Alexander Quotes in Alexander (2004)

Alexander: Conquer your fear, and I promise you, you will conquer death.

[after reading a letter sent by his mother]

Alexander: It's a high ransom she charges for nine months lodging in the womb.

Hephaistion: Bring her to Babylon, Alexander. It'll give her such joy.

Alexander: Joy! I am the cracked mirror of her dreams... Stay with me tonight Hephaistion.

Hephaistion: What bothers you?

Alexander: I see in her everything I fear. Yet I have no idea what it is; this fear. She was always so sure I was born of Zeus. Why, Hephaistion?

Hephaistion: I think there are things beyond our imagining. Like the lightening. Tales of strange conceptions. I don't doubt it.

Alexander: What is being told me? What destiny do I have?

Hephaistion: Well, if I'm Patroclus, I die first. Then you, Achilles. The generals are upset. They question your obsession with Darius. They say it was never meant for you to be king of Asia.

Alexander: Naturally. They want only to return to their homes rich with gold, but I have seen the future, Hephaistion! I've seen it now a thousand times, on a thousand faces. These people want, need, change. Aristotle was wrong about them.

Hephaistion: How so?

Alexander: Look at those we've conquered. They leave their dead unburied, they smash their enemies skulls and drink them as dust, they mate in public! How can they think, or sing, or write when none can read? But as Alexander's army they could go where they never thought possible. They can soldier, or work in the cities. From the Alexandrias, from Egypt to the outer ocean. We could connect these lands, Hephaistion. And the people.

Hephaistion: Some say these Alexandrias have become extensions of Alexander himself. They draw people into the cities so as to make slaves.

Alexander: But we've freed them, Hephaistion, from the Persias, where everyone lived as slaves! To free the people of the world! Such would be beyond the glory of Achilles. Beyond Heracles! A feat to rival Prometheus, who was always a friend to man.

Hephaistion: Remember the fates of these heroes. They suffered, greatly.

Alexander: We all suffer. Your father, mine. They all came to the end of their time and in the end, when it's over, all that matters is what you've done.

Hephaistion: You once said the fear of death drives all men. Are there no other forces? Is there not love in your life, Alexander? What would you do if you ever reached the end of the world? I wonder sometimes, if it's not your mother you run from, so many years, so many miles between you, what is it you fear?

Alexander: Who knows these things? When I was a child my mother thought me divine; my father, weak. Which am I, Hephaistion? Weak or divine? All I know is I trust only you in this world. I've missed you. I need you. It is you I love, Hephaistion. No other.

Hephaistion: You still hold you head cocked like that.

Alexander: [laughing] I have to stop that.

Hephaistion: No, like a dear listening in the wind you strike me still, Alexander. You have eyes like no other. I sound as stupid as a school boy, but you're everything I care for. And by the sweet breath of Aphrodite I'm so jealous of losing you to this world you want so badly.

Alexander: You'll never lose me, Hephaistion. I'll be with you always. 'Til the end.

Olympias: My poor child. You're like Achilles; cursed by your greatness. You must never confuse your feelings with your duties, Alexander. A king must make public gestures for the common people. You will be nineteen this summer, and the girls already say you don't like them, you like Hephastion more. I understand, it's natural for a young man. But if you go to Asia without leaving a successor you risk all.

Alexander: Hephastion loves me. As I am. Not who.

Alexander: I've come to believe the fear of death drives all men, Hephaistion. This we didn't learn as schoolboys.

Hephaistion: I've always believed, Alexander. But this seems so much bigger than us.

Alexander: Did Patroclus stare at Achilles when they stood side by side at the siege of troy?

Hephaistion: Patroclus died first.

Alexander: If you do... if you were to fall Hephaistion, I will avenge you, and follow you down to the house of death.

Hephaistion: I would do the same.

Alexander: On the eve of battle it's hardest to be alone.

Hephaistion: Then perhaps this is farewell, my Alexander.

Alexander: Fear not, Hephaistion. We are at the beginning.

Hephaistion: You know better than any great deeds are donned by men who took, and never regretted. You're Alexander! Pity and grief will only destroy you.

Alexander: Have I become so arrogant that I am blind?

Hephaistion: Sometimes to expect the best from everyone is arrogance.

Alexander: Then it's true. I have become a tyrant!

Hephaistion: No! But perhaps a stranger. We've come too far. They don't understand you anymore.

Alexander: They speak of Phillip now as if I were a passing cloud, soon to be forgotten. I've failed. Utterly.

Hephaistion: You're mortal. And they know it. And they forgive you because you make them proud of themselves.

Cassander: Alexander, if we must fight, do so with stealth. Use your numbers well; we should attack tonight when they least expect us.

Alexander: I didn't cross Asia to steal this victory, Cassander.

Cassander: No, you are too honorable for that, no doubt influenced from sleeping with tales of Troy under your pillow. But your father was no lover of Homer's.

Parmenion: The lands west of the Euphrates, Alexander, and his daughter's hand in marriage! Since when has a Greek ever been given such honors?

Alexander: These are not honors, Parmenion, they're bribes! Which the Greeks have accepted too long! You forget, Parmenion, that the man who murdered my father lies across the valley floor.

Parmenion: Come, Alexander, we're not really sure if it was Persian gold behind the assassination. It is no matter! Your father taught you never to surrender your reason to your passion! I urge you, with all my experience, regroup! Fall back to the coast, raise a larger force!

Alexander: I would, if I were Parmenion. But I am Alexander. And no more than earth has two suns will Asia bear two kings. These are my terms. And if Darius isn't a coward who hides behind his men then he'll come to me tomorrow. And *when* he bows down to Greece, Alexander will be merciful.

Alexander: May all those who come here after us know, when they see this altar, that titans were once here.

Alexander: In the end, when it's over, all that matters is what you've done.

Alexander: [standing on the Hindu Kush with Ptolemy] Yes, I have Babylon. But each land, each boundary I cross lets drip away another illusion. I sense, death will be the last. Yet still I push harder and harder to reach this... home.

[looking into the sky]

Alexander: Where has our eagle gone? We must go on, Ptolemy... until we find an end.

Alexander: Isn't it a lovely thing to live with great courage and to die leaving an everlasting fame? Come, Macedonians, why do you retreat? Do you want to live forever? In the name of Zeus, attack!

Alexander: A thousand ships we'll launch from here, Hephaistion! We'll round Arabia, and sail up the gulf to Egypt. From there, we'll build a channel through the desert, out to the middle sea. And then we'll move on Carthage, and that great island Cecily; they'll pay large tribute. After that the Romans - good fighters, but we'll beat them. And then explore the northern forests, and add the pillars of Heracles to the western ocean. And then one day, populations will mix and travel freely. Asia and Europe will come together. And we'll grow old, Hephaistion, looking out our balcony at this new world.

Parmenion: I pray to Apollo you soon realize how far you've turned from your father's path.

Alexander: Damn you Parmenion, by the gods and your Apollo! War was in my father's guts! It wasn't over ripe and reason like yours.

Parmenion: He never lusted for war, Alexander, or enjoyed it so. He consulted his peers in council, among equals! The Macedonian way. He didn't make decisions based on his personal desires.

Alexander: I've taken us further than my father ever dreamed! Old man, we're in knew worlds.

Cassander: Alexander, be reasonable! Were they ever meant to be our equal? Share our rewards? You remember what Aristotle said. An Asian? What would a wedding vow ever mean to a race that has never kept their word to a Greek?

Alexander: [throws Cassander against the wall] Aristotle be damned!

Hephaistion: Alexander!

Alexander: By Zeus and all the gods, what makes you so much better than them, Cassander? Better than you really are! In you and those like you is this!

Hephaistion: [pleading] Alexander...

Alexander: What disturbs me most is not your lack of respect for my judgment, but your contempt for a world far older than ours!

[referring to Philip, and his pregnant second wife]

Alexander: I'm his only worthy son, you crazed woman. He'd never hurt me. Even if Eurydice had a boy, he'd be twenty before he'd let him rule.

Olympias: Yes. And you would be forty. Old, and wise. Like Parmenion. And Philip's young son would be twenty. Like you, now. But raised by him. His blood. He will never give you the throne now, Alexander, never.

Alexander: What would you have me do?

Olympias: Whatever is necessary.

Alexander: Where have you lost your mind? There'd be civil war, clan against clan chaos!

Olympias: Yes. And you would win.

Alexander: But you dream Crateros... Your simplicity long ended, when you took Persian mistresses and children, and you thickened your holdings with plunder and jewels... Because you have fallen in love with all the things in life that destroy men... do you not see... and you, as well as I, know, that as the year decline and the memories stale and all your great victories fade it will always be remembered, you left your king in Asia

Alexander: [to his horse] Come, Bucephalus. Today we ride to our destiny.

Hephaistion: [on his death bed] I'll feel better. Soon I'll be up.

Alexander: We leave for Arabia in the spring, I can't leave without you!

Hephaistion: Arabia... you used to dress me up like a sheik and wave your wooden scimitar...

Alexander: You were the only one who'd never let me win. The only one who's ever been honest with me. You saved me from myself. Please don't leave me, Hephaistion.

Hephaistion: ...I remember the young man who wanted to be Achilles, and then out did him.

Alexander: And then what happens? That was a myth only young men believe!

Hephaistion: But how beautiful a myth it was.

Alexander: How we reach, we fall! Oh, Hephaistion.

Hephaistion: I worry for you without me.

Alexander: I am nothing without you!

[at a meeting with the generals after Alexander's wedding to Roxane]

Parmenion: Your father must be turning in his grave, Alexander. After all this time, a hill chief's daughter? Do you call this tribal wedding legitimate?

Alexander: You forget, Parmenion, that my father took a barbarian as his queen.

Parmenion: Yes, and few would call it a profoundly happy marriage.

[referring to Philip and his pregnant new wife, Eurydice]

Olympias: Pregnant, so soon? The little whore. He will marry her in the spring, during Dionysus' festival. And when her first son is born, her sweet Uncle Attalus will convince Phillip to name the boy his successor. And you will be sent on some impossible mission against some barbarous northern tribe, to be mutilated in one more meaningless battle. And I, no longer Queen, will be put to death with your sister and the remaining members of our family.

Alexander: I wish sometimes you could see the light, mother. The truth is he's taken from you nothing that you've not been long without.

Olympias: The only way is to strike. Announce your marriage to a Macedonian, now! Beget a child of pure blood. He would be one of them, not mine. And he would have no choice but to make you king. Eurydice was perfect! If your father, that pig, had not ravaged her first...

Alexander: Say nothing more of my father! Do you hear me? Say nothing!

Olympias: You're right. Forgive me. A mother loves too much.

Cleitus: How can you, so young, compare yourself to Heracles?

Alexander: Why not? I've achieved more in my years. Traveled as far. Probably farther.

Cleitus: Heracles did it by himself! Did you conquer Asia by yourself, Alexander? I mean, who planned the Asian invasion when you were still being spanked on your bottom by my sister? Was it not your father? Or is his blood no longer good enough?

Alexander: You insult me, Cleitus. You mock my family, be careful.

Cleitus: Never would your father take barbarians as friends or ask us to fight with them as equals in war. Are we not good enough any longer? I remember a time when we could talk as men, strait to the eye, none of this scraping and groveling. I remember a time when we hunted, when we wrestled on the gymnasium floor. And now you kiss them? Take a barbarian, childless wife, and dare call her Queen?

Alexander: [deeply insulted] Go quickly, Cleitus, before you ruin your life.

Cleitus: Doesn't your great pride fear the gods any longer? This army's your blood, boy! Without it you're nothing!

Alexander: You no longer serve the purpose of this march! Get him from my sight!

Cleitus: What was I serving but to save your puppy life at Gaugamela? What if I left you to die in the dust?

Hephaistion: [holding Alexander back] Alexander... Alexander!

Alexander: Arrest him for treason! Who's with him? I call father Zeus to witness! I call you to trial before him! And we'll see how deep this conspiracy cuts!

Hephaistion: In the name of the gods, get him out of here!

Cleitus: Now look at you! Great Alexander! Hiding behind his guards! Are you too great to remember whose life was saved by me? I am more man than you'll ever be!

[Cleitus is dragged out of the room]

Hephaistion: He's gone. He's gone, Alexander, gone! Alexander!

[Cleitus fights his way back into the room]

Cleitus: What a tyrant you are! Evil tyrant you've become, Alexander. You speak about plots against you? What about poor Parmenion? He served you well! Look how you repaid him! Have you no shame?

Alexander: You ungrateful wretch! No one, not my finest enemy has spoken like you to me!

Hephaistion: Please, Alexander...

[Alexander stabs Cleitus]

Hephaistion: NO!

Alexander: [to a sleeping Roxane] If only you were not a pale reflection of my mother's heart.

[the first time the army has come across monkeys]

Hephaistion: They're animals. Monkeys.

Alexander: Monkey... look at his hands!

Hephaistion: So much like ours.

Alexander: [to the monkey] Hello little man.

[to Hephaistion]

Alexander: Do they speak?

Hephaistion: No. But they do sing, and make noises from the roofs of forests.

Hephaistion: [crying softly, he shows Alexander a ring] I found it in Egypt... the man who sold it to me said it came from a time when man worshiped sun, and stars. I'll always think of you as the sun, Alexander. And I pray your dream will shine on all men.

[puts the ring on Alexander's ring finger, then embraces him]

Hephaistion: I wish you a son. You're a great man. Many will love you, Alexander, but none so pure and deep...

Roxane: [Roxane enters]

Hephaistion: [Hephaistion exits guiltily]

Roxane: You... love him?

Alexander: He is Hephaistion. There are many different ways to love.

Alexander: [after Philip's assassination]

Alexander: How could you behave so shamelessly in public?

Olympias: Because it was meant to be.

Alexander: This is not how I wanted to become king!

Olympias: No one blames you.

Alexander: They blame me already! Behind my back, in secret!

Olympias: Slander is not power.

Alexander: Shame is? Who killed my father? Tell me! Tell me or shall I put you on trial for his murder?

Olympias: Pausanias.

Alexander: He had help! Did you help him?

Olympias: [not convincingly] No. Never. Why? Why would I?

Alexander: The greatest honor a man can ever achieve is to live with great courage, and to die with his countrymen, in battle for his home.

[after Alexander's wedding to Roxane]

Philotas: But what's the point Alexander? She's your captive; just take her as your concubine!

Alexander: Because I want a son. Damn you, Philotas

Philotas: Half your nobles have sisters who would make fine Macedonian mothers.

Alexander: To take an Asian as my queen, not a captive, is a sign of deep respect for our subjects. It will, more than anything, bring us together. Unify us. Which is not to say I won't take a Macedonian one day.

Philotas: As a second wife? And insult Macedonia?

Antigonus: Never will our people accept this girl's son as king. They'll be angry enough when they find out their husbands all have second wives in Barbaria.

Alexander: [laughing] Then they'll learn!

Crateros: In the rain and the sun we've fought for you. Some of us fifty battles we've been in. We've killed many a barbarian. And now when I look around, how many of their faces do I see?

Alexander: You know there's no part of me without a scar or a bone broken. I've shared every hardship with all of you!

Crateros: Aye, you have, my king. And we love you for it. But, by Zeus, too many have died. We're just humble men. We seek no disturbance with the gods. All we wish for is to see our children.

Alexander: You birthed me in a sack of hate! Hate you have for those stronger than you!

Olympias: I taught you my heart! And by Zeus and Dionysus you grew beautiful!

Alexander: Damn your sorceress soul!

Olympias: Your soul is mine, Alexander.

Alexander: No! You've taken from me everything I've ever loved! You've made me you!

Olympias: Stop it! Stop acting like a boy! You're a king, act like one!

Attalus: [Raising a toast at Philip's wedding party] To Philip and Eurydice! And to their legitimate son! To Philip...

Alexander: [Alexander throws a wine cup at him] And what am I? You son of a dog. Come then.

Philip: [Attalus throws his cup at Alexander and soon a fight breaks out] Quiet. Shut up! Shut up all of you! This is my wedding, not some public brawl! Apologize, by Zeus, before you dishonor me.

Alexander: You defend the man that calls my mother a whore and me a bastard? And I dishonor you?

Philip: Bah! You listen like your mother. Attalus is family now, same as you.

Alexander: Then choose your relatives more carefully. Don't expect me to sit here and watch you shame yourself.

Philip: Shame?

Attalus: You insult me!

Alexander: I insult you? A man not fit to lick the ground my mother walks on? You dog, questioning your queen!

Philip: Shame? I've nothing to be ashamed of, you arrogant brat! I'll marry the girl if I want, and I'll have as many sons as I want, and there's nothing you or your harpy mother can do about it!

Alexander: Why, drunken man, must you think everything I do and say comes from my mother?

Philip: Because I know her heart, by Hera! And I see her in your eyes. You covet this throne too much. Now! We all know that that she-wolf of a mother of yours wants me dead! Well, you can both dream boy.

Philip: Come Philip, 'tis the wine talking. Leave the boy, it can wait till the morning.

Philip: Now! I command you... apologize to your kinsman.

[Alexander stands in silence looking at Attalus]

Philip: Apologize!

Alexander: He's no kinsman to me. Good night old man, and when my mother remarries, I'll invite you to her wedding.

[Walks away]

Philip: You bastard! You'll obey me. Come here.

[Alexander looks at Philip and continues to walk away, Philip grabs his sword and prepares to attack Alexander, but falls to the ground in a drunken stupor]

Alexander: This is the man who's going to take you from Greece to Persia? He can't even make it from one couch to the next.

Philip: Get out of my palace! You're exiled, you bastard! Banished from the land, you're not welcome here! You're no son of mine!

Philotas: [during the battle of Gaugamela] Alexander! My father's lost! They've overrun the flanks, they're into the baggage trains!

Hephaistion: Parmenion's crumbling!

Ptolemy: Alexander, if you chase him you risk losing your army here!

Alexander: And if we capture him we gain an empire!

[yelling after Darius]

Alexander: You can run till the ends of the earth, you coward! But you'll never run far enough!

Alexander: [after Princess Stateira has confused Hephaistion for Alexander] You are not wrong, Princess Stateira. He too is Alexander.

Attalus: To Philip and Eurydice and to their legitimate sons! To Philip...

[Alexander throws a wine cup at him]

Hephaistion: Alexander, don't...

Alexander: And what am I? You son of a dog. Come then.

[Attalus throws his cup at Alexander and soon a fight breaks out]

Philip: Shut up! Shut up all of you! This is my wedding, not some public brawl!

[Looks at Alexander]

Philip: Apologize by Zeus, before you dishonor me.

Alexander: You defend the man that called my mother a whore and me a bastard? And I dishonor you?

Philip: Ah!You listen more like your mother. Attalus is my family now, the same as you.

Alexander: Then choose your relatives more carefully. Don't expect me to sit here and watch you shame yourself.

Philip: Shame?

Attalus: You insult me!

Alexander: I insult you? Am I not fit to lick the ground my mother walks on?

Philip: Shame?

Alexander: You dog, questioning your Queen.

Philip: Shame? I have nothing to be ashamed of you arrogant brat. I'll marry the girl if I want, and I'll have as many sons as I want, and there's nothing that you or your harpy mother can do about it!

Alexander: Why, drunken man, must you think everything I do and say comes from my mother?

Philip: Because I know her heart, by Hera. And I see her in your eyes. You covet this throne too much. Now we all know that she-wolf for a mother of yours wants me dead. Well, you can both dream boy.

[Grabs his genitalia in a mocking way]

Parmenion: Come Philip, it is the wine talking. Leave the boy, it can wait till the morning.

Philip: Now! I command you, apologize to your kinsman.

[Alexander stands in silence looking at Attalus]

Philip: Apologize.

Alexander: His no kinsman to me. Good night old man, and when my mother remarries, I'll invite you to her wedding.

[Walks away]

Philip: You bastard! You'll obey me. Come here.

[Alexander looks at Philip and continues to walk away, Philip grabs his sword and prepares to attack Alexander, but falls to the ground]

Alexander: [Alexander sees Philip fall] And this is the man who's going to take you from Greece to Persia? He can't even make it from one couch to the next.

Philip: Get out of my palace. Your exiled you bastard. Vanished from the land.You're not welcomed here. You're no son of mine

Alexander: Come, Macedonians! Ride! Ride!

Alexander: [looking at the towering mountains] Were we gods, we'd breach these walls to the Outer Ocean.

Alexander: Who is this great king, Darius, who enslaves his own men to fight? Who is this king but a king of air? They fight because this king tells them they must. And when they fight, they will melt away like the air because they know no loyalty to a king of slaves. But we are not here today as slaves! We are here today as Macedonian free men!

Alexander's Army: [after Alexander expresses heartbreak that his army plundered after a battle] What do you want from us?

Alexander: I want you to be *excellent!*

Alexander: Men of Macedon, we're going home.

Roxane: Are you drunk again?

Alexander: He's dead!

Roxane: Who?

Alexander: Many hated him, but I don't think any other would have dared!

Roxane: [terrified] Hephaistion... is dead?

Alexander: [to Olympias] You lie and lie and lie! So many lies you've spun like a sorceress, confusing me!

Parmenion: That was not your father's mission!

Alexander: And I am not my father.

Philotas: Alexander, remember me for who I am!

Alexander: I do remember you, Philotas. But not as you remember yourself.

Roxane: This I know, Alexander. In Persia you are a great king. Here, they hate you. Let us go back to Persia. There you are strong.

Alexander: We'll talk about this later.

Roxane: Yes. Later. Talk.

Alexander: I will come.

Roxane: And I will wait.

Hephaistion: The army grows restless, questioning. Alexander, they need your reassurance.

Alexander: Like an old lover they forgive, but they will never forget.

Hephaistion: He was an ageing drunk!

Alexander: He was my friend.

Alexander: As the years decline and the memories stale, and all your great victories fade, it will always be remembered that you left your king in Asia!

Alexander: You and I together, one last time Bucephalus.

Philip: Truth is in our hearts, and none will tell you this but your father. Men hate the gods. The only reason we worship any of them is because we fear worse.

Alexander: What's worse?

Philip: The Titans. If they were ever to be set free it would be a darkness such as we have never seen before.

Alexander: Could they ever come back? Can Zeus imprison the Titans forever under Mount Olympus?

Philip: It's said that when Zeus burned them to dust with his lightning bolt they took the Titans' ashes and, in a cold revenge mixed it with those of mortal men.

Alexander: Why?

Philip: Who knows these things? One day, things will change.Men will change. But first, the gods must change. But all this you'll forget, Alexander. That's why we call them myths. We can't bear to remember them.

Alexander: I'll remember. And one day, I'll be on walls like these.

Alexander: If only thirst could quench sorrow, Ptolemy.

Alexander: While in your mind and body are stretched to breaking you have no thought beyond the next. And you look back then and there it was, happiness. In the doing, never the thinking.

Alexander: Stay with me tonight, Hephaistion.

Alexander: You've fallen in love with all the things in life that destroy men!

Alexander: [On Sean's sprained ankle] On three. One...

[Pops ankle back]

Hank: What happened to two and three?

Sean: Yes, what happened to two and three?

Alexander: Two. Three.

Alexander: Who's up for an adventure?

Hank: You know, I think it's best we get out of here. Besides, after that mating call of yours, she may have ideas about making you her husband.

Alexander: Oh, witty. Good for you, Henry.

Hank: [laughs sarcastically] The name's Hank. It's never Henry. Just Hank.

Alexander: Ah. I see you're a man of incisive decision. Why don't you lead the way? Oh, actually, we want to live through the night. Yes. So maybe you should all follow me.

Hank: It takes a big man to play a little guitar.

Alexander: And a bigger one to listen.

Hank: It looks like the liquefation has tripled overnight.

Kailani: What does that mean?

Hank: It means this island is sinking a lot faster than we thought.

Alexander: I thought you said a couple of days.

Hank: Now it looks more like a couple of hours.

Sean: A couple of hours?

Hank: We need to get to that sub now or we're all gonna be 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Alexander: I wanted to give you this.

Sean: A book?

Alexander: Oh, it's not just a book. It's a trip I want us to go on, all of us, as a family.

Sean: From the Earth to the Moon.

Alexander: What do you say?

Kailani: I think there's only one thing to say.

Sean: So, who's up for an adventure?

Liz: No, no, no!

Hank: Oh honey, what could possibly go wrong? It's only the moon!

Alexander: Judging from the data we gathered, they're dilettantes.

Alexander: You boys are good... for dilettantes.

Achilles: You're making my beer curdle.

Alexander: And you make my drink taste like blood.

Achilles: You can live.

Alexander: Yes, if I kill you with this!

Achilles: We can both live!

Alexander: We are already dead. We are Robot Jox!

Alexander: [to Achilles] I kill you already!

[taps head]

Alexander: In here!

[last lines]

The Bull: Hey, Max?

Max: Yeah?

The Bull: When you go home, will you say good things about us?

Max: Yeah, I will.

The Bull: Thanks, Max.

Judith: You're the first king we haven't eaten.

Alexander: Yeah, that's true.

Judith: See ya.

Alexander: Bye, Max.

Max: Bye.

KW: Don't go. I'll eat you up; I love you so.

[all howl]

Max: Small is good. My powers are able to slip right through the cracks.

Judith: But what if the cracks are closed up?

Max: Then I have a re-cracker, which goes right through that.

Judith: But what if they have some sort of material that re-crackers can't get through?

Max: Then I have a double re-cracker, which can get through anything in this whole universe. And that's the end, and there's nothing more powerful after that, ever. Period.

Alexander: He has a double re-cracker.

Ira: He does sound powerful.

Alexander: Hey, KW, you wanna be on my team? We're the BAD guys.

Alexander: You're not really a king, are you?

Alexander: I hate this tree!

The Coachman: And what might your name be?

Alexander: Alexander.

The Coachman: So you can talk?

Alexander: Yes, sir. I wanna go home to my mama!

The Coachman: Take him back! He can still talk!

Alexander: [pleading with the other rejected donkeys] Please, please, I don't wanna be a donkey! Let me outta here!

The Coachman: [cracks his whip] Quiet! You boys have had your fun. Now pay for it!

Philip of Macedonia: Alexander. In your first act as regent, send your mother away.

Alexander: Exile my mother?

Philip of Macedonia: Back to her kinsman in Epirus, she'll be happy there.

Alexander: Is that the cost of my prove to you?

Philip of Macedonia: How do you think I came to power? My own two brothers...

Alexander: I know, you slew them, you want me to do that too?

Philip of Macedonia: Alexander, you have my temper.

Alexander: I know.

Philip of Macedonia: And my ambition, more I think. Alexandroplis? At least wait until I die first. HAHAHAHA!

Alexander: It is men who endure toil and dare dangers that achieve glorious deeds. And it is a lovely thing to live with courage and to die leaving behind an everlasting renown.

Aristotle: Do you know how vast the Persian Empire is?

Alexander: From the Nile, to the Indus... from Samarkand, to Babylon.

Aristotle: And beyond. Do you know how many different people live there?

Alexander: By heart. Carians, Armenians, Jews, Parthians, Egyptians... I know their customs and their gods.

Aristotle: Yes. But this is more than an empire, this is colossus. To rule it would take a man as great as *you can be*... That is why I say, "Patience".

Alexander: Patience? My time is short.

Aristotle: Short?

Alexander: When the great god Zeus, father of Achilles, gave him his choice of a long life of obscurity and a short life filled with glory, he chose glory. So did I. Achilles died young...

Alexander: [quoting Book 20 of the Iliad] "... thus beneath great-hearted Achilles his whole-hooved horses trampled corpses and shields together, and with blood all the axletree below was sprinkled, for blood-drops from the horses' hooves splashed them, and blood-drops from the tires of the wheels, for the son of Peleus pressed on to win glory, flecking with gore his irresistible hands."

Alexander: What's all this about my father?

Olympias: To the sword, the cross, the rack - men who have been his friends for years. Now everyone is his enemy - he accuses everyone of conspiring against him... even me. You'll hear the story, Alexander - you'll hear it from him. But you mustn't believe him, you mustn't... you don't! Do you, Alexander?

Alexander: Why should he accuse you?

Olympias: He wants to get rid of me... he's been wanting to for years. He wants to marry again.

Alexander: Who?

Olympias: Attalus's niece. You be careful of Attalus - you be careful of all of them. She's no fool - she won't let him throw her away like he's done with all the others. She's young...

Alexander: Oh, Mother...!

Olympias: Whatever he asks of you, do. Whatever he says, agree with. For when you're regent...

[she smiles]

Olympias: *when you're regent*... then, *we'll* rule the land.

Alexander: *We*?

[Olympias's face falls]

Alexander: I own eveything of LaRue. His books, his letters.

[signifies shoes]

Alexander: You see these shoes?

Ernie, Lars: LaRue's?

Alexander: No, but I'm sure he would have loved them.

Alexander: There's a lot of Eurotrash out there scarfin' up the shrimps.

Alexander: [talking to Ernie] You know, it would be a shame if you boys put on this auction and nobody bid.

Hillman: Don't think I won't tell him, neither.

Alexander: Despite the double negatives, I'm sure you will.

Alexander: You know, it isn't just that you don't look like Jayne Mansfield. You're not *my* idea of a maid, either.

Miss Marple: Well, quite honestly, I don't think *you're* everybody's idea of a boy.

Alexander: I thought discretion the better part of valor, Jane.

Alexander: Nostalgia, you know. A failing of the old, I suppose.

Alexander: It was my father, he started me on my career.

Katya: And how would you find your passion in life if you are following your gather's dream?

Alexander: I studied philosophy, history of religion, aesthetics. And ended up putting myself in chains. Of my own free will.

[first lines]

[sub-titled]

Alexander: Come here and give me a hand, my boy.

Alexander: Which of you have done this?

Alexander: What a lovely gown! That certainly is pretty.

[One of the straps falls off Martini's shoulder]

Mrs. Johnson Martini: You think it becoming?

Alexander: It'll be coming off any minute now!

[Tarzana and Wilbur are coming out of her tree hut and are seen by Alexander]

Alexander: Where were you last night? What happened? Whose fault was it? Answer me yes or no!

Wilbur: Yes.

Alexander: Just as I expected. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Wilbur: I was up a tree.

Alexander: Yeah? What were you doing?

Wilbur: I was doing all right.