Andy Quotes in Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Andy: [Kenneth is about to leave the mall, when he spots Andy on the roof, holding his sign] INFO?

Kenneth: [writing back] Fort Pastor GONE. No help coming.

Andy: [writing back] So what's the BAD news?

Andy: [only on the DVD extra "The Lost Tape: Andy's Terrifying Last Days Revealed"] They say that those things are dead. I know that's a bunch of BULLSHIT!

Andy: [only on the DVD extra "The Lost Tape: Andy's Terrifying Last Days Revealed"] I tossed a fucking Molotov. Not good. For one thing, it don't do shit. It just burns for a while and leaves them all grilled and smelling like Jimmy Dean! And now I'm really fucking hungry!

Andy: [only on the DVD extra "The Lost Tape: Andy's Terrifying Last Days Revealed"] Kenneth, the black guy, over in the mall... he just wrote me that Fort Pastor's gone. We're on our own. There's no help coming. Yeah, okay. Okay. No problem, you know? People have always put up with shit, right? We survive. That's what we do. We survived the fucking Romans. We survived the Crusades. We survived the Black Plague! We survived fucking world wars! We survived everything! All right? It's just nature's way of thinning us out, you know? Leaving the best to survive and build a better world. That's what's gonna happen now. I'm gonna survive. I'm gonna build you a better world!

Andy: [only on the DVD extra "The Lost Tape: Andy's Terrifying Last Days Revealed"] Shit. Aw, shit.

[covered in blood and injured]

Andy: The dog got through, brought me a sandwich. Shit! but a couple of dumb fucks got in with it. I shoulda been on my guard. Too hungry. I got slow.

Andy: [From the DVD extra "The Lost Tape: Andy's Terrifying Last Days Revealed"] We're safe in here. Anybody wanna crash this "dinner party", they're gonna get some copper-coated candy for dessert, right? Be all right, baby.

Andy: Don't act like you don't like this shit.

Chris Farraday: Why, is that obvious? I know but don't tell your sister.

Andy: They had this look in their eyes, totally cold, animal. I think they were young Republicans.

Wanda June: Well, this damn thing.

Andy: What's the matter, honey?

Wanda June: Well, this thing was working just fine a few minutes ago, and now I can't get peaturkey on it.

Andy: You want to bring me a light coffee when you get done jerking on that thing, darling?

Andy: Piss off, you muppets!

Andy: Got a steel plate in his head; injury from the Iraq war. The had to remove part of his brain.

Terry: Yeah, the part of your brain that keeps you from being fucking psychopath!

Andy: NO! Too much, fuckin' too much for one day. Surely!

Andy: What the fuck is going on?

Terry: I really don't know.

Lipton: I've really admired your stuff since 'Vermin From Venus.'

Rollie Tyler: You saw that?

Lipton: Yeah.

Andy: That's the one that got him deported from Australia!

Rollie Tyler: [Andy has used movie smoke bombs to help break Rollie's truck out of the police impound lot] Jesus! What pots did you use?

Andy: The big ones!

Rollie Tyler: I said Hellraisers, not Killer Smoke!

Andy: [after Rollie has driven off without her] They'll kill you! And if they don't, I will!

Andy: I can't tell... if it's an "A sharp" or if it's a "B flat"!

Mikey: Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we'll all "B flat!"

Andy: Watch this.

[Data's father takes a camera out of his jacket and proceeds to take a picture but the film falls out. Andy starts laughing]

Andy: He's just like his father.

Data: [in Chinese] That's okay daddy. You can't hug a photograph.

Mr. Wang: [in Chinese] You are my greatest invention.

Mikey: Let's...

Andy: -get out of...

Richard 'Data' Wang: -here!

Stef: Like now!

Richard 'Data' Wang: Hey I've got a great idea you guys! Slick shoes!

Mikey, Mouth: [together] Slick shoes? ARE YOU CRAZY?

Andy: DATA!

Francis Fratelli: [Jake tries to push Francis over the log] DON'T PUSH JAKE!

Jake Fratelli: I'm not pushing Francis now hurry up!

Mama Fratelli: [after Francis slips and falls on his crotch] Francis sweetheart are you okay?

Francis Fratelli: [High pitched voice] NOOOOOOO!

Stef: [Andy has accidentally kissed Mikey] OK, you kissed. Now tell.

Andy: There's something weird.

Stef: What? What is it?

Andy: Does Brand wear braces?

Andy: [Stef bursts into laughter] Why are you laughing? Stef, it was beautiful.

Stef: Next time you kiss him, do it with your eyes open. It's a whole different experience.

Andy: Do you think there's really any treasure here?

Mikey: Andy this whole ship is a treasure.

Andy: Brand... What happened to your braces?

Brandon Walsh: Braces? I don't wear braces, Mikey wears bra... Mikey! That little...

Andy: Shhh!

[kisses him again]

Andy: [Watching Brand] Brand is being so sweet to me.

Stef: Oh come on, come on! Where are you? You're in the clouds and we are in a basement!

Andy: [whispers softly] Let's go this way.

Brandon Walsh: What are you? Crazy? They're here.

Andy: [hysterically] They're here, they're here, they're here, they're here.

[Brand covers Andy's mouth]

Jake Fratelli: [whispering] There they are. Right there.

Brandon Walsh: [shouting to the others] It's the Fratellies. This way. Come on we've got to move! Let's go you guys. Don't fall behind. Let's move.

Andy: I hit the wrong note. I'm not Liberace you know!

Stef: [to her parents] I lost my glasses.

Andy: [to her parents] Can I take piano lessons?

Andy: [hysterically] I should've let him look at my body! Don't I have a beautiful body? Don't I have a beautiful body?

Brandon Walsh: You've got a great body.

Andy: How many more years do I have before I get all fat? Before my hair falls out? Before I look like him?

[the Goonies stumble upon Chester Copperpot's skeleton]

[first lines]

Andy: [playing with and mimicking the voices of his toys; holding Mr. Potato Head] All right, everyone! This... is a stick-up. Don't anybody move! Now empty that safe!

[empties Hamm the piggy bank and coins fall out]

Andy: Ooh, hoo hoo! Money, money, money!

[has Potato Head "kiss" the money; as Bo Peep]

Andy: Stop it! Stop it, you mean old potato!

[as Potato Head]

Andy: Quiet, Bo Peep! Or your sheep get run over!

[as the sheep, on a toy car track]

Andy: Help! Baaa! Help us!

[as Bo Peep]

Andy: Oh no! Not my sheep! Somebody do something!

[brings Woody into view on his bed. In front of the other toys, he pulls Woody's string]

Woody: [voice box] Reach for the sky!

Andy: [as Mr. Potato Head] Oh no! Sheriff Woody!

[as Woody]

Andy: I'm here to stop you, One-eyed Bart!

[pops off Mr. Potato Head's right eye; as Mr. Potato Head]

Andy: D'oh! How'd you know it was me?

[as Woody]

Andy: Are you gonna come quietly?

[as Mr. Potato Head]

Andy: Ya can't touch me, Sheriff! I brought my Attack Dog,

[Andy places down Slinky Dog]

Andy: with a built-in force field!

[as Woody]

Andy: Well, I brought my dinosaur!

[brings out Rex]

Andy: Who eats force field dogs!

[making sound effects first as Rex then as Slinky whom he drags away]

Andy: Arr rawr rawr! Yipe, yipe-yipe-yipe!

[as Woody]

Andy: You're going to jail, Bart. Say goodbye to the wife and tater tots.

[Andy places Mr. Potato Head in Molly's crib; she laughs and picks up Mr. Potato Head, and drools on him. His ear and arm fall near Woody]

Andy: You saved the day again, Woody!

[pulls Woody's string]

Woody: [voice box] You're my favorite deputy!

[last lines]

Woody: Buzz? Buzz Lightyear? You're not worried, are you?

Buzz: Me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Are you?

[camera pans out]

Woody: Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?

Andy: [from downstairs] Oh, oh, what is it? What is it? Wow, a puppy!

[camera zooms back in]

Woody, Buzz: Heh, heh!

[Andy and his mom stop at the gas station]

Andy: Can I help you fill up?

Andy's Mom: Sure, I'll even let you drive.

Andy: Really?

Andy's Mom: Yeah, when you're 16.

Andy: Yup, yup. Very funny, Mom.

Woody: [Feeling miserable for what he'd done, lying on the seat of Andy's Car] How am I gonna convince those guys it was an accident?

[Woody spots Buzz up at the Sunroof, staring down at him]

Woody: Buzz!

[Buzz leaps down onto the seat right next to Woody, furious, covered in leaves and twigs]

Woody: Buzz! You're alive! This is great! I'm saved! Andy will find you here, he'll take us back to the room, and then you can tell everyone that this was all this all just a Big Mistake. Huh?

[Buzz glares at him, speechless]

Woody: Right? Buddy?

Buzz: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.

Woody: Oh. Well, that's good.

Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we?

Woody: No. Daaaah-oof!

[Buzz attacks Woody, knocking them both out of the open car door]

Woody: Okay, come on. You want a piece of me?

[Buzz punches Woody in the face, having it spin around for a brief momemt, then he gets knocked down by Woody, he closes his helmet on Woody's hand]

Woody: Ow!

Buzz: [Through his button speakers whilst as Woody attacks him] Buzz, Buzz, Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue.

Andy's Mom: [Andy and his Mum just re-enter the car] Next stop...

Andy: Pizza Planet! Yeah!

[Woody and Buzz stop fighting and pause]

Andy: Andy!

[Andy and his Mum drive off as Woody and Buzz watch in horror, leaving them behind at the Gas Station]

Woody: [Walks away from Buzz, and pauses] He doesn't realise I'm not there?

[Sulking out loud]

Woody: I'm lost! I'm a lost toy!

Sergeant: [He and the Other Green Soldiers leap out of the bucket onto Woody] There he is men! Get him!

Mr. Potato Head: Let's string him up by his Pull String!

[He and the other toys, apart from Slinky and Bo Peep rush on over toy Woody, and attempt to throw him out]

Bo Peep: Will you boys stop it?

Andy: Ok Mum, I'll be right down. I've just gotta get Buzz!

[All the toys return to their places as Andy enters his room, looking for Buzz]

Andy: Mum have you seen Buzz?

Andy's Mom: He should be right in your room, where you left him?

[Mr. Potato Head looks grimly from behind Etch, having drawn a hangman noose]

Andy's Mom: Andy, I'm heading out the door!

Andy: Mum, I can't find him!

Andy's Mom: Well honey, just take some other toy. Now, come on!

Andy: [Picks up Woody and heads to the Car] OK.

[Andy walks down to the car with Woody to go to Pizza Planet, confused of how Buzz would mysteriously disappear]

Andy: I couldn't find my Buzz. I know I left him right there.

Andy's Mom: Honey, I'm sure he's around. You'll find him.

[Buzz, shown be be alright, pops out from the bushes angered with Woody, and hops onto the Rear Bumper of Andy's Car as it drives off]

[Woody and Buzz drop in from the roof onto a Cardboard Box in Andy's Car]

Andy: Wow, Woody, Buzz!

Andy's Mom: How nice. Where did you find them?

Andy: [Overjoyed] Here in the car.

Andy's Mom: See? What did I tell you? Right where you left them.

Randy: You wear thong underpants?

Andy: You want us to take our shirts off?

Randy: Where do you live?

Andy: Is your mom hot too?

Randy: Where do you live?

Andy: What's your address?

Randy: You like pizza?

Andy: Hey babe, you wanna party?

Girl Entering Party: I'm at a party.

Randy: You wanna make out with us?

Fundraising Girl: Hi. I'm collecting for the underprivileged children of Ecuador. Would you like to help?

Andy: Not really.

Randy: We don't have any money.

Andy: No jobs.

Randy: You wanna party?

Fundraising Girl: Um, I'm kind of working right now.

Andy: When're you done?

Randy: Yeah, what're you doing after?

Fundraising Girl: I have a church thing tonight.

Andy: Kickass! We'll come.

Randy: Yeah, where is it?

Andy: Is there gonna be more hot snatch like you there?

Randy: Do you wear thong underpants?

Andy: Do you want us to take our shirts off?

Randy: What color bra are you wearing?

Andy: Is your mom hot too?

Randy: Are you into me? Where do you live?

Andy: What color car do you have?

Randy: Where do you live?

Andy: What's your address?

Randy: Do you want us to come over?

Andy: Do you like pizza?

Randy: We've been to a motel.

Randy: So where's Felicia?

Andy: Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.

Ian: She's in...

Andy: Fe-lay-cha! You banging her?

Ian: We're just friends.

Randy: I'm uncircumcised.

Girl: Fuck off!

Randy: Wait, I thought you took her to prom?

Ian: Yeah, but it was a just-friends kinda thing.

Randy: You should bang her. We would.

Andy: Dude, we would bang her so hard.

Randy: Tell her we'll bang her for you if you're not into it!

Andy: Yeah. Hard.

Randy: With our dicks!

Andy: Yeah, our dicks are huge!

Randy: You can see them from space!

Randy: What's Up?

Andy: What's Up, what's up?

Randy: You wanna party?

Ian: Where do you guys get the confidence to, like, hit on every girl you see?

Randy: Cause we're the shit.

Andy: Yeah, you oughta know that, bitch.

Andy: Why dontcha take a picture Ian?

Randy: Yeah, and post it on total fucking awesomeness dot com!

Andy: Backslash we rule!

Randy: Wheredja come up with that?

Randy: We were just banging that chick in our car.

Female Cop: Yea, you mentioned that.

Andy: Yea, super hard.

Andy: You gotta get over the monkey.

Randy: Oh, what's up, what's up?

Andy: What's up what's up?

Ian: Hey, uh, can I ask you guys a question?

Randy: You just did!

Ian: Can I ask you guys another question?

Andy: You just did again!

Andy: Now Woody, he's been my pal for as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be. And kind, and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special, is he'll never give up on you... ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what.

Andy: [opens box, and takes out Jessie] This is Jessie, the roughest, toughest cowgirl in the whole west. She loves critters, but none more than her best pal, Bullseye!

[pulls out Bullseye, and makes a whinnying sound]

Andy: Yee-haw!

[holds the two toys out to Bonnie]

Andy: Here.

Bonnie: [shyly walks over and takes Jessie and Bullseye, a smile on her face]

Andy: [pulls out Rex] This is Rex! The meanest, most terrifying dinosaur who ever lived! RAWR! RAWR!

Bonnie: [recoils a little, but then giggles, and takes Rex too]

Andy: [pulls out Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head] The Potato Heads: Mr. and Mrs. You gotta keep them together because they're madly in love.

[Andy sets them down in front of Bonnie, before pulling out Slinky Dog]

Andy: Now Slinky here, is as loyal as any dog you could want.

[Andy then pulls out Hamm]

Andy: And Hamm, he'll keep your money safe, but he's also one of the most dastardly villains of all time: Evil Dr. Porkchop!

[Andy then places the two with their friends, before pulling out the three aliens]

Andy: These little dudes are from a strange alien world: Pizza Planet!

[Andy sets them down before reaching into the box again]

Andy: And this, is Buzz Lightyear, the coolest toy ever! Look! He can fly, oh, and shoot lasers!

[Andy pops open Buzz's wings, and fires his laser]

Andy: He's sworn to protect the galaxy from the Evil Emperor Zurg!

Bonnie: [Bonnie takes Buzz from Andy, and presses one of the buttons on his spacesuit]

Buzz Lightyear: To Infinity, and Beyond!

Andy: Now, you gotta promise to take good care of these guys. They, mean, alot to me.

Molly: [Andy is climbing up the ladder to the attic to put his toys away when Molly walks out of her room carrying a box] Uh!

[a small heavy ball falls out of the box]

Andy: You need a hand?

Molly: I got it!

Andy: Here.

[he puts the ball back and picks up the box]

Andy: So, you gonna miss me when I'm gone?

Molly: If I say no, do I still get your room?

Andy: [they walk down the stairs] Nope.

Molly: Then, yes, I'll miss you.

Andy: [taking a last look at his toys before he heads off to college] Thanks, guys.

Andy's Mom: [from trailer]

[speaking to someone else]

Andy's Mom: Andy's going to college. Can you believe it?

Andy: Mom, I'm not leaving 'til Friday.

Andy's Mom: [about Andy's toys in the toy chest] What are you going to do with these old toys?

Andy: Molly! Stay out of my room!

Molly: I wasn't in your room!

Andy: Then who was messing with my stuff?

Andy's Mom: Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.

Andy: Five minutes? Hmm...

[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]

Andy: [as Bo Peep] Help, help, somebody help me!

[as Woody]

Andy: Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop!

[as Hamm or Dr. Pork Chop]

Andy: Nevar! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys?

[Andy picks up some of the "monkeys-in-a-barrel"]

Andy: Ooh ooh ooh, ah ah ah!

[as Hamm]

Andy: Choose!

[as Woody]

Andy: I choose Buzz Lightyear!

[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm]

Andy: [as Hamm] What? That's not a choice!

[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers]

Andy: [as Buzz] To infinity and beyond!

[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor]

Andy: [as Woody] I'll save you, Miss Peep!

[as Bo Peep]

Andy: My hero! Mwa mwa mwa mwa!

[he has her kiss him]

Andy: [as Woody] Thanks, Buzz!

[as Buzz]

Andy: No problem, buddy!

[he links their arms]

Andy: You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear!

[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]

Andy: Oh no!

Andy's Mom: Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!

Andy: But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!

Andy's Mom: Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.

Andy: Nah, just leave him.

Andy's Mom: I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp. Woody then yells at the other toys that Andy's back. The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]

Andy: Hey, Woody! Did you miss me?

[Takes Woody and plays with him]

Andy: Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy!

[notices Woody's broken arm]

Andy: [depressed] Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.

[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]

Woody: No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no!

[now choking]

Woody: Andy. Andy.

[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]

Andy: [echo] Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.

Woody: No, no! ANDY!

[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]

[Woody back home in Andy's Room safe and sound, is having his arm fixed by Andy after it was re-torn at the Airport, but Andy never knew what happened while he was at Camp]

Andy's Mom: Andy, time to go. Hey, you fixed Woody.

Andy: Yeah, glad I didn't take him to Cowboy Camp. His *whole arm* might've come off.

Ken: [sees a sign that says "Vanessa and Barry: Flowers, Honey, Legal Advice" and becomes disgusted] UGH! THAT BEE IS LIVING MY LIFE!

Andy: [guiding Ken protectively] Let it go, Kenny.

Ken: WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END?

Andy: Let it all go.

Ken: I'm not scared of him but it's just the allergic thing.

Andy: Hey, buddy, put that on your résumé brochure.

Ken: It's not funny, my whole face could puff up.

Andy: Make it one of your special skills.

Ken: Yeah? Knocking someone out is also a special skill.

Jack Merridew: Rodge, you okay, man? That was some jump.

Roger: I got him. Right up his ass.

Sam, Twin #1, Eric, Twin #2, Pablo, Andy: Up the ass!

Will: Come on, cut it out!

Ralph: Stop it!

Will: You dorks, it hurt!

Sam, Twin #1: I know it hurt.

Andy: You okay, Boss?

Mace Montana: Well, my chin's banged up pretty bad... I think my ribs are broke... an' it feels like I punctured a major organ, Andy... but I'm circus.

Andy: Bruce, you know this trip to Africa in search of the lost City of the Dead will be the most thrilling experience of our lives. Why, man, we're going to see things nobody has laid eyes on... at least not for centuries!

Bruce Kellogg: Maybe, Andy, but I'm from Missouri - you'll have to show me.

Justin Eagle: Can I trust you Andy?

Andy: Ya we all in same boat.

Justin Eagle: Have you seen a 60 year old man aboard grey hair, glasses.

Andy: Ya he's in same boat to right over there.

[last lines]

Raggedy Ann, Andy: [singing] Candy hearts and paper flowers / Will always keep me close to you, / Will always keep me close to you.

Dick: [to the prisoner in the next cell] Hey Andy, do them books say what happens when you hang?

Andy: [smoking cigar] Neck breaks...

[spits]

Andy: crap your pants.

Andy: You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore.

Bobby's Buddy: Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? If I can't find him, I'm telling Beth that you let him drown.

Andy: I was busy!

Bobby's Buddy: It's your job to make sure kids don't drown!

Lindsay: What 'cha doing?

Andy: Writing in my gournal. I write my thoughts in it every day.

Lindsay: Oh, you mean a journal?

Andy: Yeah, whatever. I guess I'm not all smart like you.

Andy: You French great.

Lindsay: You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Man.

Beth: [walks in as Andy knocks his dishes off the table] Andy? You gonna clean that up?

Andy: Oh yeah. I will. Uh, I just got... I don't have time right now.

Beth: Clean it up, and come to my office for the meeting.

Andy: I gotta...

[gives an annoyed sigh and begins picking it up]

Andy: [to Katie] Fuck you, dyke!

Christina: How are you stuck?

Andy: I have a piercing...

[the entire crowd recoils in shock]

San Francisco Policeman #2: I don't get it, how are they stuck?

Male bystander: [smiles] Behind her tonsils

San Francisco Policeman #2: How do you know that?

[Awkward pause]

Andy: [watering plants as Sammy pulls up] About time his best friend showed up.

Sammy: How is he?

Andy: I dunno, man. He just stays down in the basement since it happened... Five days now. I think he might be having some kind of mental situation, or something.

Sammy: I'll talk to him.

Sammy: [the camera follows him as he walks to the house, singing to himself]

Andy: [off camera] Hey, you better do something. I don't wanna be known as brother-in-law of the town nut job; I got enough problems already.

Andy: [sound of water splosing]

Andy: Oh, shit, I just got water all over myself.

Kate: [ready to leave for a date] Come on, Andy! Move your ass!

Andy: Hang on, hon! I'm watching Dallas! I think J.R. might be dead or something - they shot him!

Chris McConnell: [Roxanne spies Chris in a bookstore] Hey, did that copy of 'Being and Nothingness,' by Jean...

Stationery Clerk: Jean-Paul Sartre? Yes, it did. I got it right here! It's all paid for.

Chris McConnell: Great! Okay, thanks a lot.

Stationery Clerk: De rien. Il n'y a pas de quoi.

Chris McConnell: All right, okay...

Stationery Clerk: It ain't nothing, bro!

Chris McConnell: [reading as he exits bookstore] "... therefore my body is a conscious structure of my consciousness..."

Andy: Yeah. Thanks, Chris. I was too embarrassed to go in there and ask for it myself.

Chris McConnell: A little light reading, huh, Andy?

[after Roxanne shows up naked outside the firehouse]

Trent: Who's at the door?

C.D. Bales: Someone locked out of their house.

Andy: Need any help, chief?

C.D. Bales: Nah, it looks pretty boring, I'll handle it.

Andy: [wearing boxing gloves, as Ralston tries to revive an unconscious Jerry] Hey, he owes me fifty bucks.

Ralston: You animal.

Andy: That's our new computer. We can pinpoint any fire in town with that. It's perfect for us, because, you know, we're the fire department.

Andy: You think I don't appreciate art? You think I don't understand fashion? You think I'm not hip? You think I'm pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so? You think I'm shit? Well, you're wrong, 'cause i'm champagne, and you're shit. Until the day you die, you, not me, will always be shit.

Andy: So what do you do?

Frances: Eh... It's kinda hard to explain.

Andy: Because what you do is complicated?

Frances: Eh... Because I don't really do it.

Andy: Grant told me you were pretty, but he didn't mention that you were flat-chested. How cute.

Andy: [to Grant] Choose me. Marry me!

Andy: I'll give you two grand if I can fuck you in the ass.

Bellingham: [tied to a chair watching his manuscript get dumped] My master's thesis! What're you doing?

Andy: [ripping up a page] Well, I'm going to start a little fire under your chair and roast your nuts.

Andy: Come and dance.

Francesca Deane: Oh God. You don't DANCE as well, do you?

Andy: As well as what?

Gloria: Do you want to come up for a coffee?

Andy: I don't drink coffee.

Gloria: I haven't got any.

Andy: Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, hey ladies?

Vera: Aye, but we can do without the drugs and rock 'n' roll!

Andy: The only reason I get up in the morning is to see if my luck's changed. And it never bloody has.

[talking about Gloria]

Simmo: You had her. Behind the bus station.

Andy: No, I didn't.

Simmo: You told us you did.

Andy: No, it were top half only.

Gloria: Moving words...

Andy: What?

Gloria: Back there - Danny.

Andy: Ah, aye, daft old codger. If it weren't for t'band ah reckon he'd pop his clogs. Listen, I wondered if you fancied some grub?

Gloria: Where?

Andy: I dunno - go posh if ya want...

Women on picket line: [chanting] The miners, united, will never be defeated.

Andy: Poor old biddies. Don't they know they're pissing in the wind, like the rest of us?

Ernie: Can they do that, women?

Andy: What?

Ernie: Piss in the wind.

Jim: No, Ernie. That's just the point.

Ernie: No, but on a nice day, you know, when there's no wind about. They can't - you know - get any direction on it.

Jim: All right, whatever it is that lasses do that's pointless.

Andy: Bloody hell. So much to choose from.

Phil: Fart in a force ten?

Jim: By god, Phil, you don't half know some funny women.

Harry: Steady lads. My missus does that.

All: [guffaw]

Harry: You daft bastards. Women Against Closure? That is when she's not farting in a force ten!

[Andy discovers that Gloria is from the corporate office]

Andy: Oy, you're fucking management!

Gloria: No, that's what you're doing.

Andy: I'm not a kid any more, Jim, right?

Jim: Oh, aye. Old enough to be a scab then?

Ernie: It's all right, Andy. He doesn't mean it.

Andy: You don't mess around with words like that.

Jim: Aye, I'm sorry, Andy. I take it back. You're just a stupid fucker.

Andy: That's more like it.

Simmo: Andy, I don't want a falling out, mate. You're my main source of income.

Andy: Don't worry, Simmo. I've lost more this week than a bloody trumpet.

Andy: Marriages don't work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable.

Patsy: [in a pub after a few beers] far as I'm concerned, football died, the day Arsenal won the double.

Andy: that's right. yeah

Patsy: what was they, workhorses.

Andy: boring buggers hey.

Patsy: well the spurs double team, they was artists.

Andy: they was artists.

Patsy: 21 quid a week they got, can you imagine. what do they get today, millions.

Andy: and they got their backhanders on top of that ain't they.

Patsy: poncing round the penalty area with their handbags.

Andy: primadonnas

Patsy: ohh, he kicked a me ref.

Andy: brown, baker, henry,

[both]

Andy: blanchflower

Patsy: danny boy

Andy: yeah.

Patsy: he was the architect of the modern game you know.

Andy: that's right, yeah.

Patsy: norman, mackay, john white, smith, allen,

[both]

Patsy: dyson

Andy: yeah, come on you spurs.

Patsy: john white, what a player aye.

Andy: yeah.

Patsy: I used to have a little picture of him on my wall, ringed in black.

Patsy: tragic. what a way to go.

Andy: struck by lightening.

Patsy: on a golf course.

Andy: what a waste aye. you want another?

[talking to Charlie about Gregory, after seeing him first with Carol, then Margo and finally Susan]

Andy: There's definitely something in the air tonight, Charlie. That's three women in a row he's had.

Andy: Twelve tons of cornflakes pass under here every day. It's a well-known fact.

Andy: Tits, bum, fanny; the lot.

Charlie: That's not the way you spell 'Caracus' anyway

Andy: What?

Charlie: Caracas. It's c-a-s, not c-u-s.

Andy: We've been standing here for four hours! Why didn't you tell me?

Jennifer: I'm glad that wasn't a real knife.

Andy: If course it was not a real knife. We wouldn't even allow a butter knife on the set. We all know Benjamin's three simple rules to safety. One, safety to humans. Two, safety to people's property. And three, make a good movie.

Casey: Yeah, too bad he can't seem to get rule three right.

DJ: Hey, you seen Christine?

Andy: I thought she went outside to practice her lines. Didn't you know that?

DJ: I knew that. Everyone thinks that DJ doesn't know shit! DJ knows shit! I know where Christine is. She's with that grip Nikolai again!

[Andy and Tina walk off and approach the Toddster]

Andy: Hey Todd, are you gonna be ready in five?

Toddster: I would be ready now if the fact that our fearless leader, our "brilliant" director, didn't blow out my sound system with his ultra-real 44 Magnum blast in that last scene.

Tina - Script Girl: So, how long then?

Toddster: Long enough for you to suck the Todd rod, and for you to be gurgilling with the Todd wadd!

Andy: [grabs Toddster's crotch] That's enough!

Toddster: What the fuck, dude! I'll put up with the awful cheese sandwiches for lunch. I'll put up with the crew on this set that fucking sucks! But I draw the line at ball crunching! I quit! I fucking quit! The Toddster is out of here and I'm taking my sound equipment with me. Sayonadra suckers!

Larry Benjamin: Hey, Andy are you there? Are we all ready to shoot the next scene?

Andy: Actually no, we're going to have to stop production. The sound guy just quit.

Larry Benjamin: Aw man, not the Toddster! He had good potential. Ah, what the heck, let's shoot the scene anyway. We don't need sound.

Andy: Larry, the next scene is Sergeant Kabukiman delivering the Gettysburg Address.

Larry Benjamin: Oh... well I guess we can just scratch that. Hey, let's go to that wild party scene. I can see it now... we do a nice slow disolve to the fraternity scene. The night scene...

Andy: Hey Larry, where the fuck did the fat kid go?

Larry Benjamin: Yaeger? I sent him over to Jerry in special effects. He's having his head life cast for the head crushing scene we're filming next. Yaeger's the guy who's going to get his head squished between the cheeks of Toxie's ass.

Andy: Larry, it would be so much faster and cheaper if we use this watermellon with a wig on it like you always do.

Larry Benjamin: I know, but this is one movie we ain't skipping on.

Rusty Wells: Where is she? Where's Valerie? Is she all right?

Wilbur: Yeah, she's all right but we woun't be as soon as Big Frank gets wind of this.

Rusty Wells: I'm not worried about Big Frank. I gotta find her and explain.

Doc: What have you got to explain?

Andy: Wait a minute. How come all of a sudden you're so worried about her?

[Rusty sheepishly looks at them as they all quickly figure out that he and Valerie are now romanticaly involved]

Wilbur: No... it can't be.

Doc: You mean you and her... him and her...?

Andy: The King is dead!

Doc: What happened?

[as they walk into the Kit Kat Club after the fight]

Andy: Mice?

'Wolf Call' O'Brien: Hey, Rusty! How'd you get out?

Andy: What out? He's trying to get in!

'Wolf Call' O'Brien: [to Rusty] You mean you want to be in jail?

Wilbur: It's to see a girl.

Doc: But he can't get in. It's impossible.

'Wolf Call' O'Brien: Interesting problem. Very interesting. A jail-break going the other way.

[the guys are meeting at a restaurant after their design was "stolen"]

Andy: Guess what guys? I had a VISION!

Tiny: [skeptically] That involved third-world school kids?

Andy: Hi! I'm Casper - the friendly hologram. I think it was God who said, "Let there be light."

[computer prototypes all start at once]

Francis: Holy shit!

Andy: How's things?

Tiny: Entropy is winning.

Andy: Darrel just smiled!

Darrell: I did not! It was a facial spasm!

Andy: This place is amazing. It's like Christmas morning and Disneyland and sex all wrapped up in one.

Andy: To the last hurrah. I can't tell you how jazzed I am. I don't care about the pay cut. Do you know how long we can live off top Ramen?

Robin: Ten cockroaches can live a year off a single postage stamp

Andy: Exactly. We'll be like the cockroaches. Totally unencumbered. I don't need that big apartment.

Robin: Andy, I think you missed the point of my little cockroach factoid. I don't want any part of your poverty experiment.

Andy: So you don't want anything to do with me without my huge salary?

Robin: Would you want anything to do with me without the saline twins?

[Gets up from table and starts to leave]

Robin: Just drop my diaphragm in the mail.

Busboy: The twins are awesome!

Francis: The world needs a cheap portable computer, Casper. Third world school children want to join the information age.

Andy: I thought third world school children wanted... food.

Darrell: One drop of this on Darrell's palm and you'll be pushing the mercury past 105 and choking to death on your own mucus in 24 hours.

Andy: But you'd be dead too.

Darrell: Darrell's been inoculated.

Andy: Now what's wrong?

Darrell: How do you think people get sick, huh? Some guy picks his nose or scratches his ass, then he grabs that handle. You touch it and next thing you know, you're bleeding out of your eyes - out of your anus. Go ahead. Be my guest. Touch it.

Andy: [puts hand on handle, opens the door and licks his palm] Live Dangerously

Andy: I really like the city late at night, it's like a big abandoned ghost town.

Ian: Like they dropped a neutron bomb and nobody noticed.

[recounting his favorite slang term for masturbation]

Andy: Shooting tadpoles at the moon.

Steven: Shit, it's hot!

Andy: Greenhouse effect. Acid rain, nuclear dumping, no ozone left, the whole planet's a goner. I give it another five years max.

Wilbur: It's party time!

[pulls out a stash of weed]

Lisa Dubois: What is that?

Andy: Colombian?

Bob: Jamaican?

Lisa Dubois: Swiss?

Wilbur: Only the best... New Jersey.

Bob: What exit?

Lorna: So what do you do for a living?

Andy: I... I write classified ads.

Lorna: I've read some of your work. Some of it's pretty good.

Andy: You're wearing the uniform of the depressed: Sweatpants and a raincoat.

Andy: Didn't your mother teach you to break up with some style?

Cheryl: You just... you just have to get over it.

Andy: "Get over it?" It's been four days.

Andy: Didn't your mother teach you to break up with some style?

Cheryl: You gotta just... get over it.

Andy: Get over it? It's only been four DAYS.

Jeri: How'd the date go?

Andy: I got Ninja-Fucked.

Andy: What do you wanna do?

Kieran: Let's have sex.

Andy: That's a rare idea. All we do is have sex. I think one day you're gonna kill me if I can't perform.

Andy: You know what, Jeff? You're wrong! 'Cause it's not about the other flesh. It's about being with the same woman night after night, and cuddling with her until you wear a spot on her back. Getting to know her, watching her change and watching how it changes you.

Andy: Just because I don't have it doesn't mean I don't know what it is.

[from trailer]

Kevin: Who bought them?

Andy: Two black guys.

Kevin: What'd they look like?

Andy: Two... black guys!

Andy: Please!

Jennifer: "Please" is what I said to you!

Andy: [screams] FUCK YOU!

Jennifer: You already did that. I didn't enjoy it much...

[pause]

Jennifer: Now it's my turn to fuck you!

Andy: [repeats] FUCK YOU!

Jennifer: Now is *that* any way to speak to a lady?

[grabs Andy's heads and dunks it repeatedly in the tub full of water]

Stanley: [shows Johnny his camcorder] I got Matthew's girlfriend here in a very private moment...

Andy: [snickers] Girlfriend? Matthew ain't had a girlfriend since he was sucking on his momma's titties!

Johnny: I had her creaming in her panties.

Andy: And she had you shitting in yours.

Andy: [after raping Jennifer] Whoo! That bitch was tight.

Stanley: It's gone. It's fucking gone!

Andy: Jesus, Stanley, calm the fuck down! What's got your nuts in a sling?

Stanley: My camera, it's gone. Someone stole it!

Andy: Maybe you accidentally ate it!

Stanley: FUCK OFF, MAN! This is serious!

[pause]

Stanley: It had the tape in it.

Johnny: What are you talking about?

Stanley: The tape... the fucking tape!

Johnny: The tape Storch smashed to bits? That tape?

Stanley: Oh, man, Storch didn't smash shit. l replaced it with a new one. The Sheriff stomped on the one that had nothing on it!

Andy: Hello, Tom. How are ya? Care to scrape a knuckle on your playmate here?

Tom Reagan: No. Thanks though, Andy.

Andy: Well, if you change your mind, we'll be

[returns to pummeling thug tied to chair]

Andy: interrogating for a while.

[as the elevator doors open]

Andy: Speak of the Devil

Jed: And the Devil appears

Andy: What the fuck do you think I want, Trace? I want half.

Andy: We are almost done running errands. Then it's time to put the "joy" back into joyride.

Andy: In 10 years, they're all going to be working as janitors at our high school. All of them.

Bea: There were like 40 people at that party.

Andy: It'll be a really clean high school.

Andy: I saw Dad.

Tammy: Dad? Where?

Andy: Tam, he's one of them.

Andy: Tam, am I one of them?

Tammy: No.

Scarlet: [upon examining Andy's eyes] Green and brown. Interesting iris variation. It's usually hereditary. Do one of your parents have the same?

Andy: My mother, she did.

Scarlet: How old are you, Andy?

Andy: Twelve.

Scarlet: I think that makes you the youngest person in the entire country. Well, your blood pressure is A-OK and you're negative on any serious disease or afflictions. I think you're okay to come in. Welcome back to Britain.

Donald Harris: Your mum and I were hiding in a house. A wee cottage. There was an old couple that owned it. And they were there, too. Three other people. And we were, uh... just trying to stay alive, I suppose. We were doing okay for a while. And then we were attacked. They came in through the kitchen window. They were really fast, you know? Chased us. Chased your mum. And we were trapped. Trapped in the bedroom. I... I seen them... biting. I couldn't do anything. I tried to go back. She was already gone. She was already gone.

Andy: Was there nothing you could do?

Donald Harris: No, there was nothing I could do. I managed to get away. Just running, running, and running. I got to this military camp. And you know the rest, you know, I've been in quarantine waiting for you guys to come back.

Tammy: We're just happy you're still alive.

Andy: [after catching her for shoplifting] The food is not the issue. It's about setting an example, right?

Wendy: Sir, I'm not from around here. I can't be an example.

[pleads to Martin]

Andy: Everybody lies - but not all the time.

Andy: Why would your mother lie to you?

Martin: To punish me, for being blind.

Andy: Does it really matter if she lied to you about some garden?

Martin: Yes... it was my world.

[confronts Martin after leaving restaurant]

Andy: You may be blind, but you still have to pay for what you ate.

Martin: I ate nothing. My meal never arrived.

[to a departing Martin]

Andy: You killed Ugly.

[Martin lifts cat out of garbage bin]

Andy: I think you broke his neck.

Martin: He's not dead.

Andy: Oh shit! Sorry Ugly!

Andy: Your whole life's the truth. Have some pity on the rest of us.

Andy: Is she your sweetheart, Martin?

Martin: Hell no! Sweetheart? Celia has no heart.

Bobby: Wow guys... I think you met your match.

Andy: Did we just get dissed by the cabana girl?

Sheila: God, you're quick.

Andy: I think I know what hell is. Hell is waking up everyday believing that the suffering you're doing in life has meaning. That, somehow, if you endure it, you gain valuable lessons. The truth is, sometimes you just suffer. There is no meaning.

Andy: Do you think we'll go to hell?

Andy: Goddammit, Shelly, why do you always have to be such an asshole?

Shelly: Sorry. And I'm not an asshole, I'm an actor.

Andy: Same thing.

Andy: How do we do it?

Debbie: Well, first we take our clothes off, and then you get on top of me or I can get on top of you.

Andy: I know how to do it. I mean, how do we do it in a hammock?

Debbie: [undressing] Well, uh, I think you can figure something out.

Andy: I'll think of something!

Chris: This was my bedroom. It's yours for the weekend.

Debbie: Great.

[Chris looks outside the window and sees that the door of the barn is moving]

Debbie: Chris? I don't mean to be picky or anything, but where's the bed?

[Chris is still worried]

Debbie: Chris?

Chris: Oh. It's right here.

[she shows the hammock to Debbie]

Debbie: What's this?

Chris: It's your bed.

Debbie: A hammock?

Chris: You might like it.

[Chris leaves the room]

Debbie: Why not?

[Andy comes in]

Andy: Where's the bed?

Andy: Erin, I'm dead. Please finish it. You can do it.

Erin: I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Andy: Here's a knife. Erin, do it. Do it!

Erin: I can't do it.

Andy: Do it! Do it! Do it!

Erin: Please forgive me... Please forgive me.

Andy: Well, I guess that's what brains look like... Sort of like... lasagna... kind of... Okay, I'll shut up now.

Sheriff Hoyt: I bet she's real unhappy, real sorry that you're getting fuckin' her blood all over your goddamn arm. You know, back when I was a young patrolman, I used to love wrapping up these young honies.

Andy: Yeah, I bet you did.

Sheriff Hoyt: Yeah, cop me a little bit of a feel every now and then, you know. Oh, look at that. She's kind of wet down there. What you boys been doing with this dead body anyway?

Andy: Can we please finish this?

Andy: I love you...

Erin: Please forgive me...

Andy: Yo, Kemp, can you do something about the A.C. back here? I'm melting.

Kemper: No. But if you or Pepper get too hot, you could always take your clothes off.

Andy: You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Erin: You are such a perv. Don't listen to him, Pepper.

Pepper: Why not? I think he's funny.

Erin: She's only known you for 19 hours. I've lived with him for 3 years, and trust me, he is not funny.

Sheriff Hoyt: How about giving me a hand here, asshole? You don't expect me to do this by myself? I need some help.

Andy: Why do I always get yanked into this shit? What am I doing?

Sheriff Hoyt: Lift her up and just kind of pull her over your way there. She ain't gonna bite you. She's deader than a goddamn doornail. Get a-hold of her and pick her up.

Old Monty: What the hell are you doing in my house?

Andy: All right, look. We're just looking for are friend, all right. Then we'll be out of here.

Old Monty: You ain't running things, boy except your mouth.

Andy: This guy's crazy.

Old Monty: You little turd, you're so dead, you don't even know it.

Andy: Y'know, sometimes I look at these gorgeous-looking chicks, I mean the ones that look like real knockouts, sexy and all... and I wonder... I wonder if they gotta take a shit, too.

Stanley: Hey, all women shit, women are full of shit.

Matthew: Not my mother!

Andy: My sister is.

Johnny: Aw, man, cut out the shit talk!

Johnny: [laughing as Matthew is naked raping Jennifer] Take off your fuckin' glasses, Matthew!

Andy: He can't see without his fucking glasses!

Chucky: [as Andy places Chucky in the fireplace and gets ready to light it up] No, Andy, NO!

[pause]

Chucky: We're friends 'til the end! Remember?

Andy: This is the end, friend!

[Andy lights the fireplace and Chucky starts to scream as he burns]

Andy: His real name is Charles Lee Ray and he's been sent down from Heaven by daddy to play with me.

Andy: Look, you stay here; I have to go tinkle.

Andy: Mom, wake up, look what I found on the beach!

Stevie Wayne: [sleepily] Andrew. I love you. But sometimes you're a real pain.

Andy: [to Cassidy] You know, today I gave the valedictorian speech. Remember? Reputation comes from the company you keep. And the company you keep? Bitches.

Andy: [Andy sees Billy staring while standing at the stockroom door] Just what the fuck you think you are doing now?

Billy Chapman: I... You shouldn't... You shouldn't talk like that.

Andy: Well, excuse me, Ann Landers. You know, what is it with you lately, Billy?

Billy Chapman: Nothing.

Andy: I'm going to level with you. When you came here a couple of months ago, you were an allright kid. But all the sudden, you got this fucking attitude problem. Snapping at me all the time. You're staring off into space like some moon goon.

Billy Chapman: Look, will you just... just leave me alone, All right?

Andy: When I leave you alone, asshole, none of your fucking work gets done.

Billy Chapman: Look, I don't care about my fucking work.

Andy: Oh, is that so, wiseass?

Billy Chapman: Look, just leave me alone.

Andy: So, what the fuck are you doing now?

Billy Chapman: You know, you shouldn't talk like that.

Andy: Oh? Well pardon me, Ann Landers!

Frances Fairchild: What are you doing here?

Andy: [in viking bondage attire] Uh, raping and pillaging!

Frances Fairchild: Leave. Now.

Carol: There's evil on this island. An evil that won't let us get away. An evil that sends out an inhuman, diabolic power. I sense its vibrations now. The vibrations are an intense horror. It will destroy us! The very same way it did all the others!

Andy: Shut up, Carol!

'Andy': I died for you, Doc. Why shouldn't you return the favor?

Andy: [as he beats his wife Tracy] Why are you so fucking unstable?

Andy: You guys can do whatever you want to me. I'm ready for anything.

Andy: [enters angry the boss' office] By all love to children, but no, I sure can take a lot but this goes definitelly too far and if you think that I stay here longer, then...

[suddenly spots the new manager, the attractive Sabine, smiles enthusiasticly to her]

Sabine Frobenius: [smiles back] Then what? What is it? Say it.

Andy: No, got it. Make love, no resignation.

Andy: My Sabine.

Robby Mertens: Or mine. By all friendship, dear Andy, but here I won't ask you for permission.

Andy: Not me, but your wife.

Robby Mertens: Who?

Andy: Well, your darling spouse is greeting you warmly and when you don't send money soon bad luck will appear.

Robby Mertens: My spouse?

Andy: Well, that's what it says: To Mr. Jack Neuhaus, Hotel Seefels Palace. Right?

Robby Mertens: I'm married?

Andy: Good that it comes into your mind right now.

Robin: Why do we have to sing two of your songs and only the one of mine? It's not particulalry fair is it?

Andy: For God's sake Rob mate it's not a competition, we're here to impress.

Robin: Sounds like a competition to me!

Andy: NO... YES... BLOODY HELL... I LOVE YOU... I DIDN'T WANT TO GO... YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MADE ME,WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE WHEN I SAW YOU KISSING AND THINGS?

Jenna: AS FRIENDS!

Andy: HOW THE FUKK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

Dr. Dudley: Wait! Cut it out, will you, cut it out!

Andy: What'd you have to go wake me up for? I was just kissin' Daisy.

Dr. Dudley: Kissin' Daisy, nothin'. You were kissin' me!

[Camera pans back and you see Andy and Dr. Dudley sleeping in the back of their car, in a park, next to a sign that reads: Ball Playing Prohibited]

Andy: Why did you have to go and tell Daisy we got big offices for?

Dr. Dudley: We got a chance of gettin' ourselves in on this Frisby proposition and there's nothing like a big office to impress a woman. Now, here are the lipsticks and this is our future headquarters.

Dr. Dudley: You get him on the phone and tell him something to get him out of there. Tell him some bad news.

Andy: I'll tell him his wife ran away.

Dr. Dudley: That's not bad news.

Andy: Isn't the view beautiful from up here?

Daisy: Yea, but it makes me dizzy.

Andy: I like 'em dizzy.

Andy: [singing] Your lips as red as wine, Are lips I can't resist, And once they're pressed to mine, I'll wanna be kissed and kissed.

[Kiss]

Daisy: Just keep on doin' whatcha doin', Although its leadin' me to ruin, Just keep on doin' whatcha doin' cause I love whatcha doin' to me...

Andy: Say, Doc, I had a queer feeling in the Subway.

Andy: Say, that girl should be penalized five yards.

Dance Director: What for?

Andy: Backfield in motion.

Andy: Look! Its the girls' car.

Dr. Dudley: Oh, yes! Hang on, Andy. We're going places.

[referring to Whitey Cole]

Amos Bradford: He's suffering from rabid delusions aggravated by a moronic mentality.

Andy: Is that bad?

Richard Tryste: Do you know what my vision of the apocalypse is?

Andy: No. What's that?

Richard Tryste: Being tied naked to a chair, lathered in oils and ointments, with soiled rubbers everywhere, probed by an alien, and forced to watch re-runs of "Blake's 7" into the morning light.

Nate: I'm not sure if I should.

Andy: There is no should or suppose to, it's about what's Nate wanna do.

Andy: Are you ready for a righteous story? I'm talking a hundred and three minutes with titles.

Andy: Oh, hi. I'm Andy. Th... this is Bean. He's kind of a snob but he plays well with others.

Andy: Ouch. You punched your friend? In the nose?

Paul: Yes, and I'd do it again.

Andy: Are you sure about that?

Paul: Goodbye, Andy.

Andy: I know it sounds crazy, but I... I think he may be coming out.

Roz: Coming out? Over fifty? If that's not dragging it across the finish line, I don't know what is.

Harry: Sorry I took so long.

Roz: Why don't I ever hear that when we're having sex?

Andy: Shut up. At least you're having sex.

Andy: You can't even say it, can you?

Elise: Well, of course I can.

Andy: Then say it?

Elise: But this is just silly.

Andy: Say it!

Elise: All right. G-A-Y - "gay." Are you happy now?

Andy: [evenly] I'm overjoyed.

Andy: I think *any* new experience is exciting.

Fred Madison: Andy, who is that guy?

Andy: I don't know his name. He's a friend of Dick Laurent's, I think.

Fred Madison: Dick Laurent?

Andy: Yeah, I believe so.

Fred Madison: But Dick Laurent is dead, isn't he?