit card, but we don't have a credit card.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar: They're a rip-off.

Angela: Oh, yeah. Yeah, and... and the banks steal your money, and the government steals your money, and everybody steals your money. But, you can lose twenty or fifty or a hundred grand bettin' football and it's okay, right, 'cause you got action, right? And that's what's really important, isn't it, Stuey?

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar: You know, sometimes you can be a real cunt, Angie.

Angela: I look like a grandmother but do I have any grandchildren?

Angela: [after meeting Barbara] I love her! I love her!

Jon Sr.: Pretty good, huh? Not bad at all!

Angela: They just so sneaky that you think it was your idea.

Frances: Yeah. You're sitting back and you're like: "Oh, yeah. This my idea. But wait a second, why am I alone? Why am I unhappy?"

Angela: "Why have I gained 20 pounds?"

Frances: They Jedi mind-trick you.

Angela: Everybody starts out as strangers, Ted. It's where we end up that counts.

Angela: I could go on and on about his cock, his bone, his knob, his bishop, wang, thang, rod, hot rod, hump mobile, oscar, dong, dagger, banana, cucumber, salami, sausage, kielbassa, schlong, dink, tool, big ben, Mr. Happy, Peter Pecker, pee-pee, wee-wee, wiener, pisser, pistol, piston joint, hose, horn, middle leg, third leg, meat, stick, joystick, dipstick, one-eyed wonder, junior, little head, little guy, rumple foreskin, tootsie roll, love muscle, skin flute, roto-rooter, snake, hammer, rammer, spammer, bazooka, rubber, chubby, sticky, stubby, schmeck, schmuck, schvantze, ying-yang, yang...

[Leo is timing Chester for the 60 seconds he has to explain to Ted about the whole situation]

Leo: Begin.

Chester: Okay, Ted, pay attention here. I'm going to make two piles on the bar. One pile which is yours. And another pile which *could* be yours. And what you have to realize is we're gonna do this thing one way... or the other. Whether it's *you* who holds the axe or a Mexican maid or some bum we yank off the street.

Norman: [about the money on the bar] You could buy a whole lot of soup with that pile.

Chester: Shh! I'm the closer here. All right, I'm a little me - um, I've lost count. How much is on the bar here?

Group: Six hundred.

Chester: Okay, Ted, do you know how long it takes the average American to count to 600?

Ted the Bellhop: [Thinks for a bit]

Angela: It's a rhetorical question, Ted.

Ted the Bellhop: No, sir.

Chester: About one minute less than it takes to count to 700. Now Ted, a person's life is filled with a zillion little experiences. Some which are insignificant, have no meaning, and, you know, you forget them. Others which you remember for the rest of your natural life. Now, since what we're proposing here is so unusual, so outside the norm, this is a good bet that is going to be one of those incidents that sticks. So, since you're gonna be stuck remembering this for the rest of your life, you have to decide what that memory will be. So, Ted, are you going to remember for the next 40 years, give or take a decade, that you *refused* a $1000 for one second's worth of work? Or that you *made* $1000 for one second's worth of work?

Leo: Time!

Chester: So, Ted, what's it gonna be?

Ted the Bellhop: Okay.

Angela: Unfortunately, you don't have the balls to back up the actions of your huge cock.

Angela: How can I stop talking about something that's so HUGE?

Chester: Let me explain what we're talking about here.

Ted the Bellhop: No, sir, you don't have to explain anything to me. Whatever constitutes a good time as far as you guys are concerned, well, that's your business.

Chester: Well, no, it's your business, too, Ted, because we want you to take part.

Ted the Bellhop: Take part in what, sir?

Leo: Chester, your way of breaking the news to him gently is scaring the fuck outta him.

Chester: You think so?

Angela: Just spit it out.

Chester: Okay, you might be right. Okay, here we go, here we go, okay. Thing is, Ted, first off, there's nothing homosexual about what we want you to do. I mean, I was thinking you might be thinking we want you to do some like, weird sex thing, like suck us off, pee on us, shit like that, you know. Nothing! Nothing could be further from the truth!

[last lines]

Angela: I'm gonna go back to my room.

Chester: I'll see ya.

Ted the Bellhop: A block of wood.

Chester: [raps it with his knuckles] Continue.

Ted the Bellhop: Three nails.

Norman: Why three nails?

Chester: That's how many Peter Lorre wanted. Continue, Ted.

Ted the Bellhop: A ball of twine.

Chester: Well, that is definitely a ball of twine. Continue.

Ted the Bellhop: A bucket... of ice.

Chester: You into it?

Norman: I'm into it!

Chester: All right, go on!

Ted the Bellhop: A donut.

Chester: That's for me.

[eats it]

Chester: Continue.

Ted the Bellhop: A club sandwich.

Angela: That is mine.

Ted the Bellhop: And finally... a hatchet.

Chester: "A hatchet as sharp as the Devil himself" is what I asked for.

Ted the Bellhop: Well, sir, you be the judge.

Norman: No, no, I'll be the judge.

[tests it with his finger]

Ted the Bellhop: Careful, sir.

Chester: What do you think?

Norman: It's a sharp motherfucker. All right, forget the nails and the twine and bring all this other bullshit over to the bar.

Angela: Bullshit!

Roy: No bullshit. And watch your mouth at the table.

Angela: [Angela laughs] You're a con man?

Roy: Con artist. Flim flam man, matchstick man, loser. Whatever. Take your pick.

Angela: And that guy Frank?

Roy: He's my partner. My protege...

Angela: Teach me something...

Roy: You're funny.

Angela: Teach me something! A con.

Roy: I'm not teaching you anything...

Angela: Why not?

Roy: Because you're far too bright and innocent and beautiful and I'm not going to screw that up like everything else!

Angela: You really think that?

[pause]

Angela: That I'm beautiful?

Roy: No.

Angela: Well, then why won't you? Because crime doesn't pay?

Roy: No, it does. It does! Just not very well.

Angela: Well, you seem to be doing alright by it!

Roy: I'm not. Believe me. It's no fun doing what I do. A lot of times it's stealing from people who don't deserve it. Old people. Fat people. Lonely.

[pause]

Roy: A lot of times I feel sick about it.

Angela: Well, then why do you do it?

Angela: Nice to meet you, Dad.

Roy: Nice to meet you, Dad.

[realises what he's said and shakes his head]

Angela: She said you were a bad guy. You don't seem like a bad guy.

Roy: That's what makes me good at it.

Angela: You don't have a TV? SERIOUSLY you don't have a TV?

Roy: Well there's a couch, if you want to sit. Or over there if you prefer. Or the couch.

Angela: New York Super Fudge Chunk. That's my favourite flavour.

Roy: New York...?

Angela: Super Fudge Chunk.

Roy: Oh chocolate! Right.

Roy: Rule Number 1: Don't work where you live.

Angela: [writing] Don't... shit... where...

Roy: [grabbing her notepad] Rule Number 2: Don't write anything down!

Angela: You're not a bad guy, you know. You're just not a very good one.

Angela: If you're gonna get wet, might as well go swimming.

Angela: My dad's a smooth operator!

Roy: I gotta go. I've got a big business meeting.

Angela: This late?

Roy: Antiques. They wait for no man.

Angela: This line's shorter.

Roy: No, this one's better.

[looks at the cashier he's been flirting with]

Angela: Well, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you!

Yoyo: Look, Angela, just shut up!

Angela: No, you shut up! Don't you be tellin' me to shut up!

Yoyo: Shut up!

Angela: You shut up!

Yoyo: No, you shut up!

Yoyo: [frustrated] Shit!

[he unzips his jacket]

Angela: You know what your fuckin' problem is, Yoyo? You don't realize you're wearin' your ass on your head!

Angela: What do you know about love? What could you possibly know about love You know, I'm sick and tired of men using love as if it's some disease you just catch. Love should have brought your ass home last night.

Trina: You belong in the kitchen.

Angela: And you belong on the corner. Need a pimp?

Angela: You got VD?

Marcus: [whispers] Can we talk about this in private?

Angela: No, I think y'all been talking in private quite enough. How long have you had it?

Marcus: About a week.

Angela: Was it Keisha?

Marcus: [shakes his head yes] .

Angela: No, you didn't get it from her. You got it from Walter.

Marcus: What? What are you talking about? I ain't gay!

Angela: No, I slept with him. I got my shot. I was just waiting for you to say something.

Patricia: Mike, Where's Sheila?

Mike: I made her drive, we took the plane. I should've made her walk, y'all know she fat as hell.

Patricia: Mike, do you hear what you are saying?

Diane: [to Patricia and Angela] Did he just say he made her drive?

Angela: I'm still stuck on the fat as hell part.

Marcus: Could you lay off of that for a while?

Angela: Could you go to HELL for a while?

Trina: I'm sure she's fine

Angela: Trick, was anybody talking to you?

Trina: Trick?

Angela: Yes, trick. As in slut, whore, tramp. You don't know your name?

Angela: I got burned by Walter, I got my shot, I was just waitin for you to say somethin.

Sean: Angela... You're Angela Baker, the Angel of Death. I should have called you Peter.

Angela: My name is Angela Johnson.

Sean: You're Angela Baker. You killed all those kids at Camp Arawak.

Angela: I've been Angela Johnson for four years.

Sean: How did you get this job here?

Angela: Easy. I've got great recommendations from doctors, psychiatrists, even clergymen. I did my time. Two years of therapy, electroshock, was on every pill you ever heard of, plus an operation. I'm completely cured. If I wasn't they wouldn't have let me out. How do you know so much about me?

Sean: My dad's a cop. He helped arrest you. You should have heard him the day you got out.

Angela: That's too bad. Wait 'til he hears what's happened to you.

Angela: Let this be a lesson to you.

[lights match]

Angela: Say no to drugs.

[sets Brooke on fire]

Angela: Nice girls don't have to show it off.

Uncle John: I used to brag that every good kid in New York came here, but now I have trouble filling half the cabins with god knows who. Whatever happened to the good kids in the world?

Angela: Don't talk like that, Uncle John. There's lots of good kids. We just have to weed out the bad.

Angela: Ooooh, I'm a happy camper, I love the summer sun. I love the trees and forest, I'm always having fun! Ooooh, I'm a happy camper, I love the clear blue sky, and with the grace of God, I'll camp until I die!

[Angela lured Ally into a trap]

Angela: I didn't think you'll fall for it. You're dumber than I thought.

Ally: Well, you're more fucked up than I thought.

Angela: [after stabbing Ally] Get up. Get up! Get in there. Get in the toilet!

[shoves Ally into outhouse]

Angela: What's down there?

Angela: Answer me!

Ally: Shit!

Angela: That's right one of your favorite words. Do you mind if I borrow it for a moment? You've been a shitty friend and a shitty camper. What else is down there? Answer me!

Ally: Piss!

Angela: You've pissed away your good looks and God-given talent your whole life and turned it into nothing but a cynical dirty mouth waste of flesh! What else is down there?

Ally: I dunno!

Angela: Well, then, I guess you're just going to have to climb in and find out.

Angela: Leeches, Ally! For a leech like you!

Angela: You should have been the first to go.

Angela: [leaving a cabin full of victims] Good night campers.

[as blindfolded campers stick their hands into boxes of various gross stuff]

T.C.: Gross! Slimy gopher guts!

Diane: Look out! Putrid wild elephant hearts!

Angela: Dead teenagers' brains!

Diane: Angela, what's really in there?

Angela: Dead teenagers' brains.

Judd: [Angela knocks him down and prepares to bring a running chainsaw down upon him] No, don't.

Angela: [She brings the chainsaw down upon him] Sorry, but once I start a task, I always finish.

Angela: I'm giving you one last chance, Mare. We're sleeping out tomorrow night. Just say your sorry.

Mare: Never! I would rather die first, Angela.

Mare: [Angela reaches for something in the backseat] What are you looking for, a gun?

Angela: No, a drill.

Molly Nagle: Where do you think she is?

Angela: Probably fornicating.

Angela: Too bad they haven't figured out a way to make french fries nutritious. I'm a nut when it comes to french fries!

Angela: [possesed] Open the door, Rog. We don't want you, we want the bitch! You know we'd never hurt a nice little boy like you.

Rodger: Go to hell, you dirty bastard!

Angela: [possesed] Oh, not tonight my boy, not tonight. Rest assured we got something wonderful planned for you, so much pain, so much *sorrow*!

Angela: Oh don't tell me you're leaving? Sal wanted to go... but he decided to stick around!

[shot of Sal with a wooden stake through his heart]

Angela: [shouts] Come on! Your face looks fine. I have never seen anyone spend so much time in a mirror!

Suzanne: Relax! I just wanna look good for the boys. You did remember to invite some cute boys to the party I hope.

Angela: Of course I did, and we're gonna scare the shit out of them.

Angela: Blessed be the sinners, for the day of atonement is at hand.

Sal: Say what?

Judy Cassidy: [Jay's body is possessed by a demon now and his eyes gouged out] Oh Jay no!

Jay Jansen: [Possessed] Why has thou forsaken me?

Angela: [Possessed] What's the matter Judy? Don't you like your blind date?

Angela: Judy, Rodger, where you going? The party's just begun.

Angela: There's plenty of time for dancing later, now it's time for party games.

Stooge: Yeah, we can play post orifice and you can be the stamp.

Frannie: Don't make me ill.

Angela: I was thinking of something a bit more in tune with the holiday.

Sal: Like what? Bobbing for apples with razor blades in them?

Angela: No! I was thinking more along the lines of a seance.

Judy Cassidy: A seance?

Helen: Isn't that a little chancy? I mean this IS Halloween, the night when all the creepy things are supposed to stalk the earth. I mean there's no telling what we'll drudge up, especially in this old place.

Frannie: Hey guys, how about a past life seance?

Suzanne: A what?

Frannie: A past life seance. You know, we all sit around, look in a mirror, and see our past lives.

Stooge: What kind of drugs are we gonna need for this?

Suzanne: Cool.

[holds up her compact]

Suzanne: Will this do?

Angela: I'm afraid not, Suzanne, we need one we can all look into at once.

Angela: [everybody's sitting in front of a mirror for a past life seance] It's really very simple, you just keep staring at my reflection in the mirror until the glass clouds up all black. When it clears we'll see what I looked like in a past life.

Angela: Those noises we heard, there were three of them, and that awful stink, and then the chill!

Frannie: Well it's not cold now, must've been a draft.

Jay Jansen: Well, maybe somebody did come in.

Helen: The odor's gone too.

Angela: But we ALL experienced them! The noise, the stink, and the chill! They're all signs of demonic infestation.

Frannie: Demonic what?

Stooge: Demonic watchamacallit. I mean come on, ol' Ange here is just trying to put the ooooga booga on us, okay?

Angela: Would you listen to me? These are NOT ghosts. This house is NOT haunted, it's possessed!

Stooge: Ha! Possessed! Man! Come on it! Who gives a shit?

Judy Cassidy: What's the difference in possessed and haunted?

Angela: A haunted house is a house with ghosts in it, the spirits of people who've died, but the spirits living in a house possessed never existed in human form. They've only existed in spirit form. They're pure evil. They're demons!

Ethan: Angela? Weird!

Angela: Ethan? What are you doing here?

Ethan: Well, I'm in the food service industry, and I like bums, so it's kinda my duty.

Ethan: I want to make sure that you and I are best friends - "gnome" matter what.

Angela: Ethan, that's a troll.

Ethan: "Gnome", it's not.

Angela: Ethan, what is this, is this a hair doll?

Ethan: I didn't make that! It fell out of your hair that way!

Angela: You are a child and you are manipulative and even worse... you're a whore.

Dave: I am not a whore.

Reanna: Remember what I always say, show the boobs and work the ass.

Angela: I have no boobs.

Reanna: You're right, well just work the ass.

Angela: [answering the phone] Hello?, Hello?

Marcus: [takes the phone] Baby... These are text messages. You can't answer these.

Dianne: How do you really know that you're spouse is cheating anyway? I mean really?

Sheila: If you think he's cheating, then he's cheating.

Dianne: Wait a second, just because you suspect, that doesn't mean it's truth... it just doesn't.

Angela: I disagree with that. Dianne, every time I caught Marcus cheating, I knew it before I found out. I know because I know how to listen to that voice on the inside of me, that tells me when a man is cheating.

Dianne: mmhmm, that voice...

Sheila: Yeah, but you smoked so much weed in college, baby, you might not want to listen to that voice in *your* head, It's probably *still* high.

[laughs]

Sheila: ... Seriously, if you're always in a chemically induced state, you might want to reconsider everything that you're doing... and thinking too.

Angela: What is this, an intervention? That has absolutely nothing to do with it. I know how to tell. If your man, if he goes to work all day long and then comes home, smellin' like a fresh bar of soap, somethings up. I ain't got time to be sittin' around all day guessin'.

Sheila: Relationships are supposed to be about... trust.

Angela: Now, I'm an old school fool. I'm checkin' his bank statements, I'm checkin' his credit card statements, I'm checkin' his time card at work and I'm comparin' it to the hours that he said he was workin' and it better match the money that he has comin' home. I'm checkin' his cell phone bill, I'm checkin' the numbers that he was callin' on his cell phone bill, I'm checkin' his mileage in the car. His job is 10.5 miles, the kid's school is 2.1 miles. I check the mileage when he goes to Terry and Dianne's house. That is 6.7 miles... and when any of those miles come back 2.2 or 5.6 or 7.9 or 10.7... if he comes back and I see 4.8th and a half of a mile, that means he came from Keisha house, he road to the store to get come breath spray...

Sheila: Do you check his pulse when he walks through the door?

Angela: His resting heart rate is 42 beats a minute. If Marcus comes home to the house and he claim he was at work all day, if that resting heartbeat is 58 beats a minute, he been *cheatin*!

Dianne: I'm not doin' all that. That's a full time job.

Sheila: Exactly!

Angela: The bottom line, is that I *have* to check him. All that time I spent, trainin' that man on how to be right for me, you think that I'm really gonna let some other woman take *all* that on the job training?

Dianne: What is he, a man or a puppy? cause...

Angela: He ain't either one. That's why, I got his cell phone right here and I'm waitin' for it to ring.

Angela: You start all of my arguments.

Patricia Agnew: Why?

Angela: You and that book! You just have all the answers, don't you?

Angela: I want the password, Marcus!

Al Bert: Angela; give me a deck by deck scan and read off all individuals not currently in main control.

Angela: I do not recognize your voice pattern as one with security clearance...

Al Bert: Great! Be a snotty TL54. Don't cooperate. Angela; give me security clearance to all levels, please.

Angela: I can not conform to your request as I do not recognize your voice pattern as one with security clearance.

Al Bert: Angela; do not, repeat, do not give me security clearance to all levels.

Angela: You have security clearance at all levels.

Angela: Good thing you're dead 'cause in a couple of years your breasts would have been sagging something terrible!

[just before killing Bobby]

Angela: Thank God there'll be one less idiot in politics.

[making cleaning powder up to look like cocaine]

Angela: One of the many dangers of being a drug addict is never really knowing if the stuff is pure.

Tawny: You look a little older than the rest.

Angela: Massive drugs.

Tawny: Drugs, huh? You wouldn't know where I can score some coke?

Angela: Yeah, there's a machine in the dining hall.

[as Angela is burying Lilly in a garbage pit]

Lilly: Get me out of here! There's rats in here! They'll eat me alive!

Angela: Don't worry, they'll be suffocated soon.

Angela: Are you a cheerleader?

Cindy: Yes.

Angela: You a virgin?

Cindy: No.

Angela: Do you take drugs?

Cindy: Doesn't everybody?

Angela: Strike three!

Cindy: [Angela is running Cindy up a flagpole] Hey! What are you doing? Do you know who my dad is? Lemme down! Stop it! I'll sue you for everything you've got! Stop it! Why are you doing this to me?

Angela: Because you're a cheerleader, a fornicator, a drug taker, a nasty snotty bigot and beside's that, you're real nice.

[sends Cindy plunging to her death]

Angela: [setting up to fish] Here - give me the hook.

[quickly sets it up]

Angela: There.

Bobby Stark: Wow. You're good at that.

Angela: Yeah. That's what everybody says. Now cast.

[silence as Bobby attempts to fish]

Angela: So, why'd you come here, anyway?

Bobby Stark: Well, it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Plus, it'll look great on my resume.

[pause]

Bobby Stark: Can you hold this for a minute?

Angela: Sure.

[Bobby shifts]

Angela: What?

Bobby Stark: I think you're nice.

Angela: [smiles; laughs in appreciation] Thanks.

Bobby Stark: [looks at her] D'you think I'm nice?

Angela: Yeah! I guess.

Bobby Stark: Good.

[looks down; scoots slightly closer and looks back at her]

Bobby Stark: Can I tell you something else?

Angela: [only slightly more amused] What?

Bobby Stark: I like bein' tied up. Especially next to you.

[she looks away]

Bobby Stark: It turns me on.

[he ravishes her and she yelps]

Angela: Stop it!

[writhes; he lets up]

Bobby Stark: I thought you wanted it!

Angela: No!

Bobby Stark: Your type always does!

Angela: At least not now!

[she thinks of a way to kill him]

Angela: Meet me at the main camp right after dark.

Bobby Stark: How will we get away from Lily?

Angela: [slyly] Don't worry. I'll handle it.

Bobby Stark: [sneezes loudly] Oh; excuse me.

[Angela gives him the fishing rod and he laughs nervously for a second]

Angela: Hmm.

[they look at each other and he scoots a little away from her both look in the water, then speaks annoyed]

Angela: Just keep it down!

[guides his wrist so fish can be caught]

Herman: Where'd you learn to chop wood like that?

Angela: I've never chopped wood before. But I've chopped other things.

Angela: It seems every year I'm at camp someone loses their head.

Angela: So, why did you come here?

Bobby: It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Plus, it would look really good on my resume.

[plays a tape on his boom-box]

Angela: Angels are pretty, angels can fly, and here is the angel that'll make you die! You got no style and you got no cares; all ya do is fight and swear. So say your prayers and make amends, cause ya life story is about to end.

Riff: [pause] What the fuck?

Paramedic: She's still alive.

Policeman: She doesn't deserve to live. Let's kill her. Nobody will know

Paramedic: It wouldn't be hard to do.

Policeman: It would put an end to it, once and for all.

Paramedic: Where are we?

Policeman: I'll check.

[Angela grabs a needle and stabs the two men]

Ambulance driver: What's going on back there?

Angela: Just taking care of business.

Angela: Have a nice life.

[the car drives away, pause]

Angela: What's left of it.

Lilly: Maria, what's your favorite color?

Angela: Blood red.

[Angela has handed the "cocaine" over]

Tawny: Good stuff?

Angela: It'll really clean your pipes.

Bobby: Hi. Bobby Stark. Mind if I join you?

Angela: Sure.

Bobby: Cool.

[sits down]

Bobby: Your name's Maria Nicastro, right?

Angela: How do you remember that?

Bobby: I'm just great with names. That's how I got to be senior class president of my high school.

Angela: That's nice.

Bobby: Yeah. So... you're underprivileged, huh?

Angela: Why did I think this year would be any different?

Angela: You look just like your son when you get mad.

Barney: How many people have you killed this time?

Angela: I dunno. Lots.

Barney: You gonna kill me, too?

[she nods]

Barney: How? A knife, a drill, or a chainsaw? Fire, battery acid, or are you just gonna cut my head off like you did my son's? Well, Angela... what's it gonna be?

Angela: A gun.

[she fires]

Angela: [to Lily as she's buried in the garbage patch] By the way, your husband fools around.

Arab: Hey, how old are you anyway?

Angela: 17.

Arab: Oh, you look older.

Angela: I know. When I was young my town's water supply didn't have any fluoride.

Angela: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you.

Linda: Have you been saved?

Angela: Who me?

Linda: Did you know that the end of the world is drawing near?

Angela: As a matter of fact, I do. I was just about to have a slice of cake. Would you two like to join me?

Albert: Cake. Yes, of course. How nice.

Angela: An ocean of holy water couldn't help you now!

Angela: We should boycott women who don't cry.

Angela: Would you rather have fish or meat for dinner?

[impatient]

Angela: Emile!

Émile Récamier: Fish.

Angela: What would you have preferred if you were having meat?

Émile Récamier: I dunno. Veal.

Angela: And if you were to have beef rather than veal, would you prefer a steak or a roast?

Émile Récamier: A steak.

Angela: And had you answered roast, would you prefer it rare or well-done?

Émile Récamier: Rare.

Angela: [jump-cut to Angela returning with the well-done roast] Well, honey, you're out of luck. My roast beef's a little overdone.

Angela: Why is it always women that suffer?

Alfred Lubitsch: Women are, or woman is, the cause of the suffering. You can say it either way.

Angela: Shut your face. Or I'll slap it until you've no face left!

Angela: Stop avoiding the question. What limits?

Alfred Lubitsch: I'm just following your example.

Angela: Women are allowed to avoid the question.

Alfred Lubitsch: What're you thinking?

Angela: Nothing... I think I'm alive.

Angela: Oh, yes - "SHOOT THE PIANO PLAYER." Did you see the film? Aznavour's a genius.

Angela: I'm late.

Alfred Lubitsch: Hello, Angela.

Angela: Been here a long time?

Alfred Lubitsch: Me, no. 27 years.

Angela: Lights. Camera. Action!

Angela: Would you feel awkward undressing in front of men?

Suzanne: No, I despise everyone.

Angela: Me, too!

Angela: It's not fair. It's always when you're with someone that you're not with them. And vice versa.

Angela: Why are you laughing?

Émile Récamier: Because you are shameless.

Angela: Me? Am I not a woman? I am a woman.

Angela: [singing & Stripping] If you're wondering why... I'm the girl for every guy... It's not complicated... The truth's quickly stated. I've very pretty breasts... Eyes like amethysts... A neck white as milk... And a body smooth as silk. I hate it when... They don't have the knack... But I adore when... They stroke my back. I say "yes" every time... Someone says, "Come, be mine"... With boys, you see... Don't stand on ceremony. I know I'm bad... I know I'm cruel... But men don't get mad... Because I'm so - beauti-ful.

Alfred Lubitsch: Is that why you're sad?

Angela: No.

Alfred Lubitsch: Then why?

Angela: Because I'd like to be in a musical...

[singing & Dancing]

Angela: with Cyd Charisse... and Gene Kelly... Choreography... by Bob Fosse!

Angela: Change your tone - do you mind?

Émile Récamier: In what way?

Angela: Try lowering it. You're making me deaf!

Émile Récamier: My voice is low - just right.

Angela: Definitely not!

Émile Récamier: It's not low?

Angela: It's low-class.

Angela: Women have the right to talk in riddles, Monsieur Emile, not men.

Émile Récamier: How come?

Angela: Because!

Émile Récamier: Say something nice to me.

Angela: Leave me alone!

Angela: And how about me? What am I?

Angela: My fanny's cold, Émile, my fanny's cold.

Angela: Do you have a coin?

Alfred Lubitsch: The jukebox?

Angela: Yes!

Alfred Lubitsch: Ok. What'll I play - "Itsy-Bitsy"?

Angela: No - Charles...

Alfred Lubitsch: Aznavour?

Angela: Yes!

Angela: He played Aznavour. You know, the record that sends me everytime... and goes ta, ta, ti...

Émile Récamier: No, it's ti, ti, ta...

Angela: What's so funny?

Émile Récamier: Angela, you're without shame.

Angela: Me? I'm not without shame... I'm a DAME.

Angela: [voice in the aerobics class] Reach for beauty, reach for peace, reach for money and success! And stretch! Stretch!

Angela: I am your world, John.

John Bourgignon: Okay, I'll buy that.

Angela: You'll even kill your future father-in-law!

John Bourgignon: Okay. Why not.

Ian: Would you sleep with a director to get a part?

Angela: Well, that depends on the part, and who the director is, and how much I'd had to drink.

Ian: It's not a very comforting answer.

Angela: I didn't like the question.

[last lines]

Kate: Aw... I like that. What do you think?

Angela: Yeah.

Kate: I would look good in that.

Angela: Yeah, Terry would love that.

Kate: Would he?

Angela: Yeah, men love that sort of shape. I wore something similar when Ian first saw me.

Ian: I know what's in his mind.

Angela: Ian, I don't affect everyone the way that I affect you. If I did, my career would have taken off a long time ago.

Angela: Tommy and I are engaged.

Billy Gordon: What? Well, why didn't you tell me before?

Angela: Well, we couldn't tell you before it happened.

Billy Gordon: Before what happened?

Tommy: Uh, before we were engaged, sir.

Angela: It's such a grey day.

Angela: [Last lines] Its been such a gray day.

John: [Humming] Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm

[singing]

John: Stand beside her and guide her. La-la-de Da-da-da...

Linda: [singing] God bless America, Land that I love.

Linda, John, Axel, Michael, Stan, Steven, Angela: Stand beside her and guide her, Through the night with a light from above. From the mountains, to the prairies, To the oceans white with foam. God Bless America, my home sweet home. God Bless America, my home sweet home.

Michael: Here's to Nick!

Steven: To Nick!

Linda, John, Axel, Michael, Stan, Steven, Angela: To Nick!

Angela: Goodbye, George.

[half-turns away and then looks back]

Angela: Seems like we always spend the best part of our time just saying goodbye.

Angela: [George kisses Angela] Angela: Every time you leave me for a minute, it's like goodbye. I like to believe it means you can't live without me.

Angela: Of course. I'm always late. Part of my charm.

Angela: Men are so disgustingly prompt. I think they do it just to put us women in a bad light.

Angela: Did you promise to be a good boy? Not to waste your time on girls?

George Eastman: I don't waste my time.

Angela: Tell mama... tell mama all.

Bill: You know, when I was a teenager, we used to say, "Life's a bitch and then you die." I guess I'm beginning to understand what it means.

Angela: Well, we say the same thing, but at the end we had it, so fuck the bitch.

Angela: If possessions were important in life, rich people would be happy.

Angela: You continue to kill yourself for later, for the future. Rather than enjoying what you had at the time, you risked everything for the future

Angela: Since we're born without that if God put us here it was because He had a purpose for us a destiny that we were supposed to figure out. Can you see how crazy it is to think that we have a purpose in life?

Angela: We are here by chance, by accident. Your father met your mother, fucked her, and you were born. And you can think of two million good reasons for you father to have met another girl and then you wouldn't even be here.

Angela: What if for once you let things happen without trying to control them?

Angela: Huevones... It means "big balls, no guts.

Angela: You know, research shows that a lack of sexual pleasure leads to frustration, bitterness, anger, violence.

Angela: To see that even in your desperate situation having a good time now is better than waiting.

Angela: What's here now will always be yours.

Angela: You know, for centuries, women have been seducing men through food, doing all sorts of crazy stuff. For example, women used to make bread and sit on the dough naked and infuse the dough with their juices.

Angela: In short we had a dictator for two decades financed and supported by the U.S. The Sandinistas fought them for years, and little by little the people joined them and created a popular revolution, deposing the dictator. And what happened? And it became a new country with free health care, free schools literacy campaign in the country. But. Unfortunately, the Sandinistas are what your country calls socialists. The Sandinistas didn't want their money and resources to go to U.S. corporations, they wanted it to go to their people. So, your actor President, Reagan ordered the CIA to put together an army, called the contras to overthrow our government and this created a civil war, that raged on. Your CIA got entangled in its mess and realized that it would need more money to continue, but it was a secret war, that the American Congress did not want to finance. So, the CIA decided to sell weapons to Iran which was forbidden by your Congress and by international law. And when your CIA needed more money, they decided to sell drugs. Cocaine, to be precise, in your country to finance the Contras.

Angela: People here do not know what is going on in their own country. You are educated by Walt Disney, and Fox News, and Star Wars. You live in a bubble. Your country has been responsible for the removal or assassination of dozens of leaders around the world. You want names? Patrice Lumumba, Prime Minister of Congo. Salvador Allende, President of Chile. Mossadeq, Prime Minister of Iran. All democratically elected, all dead because of the CIA organized coup. Your country has initiated massacres in Indonesia, Guatemala, Iran.

Angela: Pura vida. Oh."pura vida" is what we say instead of "hello" or "goodbye." It means "pure living, pure life." Oh, that way please. Pura vida.

[Angela tackled the boy who threw a doll at her sister Ellie]

Angela: You could've killed my sister!

[boy doesn't say anything so she says to Ellie]

Angela: Sit on his head.

[Ellie sits on the boy's head]

boy: Get the kid away from me!

Angela: Apologize or she'll fart!

boy: Sorry...

Angela: Say, I'm very very sorry Ellie and I love your smile.

boy: I'm very very sorry Ellie and I love your smile.

Angela: OK Ellie. Take it away.

[Ellie gets up]

[Angela is explaining to Ellie all about sex using the horse as an example]

Angela: See this?

Ellie: Yeah.

Angela: That's exactly what men have. They stick it in the women. I've seen mom and dad do it. It looks like it hurts.

Ellie: Why do they do it then?

Angela: It's a rule. You have to.

Ellie: I don't wanna do it.

Angela: Well if you don't do it by the time you're 21 you start getting smaller.

Ellie: How come?

Angela: Cuz there's certain vitamins and I don't know but I've seen people like that. They're mom's age and they're as small as you.

Ellie: And they shrank?

Angela: Yeah, it happens little by little.

Angela: [thinking she is seeing the devil in front of her, hiding her eyes and praying] Mary, full of grace, take away this ugly face. Mary, full of grace, take away this ugly face.

Angela: I like to get down and dirty, if you know what I mean.

Álex: What's your show called?

Ángela: While You're Asleep.

Manu: While You're Asleep? Then who watches it?

[laughs]

[last lines]

Ángela: We have to tape everything, Pablo. For fuck's sake.

Sergio: Tell us everything you know.

Health Inspector: Okay. Okay. Yesterday, we received a call from a vet who had a dog brought in with an unknown disease. The dog went into a coma and a few moments later came to, and was extraordinarily aggressive. He started attacking all of the pets at the clinic. We had to give him several tranquilizers and then put him to sleep. We followed the chip in his ear, which led us to this building.

Ángela: One moment - was the dog called Max?

Health Inspector: Yes.

[first lines]

Ángela: Good evening, this is Angela Vidal speaking. Tonight, as usual, we will share this time...

Álex: People think we run around, putting out fires but around 70% of the calls we get are for other types of services.

Ángela: Like what?

Álex: For example, broken water mains, or pet rescue too. Even though it sounds cliché, it's true.

Ángela: It's nearly 2 A.M. and we're still sealed in this building that we came to with the firemen earlier this evening, to assist an elderly woman who later attacked a policeman and a fireman. They're both in critical condition. The police won't let us leave and are giving us no explanations.

Ángela: So besides your father, who do you live with?

Jennifer: With my mommy, my daddy, and my dog Max.

Ángela: Your dog isn't here either, right? I can't see him.

Jennifer: No, he's not.

Ángela: Do you love your dog?

Jennifer: Yes.

Ángela: Why isn't he here?

Jennifer: He's at the vet.

Ángela: What's wrong with him?

Jennifer: He got sick.

Ángela: Good evening, this is Angela Vidal speaking. Tonight on "While You're Asleep" we'll accompany a team of firemen on their rounds through the city. Not only that, but we'll see things never revealed: how they live, sleep, what they eat. We'll get an inside look at this fire station. Join us for "While You're Asleep".

Ángela: [to Pablo, before interviewing a fireman] If this is a pain in the ass, just cut, okay?

Cesar: When are we starting?

Ángela: We did.

Cesar: Why didn't you tell me? Don't you see my face is shiny?

Ángela: There are incredible security measures in place. We know nothing. They haven't told us a thing. We saw special forces, health inspectors wearing suits and masks, and it's not very comforting.

Angela: Meet me at the waterfront after the social.

Lacey: You little bastard.

Micah: (To Danny) First, cut out her tongue. Then, when her pitiful protestations are silenced, carve out her heart!

Angela: For God's sake, Danny!

Angela: Adrian? Your doing this?

Bruno, Sandra, Angela, Katia: Chow!

[last lines]

Claudia: What are you going to do?

Ángela: I'll call you...

[regarding the circus' new recruit]

Angela: She's a thief! A murderess!

Dr. Rossiter, alias Dr. Bernard Schueler: And a prostitute. Please, don't deny her her most important accomplishment.

Angela: I had a very strict upbringing.

Madeline: So did I. But I was banging like a bunny before I was out of my first training bra. Trouble is, it wasn't until I was your age that I discovered I was banging the wrong gong.

Dr. Hohner: You don't want to ruin that voice, do you? It isn't yours, remember? Now tell me, whose voice is it?... Tell me!

Angela: Marcellina's!

Angela: You both saw it

[last lines]

Inspector Bracken: [dismissively] You saw what we saw... a mad woman with multiple personalities

Eugene McCann: [on occupying Susan] Susan doesn't know I'm in residence!

Angela: Soul Transfer! So you're a walk in!

Ángela: Do you think that men getting worse women?

Sherlock Holmes: More of what they already are?

Sherlock Holmes: [about Irene Adler] How can you stand her?

Ángela: Because I love her... and I accept her.

Ángela: How do you think that men getting worse men?

Irene Adler: [funny] Men getting worse women... when we allow them.

Businessman 2: Is it true, you're just sixteen?

Angela: No, I'm fifteen.

Angela: I can't charge you for crying on my sheets.

Luke Mills: I had too much to drink.

Angela: Of course you did, lover.

Luke Mills: Take the money.

Angela: For what? If a pipefitter can't lay pipe, he ought to try another business.