Alec Quotes in Speed Zone (1989)

Alec: So, Vic. What do you think of my idea of writing down the license numbers now?

Vic DeRubis: Yeah, yeah, yeah! It's a great idea! How many times you gotta bring it up?

[on phone]

Vic DeRubis: Uh, the license is as follows: R-I-C-H... Uh, I think that spells "Rich"... Kids... with a "k"... for "kids".

Alec: Look, what would Big Wally rather have? Me dead or his fifty grand?

Vic DeRubis: Both.

[Vic looks over the roadblock with binoculars]

Vic DeRubis: Get in the car, Alec.

Alec: What?

Vic DeRubis: Get in the car, Alec! I'm gonna drive!

Alec: Vic, you turn that frown upside-down right now!

[Vic grabs Alec by the collar]

Vic DeRubis: I'll turn YOU upside-down right now!

Alec: Ah sister, they send you out for one and you get two... and a half. Such a clever girl.

Alec: We can't take any weather, she'll sink right under us.

Kelly: Well, that leaves just one thing... You've gotta evict some of the tenants.

Daisy: [about their breakup note] I see what's going on here. You read this, and then you wanted me to find this slutty little lipstick haiku so that you could be the one who ended us.

Alec: It's not a haiku; there's not enough syllables.

Alec: Look at 'em, a million tiny, little matchmakers. Thank you, snowflakes.

Alec: She can do that? She can refuse my bail, are you serious? Okay, uh, look, I just need to talk to her.

Police Clerk: You can only visit during visiting hours, and if and only if the person wants to see you, which I'm going to guess she doesn't being that she'd rather be locked in jail than see your face.

Alec: Wow... rude.

[while going down on a pleasantly satisfied Megan]

Alec: Japanese Alphabet... thank you Rosetta Stone.

Megan: This is what I deserve, it's penance.

Alec: Wow, that is officially the worst review my oatmeal has ever received.

Megan: It's what I get for slutting it up.

Alec: Um, so you really think God made this blizzard punish to you for being slutty?

Megan: No, I don't think God did it. That's ridiculous. I think my grandmother did, and I just don't know how.

Alec: Right, that makes sense. Well, I would prefer not to spend the next 24 hours in an uncomfortable silence with you, so why don't we just pretend that we never had sex? It didn't happen. And then we can pretend that it's just the weather and not your passive-aggressive magical grandmother.

Megan: No, that's like trying to get the toothpaste back into the tube - you can't do it. It is out there. I have seen your penis. You've implied I'm a slut. Those are big things.

Alec: Did you just call my penis big?

Megan: Uh, no, no, I did not. I called the implication of your penis big.

Alec: Well, it's still nice to hear.

Alec: You couldn't just shit in the sink, huh?

Megan: I bet you 150 bucks you're going to die alone.

Alec: Well, my future smoking hot widow will gladly accept your money.

Megan: [looking into Alec's empty refrigerator] We're gonna starve.

Alec: Not if you like mustard.

Megan: [Alec put's on the song "Anything, Anything" by Dramarama on his record player] You should turn this off.

Alec: You don't like this song?

Megan: Oh no, I love this song. It's gonna wanna make me wanna dance.

Alec: Yes you should.

Megan: No.

Alec: Yes.

Megan: Trust me.

Alec: Oh, are you like a bad dancer?

Megan: Oh, no. No, no, no. I am an epic dancer, but you see... see if you see me dance, you'll follow me around like a little puppy dog and it'll be embarrassing for us both. So you have to stay here. For your own safety, trust me on that one.

Megan: [Megan is trying to walk carefully around the overflowing toilet] It's cold and gross.

[Megan lifts up the toilet seat to see the water is overflowing so she tries to turn the valve]

Megan: It just keeps coming.

Alec: Hey, you gotta turn the knob!

Megan: No, I mean the punishments from the universe. It's a flood, it's practically biblical. Where the fuck is your plunger?

Alec: It should be right next to the, um... aw, shit, I let my buddy borrow my plunger, dammit! That's why you never let your friends borrow plungers.

Megan: There's like a thousand reasons.

Alec: [to Megan after he kisses her] You taste like prison.

Alec: [to hostages, flaunting his automatic weapon] Say hello to my little friend!

Alec: Eli, you're a genius.

Eli: I always thought so, but thanks for the validation.

Kevin: Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete.

Alec: Dinosaurs are obsolete. Marriage is still around.

Billy: The wet look is in, asshole.

Alec: That's Mr. Asshole to you.

Alec: You cannot have the Pretenders' first album! That's mine.

Leslie: I bought it.

Alec: You did not! You can have all the Billy Joels... except The Stranger.

Leslie: I'm taking Thriller and Mahler's ninth.

Alec: Kevin is so fond of Mahler.

Leslie: I moved in with Jules.

Alec: Oh how nice, roomies again... No Springsteen is leaving this house! You can have all the Carly Simons.

Leslie: You got me those for Valentine's Day. Remember, they're used to be Valentine's Day here, Remember?

Alec: You ran out on this relationship. You take the consequences.

Leslie: I didn't run out on anything. You ran out.

Alec: You fucked Kevin.

Leslie: You fucked many!

Alec: Nameless, faceless many!

Leslie: I feel much better now, thanks.

Alec: You're not taking The Police.

Leslie: Anyway, I didn't just fuck Kevin! I was confused and angry, and I care about him deeply.

Alec: Get your clothes, give me the keys and get out! Now!

Leslie: I can't believe this is happening to us.

Alec: Wasted love!

[Throws football, across the room]

Alec: God, I just wish I could get it back!

Leslie: I'm sorry, to bother you, here.

Alec: Did you forget, one of your albums?

Leslie: [Didn't answer, Alec's question] It's Jules. After she left, for work this morning, some finance company came. They took away her furniture, her Jeep, everything. I tried to reach her but, I couldn't get through so, I went into her office. She's been pretending, to go to work every day, telling me she still, has an affair with her boss. Alec, he fired her three weeks ago. So, I confronted her, at first she denied everything and, she went crazy. She locked me out of the apartment, and she won't let me back in. Alec please, I need your help.

Alec: You ran out on this relationship, you take the consequences.

Leslie: I didn't run out on anything. You ran out.

Alec: You fucked Kevin.

Leslie: [shouting] You fucked many!

Alec: Nameless, faceless many.

Leslie: I feel much better now. Thanks.

Alec: You're being arrested for drunk driving.

Billy: Drunk definitely, I don't know if you could call it driving.

Maire: You're disappointed, aren't you?

Alec: I agreed to it.

Maire: Aye, but now that you've seen him, you are disappointed.

Alec: I'll not deny I expected you to choose a boy that had the making of a man in him. I don't see why you chose the runt of the litter.

Maire: Have you noticed that he calls me Ma?

Alec: I had. What does he call me, I wonder?

Maire: Just 'himself'. I think he knows that you wouldn't want him to call you Alec.

Alec: If he must.

Maire: You hardly talk to him.

Alec: Ach... I try. He hardly says a word.

Maire: You have to show him that you want him.

Alec: I feed him, put clothes on his back, share my house with him. I can't help not having feelings for him the way you do.

Tomás: A seal!

Alec: Aye. The mothers go fishing and leave the wee ones on the shore. Sometimes they don't come back.

Maire: Nothing wrong with a bit of colour, is there?

Alec: Not as long as it's on you.