Amy Quotes in The Running Man (1987)


Amy Quotes:

  • Amy: You're lucky he didn't kill you, too. Or rape you, then kill you. Or kill you, then rape you.

  • Amy: Where ya been these last ten years?

    Debi: Yeah, where ya been, "Marv"?

    Amy: Ya look great!

    Martin Q. Blank: Thanks. I work at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

    Amy: Ya do not!

    Martin Q. Blank: I do! I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southland.

    Amy: You're so funny.

    Debi: He's a funny guy.

  • Amy: Amy good gorilla.

  • Amy: Sometimes magma can find one of those fissures and rise up through it.

    Roark: What's magma?

    Rachel: Lava.

    Roark: Lava? Right here in L.A?

    Amy: It is one of the possibilities.

    Roark: We have a history of that here in the downtown area?

    Rachel: Paracutin... 1943, a Mexican farmer sees smoke coming out of the middle of his cornfield. A week later there's a volcano a thousand feet high. There's no history of anything until it happens. Then there is.

  • Amy: Roark, Roark. There's lava in the red line. This just came through on the radio. The lava had overtaken a subway train in MacArthur park and completely destroyed it.

    Roark: Is it still flowing?

    Amy: It stopped. But there's more under us. There's has to be something feeding this. We know that the lava broke through here at the tar pits and created this vent, and we know that it broke through at MacArthur park, so that means it is traveling laterally underground over a course of at least eight miles.

    Roark: Yesterday, you said it would flow straight up.

    Amy: I've never tracked lava under a city before. I don't know what it will do with man-made tunnels to travel through.

    Roark: I doesn't matter. I have to deal what's in front of me right now. I don't have time to read a filer on geological theory.

    Amy: Well, somebody has to.

    Roark: I can only fight what I can see.

    Amy: Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and check it out.

  • Dr. Jaye Calder: We have put the kids in the mall. The Hard Rock I think.

    Norman Calder: Okay, you've done your duty. Can we go now?

    Amy: Are you sure she is there?

    Dr. Jaye Calder: Yes. I've left her with some kids.

    [to Norman]

    Dr. Jaye Calder: Norman, hold this.

    [hands Norman a pack of interferon]

    Norman Calder: [hands a person the interferon] Here take this.

    [to Jaye]

    Norman Calder: These people are strangers Jaye! Are you gonna die for them? Jaye, answer me!

    Dr. Jaye Calder: I am answering you Norman.

    [to other doctors treating a man who is unconscious]

    Dr. Jaye Calder: This man is under cardiac arrest. I'm defibrilating!

    [uses a defibrilator on the man]

    Norman Calder: [turns away] Oh shit! I'm outta here.

  • Amy: [calling Roark on his phone] How fast can you get to the corner of Wilshire and Western, we have a problem.

    Roark: No, no. Not anymore. We have it stopped.

    Amy: The volume of ash is too high to think that we're out of danger.

    Roark: So, why did it just stop?

    Amy: Well, maybe it didn't, maybe it went someplace else.

    Roark: So, how do you know it didn't stop?

    Amy: I don't. But what I do know is when Mount Saint Helens blew, the force was twenty seven thousand times greater then that of the Hiroshima bomb. Do you think that the vent reached to that amount of energy yet?

    Roark: No.

    Amy: Well, lets just assume that we haven't seen the real bulk of the magma yet. Trust me, get down here.

    [hangs up the phone]

    Amy: Shit.

  • Amy: Right over the Red Line

    [metro tunnel]

    Roark: That steam could come anywhere... maybe the earthquake broke a water main

    Amy: How did it get heated?

    Roark: I don't know

    Amy: You gotta lower me down there

    Roark: I'm not letting you down there

    Amy: Why... It's too dangerous?

    Roark: Yes

    Amy: I thought it was a water main?

    Roark: All right... I'll go

    Amy: You'll go... How are you gonna get up... I'm gonna lift you

    Roark: I'm not letting you go

    Amy: Then what are we going to do?

    [lowers a camera down the shaft]

  • Lucy: I didn't even want to be a criminal. I wanted to be a pirate.

    Amy: [laughs] Pirates are criminals.

    Lucy: Oh. Whoops.

  • [Amy fails to unhook Lucy's bra properly during their make-out session]

    Lucy: Oww! Did you just snap my bra?

    Amy: Er... no.

    Lucy: Yeah, you did. That hasn't happened to me since sixth grade.

    Amy: I was trying to be smooth.

  • Max: Who's your best friend?

    Amy: You are my best friend.

    Max: And what did I say to you the very first day at the Academy?

    Amy: "That's my bunk, bitch."

    Max: After that.

  • Mrs. Peatree: Are you kidding me? We conduct a nationwide manhunt for you and you're boning the suspect? Did you think this was a joke? "Let's divert federal resources and man hours so I can have my collegiate lesbian fling in style."

    Amy: I was doing research.

    Mrs. Peatree: I'll bet.

  • Amy: [at Endgame, Amy delivers the formal acceptance speech Max wrote for her] If there is corruption in this city, Lucy Diamond is behind it.

    [Lucy enters the auditorium on an upper-floor balcony and listens in painful silence]

    Amy: If there is indecency to be found, she is the root. If there is evil in this world, its name is Lucy Diamond. It's not until moments like this when you are forced to take stock of yourself that you see what you are made of. It's not until moments like this when you have to remember what's right and true. Because it's moments like this when you discover what it truly means to be a D.E.B.

    [looks up, sees Lucy, and stops reading]

    Amy: Which is why I can't accept this award from you tonight. Because, the truth is, the times I spent with Lucy Diamond were the happiest days of my life. And the only brave thing I've done this whole time is what I'm doing now. So if you'll excuse me, I have a date with the devil.

    [smiles and runs from the podium]

  • LucyAmy: [Simultaneously] Oh god, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

    Amy: Oh my god...

    Lucy: Shit.

    Amy: You're Lucy Diamond.

    Lucy: You're a D.E.B.

    Amy: You have the right to remain silent...

    Lucy: You're reading me my rights?

    Amy: Anything you say can and will be used against you.

    [Lucy and Amy look at each other with anticipation. Amy starts to look uneasy. Lucy gives Amy a look like she's just realized how cute Amy is, then Amy talks]

    Amy: Okay here's the thing.

    Lucy: Yeah?

    Amy: I am really not up for dying today.

    Lucy: Me neither.

    Amy: So, I was thinking that uh, why don't you put your gun down.

    Lucy: Why don't you put your gun down?

    Amy: You're the criminal and I'm the cop, so I think I'm technically more trustworthy.

    Lucy: So far I was totally minding my own business on some stupid blind date when you guys decided to rain shit all over me.

    Amy: Wait. You were on a blind date?

    Lucy: Whatever.

    Amy: With that Russian girl?

    Lucy: What?

    Amy: Nothing. I just didn't know you were a...

    Lucy: Why would you know?

    Amy: Wow that really torpedoes my thesis.

  • Janet: Everybody's talking about it.

    Amy: About what?

    Janet: How you met Lucy and lived to tell about it. They're calling you a hero, when really you're a slut.

    Amy: You shut up.

    Janet: A gay slut.

    Amy: I'm not gay!

    Janet: Ms. Petrie wants to see you.

  • Max: It's a trap.

    Amy: Whatever.

    Max: Hey! Look. Creepy shadows. No bad guys in sight. Confined space! Trap!

    Amy: Why are to you giving me such a hard time? Do you think I can't handle it?

    Max: No I *know* you can't handle it. You wouldn't know formation kappa kappa gamma if it bit you in your forehead.

    Dominique: [acknowledging that this is not the best time for Amy and Max to be fighting] We are going to die.

    Amy: [to Dominique] No.

    [turning back to Max]

    Amy: As your senior officer, I'm ordering you to secure the vault, soldier!

    Max: You're "ordering" me?

    Amy: Yeah!

    Max: [gets gun ready] Fine!

    Amy: [they run in - nothing seems amiss] There! That wasn't so bad. I think you guys owe me an apology-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

    [falls as trap doors opens beneath her]

  • Amy: What I said to you the first time we met?

    Max: "High-protein diets are overrated."

    Amy: [trying to be patient] After that.

  • Amy: I'm here because I feel more like me when I'm with you, than I do when I'm with me.

  • Amy: [looking at Lucy through binoculars] Wow. Lucy Diamond, she's...

    Max: What?

    Amy: Real.

  • Amy: I think love should be irresistible, like a drug, you know? I think when it happens you should just not be able to help yourself. I just - I wanted... more.

  • Amy: Nothing happened.

    Janet: She was totally going to kiss you. You are so into her!

    Amy: I am not!

    Janet: You violated the prime directive. Plus, hello, it's a *girl*. You're so busted!

  • Amy: [to Janet] Remember when you got drunk and nearly got the chancellor of Bulgaria killed? And remember how i covered for you? I never told anyone. If Max ever found out you would never get your stripes and NEVER graduate.

  • Lucy: Come with me. Come on, what do you have to lose?

    Amy: Everything.

  • Janet: So, where're you going to?

    Amy: I think... Barcelona.

    Janet: I'll miss you.


    Janet: Can I have your room?

  • Janet: I have the sweater she's wearing, but in taupe.

    Amy: Really? Where did you get it?

    Janet: Target.

    Amy: No way.

    Dominique: Silence!

    Janet: [whispering] They also have it in teal.

  • Janet: Oh my god! She almost kissed you! And you almost let her!

    Amy: Drop it!

    Scud: [to Janet] You owe me fifty bucks.

  • Amy: [reading a doughnut package] If you win this mail-in contest, you can choose between 90,000 dollars, or 90,000 donuts. What would you do with 90,000 donuts?

  • Amy: If bullshit were music, you'd be a big brass band.

  • Amy: Sometimes I feel like the city is sucking away at my soul.

  • Amy: There's just no place for us in this world.

  • Amy: What is this, night of the living BRAIN-dead?

  • Amy: Look, you fucking chunky pumpkinhead! I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!

    Cashier: You told me you loved me... You told me you'd never leave me...

    Amy: What is this, Night of the Living Brain-dead? Wake up and smell the cappucino, geek. I don't know you, I've never fucking seen you before, I don't know who the fuck this 'Sunshine' is!

  • Amy: I'm so mad at you, I could rip your testicles off and staple them to your ankles. What the fuck did you have to go and tell Jordan for?

    Xavier: Tell him what?

    Amy: What do you think, doorknob? That we got together!

    Xavier: Well, didn't you utterly dig it?

    Amy: That is not the point!

    Xavier: Well, what is the point then, get it? Guilt is for married, old people!

    Amy: You're incredible. You're not even human, are you? You're like a life-support system for a cock!

  • Jordan: Do you love me, babe?

    Amy: Sure! I totally do, babe.

  • Amy: [Amy and Jordan are making out in a car] Just... ugh... put your dick in me!

    Jordan: I'm... I'm trying!

  • Xavier: What, mommy and daddy won't be all worried about their baby girl?

    Amy: My mom used to be a heroin addict, and now she's a Scientologist.

  • Amy: Nancy?

    Nancy Pryor: [In reference to the plane being at a lower altitude in relation to the top of the mountains] OH MY GOD! Bette we're too low.

    Amy: What are you supposed to do?

    Nancy Pryor: I don't know... I know they are worried about airspeed. Now... if we climb, the airspeed drops. I could stall us out.

    Amy: The Captain! He said he could help us.

    Captain Stacy: Thrust levers.

    Amy: Thrust levers, what about them?

    Captain Stacy: Forward... an inch.

    Amy: All right, anything else?

    Captain Stacy: One-ninety hold.

    Captain Stacy: One nine zero airspeed.

  • [first lines]

    Amy: Jack, thank God you're home.

    Jack Friar: What's wrong?

    Amy: I need your help. It's Connie, she's run away again.

  • Amy: [talking in nervous excitement to Justine] Eh, I hate small planes. I always get this feeling that they're going to crash.

  • Amy: Guys, they're coming back!

    [cannibal villagers return with ceramic bowls for captives]

  • Amy: No one's going to find us.

  • Stinky Pete the Prospector: Idiots! Children destroy toys. You'll be ruined, forgotten, spending eternity rotting in some landfill!

    Woody: [staring at The Prospector in the eyes, then chucking his chin] Well, Stinky Pete, I think it's time you learned the true meaning of playtime.

    [points to something off screen]

    Woody: Right over there, guys!

    Stinky Pete the Prospector: No, no, noooooooo!

    [the scene changes to show a Barbie backpack come out of the baggage room with the Prospector sitting in the netting in front]

    Amy: [offscreen] Look, Barbie! A big ugly man-doll! Ooh, he needs a makeover.

    [Amy grabs her backpack and puts her Barbie doll in. The doll's head is facing to the left of the screen]

    Barbie: Hi, you'll like Amy.

    [Turns her face to reveal a bunch of make up on her cheek; The Prospector gasps]

    Barbie: She's an artist!

  • Amy: [giving the traffic report, cheerfully] We're fucked, Bob.

  • [first lines]

    Amy: [off-screen] Still recording?

    Dan: [off-screen] Yeah.

    Amy: [off-screen] Alright.

    Dan: [off-screen] Alright, 'kay, can we clear this area please! See that. I talk, people listen.

    Dan: [video footage / Dan is behind the camera] Hi babe.

    Amy: Hi babe.

    Dan: How are you.

    Amy: I'm good. How are you?

    Dan: I'm good. You having fun?

    Amy: Yeah. You having fun?

    Dan: [as Zach burps off-screen] You look mighty tanned.

    Zach: Hey!

    Amy: [laughs] Oh my God!

    Amy: [cut to] Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Ready.

    Zach: Hold on.


  • Amy: I tell you the good news and spare you the bad. Isn't that what mom used to do for you when we were kids?

  • Lulu: [reading newspaper] Hmm... this could be interesting. Hang on. Whoops!


    Lulu: . I didn't know about that.

    [Amy comes down the stairs]

    Amy: Lulu, have you seen Morgan?

    Lulu: Huh? What do you mean?

    Amy: I haven't seen him in his room recently.

    Lulu: [gasps]

    Amy: And, maybe he must have gone somewhere, far away.

    Lulu: Oh, don't be silly, Amy!

    Amy: I'm not silly!

    Lulu: Oops. Sorry.

  • [the teddies are leaving the Bananas' house]

    Morgan: I've just to collect my camera, Bananas. There we go. I'll be seeing you.

    Amy: Goodbye, Bananas!

    B1B2: Bye, Teddies!

    B1: Ok. Now what?

    B2: I don't know, B1.

    B1: Me neither, B2. What if this... uh, Rog guy is really going to take over Cuddles Avenue?

    B2: Oh dear, B1.

    B1: Oh dear oh dear, B2.

    B1B2: [thinks, gasps] TEDDIES! TEDDIES!

  • Sean Parker: Well, I founded an internet company that let folks download and share music for free.

    Amy: Kind of like Napster?

    Sean Parker: Exactly like Napster.

    Amy: What do you mean?

    Sean Parker: I founded Napster.

    Amy: Sean Parker founded Napster.

    Sean Parker: Nice to meet you.

    Amy: [Surprised] You're Sean Parker?

    Sean Parker: Ah ha! You see, the shoe is on the other...

    Amy: Foot?

    Sean Parker: Table. Which has turned.

    Amy: I just slept with Sean Parker?

    Sean Parker: You just slept ON Sean Parker.

  • Amy: You don't know my name, do you?

    Sean Parker: Is it Stanford?

    Amy: [playfully] I should just kick your ass! How do you go to a party and you meet somebody...

    Sean Parker: [Cutting her off] Amelia Ritter, but you prefer Amy. You're from Orinda. Your father's in commercial real estate, and your mother's ten years sober.

    Amy: [Smiling] What's my major?

    Sean Parker: Trombone?

    Amy: Really?

    Sean Parker: I remember something about a trombone.

  • Sean Parker: Your major is French.

    Amy: And yours?

    Sean Parker: Mine? I don't have one.

    Amy: You haven't declared?

    Sean Parker: I don't go to school.

    Amy: You're kidding!

    Sean Parker: No.

    Amy: Well, where did you go to school?

    Sean Parker: William Taft Elementary for a little while.

    Amy: Seriously? You're not like 15-years old or anything, are you?

    Sean Parker: [laughing] No. Wait, you're not like 15, are you?

    Amy: No.

  • Amy: So what do you do?

    Sean Parker: I'm an entrepreneur.

    Amy: You're unemployed.

    Sean Parker: I wouldn't say that.

    Amy: What would you say?

    Sean Parker: That I'm an entrepreneur.

  • Sean Parker: You mind if I check my email?

    Amy: Yeah, go ahead.

    Sean Parker: [logs on and sees The Facebook] Amy? Amy!

    Amy: Yeah?

    Sean Parker: Can you come out here?

    Amy: Just a second.

    Sean Parker: There's a snake in here, Amy.

    Amy: What?

    [runs from shower]

    Amy: Where?

    Sean Parker: Okay, there isn't a snake but I need to ask you something.

    Amy: Are you kidding me? I could have been killed!

    Sean Parker: How?

    Amy: By running too fast! And getting twisted in the curtain. What do you need to ask me?

    Sean Parker: I went to check my email and there's a website open on your computer?

    Amy: Yeah, after you passed out last night I went on The Facebook for a little bit.

    Sean Parker: What's that?

    Amy: The Facebook? Stanford's had it for like, two weeks now. It's really awesome except it's freakishly addicting. Seriously, I'm on the thing like five times a day.

    Sean Parker: Mind if I send myself an email?

    Amy: Yeah, is everything okay?

    Sean Parker: Everything's great. I just need to find you, Mark Zuckerberg.

  • Amy: You're a zillionaire!

    Sean Parker: Not technically.

    Amy: What are you?

    Sean Parker: Broke. There's not a lot of money in free music, even less when you're being sued by everyone who's ever been to the Grammys.

    Amy: This is blowing my mind.

    Sean Parker: I appreciate that.

    Amy: I gotta hop in the shower and get ready for class.

    Sean Parker: Bio-Chem even though you're a French major who's name is Amy.

    Amy: You passed.

    Sean Parker: I'm a hard worker.

  • Amy: You can call me Amy.

    Rick Martin: I bet I could.

  • Amy: Call me sometime.

    Rick Martin: Call ya what?

  • Dr. Karl: Okay, remember when I said that all marriages are savable? Well, it ain't gonna happen for you guys.

    Amy: So what do you think we should do?

    Dr. Karl: Well, as a therapist, I'm not allowed to tell you what do to. But, uh, as a human being with two fucking eyes in my head, yeah I think you should get divorced as soon as possible. This is some catastrophic shit.

  • Carla: First of all, you're so not a failure as a mother. In fact, you're the best mother that we've ever seen.

    Kiki: True that!

    Carla: You give your kids salad. Your remember your kids birthdays! I mean, I've sat here and watched you wait until your kid fell asleep before you got high.

    Amy: Most moms do that, Carla.

  • Dylan: Hey so, where's my science project?

    Amy: Oh, I didn't do it.

    Dylan: What? But it's due today!

    Amy: Yeah. I know, I know. I'm so sorry, but you're going to actually have to start doing your own homework from now on.

    Dylan: I am a slow learner, remember?

    Amy: You're not a slow learner, you're just entitled... do you know what 'entitled' means?

    Dylan: No. Because I'm a slow learner.

    Amy: It means that mummy and daddy have been spoiling you, and now you think that the world owes you something, but it doesn't. And if you don't learn how to work hard now, then you're going to just grow up to be like another entitled little white dude who thinks he's awesome for no reason. And then you'll start a Ska Band and it'll be awful and you'll be mean to girls, and you'll grow this ironic moustache to look interesting but you won't actually be interesting, and I'm not okay with that so would you please, please just do your own homework?

  • Principal Burr: I found marijuana cigarettes in your daughter's locker. Now, it looks like Sour Diesel or a little Afghan Kush.

    Amy: That's impossible; she's only twelve!

    Principal Burr: It happens. Snoop's been smoking since he was five.

  • Kiki: Sometimes when I'm driving all by myself, I have this fantasy that I get into a car crash. Not a big one with fire and explosions, but just like a little one, but I do get injured and I get to go to the hospital for two weeks and I sleep all day and I eat Jell-O and I watch so much TV and it's all covered by my insurance. My kids bring me balloons, and the nurses rub cream on my feet, and oh, my God, it's so amazing. Is that like something you guys fantasize about, too?

    CarlaAmy: No.

    Carla: You're batshit crazy.

    Amy: Yeah.

    Carla: And I'm never gonna get into a car with you.

  • Kiki: Kent is a never-hard.

    Amy: Ooh, what's a never-hard?

    Kiki: Well, he never gets fully hard. So I just have to kinda fold his penis up like a balloon animal and shove it up in my vagina.

    Carla: That sounds horrible!

    Amy: Yeah...

    Kiki: Sometimes, I take the balls and shove em up there too because at least, you know, they're firm.

    Carla: Honey, that is a lot of shit to shove up your cooter.

    Kiki: I mean, I'm just happy he's circumcised.

    Amy: Agh! What if I get somebody who's not circumcised?

    Kiki: Run out of the room screaming. It's like finding a gun in the street; just scream and get out of there!

  • Amy: [after catching Mike with his pants down in front of the PC] Oh, my God, are you...?

    Mike: No, no, no, I was just checking my prostate.

    Amy: You know, I've always wondered what kind of porn you like.

    Mike: Why won't this fucking window close?

    Amy: [Sees Sharon naked on the screen] Oh, my God, that's a giant bush!

    Sharon: Uh, who the hell are you?

    Amy: I'm his wife.

    Sharon: Oh, shit.

  • Amy: This party is raging.

    Kiki: What a turnout.

    Martha Stewart: Hi, would you ladies like a Jell-O shot?

    Amy: Is that, is that? Martha Stewart! Martha, Oh, my God.

    Kiki: Thank you. Oh, my God.

    Martha Stewart: Good, right?

    Carla: I'm cumming.

    Kiki: Oh, my God. What's in this?

    Martha Stewart: Well, it's bespoke lingonberry gelatin... and a shitload of vodka.

    Kiki: They're delicious!

    Martha Stewart: I start my day with six of these.

  • [from trailer]

    Amy: Ooh, I like Tom's sweater. Does he teach computer in a church basement?

    Kim: Don't get all threatened just because you don't understand the concept of marriage!

    Amy: You dress him like that just so no one else wants to have sex with him? That's cool.

  • Amy: [remarking on Oli's extra large genitals] Have you fucked before? Where is she buried?

  • Amy: I've been with a lot of guys.

    Aaron: I don't care!... How many?

    Amy: I don't know. How many girls have you slept with?

    Aaron: I've slept with three women.

    Amy: Me too. I have slept with three women too.

    Aaron: How many guys?

    Amy: What, like, this year?

  • Amy: What am I doing? I slept at the doctor's place last night.

    Nikki: You never spend the night. What were you, blackout drunk?

    Amy: No, I had like two drinks... Three, max... Four, now that I'm tallying.

    Nikki: Cause you're on antibiotics or something?

    Amy: Oh my god, he's calling me.

    Nikki: Why would he call? You guys just had sex.

    Amy: [answers phone] This is Amy. I think you butt dialed me.

    Aaron: No, I dialed you with my fingers.

    Amy: [to Nikki] He called me on purpose.

    Nikki: Hang up! He's obviously like sick or something.

    Aaron: I was calling to say I had a really good time last night and was wondering if you wanted to, um, hang out again.

    Nikki: I'm going to call the police.

  • Steven: [whispering] Amy, is that wine in a box?

    Amy: Mhmm. I have red too.

    Guy in Back of Theater: What the fuck, is this guy ever going to shut up?

    Amy: [drunkenly] Please watch the movie.

    Steven: [whispering] Please stop. No, that's not right, don't do this to me.

    Amy: Why is he yelling?

    Steven: Listen, you always do this to me. You show up to these places, you put me in a situation... I'm a big guy - everybody wants to fight the big guy.

    Amy: Yeah you are!

    Guy in Back of Theater: Hey, Mark Wahlberg. Shut your bitch up.

    Steven: Mar... Mark Wahlberg? Me?

    Guy in Back of Theater: Who else looks like Mark Wahlberg? Your girl?

    Steven: Mark Wahlberg is like 150 pounds! I'm 250 lean - I look like Mark Wahlberg *ate* Mark Wahlberg!

    Guy in Back of Theater: Your muscles aren't the fuckin' problem; it's your yapping girlfriend!

    Amy: [to Steven] Just say "fuck you".

    Steven: I will *fuck* you! Alright? I will enter you!

    Guy in Back of Theater: You're... you're gonna enter me? Did you hear what he said?

    Amy: What are you talking about right now?

    Steven: I'm just trying to intimidate him.

    Amy: You're just talking about raping him.

    Guy in Back of Theater: You're not about that life, champ. I can see it.

    Steven: Oh, I am about that life. No no no, I will get *crazy* up in here! You like movies? We'll make a movie! We'll make "Mama Say Knock You Out" starring my fist and your dick hole!

    Guy in Back of Theater: Oh, shit. What the fuck is wrong with this dude?

    Woman in Back of Theater: He wants you.

    Amy: Babe, your threats. I'm telling you, they're super gay.

    Steven: Too sexual?

  • Dianna: I like you, Amy. You're clever but you're not too brainy. You're prettyish but you're not too gorgeous. You're approachable.

    Amy: Thank you.

    Dianna: I'm giving you an assignment. I need a profile on a sports doctor.

  • Amy: Aaron was telling me about this acupuncturist. She's supposedly amazing. She helps a lot of his patients with pain management and I really want her to take a look at you. Will you do that?

    Gordon: I have no desire for an oriental woman to touch me above the waist.

  • Amy: Hello. Thank you for coming. Gordon David Townsend, not that great of a guy. He was kind of racist, and homophobic. He was a drunk. He was a drunk. He once apologized to me for missing a volleyball game that he was at. He had, umm, made signs with my name on them. When I was eleven, this kid, Brandon Lipinsky. Remember Brandon? He stole my bike, and maybe he was just borrowing it, but our dad went over there and beat the shit out of Brandon's dad, and his grandpa, and Brandon. I bet he personally offended everyone here. Right? Raise your hand if our dad ever offended you.

    [Most attendees raise their hand]

    Amy: Yeah. He was an asshole. When I asked him to tell me the story of how he proposed to our mom, his response was "Who?". I know he was joking, he loved her a lot, but, uhhh... He was really sick for a really long time. Which isn't fair, because, I don't think anyone else was more alive than him when he was younger. He thought it was payback. he thought it was karma, and that's why he got sick, but I don't think so. I think he was the greatest dad. He always made me feel loved and important. I know he fucked up. I know he probably hurt everyone here. But raise your hand if he was one of your favorite people.

    [Most attendees raise their hand]

    Amy: He was my favorite person. Thank you.

  • Aaron: You were really, really good!

    Amy: As it turns out, I am in terrible physical shape.

    Aaron: Yeah, I saw that.

    Amy: Could you see that?

    Aaron: Yeah.

    Amy: I am sweating more than I am proud of.

  • Aaron: Honey. You okay?

    Amy: Did I get it?

    Aaron: Did you get the basket?

    Amy: Did it go in?

    Aaron: Oh, of course not. You didn't get enough height.

    Amy: No?

    Aaron: No.

    Amy: I thought I got a lot of height.

    Aaron: No, no. Zero height.

    Amy: No height, huh?

    Aaron: Usually when people hit trampolines they go high, but, for some reason, you went down. You went straight down. Hard!

  • Dianna: Your thoughts?

    Amy: I'm sorry, I just... I don't know why we treat these athletes like heroes just because they can skate fast or kick a ball in a net. I just think it's weird. No offense. I just think that sports are stupid, and anyone who likes them is just, like, a lesser person. And has a small intellect.

  • Gordon: Girls, your mother and I are getting divorced. Monogamy isn't realistic. Say it.

    Nine Year Old AmyFive Year Old Kim: Monogamy isn't realistic.

    Gordon: Again!

    Nine Year Old AmyFive Year Old Kim: Monogamy isn't realistic!

    Amy: [voice-over] I didn't understand that word at the time but now, I know exactly what he was talking about.

  • Aaron: Do you follow sports?

    Amy: Oh, my God. Sports? I love them.

    Aaron: Who are your favorite teams?

    Amy: The, uh... I like smaller teams, like the... not the big leagues. I like the... like, um... Long Island Mediums. The... the Acorn Pine Cones.

    Aaron: Haven't heard of them.

    Amy: The Fire Island Penguins. I like the Cincinnati Thunder-Wizards.

    Aaron: You can stop.

    Amy: The Orlando... Blooms?

    Aaron: You can stop. You don't follow sports.

    Amy: I'm sorry, I don't. I don't know anything about sports.

  • Cal: [Angrily] You need to stop fucking around with my friend, okay? Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy!

    Amy: I moved, I changed my email address, my phone number. Okay? He's practically stalking me.

    Cal: [Still trying to act angry] Well... I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry.

  • David: Remember that time we made love and you just started crying in my arms?

    Amy: Please don't reminisce about the times we fucked. Please! It's so creepy.

    David: I want to take you to Paris and make love to you under the Eiffel Tower.

    Amy: Stop it!

    David: Stop what?

    Amy: This whole Paris thing! I've been broken up with you for, like, two years, man. I don't want to date you anymore!

    David: You're a whore.

    Amy: I am not a whore! I just didn't like you!

    David: [grinning] Ha... this is so us.

    Amy: Heh heh heh... psycho talk.

  • Serena: Have you talked to him about it?

    Amy: No, I'm playing hard to get.

    Serena: Oh, but haven't you slept with him like the past five nights?

    Amy: Well, not *real* hard to get.

  • Serena: [to Monty] The only real pleasure I ever got from having sex with you came from making fun of it later with my friends. Tell him, Amy.

    Amy: It's true, we laughed a lot at your expense.

    Serena: So you know how when your walking past a group of people, you hear them laughing, you sometimes get that paranoid self-conscious feeling? Maybe they're laughing about you when they're really not? Well, in your case, they really are.

    [blows kiss and walks away; long pause]

    Monty: God, I love her.

  • Monty: Women troubles Amy?

    Amy: I just don't understand what would compel a person to be such a bitch to a total stranger!

    Monty: Maybe she was abused when she was a child.

    Amy: Oh God, I fucking hope so.

  • Natasha: Dean.

    Dean: What?

    Natasha: The old lady at Table 37 wants you to sing the birthday song for her grandson. His name is Timmy, and he's eight years old.

    Dean: [tosses a cake with Happy Birthday onto the counter from the box] I need birthday singers!

    Monty: Come on, people! We need birthday singers!

    Naomi: Fuck.

    Dean: [the gang walk toward Table 37, clapping and cheering. Dean holds out the cake and brings it to the table, spotting Timmy] There he is. There's the big winner.

    [sets the cake onto the table where Timmy is]

    Monty: [excitedly] Yeah!

    Dean: All right. Attention, guests! Today's a very special occasion. It's Timmy's eighth birthday! Big round of applause.

    [the guests cheer and applaud]

    Dean: He's earned it. He's got his whole life ahead of him. The sky's the limit.

    Dean: [singing] I don't know but I've been told.

    MontyAmyNaomiSerenaCalvin: [singing] Someone here is getting old!

    Dean: [singing, Timmy looks frightened] Good news is dessert is free.

    MontyAmyNaomiSerenaCalvin: [singing] Bad news is we sing off-key!

    Dean: [singing] Happy birthday...

    DeanMontyAmyNaomiSerenaCalvin: [point to Timmy, in unison] TO YOU!

    [Timmy starts crying in embarrassment, the waiters applaud and cheer. One of them holds up Timmy's arm and waves it in the air]

    Natasha: Look at the camera!

    [holding a camera]

    Dean: Picture time.

    [the camera snaps and we're revealed the photograph of all the waiters and Timmy posed for the picture, Timmy still cries in the background as this happens]

    Dean: All right. All right. Cry it off.

  • Will: [singing] I'm fucking Matt Damon.

    Amy: You're fucking Matt Damon?


    Amy: Well I'm fucking Hannah Montana!

    Hannah Montana: [singing] She's fucking Hannah Montana! Backstage, at my concert, fucks me on my parents' bed! After school, at my locker, in the car I give her head! I'm also fucking the Flava!

    Flava-Flav Look-A-Like: [singing] Yeah, it's Flava-Flav, foo'! You know what time it is, 'cause I'm fucking Juney too!

    Juney: [singing] Yeah, I know, but it's true: Flava-Flav, he fucks me too.

    Michael Cera Look-A-Like: [singing] And I swap with Calvin, and he swaps with that dude.

    All: And we're all fucking Hellboy!

  • Amy: [as she is leaving Wills sweet sixteen party] You know what will, every time we made love I was thinking about another guy!

    Will: Well so was I!

  • Amy: Hey.

    Kat Ellis: Hey.

    Amy: I just...


    Amy: I wanted to thank you for not outing me in front of Ed. I want to tell him just not the night before our wedding, you know... with these things, timing is everything.

    Kat Ellis: You're right.


    Kat Ellis: You should really time it right so that when he hears that you repeatedly screwed his best friend, he won't feel like the whole world is collapsing around him, and there's no escape because you tricked him into marrying you.

    Amy: Kat...

    Kat Ellis: [brightly] Oh, don't worry. Your wedding will be perfect tomorrow. I'll smile and say all the right things, and you'll deal with Ed when you're ready.


    Kat Ellis: But right now, tonight, I'm not going to pretend it's okay.

  • Amy: You're my half sister but I whole love you.

    Kat Ellis: [to Woody] Why don't you get my half sister her seventh hole?

    Amy: Tequila!

  • Amy: [Edward is upset after being told that Amy slept with Jeffrey] I wanted to tell you but I was afraid you'd never forgive me and I just... I love you so much.

    Edward Fletcher-Wooten: I knew you were seeing someone when we finally got together, but not Jeffrey. Does Kat know?

    Amy: Jeffrey told her last night.

    [she cowers when Edward advances]

    Edward Fletcher-Wooten: Excuse me.

    [he leaves]

  • Amy: [at her bachlorette party to Woody] Did she tell you she broke up with you because of your funky breath?

    Kat Ellis: [to Woody] She's drunk.

  • Amy: I don't think that I can do this.

    Kat Ellis: What? The seventh hole?

  • Charley Brewster: Ed came to me, and I turned my back on him.

    Amy: How were you supposed to believe him?

    Charley Brewster: I mean, he begged me. I mean, he really... And he was my best friend.

    Amy: I know but, Charley, people, they change.

    Charley Brewster: Yeah, and I just changed into a dick.

  • Amy: Charley's going to come. He's gonna find me.

    Jerry Dandrige: I'm counting on it.

  • [last lines]

    Amy: Will you promise me, now we'll finally be alone?

    Charley Brewster: I promise.

    Amy: Promise?

    Charley Brewster: I promise, promise, promise.

  • Amy: Which one are you crying about, the predatory prick or the shit-for-brains tramp? Because neither one deserves your tears.

  • Amy: Hey Rachel. Check it out. My diet's working. I lost five pounds!

    Rachel Witchburn: [looks at Amy's butt as she walks away] I think your ass found it.

  • Amy: How about a little advice before I depart?

    Rat Billings: Love... love until you hate. Then learn to hate your love. Then forgive your hate for loving it.

  • Rat Billings: How do you feel about failure?

    Amy: I failed many times.

    Rat Billings: That's good. Continue to fail. If you want to make art, you have to fail. And so, the hardest job is to fail better.

  • Rubia: Whose the dead girl on the wall?

    Amy: Sylvia.

    Rubia: Oh how she die?

    Amy: She stuck her head in the oven.

    Rubia: Oh that's bananas

  • Amy: I just wanna smash your head open and take everything in there.

  • Amy: As long as I'm not boring.

    Alex: You're not boring. You're a weirdo.You are not normal. And it's inspiring. It's cool.

    Amy: Thanks.

    Alex: You're welcome.

  • Amy: Sh**. Sh**. Sh**. Mother. Sh**.

  • Amy: I need a drink!

    Rat Billings: Holy mother of god.

    Amy: Make it a stiff one, buster, and make it snappy.

  • Amy: I don't know if you noticed. I put some of my poems in the basket.

    Rat Billings: That's great. I'll read those... at some point.

  • [first lines]

    Garrett: So...

    Amy: So...

    Garrett: Happy Birthday

    Amy: Oh. Thank you for the take-out.

    Garrett: Sure. It's the least I could do. It is your birthday after all.

  • Amy: Don't even think about calling me again.

    Garrett: Oh! Jesus! Amy! Wait wait wait wait wait! I should not call you or I should want to call you?

    [Amy listens and then leaves angrily]

    Garrett: Okay, so it means what it means. Good.

  • Russ Duritz: [looking at Rusty] Doesn't the fact that I'm a pathetic dweeb make you despise me?

    Amy: No. Why? Do you despise you?

  • [Seeing that Russ and Rusty are the same person]

    Amy: I wish I was standing on a carpet.


  • Russ Duritz: Look at him. It's so embarrassing.

    Amy: You're not embarrassing. You're adorable... then. You're adorable then.

  • Russ Duritz: Toshiya, let me ask you something. If you get called a jerk four times in a single day, does that make it true?

    Amy: What, only four? Did you get up late?

    Russ Duritz: Excuse me, I'm asking Toshiya.

    Toshia: Four times is a pattern. It have to be five times to be a fact.

    Russ Duritz: Thank you. See? There's hope after all.

    Amy: Jerk.

  • Russ Duritz: Stop biting your nails.

    Amy: *Nail.* I only bite one. What's it to you, anyway?

    Russ Duritz: It matters because you work for me. When you bite your nails, you're advertising nervousness and insecurity.

    Amy: Really? Advertising all that with one little nail?

    [pushes up her nose at him]

    Amy: What's this advertise?

  • Russ Duritz: Stop biting.

    Amy: Leave me alone. I'm advertising terror and bewilderment.

  • [on their way to a meeting]

    Amy: Wait a minute, wait a minute... Hello.

    Russ Duritz: Hello...

    Amy: I haven't seen you in a couple of days, how've you been?

    Russ Duritz: Fine. Now can we go in?

    Amy: No. This is the bit where you ask me.

    Russ Duritz: Amy, we're really late. We don't have time to...

    Amy: Come on, give it a whirl.

    Russ Duritz: [bored, condescending] Hi, Amy. How are you doing?

    Amy: [shrugs] Fine. We're really late.

  • [Standing outside the cafe, Oscar is looking very ill]

    Amy: Oh, are you okay?

    Oscar Novak: Mouth... watering.

    Amy: God, I knew that Tuna Melt tasted funny. I'm lucky, I can eat just about anything. Know why? Cause my mother was a horrible cook. She used to make this thing that smelled like a wet dog and old tennis shoes and...

    [Oscar retches]

    Amy: Oh, sorry.

    Oscar Novak: Would you excuse me for a second?

    Oscar Novak: [Oscar kneels over and is violently sick] Boy that felt good!

    Amy: Don't worry you'll be alright in a minute.

    [Amy pauses then kneels over and is sick as well]

    Oscar Novak: It just doesn't get better than this!

  • [after Amy accidentally hits Oscar]

    Amy: Did you hurt yourself?

    Oscar Novak: No, no... YOU hurt me!

  • Amy: How are your balls?

    Oscar Novak: They're fine. Thanks for asking.

  • Amy: So I take it you have kissed a woman before?

    Oscar Novak: Not the right one.

  • [upon meeting her boyfriends wife]

    Amy: I handled that well, didn't I? I'm still in one piece.

    Oscar Novak: Yes, very well.

    [amy starts to walk away]

    Oscar Novak: Where are you going?

    Amy: To get really *really* drunk.

  • Oscar Novak: What's good?

    Diner Waiter: Tuna melt.

    Oscar Novak: Ohhh... what else?

    Diner Waiter: Tuna melt.

    Amy: What do you think?

    Oscar Novak: Yeah, two tuna melts.

  • Amy: As long as we keep hearing gunshots, he's not dead.

  • Amy: Was it threatening?

    Jen: Yeah, it hovered over me while I was peeing!

    Rodney: I'd hover over you peeing... While you were peeing...

  • Amy: Where the fuck is 'bottom'? Where the motherfucking fuck is motherfucking 'bottom'?

  • Amy: I just thought that that was being alive. To always feel bad and wrong and just insecure and invisible.

  • Ruth: So we're having a dinner for a possible client and his wife.

    Amy: Okay.

    Ruth: They're staying here for the summer, with their son. And um, I'm not saying you can't come...

    Amy: ...What are you not saying?

    Ruth: Well, I'm not not saying anything. I'm saying of course you can come, you're living here.

    Amy: I'm staying here.

    Ruth: Well, at some point, I don't know what the difference is?

  • Amy: Whose happiness are you buying?

    Stan: Mine.

  • Jeremy: My mother raised me to be polite.

    Amy: She didn't do a very good job.

  • Amy: Well, that's not what love is mom. It's not a prize that you get for cumming in the clown's face at the circus.

  • Amy: So, how is it, um, dating a block of wood?

  • Amy: [after Mike gives her a dollar when she's stripping] Wow! A dollar! Now I can quit stripping, go back to vet school, and save my sick pony.

  • Amy: I'm just finding it so hard to know what I want Oh, if you're like most people darlin' it's right about the time you found something worth wanting.

  • Courtney: [hallucinates that her burger has a bloody severed hand in it; she screams, tossing the burger aside]

    Amy: What's wrong?

    Courtney: My... burger's... weird.

  • Amy: What were you looking at?

    Courtney: A dead bird...

    Amy: YEEEECH! You are so weird sometimes.

  • [first lines]

    Amy: My name is Any and, yes, at college I blew my dog.

  • Amy: Anyone here besides me know what canine semen tastes like?

  • Amy: Men are insecure enough about their penises. There's no need to bring the whole animal kingdom into it.

  • John: Whatever happened to your dog?

    Amy: I gave him away.

    John: Why?

    Amy: He got too big.

  • John: When I was a boy and I first played with myself, first time I came I thought I broke my bits.

    Amy: [laughing] How old were you?

    John: I was twenty.

  • Amy: I had never had sex with Linda or any other woman. The idea of sex without a penis is like a sandwich without the meat.

  • Ed: Hey, um, what do you like most about teaching.

    Amy: Hmm. I would have to say... the microwave food.

  • John: I have blue balls.

    Amy: Is it my sexy nightgown?

    John: Tents make me horny.

  • Amy: Why don't you go talk to him?

    John: Not now. He's got an axe.

  • Amy: You wrestled another woman in your underwear while Elvis beat off... and you didn't even get laid?

  • Amy: You're not hard.

    John: I will be. Just shut up and kiss me.

  • Amy: I have a confession to make.

    John: You're a dude?

  • Randy: Oh, yeah, hey, uh, my mom made this casserole and wanted me to bring it over to ya.

    Amy: Oh... well, thank you.

    Randy: Uh-huh. Bounced around in my truck a little bit. Should be okay. It smells like ass but... probably doesn't... taste like it.

  • Randy: You look really pretty when you're sad.

    Amy: You, too.

  • Amy: You have a nice penis.

  • Amy: [voiceover] It's important to lie. It's trying to live up to the lies that we tell about ourselves that makes us better people.

  • Brooke: So how was it?

    Amy: You tell me.

  • Molly: You see, everything about me and Ronnie is valuable, even our ashes. You may not understand this, being so ordinary, but when I'm at a concert, I look past my happy singing fans and focus on the one person that isn't swaying, and I make it my mission to make them move.

    Amy: You still doing those shopping centre appearances, then?

  • Amy: Do you know what love really is, Tom? Love is a one way street, going from you out. And you give it because it makes you feel good to give it. Because when you give it, it makes you strong. And that crazy, vulnerable, out of control scary feeling, feeling that most people think is love? It's not really love at all; it's just the need to be loved. And believe me, its a really different thing. Real love isn't "I love you" hoping the other person is going to say it too. It's just, I love you. Its like giving someone a gift at Christmas, and if you get anything back, that's a bonus, that's extra. But you shouldn't NEED to receive it, cause the true strength is in the giving of it. But then again, that's just what I think. And what do I know? I don't know anything.

  • [last lines]

    Amy: [Jenny tracks down Amy who ran into the woods at the park] Where's Daddy?

    Jenny: Daddy's not here, sweetie. He's gone away.

    Amy: Daddy's here!

    Jenny: No he's not. Come on, honey, we've got to head back. Come to mommy.

    [Jenny leans down to pick up Amy, revealing Margo standing behind her in a brown wig, red jacket, with a big smile]

  • Amy: [as the personification of Love] I know you don't believe me, but you have to trust me.

    Howard: Trust you? Trust you?

    Amy: Yes!

    Howard: I *did* trust you! And you betrayed me! I saw you every day in her eyes, and I heard you in her voice when she laughed, and I felt you inside of me when she called me "Daddy." And you betrayed me! You broke my heart.

    Amy: No. I'm in all of it. I'm the darkness and the light, I'm the sunshine and the storm. Yes, you're right, I was there in her laugh, but I'm also here now in your pain. I'm the reason for everything. I am the only "why." Don't try and live without me, Howard. Please don't.

  • Amy: [to Howard as the personification of Love] You said goodbye, and that...


    Amy: We don't get to choose who we love or who loves us back. And that means you're powerless to me as long as you're alive, because I'm the fabric of life. I'm within you. I'm within everything. Howard, if you can accept that, then maybe... I don't know, but maybe you get to live again.

  • Amy: I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It's a crazy thing to do. It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.

  • Amy: We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy.

  • Amy: You know what, I can over think everything and find a million ways to doubt myself. And since Charles left I've been really thinking about that part of myself and, I've just come to realize that, we're only here briefly. And while I'm here, I wanna allow myself joy. So fuck it.

  • Amy: It's how we spend a third of our lives asleep, and maybe that's the time when we feel the most free.

  • Charles: It's so important to prioritize.

    Theodore: I can't even prioritize between video games and Internet porn.

    Amy: I would laugh if that weren't true.

  • Amy: I even made a new friend. I have a friend and the absurd thing is an operating system. Charles left her behind but she's totally amazing. She's... She's so smart. She doesn't just see things is black or white. She sees things in this whole gray area and she's helping me explore it and we just bonded really quickly. I'm weird. That's weird, right, bonding with an OS? No, it's okay. That's weird.

    Theodore: Well, I don't think so. Actually the woman that I've been seeing, Samantha, I didn't tell you but she's an OS.

    Amy: Really? You're dating an OS? What is that like?

    Theodore: It's great actually. Yeah, I mean, I feel really close to her. Like when I talk to her, I feel like she's with me. You know? Like, when we're cuddling like, at night, when the lights are off and we're in bed... I feel cuddled.

    Amy: Wait... You guys have sex?

    Theodore: Heh, yeah, well, so to speak. Um, yeah she really turns me on. I turn her on too. I mean, I don't know... unless she's faking it.

    Amy: Well, I think everyone who's having sex with you is probably faking it, so...


    Theodore: Ha, ha.


    Theodore: Yeah. It's true.

    Amy: What?

    Theodore: Yeah, I...


    Amy: Are you falling in love with her?

    Theodore: Does that make me a freak?

    Amy: No, no, I think it's... I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It's a crazy thing to do. It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.

  • Theodore: I don't know what I want, ever. I'm just always confused. She's right, all I do is hurt and confuse everyone around me. I'm mean, am I just... Am I... You know, Catherine says I can't handle real emotions.

    Amy: Well, I don't know if that's fair. I know she liked to put it all on you, but as far as emotions go, Catherine's were pretty volatile.

    Theodore: Yeah, but... Am I in this because I'm not... strong enough for a real relationship?

    Amy: Is it not a real relationship?

    Theodore: I don't know. I mean, what do you think?

    Amy: I don't know. I'm not in it.

  • Wes: Ethel, are you sure you're not tired?

    Ethel: No, Ren did most of the driving.

    Amy: [dreamily] If you ask me, Ren is a total fox.

    Lulu: [shocked] Amy!

    Wes: Where did you hear that? Ethel, do you see how television and those kinds of books influence children? You see?

  • Wes: Seems that a bunch of kids was raising some hell over at Burlington Cranton's property a few days back. Tore up the fields, turned over a tractor and everything. Today someone suggested to me there's been some trouble up at the high school. I think it was drugs. You don't happen to know anything about that, do you.

    Ren: [Quietly] No.

    Wes: What was that? I can't hear you.

    Amy: He said no.

    Lulu: Amy.

    Ren: I said no, sir.

  • Helen: What kind of woman are you? How can you leave him like this? Does the sound of guns frighten you that much?

    Amy: I've heard guns. My father and my brother were killed by guns. They were on the right side but that didn't help them any when the shooting started. My brother was nineteen. I watched him die. That's when I became a Quaker. I don't care who's right or who's wrong. There's got to be some better way for people to live. Will knows how I feel about it.

  • Helen: I don't understand you. No matter what you say. If Kane was my man, I'd never leave him like this. I'd get a gun. I'd fight.

    Amy: Why don't you?

    Helen: He is not my man. He's yours.

  • Hotel Clerk: You're Mrs. Kane, ain't you?

    Amy: Yes.

    Hotel Clerk: You're leaving on the noon train?

    Amy: Yes.

    Hotel Clerk: But your husband ain't?

    Amy: No, why?

    Hotel Clerk: No reason, but it's mighty interesting. Now, me, I wouldn't leave this town at noon for all the tea in China. No, sir, it's going to be quite a sight to see!

  • Amy: Don't try to be a hero! You don't have to be a hero, not for me!

  • Will: Stay at the hotel until it's over.

    Amy: No, I won't be here when it's over. You're asking me to wait an hour to find out if I'm going to be a wife or a widow. I say it's too long to wait! I won't do it!

    Will: Amy!

    Amy: I mean it! If you won't go with me now, I'll be on that train when it leaves here.

  • Amy: I don't wanna die. I've never even been kissed. I've waited my whole to be kissed, and what if I miss it?

    Laurie: I tell you what. I promise to kiss you before you die.

  • Amy: We'll all grow up one day, Meg. We might as well know what we want.

  • Amy: You don't need scores of suitors. You need only one... if he's the right one.

  • Amy: Do you hear from Jo? She has befriended a German professor.

    Laurie: Yes, well, no doubt he's showing her the ways of the world.

    Amy: I do not wish to be courted by someone who is still in love with my sister!

    Laurie: I'm not in love with Jo.

    Amy: Then how do you explain your jealousy?

    Laurie: I envy her happiness. I envy his happiness. I envy John Brooke for marrying Meg. I hate Fred Vaughn. And if Beth had a lover I would despise him too. Just as you have always known that you would never marry a pauper, I have always known I should be part of the March family.

    Amy: I do not wish to be loved for my family.

    Laurie: Any more than Fred Vaughn wishes to be loved for his 40,000 a year!

  • [Meg has twisted her ankle and Laurie took her home in his carriage]

    Amy: He put snow on your ankle? With his own hands?

    Marmee: I won't have my girls being silly about boys. To bed! Jo dear.

    Amy: Everything lovely happens to Meg.

    Meg: [Sarcastically] Oh yes, indeed.

  • Amy: Jo, how could you, your one beauty!

  • Amy: We bear our souls and tell the most appalling secrets.

  • Emily: You shouldn't be here.

    Amy: Why is that?

    Emily: You could get hurt.

  • Emily: I want you to try this new wine.

    Amy: I'd love to try your wine!

  • Amy: How was I dressed when we had all that money?

    Jo March: In diapers.

  • Mr. Wiseman: Rob, what's going on back there? Come on, Rob, what's going on?

    Amy: Um... Rob wants to use the video to make a porn.

    [Students snicker]

    Mr. Wiseman: Well, that's a... that's a very nice idea, but there will be no fluids permitted around the camera, bodily or any other sort.

  • Amy: People change. They end up having nothing to say to each other even if they were best friends years before.

  • Vin: Do you have any idea how much those drugs cost?

    Amy: There'll be other drugs, Vincent.

    Vin: I know... but, I really liked those ones.

  • Amy: I have a boyfriend.

    Vince: Who is he?

    Amy: He's the District Attorney.

    Vince: Oh, God. That is so typical.

    Amy: Typical. Why?

    Vince: It just is.

  • Amy: [frightened] What do you want?

    Felice: [distorted] A kiss!

  • [Amy tries to escape, but it is Felice who shoves her to the gate and hold her restraint]

    Felice: [raspy voice] It's time, Amy.

    Amy: [sobs] What do you want?

    Felice: [raspy] A kiss...

    [Felice attempts to pass the curse, but Amy struggles]

    Amy: [screams] DADDY!

  • Molly Middleton: We can't go up to Heaven's Gate without a cake, can we, Mommy?

    Elsa Middleton: No, darling, we certainly can't.

    Amy: I wish you'd let me help you, Mrs. Middleton.

    Molly Middleton: This is work that only Mommy and I can do.

    Elsa Middleton: This is a very special day. It only happens twice a year.

    Amy: Twice a year? What makes this day different from any other day?

    Elsa Middleton: This is the day that Molly and I call May Saturday. The other one comes in September.

    Molly Middleton: We call that September Saturday.

  • Molly Middleton: Why don't we have dinner anymore, Amy?

    Amy: What do you mean, don't have dinner anymore? You have dinner every night, don't you?

    Molly Middleton: I mean with Daddy and Mommy, like before.

    Amy: Oh, I don't know. Anyway, it's none of my business.

    Molly Middleton: Is it any of my business?

    Amy: If those people would only go away and leave them alone, everything would be all right.

    Molly Middleton: If who would go away and leave them alone, Amy?

    Amy: That nurse and that Mr. Brent.

  • Molly Middleton: I told him, Amy.

    Amy: What?

    Molly Middleton: I told Mr. Brent what you said.

    Amy: What I said?

    Molly Middleton: About Mommy and Daddy and me and wishing he'd go away and never come back.

    Amy: What? To his face? Look here, miss, you're going to get into trouble for that! And don't say I told you so!

    Molly Middleton: But you said...

    Amy: I said nothing about him, you understand?

    Molly Middleton: Is it the worst thing I've ever done, Amy?

    Amy: Yes, I think maybe it is.

    Molly Middleton: Will Mommy spank me?

    Amy: Yes, I think maybe she will.

    Molly Middleton: Will Daddy? He never has.

    Amy: Well, maybe he won't, not for anything you said to Mr. Brent.

  • Amy: This is a big garage...

  • Amy: It was just evil messin' around again... Cut it out evil, it's not funny!

    Charley Brewster: What if he was really in trouble?

    Amy: Charley, you're not gonna let him sucker you in again are you?

  • Amy: We're being quarantined here. We are being kept here to die!

    Jeff: This doesn't happen! Four Americans on a vacation don't just disappear!

  • Jeff: How about you? Are you here by yourself?

    Mathias: Mm-mm, no, with my brother, but he, uh, left with some girl, ja.

    Jeff: Left... here? Mexico, or...

    Mathias: Ah, no, no. She's an archaeologist. He went with her to a dig site.

    Amy: And what are they digging?

    Jeff: Like an excavation?

    Mathias: Yeah, some ruins, I think. A Mayan temple.

    Jeff: Kind of like the ones that nobody here wanted to go to, the entire time that we've been here.

    Mathias: Apparently, it is not even in the guide books. VIP only.

    Eric: Yeah, see, Jeff, that's something I would do.

  • Amy: [after the taxi leaves] Wait, how are we going to get back?

    Jeff: [holding business card] Well, we're going to call him when we get out.

    Amy: With what? We're not going to get a signal out here.

    Mathias: Yeah, my phone should work. It's a world phone.

    Eric: [holding his cell phone] Hello, can you hear me now?

  • Eric: So, there was this girl who got really really drunk one night...

    Stacy: ...but she sobered up really really quickly...

    Mathias: Who is this?

    Amy: Just a stupid game they were playing last night.

    Eric: ...but not before she stuck her tongue down some guy's throat.

    [Amy knocks Eric's hat off]

  • Mathias: [after uncovering hidden path] It's here. This must be it.

    Amy: That's the path? Why was it covered?

    Stacy: I don't think that's the right path.

    Jeff: [to Mathias] It's on the map?

    Mathias: Yeah.

    Jeff: [to Amy] It's on the map.

    Amy: Jeff, did you see how old that map was?

    Stacy: And it was covered. Why would it be covered?

    Jeff: Maybe the archaeologists don't want people finding the site, guys.

    Amy: [sarcastically] Well great, they're going to be thrilled to see us then.

  • Jeff: Eric, get your phone out.

    Eric: There's no signal.

    Jeff: Really? Because if there was a signal on the road, you should...

    Eric: No, I didn't get one.

    Amy: What do you mean?

    Eric: No, I mean I never said...

    Amy: Can you hear me now? What the fuck was that, Eric?

  • Jeff: He won't last much longer like this. We have to cut 'em off.

    Amy: Cut what off?

    Jeff: His legs.

    Eric: Tell me you're joking.

    Jeff: He'll die if we don't.

    Eric: Please tell me you're joking.

    Jeff: He'll get infected, if he isn't already. Septicemia.

    Eric: Well, what the hell is septicemia, Jeff?

    Jeff: An infection, usually in the bones when it's exposed to bacteria.

    Eric: You're fucking crazy.

    Jeff: I'm telling you he won't last through the day like this.

    Amy: Without anesthesia?

    Jeff: He has no feeling beneath his waist. The tourniquets are already in place. We gotta cut below them.

    Amy: With what?

    [Jeff pulls out a knife]

    Amy: A knife?

    Jeff: We have to break the bones first, and then cut.

    Eric: We're not cutting his legs off with a fucking hunting knife, Jeff!

    Jeff: There's no flesh covering his bones, Eric. He is going to die.

  • Amy: Do you think they're going to find us?

    Eric: Honestly, I think making a run for it is our only chance.

  • Amy: No more cutting for today.

  • Jeff: Did you find the phone?

    Amy: It's not a phone!

    Jeff: Amy!

    Amy: No! There is no fucking phone!

  • Amy: [while drunk] Jeff used to play the trombone in high school.

    Jeff: Thank you for sharing that with everybody!

  • Jeff: People come from all over the world just to see these ruins, especially one that's not on the map. I'm not taking you to some tourist trap, honey. Don't you want to have some experience or something to shoot other than the beach, the pool, the beach, the pool?

    Amy: Well, you're already dressed, so you might as well go without me.

    Jeff: Hey, but I don't want to go without you.

  • Eric: [smiling after collecting on his bet] Ready?

    Amy: What are you so happy about?

  • Jeff: [seeing the Mayans on the ground] They keep coming. They're setting up camps.

    Stacy: Why are they doing this?

    Eric: Maybe they're preparing for something, like a sacrifice?

    Jeff: It has something to do with the ruins. They won't come up here, and now that we're here they won't let us leave.

    Eric: So what do we do? Just wait for someone to find us?

    Stacy: Who?

    Mathias: The Greeks?

    Jeff: Dimitri left them a copy of the map before we left.

    Eric: Yeah, what if they decide not to come Jeff?

    Jeff: Then somebody else will. We're supposed to check out of the hotel tomorrow; the hotel's going to call the police.

    Eric: When?

    Jeff: Tomorrow, or the day after.

    Amy: Our flight leaves tomorrow, Jeff.

    Jeff: I know Amy, but we know what happens if we leave.

  • Jeff: One of you has to go.

    Amy: Go? Go where?

    Jeff: Down. We're going to check the rest of the rope and make sure it's secure, and then one of you...

    Amy: [interrupting him] Why do we have to go? Why can't you or Eric?

    Jeff: Because you're not strong enough. We need to work the crank.

    Stacy: [after a long pause] I'll go.

  • Amy: This is so not okay!

  • Amy: [screaming while throwing a clump of vines at the Mayans] Why won't you fucking help us?

  • Amy: Jody doesn't like George...

  • Amy: I wanna go home. Mommy, I wanna go home.

  • Amy: [sings] Jesus loves me, this I know / For the bible tells me so / Little ones to him belong / They are weak but he is strong / Yes, Jesus loves me / Yes, Jesus loves me / Yes, Jesus loves me / The bible...

    Kathy Lutz: Who are you singin' to, princess?

    Amy: You scared Jody.

    Kathy Lutz: Jody? There's no one here, see?

    Amy: You scared her. She went out the window.

    Kathy Lutz: She went out the window? Well, I'd better check and make sure she's not still there, huh?

  • Amy: No, I'm more of a cake and cadavers kind of gal.

  • Nancy: Amy's getting married in a few weeks and she thinks some maniac is following her around.

    Elliot: Oh, is he a big man?

    Amy: Let's just forget it.

    Elliot: No Amy, is he a big man?

    Amy: Yes.

    Elliot: Probably sexual!

  • Amy: Ralph?

    Ralph: Yeah?

    Amy: Is it worth it?

    Ralph: Huh?

    Amy: Well, getting married, I mean.

    Ralph: Get dressed kid.


    Ralph: I'll tell you the truth, though. Sometimes I wish I never got married. But other times, I wouldn't trade Roz for anybody. Heh. Marriage is like that. Good times, bad times. You learn to live with it. But it's better than being alone.

  • Father McKenna: I know a lot of people who have been married for years and they are still having second thoughts.

    Amy: That's encouraging.

    Father McKenna: But they should have never been married to begin with. They just made bad decisions and picked incompatible mates.

    Amy: You trying to tell me something, Father?

    Father McKenna: Me? No. I don't meddle. I just want you to be sure.

  • [last lines]

    Amy: I killed it. I killed the monster.

    Christy: Yes, you did.

  • Amy: Shit, I think I fucked him to death.

  • Vic: There's room for all types of music, Amy.

    Amy: Yes, but that doesn't mean that I have to keep playing second-fiddle to a bloody Tonalizer!

  • Amy: Last night was great.

    Rachel: Yeah? I was great? YOU were great.

    Amy: Oh... I am in trouble.

    Rachel: [chuckles] Why?

    Amy: Because you're so fucking amazing. And because... I work for your dad. And I don't think this could happen again. He would not approve.

    Rachel: My dad should have nothing to do with your personal life, right?

    Amy: But he's my boss and you're his sweet, innocent daughter. He put his neck out for me to give me this job and I cannot just... date you.

    Rachel: I make you feel dirty, right?

    Amy: Maybe. And maybe a little naughty.

  • Mary Donnell: You know that feeling you should do somethung?

    Amy: Yeah, and I know something else too.

    Mary Donnell: What's that?

    Amy: You're falling for him at last. I knew you would.

  • Amy: [Referring to little Jackie] What about when nighttime comes, and he starts wanting you? He always does.

    Mary Donnell: That's your job, Amy. You'll do it for me. Just make him believe that I... well, I... I never was. I've always been very bad luck to men.

  • Amy: They're not meant to stay up, though somehow they do.

  • Amy: Patty?

    Patty Palmer: Yeah?

    Amy: Do you mind if I ask you why you're selling? I mean, you've done so much to this place. You've obviously put your heart in it.

    Patty Palmer: [Ironically] No, not really. It was just an investment.

  • Amy: Mommy thinks your daddy's a psycho.

    Erin: Amy! You are not helping.

    Charlie: What's a psycho?

  • Ted: Maybe I should take a walk around the block.

    Amy: Yes, that'd be good.

    Mort: Aw heck, Ted, live a little - make it two. Rubbernecker.

  • Amy: You were always gone.

    Mort: I worked from home, Amy.

  • Amy: But I just wanted you to be happy, Mort.

    Mort: Well, I guess you shouldn't HAVE FUCKED HIM THEN.

    [slams phone on receiver and cracks his jaw]

  • Amy: Will you call me if you need anything?

    Mort: I doubt it.

  • Amy: [seeing Mort wearing Shooter's hat] Jesus, Mort. Where'd did you get that old thing? The attic?

    Mort: It's mine. Wasn't ever anybody else's.

  • Amy: You're the nicest person I've ever met.

  • Amy: Do you really think I'll get to dance someday?

Browse more character quotes from The Running Man (1987)