Alan Swann Quotes in My Favorite Year (1982)
Alan Swann Quotes:
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Alan Swann: Our audiences are great.
Alan Swann: Audience? What audience? Audience?
Benjy Stone: You knew there was an audience. What did you think those seats were for?
Alan Swann: I haven't performed in front of an audience in 28 years! Audience? I played a butler. I had one line! I forgot it.
Benjy Stone: Don't worry, this is gonna be easy.
Alan Swann: For you, maybe. Not for me. I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star!
-- Alan Swann -
Alan Swann: Stone... I'm afraid. I'm afraid. That's why I couldn't get out of the car to see my Tess, my child.
Benjy Stone: Alan Swann, afraid? The Defender of the Crown? Captain from Tortuga? The Last Knight of the Round Table?
Alan Swann: Those are movies, damn you! Look at me! I'm flesh and blood, life-size, no larger! I'm not that silly God-damned hero! I never was!
Benjy Stone: To *me* you were! Whoever you were in those movies, those silly goddamn heroes meant a lot to *me*! What does it matter if it was an illusion? It worked! So don't tell me this is you life-size. I can't use you life-size. I need Alan Swanns as big as I can get them! And let me tell you something: you couldn't have convinced me the way you did unless somewhere in you you *had* that courage! Nobody's that good an actor! You *are* that silly goddamn hero!
-- Alan Swann -
[Alan Swann has blundered into the wrong restroom]
Lil: This is for ladies only!
Alan Swann: [unzipping fly] So is *this*, ma'am, but every now and then I have to run a little water through it.
-- Alan Swann -
K.C.: Benjamin, we're in the middle of an interesting conversation, here.
Benjy Stone: Oh, I bet it's *real* interesting. What's the subject of this *interesting* conversation?
Alan Swann: [gazing deep into K.C's eyes] These eyes. They're Merle Oberon's eyes.
Benjy Stone: Merle Oberon's! Oh, and what's Merle doing for eyes? Using Katharine Hepburn's?
-- Alan Swann -
Alan Swann: Rookie, your Meatloaf Mindanao was superb!
Rookie Carroca: Thanks. That takes two days to prepare, you know.
Alan Swann: Really! Tell me, what was that rather pungent taste?
Rookie Carroca: Parrot!
[someone spits up and Aunt Sadie swoons; the parrot cage is empty]
Rookie Carroca: And they're not easy to work with. They put up some squawk.
Alan Swann: I can imagine!
-- Alan Swann -
[an obviously drunken Swann meets the writing staff]
Sy: He's plastered!
Alan Swann: So are some of the finest erections in Europe.
-- Alan Swann -
Alan Swann: [a very drunken Stone and Swann looking down from the roof at an apartment balcony below] Now, all we have to do is get from here - to there.
Benjy Stone: It won't work!
Alan Swann: It worked perfectly well in "A Slight Case of Divorce"!
Benjy Stone: That was a movie! This is real life!
Alan Swann: What is the difference?
-- Alan Swann -
Alan Swann: Who is that gorgeous-looking creature over there?
Maitre d': Oh, no, Mr. Swann. This is exactly the way it started last time.
Alan Swann: In that case, we'll just order dinner... for now.
-- Alan Swann -
Sy: Leo, it gets me sick to think we gotta put up with some washed-up jaboni who's gonna be running around Central Park with his schlong hangin' out!
Alan Swann: My dear fellow, what I choose to do with my schlong is my business.
Sy: [who didn't know Swann had entered] How's business?
Alan Swann: Never better.
-- Alan Swann -
Alan Swann: We'll be two for dinner. Telephone the Stork Club.
Alfi: You sure you mean the Stork Club, Mr. Swann?
Alan Swann: Certainly. It's been a year and a half. Surely they've repaired the wall of the bandstand by now.
-- Alan Swann -
[Handing Benjy a glass]
Alan Swann: Stone, you can watch me or you can join me. One of them is more fun.
-- Alan Swann -
Alan Swann: Are you still in the fight game?
Rookie Carroca: In a way. I married Benjy's mother.
-- Alan Swann -
Benjy Stone: What are you doing?
Alan Swann: Drinking and leaving!
-- Alan Swann -
Alan Swann: Stone, women love to be intrigued. They enjoy unraveling the mystery that is man, but you must allow them the freedom to discover you.
Benjy Stone: Is that what you do?
Alan Swann: No. I don't have that luxury. The women who are interested in me know exactly who I am and what they want, and nine times out of ten, they get it.
Benjy Stone: That's some curse.
Alan Swann: You'd be surprised. You see, no matter what I do, I can never fulfill their expectations.
-- Alan Swann
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