Andy DiCarlo Quotes in Smile (1975)

Big Bob Freelander: "A guy turns 35." That's really what's buggin' you, isn't it? That you're about to turn 35.

Andy DiCarlo: Maybe. Maybe. Or maybe I don't see what's fun about kissing a dead chicken's ass.

Big Bob Freelander: Well that's 'cause you haven't tried it.

Andy DiCarlo: Jesus! Doesn't anything get you down?

Big Bob Freelander: Yeah, I get my apple cart upset sometimes. I just learned a long time ago to accept a little less from life, that's all.

Andy DiCarlo: [Bob has just given Andy a rather "rehearsed"-sounding motivational talk - something that sounds like it came directly from the beauty pageant] Bob, I've finally figured out what you are. You know what you are? A goddamned 'Young American Miss'!

Andy DiCarlo: Doesn't anything ever get you down?

Big Bob Freelander: Yeah, I get my apple cart upset sometimes. I just learned a long time ago to accept a little less from life, that's all.

Big Bob Freelander: [continues] Want to know who taught me this great lesson in life? Elizabeth Taylor.

Andy DiCarlo: [looks incredulous] What?

Big Bob Freelander: I never bothered to tell you the story because I don't believe in negative stories, but, uh, one time I actually had a date with old Liz herself.

Andy DiCarlo: You're kidding.

Big Bob Freelander: Huh-uh. Do you remember when I went off to junior college in Los Angeles? Well, I had a class with a guy that was Liz Taylor's cousin. He fixed me up with her.

Andy DiCarlo: What was she like?

Big Bob Freelander: I never met her.

Andy DiCarlo: You just said...

Big Bob Freelander: No, I just said that I had a "date" with her. I never said that she kept it. You should've seen all the preparations I made. I went out and got the best flowers that I could find, and a great table at the world-famous Cocoanut Grove restaurant. And then she never showed up. That was the weekend that she ran off and married the hotel guy.

Andy DiCarlo: I'm sorry.

Big Bob Freelander: Oh, you don't have to be sorry. Just that now I'm married to Roberta, and I'm happy about it. Even though she is... a little less than Elizabeth Taylor.

Big Bob Freelander: [pauses to reflect] God, Elizabeth Taylor was beautiful.

Andy DiCarlo: I'm getting a reputation for being a drunk, aren't I?

Big Bob Freelander: No, you certainly are not.

Andy DiCarlo: It's true.

Big Bob Freelander: No, it's not true.

Andy DiCarlo: lt's true. First I was drinking a little, then I was drinking a lot. Damn, it sure sneaks up on you. I just sort of slid into it. That's one thing I'm awful good at: sliding.