Alferd Packer Quotes in Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

[reaching the Grand Canyon]

Alferd Packer: Come on, we can just walk around it. It can't be that big.

Alferd Packer: The sky is blue and all the leaves are green. My heart's as warm as a baked potato. I think I know precisely what I mean, when I say it's a *Shpadoinkle* day!

Alferd Packer: And then I ran and ran as fast as I could.

Polly Pry: But you made it out, right?

Alferd Packer: Yeah, I hid in Wyoming for a while. I should have let them kill me.

Polly Pry: Why?

Alferd Packer: You ever been to Wyoming.

[we cut and see Alferd in a deserted field]

Alferd Packer: Uh, hello?

Polly Pry: Oh my God! It sounds horrible!

[after finding his companions slain]

Alferd Packer: Okay, what are you guys doing?

[singing about Liane]

Alferd Packer: Your eyes, your smile,/made my little life worthwhile./The sky was a lot more blue/when I was on top of you.

Alferd Packer: ...But that's not the way it happened...

Frank Miller: A horse is a horse.

James Humphrey: Of course.

Alferd Packer: Of course.

[about his horse, Liane]

Alferd Packer: She didn't just take off. We're friends, and friends don't just take off.

[after spotting a sheep, George Noon starts unzipping his pants]

Alferd Packer: No, to eat.

George Noon: I know, I gotta take a piss!

Polly Pry: How are you doing?

Alferd Packer: How am I doing? Have you ever been sitting around waiting to die?

Polly Pry: Yes! I have as a matter of fact!

Alferd Packer: When?

Polly Pry: Well alright, I've never really...

Sheriff Amos Wall of Saguache: Alferd Packer, any last words?

Alferd Packer: Yes.

Sheriff Amos Wall of Saguache: [sighs] Oh well, make it quick.

Alferd Packer: Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad and the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands and say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.

Sheriff Amos Wall of Saguache: Jolly good! Now let's get on with the hanging!

George Noon: How deep do you think it is?

Alferd Packer: [throws rock in and everybody stares at the splash site for a few seconds]

Frank Miller: Well, what the hell was that supposed to prove?

Alferd Packer: Well, s-s... what... I don't know.

Indian #2: Nanda? Sugu kotchi koi! Haiyaku! Haiyaku!

[What the heck? Come here immediately! Quickly! Quickly!]

Indian #1: Kuso, bakayarou! Kono eiga ga daikirai zo.

[Shit, you moron! I hate this movie]

James Humphrey: Uh, you guys, I think they want us to follow them.

Indian #1: Ike. Kono eiga ga suggoi baka na eiga da na!

[Go. This is a really stupid movie!]

Alferd Packer: What should we do?

George Noon: Maybe they just want Humphrey.

Indian #1: Kotchi koi!

[Come here!]

Shannon Bell: I guess we don't have much choice.