Al Quotes in Breakdown (1997)

Al: If I never see another couple from Massachusetts it'll be too soon.

Jonathan: Oh, Dad, I'm sorry. It was in my backpack when I jumped into the moat.

Maria: You, uh, jumped into a moat?

Al: You jumped in a moat with my Nikon?

Jonathan: Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I had to... I... it's kind of a long story.

Al: I've got all night.

Al: It's not a camera, it's a Nikon.

Al: No. And that's final!

Jonathan: Mom.

Maria: Al!

Jonathan: I thought he was KGB from Russia

Al: He's a CPA from Encino... are you Crazy?

Christina: Have you never seen a hamburger before?

Beatrice 'Tris' Prior: No I've seen one I've just never eaten one.

Will: Abnegation eat plain food, plant-based style without sauces and no minimums.

Christina: Which textbook did you swallow?

Will: Nice to meet you too. I'm Will, Erudite.

Christina: Of course you are. No offense but I'm surprised Abnegation even eats at all. To selfish right? No wonder you left.

Will: You gotta be pretty self confident to be friends with a Candor.

Christina: What is that supposed to mean?

Will: You say the first thing that comes into your head.

Al: You mean like, "you're an idiot"?

Christina: [Christina laughs] Nice one Al!

Carmen: [At her house, sitting at a table across from Tibby. Awkwardly, shifting in her chair, Carmen speaks into the phone] Um... I just... I wan - .

Al: [At his house, Al walks from the dining room where Lydia and the kids eat dinner, to a small den and speaks to Carmen at a whisper] I-It's alright. You don't - you don't have to apologize, sweetheart. You were... upset, I know.

Carmen: Um... no dad. You don't know. That's just it, you've never known. Because I've never been able to tell you.

Al: T-Tell me what?

Carmen: That I'm angry with you, Dad!

[She stands and walks across the room and begins to pace]

Carmen: This entire thing about you, and Lydia, and... and the kids!

Al: It's my fault.

[He sits at a small table]

Al: I, I should have told you about them before... and I'm - I'm sorry.

Carmen: Yeah, you should have warned me, but it's more than that. It's, it's the fact that you've found yourself this new family and I feel like some outsider that doesn't even belong to you anymore.

[Carmen begins to cry, softly]

Carmen: It's like you traded me and mom in for something that you thought was better. And I wanna know why. Are you ashamed of me? Are you embarrassed?

[Cut to Al, listening to Carmen through the phone]

Carmen: Just tell me, Dad. What did I do wrong?

[Back to Carmen, crying much harder now]

Carmen: Why did you leave? Why did you have to go? And then tell me that we were gonna be closer but that never happened! And why does Paul visit his alcoholic dad every month, but you only visit me twice a year? And I know you... you just seem so happy about being Paul and Chris's dad, but you never even had the time to be mine.

Al: [Cuts to Al, still sitting. Very quietly] I'm sorry. I... I'm so sorry...

Carmen: [Back to Carmen] I wish that were enough, Dad.

[Hangs up]

Al: I gotta say something to you, I don't want you to think that the reason we're not married is because I think anything of anyone else. It's because I'm 40 years old and I'm a failure, Annie. The reason that I never talked marriage to you is because I couldn't stand to see you, the princess of worry, weighed down by me and my limited prospects. Because I get you worrying, Annie. I know that a lot of people think that's a bad thing about you, but I know that it's because you have a great big heart and I love you for it. Then, I started to worry... about what would happen to you and this little hulk. If you guys wound up with someone who thought that your worrying was uh... you know neurotic. You know, somebody who didn't get you... Who wanted you to feel bad about yourself, wanted to make you be more normal of a person, or wanted you to change, or like yourself more. You know... who didn't love ALL of you. Who didn't want to leave great enough alone. And... I thought that I could do that for you. That could be a legitimate, um, function for me in your life. So that allows me, to propose to you that we get married. I want to marry you, Annie.

Al, Sue: [Sitting naked together in a recliner, singing] Hit the road, "Tripp", and don't ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more. Hit the road, "Tripp", and don't ya come back no more.

Paula: Look, many young men who should be able to move out simply can't. It's called "failure to launch," and that's where I come in. Young men develop self-esteem best during a romantic relationship, so I simulate one: We have a memorable meeting, we get to know each other over a few casual meals, he helps me through an emotional crisis, then I meet his friends - if he has any - uh, then I let him teach me something; but, the bottom line is, he bonds with me, he lets go of you, he moves out.

Al: But how do you make sure that he'll fall in love with you?

Paula: You look nice, you find out what they like, and then you pretend to like it, too.

Sue: That is pretty much how it works.

Al: What about sex?

Paula: Al, I never have sex with a client. Besides, I need to keep Tripp motivated, and let's face it, after men have sex...

Sue: Is there anything that we need to do?

Paula: Well, for starters, you could make life a little more difficult for him. You know, uh, more chores, more responsibilities, that kind of thing.

Sue: I just think you should know that Tripp has had some rough breaks.

Paula: I promise you, when this is over, Tripp is going to be an independant, self-sufficient adult.

Al: I could get out of those ropes.

Sue: You can't get out of your barbecue apron.

Al: [walking in on Tripp and Melissa having sex] Tripp, as long as you're up, son...

Melissa: Oh!

Al: Oh.

Tripp: Oh, come on, Pop!

Al: Ooo.

Tripp: Whoa, man. Don't you knock?

Al: What? Your mama's... She's snorin' like a rhino. And then this music got started... heh... heh. Oh, hey, you must be Melody.

Tripp: Mm-mm.

Melissa: Melissa.

Al: Oh! It's Melissa! Ha-ha. It's Melissa. Okay. All right. Y'all have a good time.

Tripp: Night, Pop.

Melissa: Huh.

Tripp: Hmm.

Melissa: You live with your parents?

Tripp: Is that a problem?

Melissa: Are you kidding me?

Al: Tripp meets a new girl every week.

Bud: Well, let's just say, maybe he hasn't met the right girl.

Al: We ain't buying that chair.

Sue: I am getting this polka-dot chair. I've got my own money.

Al: Unless you start dancing again, you're broke.

Tripp: Hey, Pop?

Al: Hey! Tripp. What are you doing here?

Tripp: Just came by to get some stuff. What... what are YOU doing?

Al: Feeding my fish.

Tripp: Yeah. I see that. You're naked. In my room.

Al: Well, this is my Naked Room. I mean, it's my house. A man ought to be able to do whatever he wants to do in his own house. Wore a suit for forty years.

Tripp: So now we got forty years of...

Al: No suit.

Tripp: No suit. All right. I'm gonna let you get back to feeding your fish.

Al: The boy's thirty-five years old!

Sue: It's just not fair.

Al: Thirty-five years!

Sue: We were good parents and now we're supposed to be done!

Male BBQ Guest #1: Hey, I don't blame my kid for stayin'. Our place is much nicer than anything he can afford.

Male BBQ Guest #2: Well, our son's a flight attendant. He travels so much, it doesn't make any sense to have his own apartment.

Sue: Yeah...

Female BBQ Guest: Plus, he has a lot of pilot friends who let him stay over.

Paula: Based on the initial personality assessment, I think that I can have your son moved out of this house and living on his own by June fifteenth.

Al: Hallelujah!

[last lines]

Al: What'd I say?

Al: The whole point of love is to put someone else's needs above your own

[last lines]

Al: [voice over] Oh, one more thing. You know that little player to be named later? Ben says if it's a boy, they'll name him Ted Williams Wrightman. If it's a girl, Carla Yastrzemski Wrightman. Let's all pray for a boy.

[first lines]

Al: [voice over] Eighty-six years of bangin' our heads against the big green wall, but we finally did it. That part you know. That part everybody knows. But I got a story you don't know. It's about this schoolteacher friend of mine named Ben.

Ben: [hands shaking as he tries to sign his seats over to Chris] That's odd.

Al: You're havin' a stroke. Good!

[repeated line]

Al: Al Waterman, have a sponge.

Al: [voice over] Well, Dwight Evans parked a couple of homers, the Sox won, and by day's end poor Ben had become one of God's most pathetic creatures: a Red Sox fan.

[Lindsey has bought books from the Fenway Park gift shop to learn about the Red Sox]

Lindsey Meeks: Do you believe in this? The Curse of the Bambino?

Ben: Hey, it's not funny, it's not funny.

[Ben's Fenway friends all turn to stare at her]

Lindsey Meeks: But Babe Ruth was the Bambino.

Ben: That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he played for the Red Sox; they were great. I mean, they were the Yankees.

Al: They won the World Series in 1912, 1915, 1916, 1918. They were royalty. The elite.

Ben: Al should know. He was there. Actually, he's a hundred and thirty-six years old. He looks great for his age. 1919, their miserable, greedy pig of a boss decides to sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees to finance a Broadway musical.

Teresa: 'No No Nanette'. I would never, ever see that piece of crap.

Ben: And since 1918, the Red Sox have not won a World Series. Yeah. The Yankees have won twenty-six.

Teresa: Did you know the Titanic sank the same week Fenway Park opened?

Al: April, 1912.

[At the game, Chris is persuading Ben to sell his Fenway Park seats]

Al: Shame on you. Your uncle Carl saw three thousand games from these seats. He's going to come back and haunt you for this.

Teresa: You realize you're selling your seats for exactly the same price they sold Babe Ruth for!

Viv: You said it yourself: Relationships come and go, but the Red Sox are forever.

Al: I want my sponges back!

[Ben is about to sign away his seats and looks up to Heaven]

Ben: I'm sorry, Uncle Carl.

Al: [disgustedly] Another idiot!

[Ben looks around to see Lindsey, across the stadium, dropping from the wall onto the field]

Jack Chester: Don't serve those.

Al: What are you doing?

Jack Chester: These are my lobsters.

Al: Your lobsters?

Jack Chester: That's right you've got my table but you're not getting my lobsters.

Al: Oh and this is your table?

Jack Chester: [Slams his hands on the table] My table!

Al: Nice-looking woman.

Robert: She isn't my type.

Al: What are you talking about? Look at yourself. You're nothing. You're nobody. You're wanted in connection with a violent crime. You're cleaning the floor of a diner. She is an intelligent, passionate, beautiful, rich woman. The issue of whether or not she's your type is not one that you're likely to have to resolve in this world... or, indeed, the next, since she will be going to some heaven for glamorous pussy, and you will be cleaning the floor of a diner in hell.

Robert: I guess so.

Al: So why are you even thinking about it?

Ed Pekurny: Where's Ma?

Al: She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her but... I'd die.

Al: How about sex?

Ed: I'm sorry, Al, but I'm gonna have to pass. And it's not an age thing, 'cause you are still a handsome man.

Al: I'm gonna go take a piss. Wish me luck.

Al: Don't blame your mother, I was irresistible!

Imogen: I have something to tell you... I slept with Jim last night.

Al: Get the fuck out!

Al: You make me feel alive.

Al: I'm falling in love with you.

Imogen: I love you.

Cyrus: Don't you want to make me pancakes? No-one ever made me pancakes.

Al: Cyrus, I'm in love with someone else. I can't make you anything.

Al: Yeah dad, she's perfect for me.

[Observing a young couple very much in love in a coffee shop]

Al: I remember my first relationship, and it was something similar to theirs... except Imogen never wore that much jewelry... and I wouldn't be caught dead in those shoes.

Al: Where am I going to sleep?

Monk Jablonski: With that freshman.

Jim: So then I asked her to show me some of her paintings... they're so good.

Al: She's a very talented lady.

Jim: Yeah!... so goood!

Al: You slept with a sixty year old?

Eddie Hicks: Hey, when you work in the physical therapy industry - you make friends fast.

Al: You may be buff, but you look somewhat like a solid gold dancer.

Al: I thought if I was immune to the shampoo, then I could get over her.

Imogen: Post-collegiate life, half full or half empty?

Al: Half empty.

Imogen: I'd have to go with half empty too. Your greatest accomplishment since I last saw you?

Al: Making friends with a spider.

Imogen: Vices?

Al: Shampoo.

Imogen: That rumor was true?

Al: I'll leave it open for interpretation. How about you?

Imogen: This is supposed to be about you not about me.

Al: It's been about you a little bit.

Imogen: ...You.

Al: Do you mean that?

Imogen: Um... I have to go.

Joe: [after yelling at the kid to go away, the 3 men sit in silence. Willie's staring into space, Joe sighs] Too much excitement for one day.

Al: [Al's starting at something, but, replies to Joe] I'm telling you.

[Al goes back to staring off into space, and grinding his jaw]

Joe: [Joe looks around - a scowl on his face. Willie - still silent - looks retarded] I'm sick of this shit.

Joe: [In the cab, on the way to the Las Vegas airport] You can get some sleep on the plane!

Al: You kiddin'? I could sooner fall asleep on a roller coaster. I don't like them jets. I don't trust no plane that ain't got no propellers.

[seeing his brother acting like an idiot on stage]

Al: Oh God, I'm a dead man.

Al: So did you tell her who's boss?

C.W.: Is she kidding, talking to me like that? It's 'cause she thinks she's smarter... you know, 'cause she graduated from Vassar and I went to driving school.

Al: [Watching Jill walk away] My God, that girl's got a body that won't quit!

C.W.: Quit? It won't take five minutes off for a coffee break.

Dave Whiteman: Would you like some wine, Al?

Al: No, thank you. This is one of my non-drinking days.

Al: I'm proud of you Joe.

Joe MacGonaughgill: Why?

Al: You finally figured out the girl in your heart isn't the girl in your dreams. Some people don't figure it out all their lives.

Al: Abe didn't say he was bringing a friend

[nods to Eddie as he is sitting down, not bothering to shake Eddie's outstretched hand]

Al: . Hi, I'm Al.

Eddie Dash: Hi.

[hand still outstretched, looks at it, confused when Al doesn't shake his hand]

Al: So Abe? Where ya been all this time? Last I heard you were down in the jungle area someplace.

George: [looks to Eddie] Eddie...

Al: Something the matter, Abe?

Eddie Dash: No, nothing's wrong Al! My man just doesn't like to talk...

Al: [interrupts] Hey, I'm askin' Abe.

[looks back to George, awaiting an answer]

Eddie Dash: Well, he can't talk about it right now. But I Can.

Al: Hey! Butt out, shithead!

George: [nervously shakes his head] Eddie, Eddie...

Eddie Dash: Listen Al...

Al: [interrupts again] Hey! butt out, shithead! I'm talkin' to A, mmmmpphhh!

[George has clamped his hand over Al's face and is nose to nose with Al]

George: I don't like it when you call my friend a shithead!

[has not released his hold on Al's face]

George: And if you do it one more time, I'll cut your fuckin' balls off! Which is something I'm very good at!

[releases Al's face]

George: K?

Al: sure!

George: Say K!

Al: K! K! Su... Sure Abe!

George: You lookin' at me?

Al: No, no! Sure thing Abe!

[looks towards the ceiling]

George: Now I know you came to bring us a bunch of money, and all that shit!

Eddie Dash: But...

George: But!

[interrupts Eddie from interjecting]

George: But! Don't call my friend a shithead again!

[looks back to Al]

George: Now you can talk!

George: [silence between the three, then George puts a hand on Al's shoulder] Look,

[looks to Eddie]

George: , just don't call him...

[Al shakes his head nervously]

George: all right. Maybe I had you pegged wrong.

Al: I'm sorry, I...

Eddie Dash: Hey, no big thang! You know, people call me shithead all the time! Just like if you were bringing me a lot of money, and you handed it to me and said, here shithead,

[Al nervously shakes his head no, not wanting to set George off again]

Eddie Dash: you know what I would say? Thank you, Al!

[They are discussing the talk Thane had with Melony]

Al: Come on, I pay you fifteen bucks to tell me what else you said to her.

Thane Furrows: OK, I told her, to take Happy the Clam and roll him up into a little ball, and shove him up her butt

Al: Oh My God!

Al: So, you ever been married?

Peggy: No. No... That I mean that I never, you know I guess I never... that... that... that never happened. But I think some people just aren't as... you know... I don't know. It's like that, I guess.

Peggy: So you were saying you had a dog who died when you were young?

Al: Tessie. I loved that dog. I had her since she was a puppy. We did everything together. She was my right-hand bitch... sorry, I mean in the dog way of being a bitch. Yeah, she died way too young. She was only six.

Peggy: Oh.

Al: Yeah.

Peggy: How did she die?

Al: I shot her in Wyoming. You want some more wine?

Al: It can be a real addiction. You know, some people spend all kinds of money traveling the world just to find something to shoot that's new and hard to find, you know? Like leopards, rare birds, and they have tours in Africa and Asia and India... even endangered species. You know, so you can get one before they're all gone.

Al: [first lines - narration] Ever get so bored with your life, you're afraid your gonna do something stupid? And then you get afraid you're so far gone you can't even think up something stupid to do any more? Well last year when my wife and I split up, I decided to leave New York, thought I'd go to Seattle. Then I remembered, Seattle has even more serial killers than Long Island. Add that to the big coffee house scene, and you got a town filled with psychopaths - who are always awake.

Al: Six months in LA, and I'm thinkin' maybe coming here was stupid. Then a thing happened, and I found out, sometimes stupid is good.

Grace: You're a little tense, don't you think?

Al: Who wouldn't be tense? This music could make Will Rogers punch a nun.

Al: Come on, what do I gotta do?

Patricia: You could crawl through broken glass on your hands and knees with a sign on your back that says "asshole." That might get you in the door.

Al: [petting a small tabby kitten] Hey, Den, can you smell me from over there?

Dennis: We can always smell you, Al.

Al: Fuckin' fish. No wonder this cat wants to blow me.

Al: [to Ray] Look at me. I have a house, two beautiful kids - I'm the fuckin' Donna Reed Show, for Christ's sake!

Al: [after being offered cocaine by the beautiful blonde] You *are* very sexy.

Girl in Club Bathroom: I know.

Al: But you keep snorting that shit, you're gonna end up making some guy a terrific memory.

Girl in Club Bathroom: [disappointed] Oh, a real person.

Al: [as Ray, looking mesmerized, starts to approach the girl] What is this, a vampire movie? Let's go.

Al: [Grace offering an imported cigarette] Oooh France, that's way outta town!

Al: Your time will come, son. Have to hold you back a little. Don't want to push you too much. Save you for a rainy day.

Seymour: Rainy day? I got some news for you, Al. I get hungry in clear weather!

Al: Now, there's the mirror. Take a look at yourself. Now, if you notice, you have deep expression in your eyes and a very sensitive chin - all the qualities of a legitimate actor - maybe even a great lover.

Seymour: Yeah, but isn't my voice too high?

Al: Not necessarily. You can make love to tall girls.

Al: Okay, Chicken. Get on the phone.

Irma Peterson: But I don't know what to say.

Al: Just say you're calling for Miss Jane Stacy. She's been delayed, she's only half-dressed, and it would take a load off her mind if you would pick her up at her house instead of at the bar. Got it?

Irma Peterson: Got it, word-for-word.

[into telephone]

Irma Peterson: Hello?

Al: [covering the receiver] Just to play it safe, let me have it back.

Irma Peterson: Uh... "She would like you to pick her up here because she's half-dressed, half-loaded, and would make a very easy pick-up."

Al: Got anything to drink at your place?

Irma Peterson: We have milk.

Al: Milk? Chicken, this guy's a multi-millionaire. A blue blood. He's used to the best. I'll go out and get a couple bottles of beer.

[the radio contest calls Irma's home after her friends find her suicide note]

Al: How do you like that? They're calling Chicken from the contest and she has to pick a moment like this to knock herself off. That dame never had no consideration!

Al: You got anything to drink?

George: I can give you soda, beer, ginger ale...

Al: I said, 'You got anything to drink?'

George: [intimidated] No.

Al: This is a hot town. Whatta ya call it?

George: Brentwood.

Al: Did you ever hear of Brentwood?

Max: [Max shakes his head, no]

Al: Whatta ya do here nights?

Max: [sarcastically] They eat the dinner. They all come here and eat the big dinner.

George: [showing fear] That's right.

Al: [condescendingly] You're a pretty bright boy, aren't you?

George: [intimidated] Sure.

Max: [contemptiously] Well you're NOT!

Max: [to Al] Is he Al?

Al: He's dumb!

George: What'll it be, gentlemen?

Max: I don't know. Whatta you want to eat, Al?

Al: I don't know what I want to eat.

Max: I'll have the roast pork tenderloin with apple sauce and mashed potatoes.

George: That's not ready yet.

Max: Then what's it on the card for?

George: Well, that's on the dinner. You can have that at six o'clock. That clock is ten minutes fast. The dinner isn't ready yet.

Max: Never mind the clock. What have you got to eat?

George: Well, I can give you any kind of sandwiches: bacon and eggs, liver and bacon, ham and eggs, steak...

Al: I'll have the chicken croquettes with the cream sauce and the green peas and the mashed potatoes.

George: That's on the dinner too.

Al: [with nasty edge to his voice] Everything we want's on the dinner. That's the way want's on the dinner - that's the way you work it, huh?

George: I can give you ham and eggs, bacon and eggs...

Al: I'll take ham and eggs.

Max: Give me bacon and eggs.

George: [through the service window into the kitchen] One ham and, bacon and.

Sam: [loudly] Comin' up!

Max: I'll tell ya what's gonna happen. We're gonna kill the Swede. You know big Swede that works over at the filling station?

George: You mean Pete Lunn?

Max: If that's what he calls himself. Comes in every night at six o'clock, don't he?

George: Yes, if he comes.

Al: We know all about that.

George: What are you gonna kill him for? What did Pete Lunn ever do to you?

Max: He never had a chance to do anything to us. He never even seen us.

Al: He's only gonna see us once.

George: What you gonna kill him for?

Max: We're killin' him for a friend...

[last lines]

[Reporter Casey Mayo has tossed his "little black book", containing information on his girlfriends, to Al, his photographer]

Al: [Looks at the information on one page] Wow!

[He reads the following page]

Al: Oh, brother!

Al: It's a deal, but you got to understand. Miss Yvonne, this has to be a secret between us. As you French say...

[giving her a nudge]

Al: ..."entrepeneur."

Al: [Jack has accidentally "shot" The Boss's aunt and a bus driver and the three of them are on the run] What the fuck did you do, Jack? What the *fuck* did you do?

Jack: I did nothing bad, Al. I didn't mean it!

Al: We're dead meat.

[turns to Jack]

Al: And it's your fault, you damn pill-popper!

Jack: I just went like this!

[stretches his arms out in a T shape like a martyr - a bullet hits the car radio]

John: Hold the wheel, Al!

[turns to Jack]

John: Give me the gun, Jack!

John: [Jack gives him the gun] This gun is *cursed*, now it won't kill innocent people any more!

[throws it out the window, where it shoots the final bullet into a pedestrian's back. The pedestrian falls to the floor, dead, dropping his hat]

John: [seeing Al acting like an exorcist] What the *fuck* is going on, Jack?

Jack: When Al woke up, I told him he was an exorcist!

Al: I am not afraid of you, Satan! Go back to - the - daaaaaarknesssss!

Al: [seeing John - thinking that he's Satan] I have finally found you. Leave this deformed body. Enter into me. Enter into me!

Jack: Just play along with him.

Al: Leave this grotesque body! And enter into *me*!

[shouts]

Al: Enter into me, now!

[John slaps Al - Al grunts and falls to the floor]

Al: Why is it everybody is out to see that I lose money? On TV, everybody loves the bartender - they tell him their troubles and everything.

Steve: Would you care to hear my troubles, Al?

Al: I got troubles of my own.

Al: Jesus Christ, mister! You don't think I killed her, do ya?

[first lines]

Al: God, I am sorry for Dorothy, Walt. She was a real peach.

Walt Kowalski: Thanks for coming, Al.

Al: You guys. You know, people are always running down amazing things. This guy Hobbs, you ain't seen nothing yet. I got a feeling...

Al: You are a human being and there are limitations. You can't run away from it. You can't hide from it and you can't change it. It simply is.

Al: Why did you never answer any of my letters?

Sonora: I never got any letters.

Al: Well, I wrote you just about everyday.

Sonora: What did you say?

Al: Stuff.

Sonora: What kind of stuff?

Al: Well... you know... stuff!

Lucy: Are you a doctor?

Al: Yeah, how'd you know?

Lucy: Dirty shoes and clean white hands.

Al: A lot of guys have clean hands.

Lucy: But not that clean. It must have taken you ten years at least to get them that clean.

Al: What are you, a commercial or what?

Sandy: I'll take a beer and a shot of whiskey.

Al: You forgot to shut the door.

Sandy: No, I didn't.

Al: It didn't latch.

Sandy: Come on, Al. I've been on my feet for hours. Give me a beer?

Al: First the door.

Sandy: Seriously? It's shut. It's fine.

Warren: Sounds pretty sure of herself, Al. At the same time, being sure is sort of a fancy way of being lazy.

Sandy: You want to go check the door?

Warren: I mean, you can see from here it's not shut all the way.

Sandy: I'll buy you a beer.

Warren: Well, when you put it like that.

[Danny kicks in the front door with a shotgun]

Danny: Alright everybody, put your hands on the tables!

Al: Glen! Don't be embarrassed! Crying's nothing! Remember when Trevor Stubblefield pantsed me in front of the whole auditorium?

Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Yeah! And I barfed on Steve Slavitt after the 12 minute run!

Al: You mean you guys were serious about that demon stuff?

Al: What the hell was that?

Glen: It's the Workman... it got Terry! He just made it up but it got him! It took him into the wall!

Tony Gressette: All right, Steve. You made us waste our 80 cents, now what gives?

[all the teenagers demand to know what's going on]

Steve Andrews: Would you believe me if I told you there was something inside of that rock we found tonight? Something that could wipe out this whole town?

Tony Gressette: [all the teenagers laugh] Hey, knock it off! Go ahead, Steve.

Steve Andrews: I saw this thing kill Doc Hallen tonight.

[all the kids are shocked]

Steve Andrews: That's right.

Tony Gressette: What is it?

Steve Andrews: I don't know, but one thing's for certain, if it can kill Doctor Hallen, it can kill somebody else.

Al: Well what do you want us to do, Steve?

Steve Andrews: All right, we're going to find this thing, and we're going to make people believe us.

Steve Andrews: Alright, we tried to do it the right way, now we're going to wake this town up ourselves.

Tony Gressette: Yeah, but how?

Al: Yeah, how?

Steve Andrews: Any way we can think of.

Tony Gressette: [Steve stops outside the phone booth to call the police] Go on!

Steve Andrews: You talk to them, Tony.

Tony Gressette: Me? Why me?

Steve Andrews: I'm supposed to be home asleep, if they think I'm running around loose, they'll never believe us.

Al: Yeah yeah, here's a dime. Come on, come on!

Tony Gressette: What'll I say?

Steve Andrews: Ask for Dave, and listen Tony, you give it to him straight. Tell him to get out to this store quick! You tell him to bring every piece of hardware he can find in the police station!

Al: Rats like this kind of shit!

Al: You girls ever hear of Columbia records? Well that's mine. That's my baby.

Tanya: My God! You must know Barbara Mandrell!

Al: Sure do, Barb's made me a fortune.

Al: I'll take care of you. You got to trust me.

Tanya: I do.

Al: Listen, I've got to tell you something. I've been lying to you.

Al: I know you'd like Cincinnati, Ruby. They've got the cutest suburbs, it's just like living in the country.

Eddie: Say, wait a minute. You know it seems silly to play this for a two dollar and a quarter check. Let's make it for the check and ten dollars.

Al: You're on. But, I warn ya, I'm always lucky.

Ruby: I have a feeling that you won't be this time.

Al: This war is more than just a fight. It's more like a funeral. And everybody ought to be in the procession or the hearse.

Al: What do you say we have another drink, baby? Here's to France, may she never grow old.

Travis: You can't do this Al. Listen, ol' fellow, you can't go without me. You haven't forgotten. We promised to stick together.

Al: The only way we can stick together, Travis, is for you to go my way.

Minister: Don't you understand? It is the beginning of the rainbow - - the fulfilment of the sacrifice.

Al: You mean - there will be no more war?

Minister: I mean that war is now an outlaw, and will be hunted from the face of the earth. Those ten million men have not died in vain.

[Owens orders a henchman to shoot Martin Kildare's cattle]

B.H. 'Butch' Owens: Here's where beef goes down. Let 'em have it!

Al: [pulls out a machine gun and aims it at the herd] I'll play my best tune.

Al: Do you know what I think?

Ed: What is it? What is it that you think?

Al: There is no such thing as a bad coincidence.

Ed: You're a musician?

Fred Madison: Yeah.

Al: What's your axe?

Fred Madison: Tenor. Tenor saxophone. Do you...

Al: [shakes his head and point at his ear] Tone deaf.