Alexandra Medford Quotes in The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

Alexandra Medford: I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

Daryl Van Horne: I like women. I admire them. But, if you want me to treat you like a dumb twit I will. What's the point? You have brains Alex, more than brains, and you don't even know it do you? Well most women do not.

Alexandra Medford: Are you married?

Daryl Van Horne: Good question! You see, brains! The answer is no, I don't believe in it. Good for the man, lousy for the woman. She dies, she suffocates. I've see it! And then the husband runs around complaining that he's fucking a dead person, and he's the one who killed her!

[bursts into laughter]

Alexandra Medford: Who are you?

Daryl Van Horne: Just your average, horny little devil.

Daryl Van Horne: You haven't seen any snowy egrets around here, have you?

Alexandra Medford: No.

Daryl Van Horne: Me either. Not that I'd know a snowy egret if I were pissing on one. You want some lunch?

Alexandra Medford: I think it's a little late in the season.

Daryl Van Horne: For lunch?

Alexandra Medford: No, pissing on birds.

Alexandra Medford: I don't think that men are the answer to everything.

Sukie Ridgemont: No.

Jane Spofford: Then why do we always end up talking about them?

Sukie Ridgemont: You're terrible!

Alexandra Medford: No I'm not. I'm fabulous.

Alexandra Medford: I hope his dick is bigger than his I.Q.

[constructing their ideal man]

Sukie Ridgemont: Huge.

Jane Spofford: I prefer small.

Sukie Ridgemont: Oh, yeah, right...

Jane Spofford: No, no, no, Sam was huge, and there were times when I just could not face it.

Alexandra Medford: Really? Well, I'm sort of in the middle myself. But hey, as long as it works, it's in.

Sukie Ridgemont, Alexandra Medford, Jane Spofford: It's in.

[they clink glasses]

Alexandra Medford: Handsome he should be really handsome.

Sukie Ridgemont: Not too handsome. Nice eyes.

Jane Spofford: Nice ass.

[Sukie giggles and Alex looks at Jane]

Daryl Van Horne: Daryl Van Horne.

Alexandra Medford: [shaking hands] Alexandra Medford.

Daryl Van Horne: The local sculptress. The one who makes the little booby dolls.

Alexandra Medford: Well, you know, they're little, and...

Daryl Van Horne: Little, yes, but... potent. Full of juice. Potent, you can feel it when you pick them up.

[first lines]

Carol Medford: You don't have to come today, you know, I mean, if you don't want to.

Alexandra Medford: No, sweetheart, I want to, it's just that I have a million things I have to do first.