Aldous Snow Quotes in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

[after faking an orgasm to upstage Peter and Rachel in the next room]

Aldous Snow: You're still involved with him next door, ain't ya?

Sarah Marshall: Excuse me?

Aldous Snow: You should've seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then you came back here and put on that ghastly performance. I mean I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen one. It really deeply upset me.

Sarah Marshall: You should've seen *yourself* at dinner.

[Imitating Aldous's accent]

Sarah Marshall: "Oh, I'm Aldous Snow! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Oh no drinks for me thanks. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"

Sarah Marshall: [Pointing to his tattoos]

[In normal accent]

Sarah Marshall: And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!

Aldous Snow: Was that genuine or did you fake that? Right, I'm probably gonna clear off now. I'll have a little sleep for a few hours, then I'm probably gonna go in the morning. Okay.

Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.

Aldous Snow: Yeah, well I fucked the housekeeper, the other day.

Aldous Snow: [holding a single sandal] I've lost a shoe... have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe... like this one. It's like this one's fellow... it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that - not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this... but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right...

Aldous Snow: Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people...

Peter Bretter: I told her that when she read the script

Aldous Snow: Yeah, you were the voice of reason, mate.

Peter Bretter: I tried to be, but she didn't listen.

Aldous Snow: Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like doing murders.

Peter Bretter: Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?

Aldous Snow: Right. That's it. The battle's over.

Peter Bretter: Yeah, we've won.

Aldous Snow: I hated it.

Sarah Marshall: Well, it's not for everyone, but it...

Peter Bretter: No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favorite scene. Hello?

[Peter feigns death]

Aldous Snow: Right. I could never happen.

Sarah Marshall: It's a metaphor for addiction to technology.

Rachel Jansen: For society, how we're reliant on technology. I get it. I'm with you.

Aldous Snow: It's a metaphor for a crap movie.

Matthew: I have a question for you real quick Mr S, I was actually meaning to ask you, what did you exactly think of my demo? Did you get it? Did you get it?

Aldous Snow: Oh no. I was gonna listen to that, but then I just carried on living my life.

Matthew: Just not at all?

Aldous Snow: No I didn't, because I've got my instincts and they weren't good.

Matthew: [whispering] Fuck you. Okay? Go fuck yourself. I can't yell right now, cause I'll get fired, and my boss ll' hear me, and then I won't be able to pay off my student loans, but you know what? You're an asshole. I fucking hate you. I bought all your records, this whole fucking time I've been trying to get you to come hang out with me. I'm gonna have people fuck with your food the rest of your trip! You fucking dick!

[leaves]

Aldous Snow: I like him. That's quite moving.

[from DVD gag reel]

Aldous Snow: [scene where Aldous is about to leave the hotel] I would rather have my testicles spread out like a wafer and then have them covered in a layer of honey and then have wasps come and sting me and then have them covered in another layer of vinegar and then have it worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi. I'd rather have that than spend another second with her.

Peter Bretter: I'm having a good time with Rachel and I want to see that through.

Aldous Snow: Maybe you can have Rachel and Sarah,they got along alright at dinner.

Peter Bretter: I'm not that kind of guy and even if I was I don't think I have the sexual competency to pull that off.

Aldous Snow: Yeah its a gift.

Aldous Snow: Look at my limo driver. I'm going to have sex with her. Alright!

Aldous Snow: How you served five years under her, I don't know. You deserve a medal, or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody.

Aldous Snow: Actually, Peter, I wanted to tell you, I was listening to Sarah's iPod the other day, and amidst the interminable dross that's on that thing, I found one track that I quite liked. So I checked what it was, and it was actually one of yours, and it kind of reminded me of a dark, gothic Neil Diamond. It's great.

Peter Bretter: That's, like, exactly what I'm going for.

Aldous Snow: Right, yeah.

Peter Bretter: [clearly disappointed] Fuck you're cool! It's so hard to say, because, like, I hate you in so many ways.

Sarah Marshall: When were you planning on telling me this?

Aldous Snow: I just told you, then.

Sarah Marshall: Yeah. No, I know. But telling me now isn't really the same as telling me.

Aldous Snow: Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment...

[after bumping into Peter again]

Aldous Snow: Oh fuck me, this is a small resort.

Matthew: Alright so i came here, to give you my demo. I just... I... I... I worship you and I just wanted to give you my demo. Just, take a listen, and...

[sighs]

Matthew: ok. 'Cuz you know what, you don't wanna be the guy sittin' there, watchin' BBC, and sayin,

[in British accent]

Matthew: "Oh! I saw that guy! He was my waiter and I totally dismissed him like everybody else does... in his life. And I totally, she was wrong cuz he's a major, major, major influence on me now... and I feel terrible!"

Aldous Snow: That stupid English voice, was that, me?

Matthew: Unfortunately, yes.

Aldous Snow: I mean, I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen it... It really, deeply upset me.

[from trailer]

Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?

Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

Peter Bretter: I can see why Sarah likes you.

Aldous Snow: No accounting for taste, I suppose, in her case, anyway.

Peter Bretter: Well, she was with me for five years, so there you go.

Aldous Snow: Yeah, you got four on me then, mate.

Peter Bretter: You slept with Sarah a year ago?

Aldous Snow: I thought you knew! Peter, please, don't take it seriously.

Peter Bretter: What the fuck, man! You...

Aldous Snow: Don't get offended by that.

Peter Bretter: You can't be so casual about this! This isn't Europe, okay? There are rules here!

Aldous Snow: I had a girlfriend, right? And Liam and Noel Gallagher both had it off with her, right in front of me, so that's similar. And that was a bit awkward, actually, so if you do wanna change hotels, I quite understand.

Sarah Marshall: Aldous... wake up.

Aldous Snow: [Snores]

Sarah Marshall: Aldous... wake up... make love to me.

Aldous Snow: Alright, you go on top though, cause I'm knackered.

Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.

Aldous Snow: Yeah well, I fucked the housekeeper the other day.

Aldous Snow: [after spilling cranberry juice on his shirt] Oh God, please take my eyes, but not the shirt!

Aldous Snow: Come on tour with me. I'll serenade you every night in front of thousands of women.

Sarah Marshall: I didn't know you were going on tour.

Aldous Snow: Yeah, I'm going in two weeks. It's like an 18 month tour, 43 countries, Infant Sorrow, and it's gonna be a massive tour.

Sarah Marshall: Yeah, I can't come cause I have a job. I'm a working actress.

Aldous Snow: Not anymore. You're an unemployed actress. Perfect. You could be the queen of the groupies, queen of the Sorrow Suckers.

Sarah Marshall: The Sorrow Suckers?

Aldous Snow: Sorrow Suckers. I don't know why they call them that.

[after Matthew's introduction at the 4th of July party]

Aldous Snow: Thank you. What a lovely introduction... from an eccentric and confident young man.

Aldous Snow: Yeah, I had a girl cheat on me once, with both Liam Gallagher and Noel Gallagher.

Aldous Snow: When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall.

Aaron Green: [as Sergio is chasing after them in a hotel lobby] This is the longest hallway of all time!

Aldous Snow: It's Kubrickian!

Aldous Snow: I labored under the myth of monogamy for sever years with Jackie and it was pointless.

Aaron Green: So you only slept with Jackie?

Aldous Snow: No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy.

Jackie Q: The old Aldous, would've you know, had his way with you he would have bent you over that pretty little chair and had his way and now we'd be having a three way you'd be coming over for a cognac later I'll tell you that sweetie. You bet that's not happening anymore.

Aldous Snow: Do you want me to start drinking again? Is that what you'd like? You want me to return to that?

Jackie Q: Maybe you should. Maybe you should.

Aldous Snow: I'll do lines off her forehead while I'm in her up to my nuts. Is that what you want?

Jackie Q: I'm just saying.

Aldous Snow: We're gonna fuck these two girls.

Aaron Green: I just got out of a relationship.

Aldous Snow: Was your ex a blonde or brunette?

Aaron Green: Brunette.

Aldous Snow: Blonde it is.

Aldous Snow: Doesn't it make sense that we should stay here and possibly have the time of your life?

Aldous Snow: What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect.

Aldous Snow: [Lars Ulrich enters scene] Oh, Enter Sandman.

Aldous Snow: I was watching the news one day and I saw footage about, uh, war, and I think it was Darfur, or Zimbabwe, or Rwanda, or one of 'em, and I thought, 'this isn't right, is it?' And I made some phone calls and it turns out, it isn't.

Aldous Snow: Now I'm just worried about drugs. Your life's to-do list must be a baffling document. You're worried about so many things Aaron. You're worried about will we get to the show, will I perform well, will you get the credit you deserve. Mine has on it but one word. Do you know what that word is?

Aaron Green: I think I just got raped.

Aldous Snow: [handing him a joint] Only one thing to do.

Aaron Green: [taking a hit] Uh, guys? What is this stuff? My heart's going really fast.

Aldous Snow: Oh, it's a bit of this, a bit of that. It's called a Jeffrey. It's mostly weed, with a bit of opium as well... ground-up E's... heroin... Clorox...

Aaron Green: I think I'm having a heart attack.

Aldous Snow: This is it, Aaron. This is rock n' roll. Did you enjoy the party?

Aldous Snow: [as he is watching TV] Didn't I have sex with her once?

[Aldous sees Sarah Marshall on TV]

Aldous Snow: Yeah, I did.

Aldous Snow: Your brain is full of lollipops, rainbows, and cheese.

Jonathan Snow: I'm responsible for your talent, son. I wrote all your songs off the tip of my cock.

Aldous Snow: Yeah, I just don't get how talent can be contained in one's spunk.

Aldous Snow: Aaron, look at what you're wearing. Do you think that now you live in Seattle, you're grunge or something? You look like a lesbian.

Aaron Green: Play the song, man.

Aaron Green: [Aaron has a balloon full of heroin up his ass] Oh, no.

Aldous Snow: What?

Aaron Green: I have to sneeze... and I'm afraid that if I do... my bowels will evacuate...

Aldous Snow: [urging Aaron to put drugs up his rectum] Come on, mate, we ain't got all day. It's not recreational, it's not meant to be a hobby, just get it up there. Close the door behind ya.

Aldous Snow: Let's get out of this bourgeois shit hole.

Aldous Snow: This is not an appropriate time to say "namaste".

Aldous Snow: When you hear about someone and then you meet them... That's happening now.

Aldous Snow: How's the weather down there?

Jackie Q: Wet.