Amanda Brooks Quotes in Switch (1991)

Amanda Brooks: Jeez, did you check out that ass? Boy, how'd you like to give her a punch in the pants, huh, Walt?

Walter Stone: Oh, no, you're not gay are you?

Amanda Brooks: Pal, if I'm gay, Clint Eastwood is a transvestite.

Amanda Brooks: You look like shit, pal.

Walter Stone: You don't look too good yourself. You all right? You're red. Got a fever or something.

Amanda Brooks: Probably too much rouge. Got to be a fucking Rembrandt to put on makeup.

[last lines]

God, God: Have you made up your mind?

Amanda Brooks: Look, I don't want to be a problem, but it's not an easy decision. I really liked being a man.

God: Naturally.

Amanda Brooks: But being a woman had its advantages.

God: Definitely.

Amanda Brooks: Can I think about just a little longer?

God, God: Take your time. You have all eternity.

Amanda Brooks: So tell me, what adjective would you say best describes him?

Arnold's Secretary Denise: Asshole.

Amanda Brooks: That could also be a noun.

Arnold's Secretary Denise: Major asshole.

Amanda Brooks: I'm Steve's sister.

Dream Girl: He never told me he had a sister.

Amanda Brooks: I'm his half-sister.

Dream Girl: He never told me he had half of a sister.

Amanda Brooks: We're looking for Steve, we don't know where he went. He said he was gonna chuck it all, like Gauguin.

Dream Girl: Who?

Walter Stone: Gauguin. He's an artist who went to Tahiti.

Dream Girl: I thought you said you didn't know where he went.

Saleswoman: Cash or charge?

Amanda Brooks: Uh, what's the total there?

Saleswoman: Including cosmetics, perfume, and jewelry, it's $41,611.89.

Amanda Brooks: [to Margo] Huh, uh, how do you want to pay for that, Slick?

[giggles]

Amanda Brooks: She never lets me pay for a thing. If I tried, she'd probably shoot me, dump me in the river.

Amanda Brooks: Yo, Walt, checkout the headlights on the blonde. How'd you like to play "hide the salami" with that for about a week? Ugh, but not me Walt, you. What, you don't think that's a perfectly legitimate question?

Walter Stone: Coming from a guy, maybe.

Margo Brofman: All right, you want me to tell you why you couldn't handle it?

Amanda Brooks: Unless you'd like me to jump off the fucking roof.

Margo Brofman: She's gay.

Amanda Brooks: No kidding.

Margo Brofman: And you are a macho, homophobic...

Amanda Brooks: Homophobic!

Margo Brofman: Yes, and gay male or female scares the living hell out of you.

Amanda Brooks: Right.

Margo Brofman: Where are you going?

Amanda Brooks: To jump off the fucking roof.

Margo Brofman: I should be so lucky.

Margo Brofman: Who are you?

Amanda Brooks: What did you do with the gun?

Margo Brofman: Who the hell are you?

Amanda Brooks: Oh, take a good look, Margo. You know, they say the eyes are the window to the soul, huh? Look into my eyes, Margo. Whose soul do you see? It's me, Margo. Steve.

Margo Brofman: You're crazy.

Amanda Brooks: You know, I picked you because you're a lot smarter than those other two bimbos. Also you believe that fag psychic of yours; told you you were Helen of Troy in another incarnation. The way I figure it, Margo, you'd have no trouble believing that I am the late, great Steven Brooks, your ex-lover, reincarnated as a gorgeous female. Look deep, Margo.

[kisses Margo and she faints]

Amanda Brooks: You better believe it, Slick.

Amanda Brooks: You know, being a woman, it's not half bad. It's being both that is the bitch.

Amanda Brooks: What is that smell?

The Devil: Brimstone. You'll get used to it after a few hundred years.

Amanda Brooks: Who in hell are you?

The Devil: Who in hell do you think I am?

Amanda Brooks: You look like the Devil.

The Devil: Well, you don't look good yourself. Ha! Just a little Netherworld humor there.

Amanda Brooks: Hilarious. What do you want?

The Devil: You. Your time's up.

Amanda Brooks: Say's who?

The Devil: Have you found one female who liked Steve Brooks?

Amanda Brooks: Well, I haven't talked to them all yet.

The Devil: You'd just be wasting your time. You see, I know who they are. And they all think Steve Brooks is a selfish, inconsiderate, unredeemable, male chauvinist pig.

Amanda Brooks: I don't believe you. You're not to be trusted. You're the Devil, Anyway, you know, He/She didn't give me any time table on this thing.

The Devil: Look, you hate being a woman, right?

Amanda Brooks: Well...

The Devil: There's no fun in PMS or shaving your legs. And what do have to look forward to? Guys like you used to be always trying to get into your pants. Cellulite, menopause. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Right now, there's a shortage of good recruiters. I bet there's not a man alive who wouldn't sell his soul for the chance to jump in the sack with you.

Amanda Brooks: Forget it!

The Devil: Sooner or later, I'm going to get you anyway. Come along now, and I'll guarantee you a hell of a time.

Amanda Brooks: If you're going to get me anyway, I'd just as soon it was later and not sooner.

The Devil: Terrible sight to see a beautiful body like yours go through a meltdown.

Amanda Brooks: What?

The Devil: Tell you what: you want to hedge your bet with me? Make eternity a little less hellish.

Amanda Brooks: What did you have in mind?

The Devil: Did you see Rosemary's Baby?

Amanda Brooks: Yeah. What? No, no, I can't! See, I'm expecting my period. I can't. I can't.

Margo Brofman: Good morning.

Amanda Brooks: What's so fucking good about it?

Margo Brofman: You're in a great mood. What's the matter? Got your period?

Amanda Brooks: I should be so fucking lucky.

Margo Brofman: Yeah? What happened?

Amanda Brooks: [lights a cigar] It's a long story.

Margo Brofman: Just give me the punchline.

Amanda Brooks: [puffs] I lost my virginity.

Margo Brofman: Obviously without your consent.

Amanda Brooks: I passed out; I don't remember anything.

Margo Brofman: Who's the unlucky man?

Walter Stone: Hi, Margo.

Margo Brofman: Walter! It's not exactly Romeo and Juliet, but then I always say, to each his own.

Amanda Brooks: Think I'd look good in something like that?

Margo Brofman: There's not much you wouldn't look good in.

Amanda Brooks: I bet you say that to all the boys who become girls.

Amanda Brooks: Wow, what a beautiful baby.

God, God: Yes. You did well.

Amanda Brooks: Wish I could be there and watch her grow up.

God: Oh, you can watch her grow up. But in the meantime you have to decide whether you want to be male...

God: ...or a female angel.

Amanda Brooks: Oh, hey, now, that's a tough one. Okay if I think about it for a while?