Alfred Quotes in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Bruce Wayne: We're criminals, Alfred. We've always been criminals. Nothing's changed.

Alfred: Oh, yes it has, sir. Everything's changed. Men fall from the sky, the gods hurl thunderbolts, innocents die. That's how it starts, sir. The fever, the rage, the feeling of powerlessness that turns good men... cruel.

Alfred: You're gonna go to war?

Bruce Wayne: That son of a bitch brought the war to us two years ago. Jesus, Alfred, count the dead... thousands of people. What's next? Millions? He has the power to wipe out the entire human race, and if we believe there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy we have to take it as an absolute certainty... and we have to destroy him.

Alfred: But he is not our enemy!

Bruce Wayne: Not today. Twenty years in Gotham, Alfred; we've seen what promises are worth. How many good guys are left? How many stayed that way?

Alfred: You know you can't win this. It's suicide.

Bruce Wayne: I'm older now than my father ever was. This may be the only thing I do that matters.

Alfred: Twenty years of fighting criminals amounts to nothing?

Bruce Wayne: Criminals are like weeds, Alfred; pull one up, another grows in its place. This is about the future of the world. This is my legacy.

Bruce Wayne: Still working? You're getting slow in your old age, Alfred.

Alfred: It comes to us all, Master Wayne. Even you've got too old to die young, though not for lack of trying.

Alfred: Master Wayne, since the age of seven you've been into the art of deception like Mozart to the harpsichord, but you've never been too hot at lying to me.

Bruce Wayne: I can't stay down here, Alfred.

Alfred: Go upstairs and socialize. Some young lady from Metropolis will make you honest.

[to self]

Alfred: In your dreams, Alfred...

Alfred: [looking at an empty wine bottle] I hope the next generation of Waynes won't inherit an empty wine cellar. Not that there's likely to be a next generation...

Alfred: Thermal imaging is showing me two dozen hostiles on the third floor. Why don't I drop you off on the second?

Alfred: Master Wayne.

Batman: Alfred.

Alfred: I'm sorry for listening in but I've tracked the Russian's phone to a warehouse near the port. You're locked onto it.

Batman: I don't deserve you, Alfred.

Alfred: No, sir, you don't.

Bruce Wayne: I can't stay down here, Alfred.

Alfred: Go upstair and socialize. Some young lady from Metropolis will make you honest.

[Talking to himself]

Alfred: In your dreams, Alfred...

[last lines]

Barbara Wilson: Partners?

Dick Grayson: Partners.

Bruce Wayne: Partners.

Alfred: We're going to need a bigger cave.

Bruce Wayne: Well, he's over-eager. He's impulsive. I can't trust him not to get hurt.

Alfred: Perhaps the truth is you really don't trust anyone.

Bruce Wayne: Oh, don't tell me you're on his side, again.

Alfred: Despite all your talents, you are still a novice in the ways of family. Master Dick follows the same star as you but gets there by his own course. You must learn to trust him, for that is the nature of family.

Bruce Wayne: I trust *you*, Alfred.

Alfred: But I shan't be here forever.

Batgirl: [in the Batcave; Alfred's image is on a computer screen] Uncle Alfred, it's me, Barbara!

Alfred: I expected you might find your way down here. I programmed my brain al-algorithms into the Batcomputer to create a virtual simu-simulation.

Batgirl: I want to help Batman and Robin.

Alfred: I anticipated you would, and took the liberty to create something in your size.

Batgirl: Suit me up, Uncle Alfred!

Bruce Wayne: Alfred, am I pig headed? Is it always my way or the highway?

Alfred: Yes, actually. Death and chance, stole your parents. But rather than become a victim, you have done everything in your power to control the fates. For what is Batman? If not an effort to master the chaos that sweeps our world. An attempt to control death, itself.

Bruce Wayne: [pause] But I can't, can I?

Alfred: None of us can.

Alfred: There is no defeat in death, Master Bruce. Victory comes in defending what we know is right while we still live.

[Alfred misses the doorbell]

Alfred: I must have dozed off. My sincerest apologies.

Bruce Wayne: Oh, there's no apology necessary, Alfred. It's the first time it's happened in 30 years.

[from trailer]

Alfred: Don't worry, Master Wayne. It takes a little time to get back into the swing of things.

[from trailer]

Alfred: You are as precious to me as you were to your own mother and father. I swore to them that I would protect you, and I haven't.

[watching video of Bane taking out the stock exchange security]

Alfred: That is a man who fights with the power of belief.

Alfred: I'll get this to Mr. Fox, but no more. I've sewn you up, I've set your bones, but I won't bury you. I've buried enough members of the Wayne family.

Bruce Wayne: You'll leave me?

Alfred: You see only one end to your journey. Leaving is all I have to make you understand, you're not Batman anymore. You have to find another way. You used to talk about finishing a life beyond that awful cape.

Bruce Wayne: Rachel died believing that we would be together; that was my life beyond the cape. I can't just move on. She didn't, she couldn't.

Alfred: What if she had? What if, before she died, she wrote a letter saying she chose Harvey Dent over you? And what if, to spare your pain, I burnt that letter?

Bruce Wayne: How dare you use Rachel to try to stop me?

Alfred: I am using the truth, Master Wayne. Maybe it's time we all stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it have its day. I'm sorry.

Bruce Wayne: You're sorry? You expect to destroy my world and then think we're going to shake hands?

Alfred: No... no, I know what this means.

Bruce Wayne: What does it mean?

Alfred: It means your hatred... and it also means losing someone that I have cared for since I first heard his cries echo through this house. But it might also mean saving your life. And that is more important.

Bruce Wayne: Goodbye, Alfred.

Alfred: [to Bruce] Remember when you left Gotham? Before all this, before Batman? You were gone seven years. Seven years I waited, hoping that you wouldn't come back. Every year, I took a holiday. I went to Florence, there's this cafe, on the banks of the Arno. Every fine evening, I'd sit there and order a Fernet Branca. I had this fantasy, that I would look across the tables and I'd see you there, with a wife and maybe a couple of kids. You wouldn't say anything to me, nor me to you. But we'd both know that you'd made it, that you were happy. I never wanted you to come back to Gotham. I always knew there was nothing here for you, except pain and tragedy. And I wanted something more for you than that. I still do.

Alfred: [at Bruce's grave] I'm so sorry. I failed you. You trusted me, and I failed you.

Alfred: [about Selina Kyle] You two should exchange notes over coffee.

Bruce Wayne: So now you're trying to set me up with a jewel thief?

Alfred: At this point, I'd set you up with a chimpanzee if it'd brought you back to the world!

Bruce Wayne: There's nothing out there for me.

Alfred: And that's the problem. You hung up your cape and your cowl, but you didn't move on, you never went to find a life, to find someone...

Bruce Wayne: Alfred... I did find someone.

Alfred: I know, and you lost her. But that's all part of living, sir. But you're not living. You're just waiting, hoping for things to go bad again.

Bruce Wayne: If this man is everything that you say he is, then this city needs me.

Alfred: This city needs Bruce Wayne, your resources, your knowledge. It doesn't need your body, or your life. That time has passed.

Bruce Wayne: You're afraid that if I go back out there I'll fail.

Alfred: No. I'm afraid that you want to.

Alfred: If you're seriously considering going back out there, you should hear the rumors surrounding Bane.

Bruce Wayne: I'm all ears.

Alfred: There is a prison in a more ancient part of the world, a pit where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes the pit sends something back.

Bruce Wayne: Bane.

Alfred: Right. Born and raised in hell on earth.

Bruce Wayne: Born in prison?

Alfred: No one knows why or how he escaped, but they do know that once he did he was trained by Ra's Al Ghul, your mentor.

Bruce Wayne: Bane was a member of The League of Shadows.

Alfred: And then he was excommunicated. And any man who is too extreme for Ra's Al Ghul is not to be trifled with.

Bruce Wayne: Here's what I want you to do... tell Selina - tell Miss Kyle in there - tell her, uh, tell her I had to go out of town, a big business deal came up or some... no, you know what? Tell her, you know, not in some dumb, "be my girlfriend" kind of way...

Alfred: I will relay the message.

Bruce Wayne: Great.

[runs out]

Alfred: Miss Kyle...

Selina Kyle: Alfred, hi!

Alfred: Mr. Wayne told me to tell you...

Selina Kyle: Mr. Wayne? Oh, Bruce. Yes. Um, would you tell him for me that, uh, I've been going through a lot of changes, and... no. Um, just that this is not a rejection, my abruptly leaving. In fact, he makes me feel the way I hope I really am... no! Could you just make up a sonnet or something? A dirty limerick?

Alfred: One has just sprung to mind.

Selina Kyle: Thanks!

[runs out]

[last lines]

Alfred: Well, come what may. Merry Christmas, Mister Wayne.

Bruce Wayne: Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will toward men... and women.

Alfred: Let's not forget about repairing the Batmobile. There's certain security to consider. It's not as though we can take it to any old "Joe's bodyshop," is it, sir?

Bruce Wayne: Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? I'm sitting there working and I turn around, there she is. "Oh hi, Vick - come on in."

Bruce Wayne: [working on the Batcomputer. Alfred sets down a bowl of soup in front of him. He picks up the spoon and takes a sip, only to spit it out] Cold!

Alfred: It's vichyssoise.

Bruce Wayne: [stares, not knowing why it's important]

Alfred: It's *supposed* to be cold.

Alfred: Why are you still out? Are you concerned about that strange, heroic Penguin person?

Batman: I think he knows who his parents are. There's something else.

Alfred: Why are you now determined to prove that this Penguin is not what he seems? Must you be the only lonely man-beast in town?

Alfred: Sir, shall we change the channel to a program with some dignity and class? The Love Connection, perhaps?

Bruce Wayne: [reading news archives on the Red Triangle Circus] "Red Triangle Circus put on a swell show with fierce lions... circus returns with a Freak Show, may not be suitable for kids. Featuring a poodle lady, the world's fattest man... and an aquatic bird boy."

Alfred: Why are you so determined to prove this Penguin is not what he seems? Must you be the only lonely man-beast in town?

Bruce Wayne: [continues reading] "... circus folded its tents yesterday, perhaps forever after numerous reports of missing children. In several towns, police have closed down the Red Triangle's fairgrounds, however at least one freak show performer vanished before he could be questioned."

Alfred: I suppose you feel better now, sir.

Bruce Wayne: No, actually I feel worse.

Bruce Wayne: All these years, and I don't know who he is any more than he knows who I am.

Alfred: Are you sure of that?

Bruce Wayne: What do you mean?

Alfred: I mean... Don't underestimate him.

Alfred: Vengeance blackens the soul, Bruce. I've always feared that you would become that which you fought against. You walk the edge of that abyss every night, but you haven't fallen in and I thank heaven for that.

Arthur Reeves: [on TV] What kind of city are we running when we depend on the support of a potential madman!

[click]

Alfred: What rot, sir! Why you're the very model of sanity. Oh by the way, I pressed your tights and put away your exploding gas balls.

Bruce Wayne: Thank you, Alfred.

Gates: So, when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking butler-head motherfucker getting here?

Alfred: [Alfred enters through door] Any minute now, Mr. Gates.

Gates: [sardonic] Sorry, 'Jeeves'.

Gates: I went to a lot of trouble to get this for you! Now where the hell's my cut?

[Alfred pops one of his knives and slashes Gates's throat. Gates falls down dead]

Alfred: So much for his "cut."

[chuckles]

Alfred: Forgive my dry British humor.

Robin: Holy demolition!

Alfred: Bless my dustpan!

Alfred: Art does *not* apologize!

George Sand: [George is looking over the script of Alfred's new play] The style's a bit precious. Mind if I rewrite it?

Alfred: Not at all. We'll have a horse sent in.

Steve: I've not given my number out to many eminent people in the past. I've not given my number out to Sam Mendes, so you're in good company.

Alfred: Well, if it's good enough for Sam Mendes it's good enough for me.

Alfred: He's a very committed environmentalist.

Steve: Spike Jonze is a tree hugger? Jesus, I never would've had him down as that.

Alfred: Well... I think he prefers the term "leaf people."

Alfred: Have you ever heard of Russian Roulette?

Daphne De Carter: Why, certainly. I used to play it all the time with my father.

Alfred: I doubt that you played Russian Roulette all the time with your father!

Daphne De Carter: Oh, I most certainly did. You play it with two decks of cards, and...

Alfred: That's Russian Bank. Russian Roulette's a very different amusement which I can only wish your father had played continuously before he had you!

Alfred: A thousand poets dreamed a thousand years, then you were born, my love.

Alfred: I give you my solemn word, August: if I don't regain control of myself in a few minutes, concert or no concert, I'll take this candelabrum and beat that walnut you use for a head into a nutburger, I believe they're called!

Alfred: Well, August, what happy updraft wafts you hither?

Alfred: There's nothing wrong with me that a couple of magnums of Champagne won't cure!

Alfred: A thousand poets dreamed a thousand years, and you were born, my love.

Alfred: I followed all of the rules, man's and God's. And you, you followed none of them. And they all loved you more. Samuel, Father, and my... even my own wife.

Alfred: When are you planning to be married?

Tristan: Morning.

Alfred: Damn you, Tristan. You will marry her.

Tristan: And make a honest woman out of her?

Alfred: Yes! God damn you to hell.

Tristan: Yes, I will marry her if she'll have me.

Alfred: If she'll have you? Do you love her? Or did you seduce her just to spite me?

Tristan: It's not what I did.

Alfred: And what about Samuel?

Tristan: What about Samuel?

Alfred: You tell me about Samuel.

Tristan: We all loved Samuel. Samuel's dead. What?

Alfred: How convenient that is for you.

Tristan: Because you love her I will forgive you for that. Once! You say that again and we're not brothers.

Alfred: I don't know what to say. Tristan's always been wild. You love him for that.

Susannah: Do I? Yeah, I suppose I do.

Alfred: Susannah, he does love you.

[holds her as she cries]

Colonel Ludlow: Alfred! She's to be your brother's wife.

Alfred: Yes, though you might better remind him of that.

Colonel Ludlow: He's not here to defend himself.

Alfred: No, he's not but I see you are here to defend him and what is his. Even though he's abandoned her and you. And I won't even speak of who else he abandoned.

Colonel Ludlow: Damn you, boy. Don't you blame my son for Samuel's death! Samuel chose to be a soldier and soldiers die. Sent to be slaughtered by the men in the government. Parasites like you! Damn and blast you!

[turns to Susannah]

Colonel Ludlow: Damn you too!

Alfred: Shut your mouth! You leave her out of this!

Colonel Ludlow: You get out of my house and off my land.

Alfred: Why? Because I want to serve my country like you did? Or because, like you, I love a woman who doesn't love me? He used her and he deserted her. Your darling Tristan.

Susannah: Alfred, don't, please.

Alfred: I loved her! I love her still. And he stole her from me. If you want to know the truth of it he stole her from Samuel before the war.

Colonel Ludlow: God help me, I'll kill you.

Alfred: What is he wanted for, Sheriff?

John T. O'Banion: That would be of a private nature

Colonel Ludlow: A private nature? That's a public office you hold, isn't it, Sheriff?

Alfred: Susannah, you deserve to be happy.

[Alfred's letter to Tristan]

Alfred: You have won her. I am bringing her home.

Alfred: Don't mind my brother. Your dog has more breeding than he has.

Alfred: You don't have to be a genius to figure out they going to come after you for this.

Tristan: Yeah. Alfred?

Alfred: Yeah?

Tristan: I want to ask you to watch over my children. Watch over Samuel.

Alfred: Brother, it will be an honor.

Alfred: Please excuse my father. It makes him feel young and powerful to treat us like idiot children.

Alfred: Susannah, you know how much I loved Samuel. And I think you know. Out of respect for him I wanted to say it in this place. I think you know that I'm in love with you. From the first moment I saw you. Like in a novel. That's my mother's romantic imagination coming out in me, I suppose. You're not making this very easy for me, Susannah.

Susannah: Sorry.

Alfred: Is there any hope that you could learn to love me? Not the way you loved Samuel, of course, but enough to. Susannah, we could make a life together. A happy life.

Susannah: I don't think so, Alfred.

Alfred: It seems like you're not sure though. Maybe there's a chance. What?

Susannah: I think I can only cause you pain, Alfred.

Canadian Soldier: MacKenzie was just brought in, his leg's turned bad. He said...

Tristan: What?

Alfred: He said what? Go on, man, what is it?

Canadian Soldier: He said your brother, he volunteered to take his place and go over on the reconnaissance.

Alfred: [to Tristan] God damn it! I told you to stay with him!

Alfred: Do you know what lies at the bottom of the mainstream? Mediocrity.

Gustav von Aschenbach: You know sometimes I think that artists are rather like hunters aiming in the dark. They don't know what their target is, and they don't know if they've hit it. But you can't expect life to illuminate the target and steady your aim. The creation of beauty and purity is a spiritual act.

Alfred: No Gustav, no. Beauty belongs to the senses. Only to the senses.

Alfred: Truth? Justice? Human dignity? What good are they?

Alfred: In all the world, there is no impurity so impure as old age.

Alfred: Wisdom. Truth. Human Dignity. All finished! Now there is no reason why you cannot go to your grave with your music.

Alfred: You have achieved perfect balance: the man and the artist are one. They have touched bottom together.

Alfred: You never possessed chastity. Chastity is the gift of purity not the painful result of old age and you are *old* Gustav.

Guthrum: I am Guthrum, son of Odin! This is Ivar, my warrior cheif. He's called Ivar the boneless because his mother made him with gristle, instead of bone. Show them.

[Ivar performs impressive acrobatics with a sword]

Guthrum: He fights as well.

Alfred: I am Alfred, king of Wessex. This is my cousin, Athelstan of Lamborn. I fear he only jumps on Danish graves.

[Alfred has been caught scaring Sally in the shower]

Todd: What do you have to say about that, Alfred?

Alfred: I only meant to scare her.

Michelle: You only meant to scare her. Well, you sure as hell did scare her!

Alfred: Oh, Emma. You frighten me. Emma...

Emma Breitkopf: Alfred. Oh, Alfred. Alfred. Alfred, what are you doing to me? What time is it?

Alfred: I don't know.

Emma Breitkopf: I thought it was later. Oh, Alfred. Alfred.

Emma Breitkopf: Don't torture yourself, darling.

Alfred: Have you read Stendhal?

Emma Breitkopf: Stendhal?

Alfred: Yes. Stendhal's book "On Love."

Emma Breitkopf: No.

Alfred: There's something quite illuminating in it. Some cavalry officers are discussing their romantic exploits. You follow me?

Emma Breitkopf: Yes. Their romantic exploits. And?

Alfred: And they all say that it was with the woman they desired the most that the same thing happened to me. It's quite typical. Quite. Quite. Quite typical.

Emma Breitkopf: Quite. Quite.

Alfred: You know, you dress very nicely. Aren't you warm?

[Starts to take off here clothes]

Marie: It's too bright in here.

Alfred: You're right. It's too bright.

[Starts to close all the blinds]

Alfred: Mind you, you needn't be embarrassed on my account, or anyone else's either, as pretty as you are. Oh, Marie, Marie, your hair smells so nice. You know, I saw you once. I came home late one night. I went in the kitchen for some water. The door to your room was open and I saw - lots of things. You have such pale skin.

Marie: What if someone rings?

Alfred: We won't answer. We won't answer.

Alfred: Won't you sit down?

Emma Breitkopf: My legs are trembling. It must be the emotion.

Alfred: Take off your cape. You'll feel better.

Emma Breitkopf: You think so?

Alfred: Yes. And your veil.

Emma Breitkopf: There's two.

Alfred: Two. One.

Emma Breitkopf: One.

Alfred: Two. Take off your hat. You'll feel better.

Emma Breitkopf: You think so?

Alfred: You're so beautiful. More beautiful every day.

Emma Breitkopf: I came as you asked.

Alfred: Don't be cruel.

Emma Breitkopf: You promised to behave.

Alfred: I will.

Emma Breitkopf: Alfred, Alfred. Why did I listen to you?

Alfred: Emma, I've thought so much about you. I know you're unhappy.

Emma Breitkopf: Yes.

Alfred: Yes. Life is so banal.

Emma Breitkopf: Yes.

Alfred: Yes. Yes and so empty.

Emma Breitkopf: Yes.

Alfred: And so short.

Emma Breitkopf: Yes.

Alfred: So terribly short.

Emma Breitkopf: Yes.

Alfred: The only real happiness is meeting someone you love.

Charlotte: Why'd you send Carlotta away?

Alfred: I wanted to kiss you. But we have all night, don't we?

Charlotte: Must we really go? Two hours by sleigh at night? If only we didn't perform tomorrow.

Alfred: You're the only one who wanted to go. You asked me to reserve rooms. Two, in fact, I have no idea why.

Charlotte: Never know what turn things may take.

Alfred: Why do you toy with me? You are beauty, talent, life!

Charlotte: Because I'm an actress.

Alfred: The theater is an incredible thing. We always know our next line in advance. You chose that inn because it reminds you of your ex-lover, didn't you?

Charlotte: Yes.

Alfred: You like comparing the present with the past. You'll be stirring up old memories all evening. Think it's pleasant for me? You'll send me away 20 times.

Charlotte: Yes. But you also know that the 21st time, I won't, don't you?

Alfred: Yes, I know.