Agnes Smith Quotes in


Agnes Smith Quotes:

  • Rose Smith: Agnes Smith, you're nothing less than a murderer. You could have killed dozens of people!

    Agnes Smith: Oh, Rose, you're so stuck up.

  • Agnes Smith: Katie, where's my cat?

    Katie the Maid: I don't know... a little while ago, she got in my way and I kicked her down the cellar steps. I could hear her spine hitting on every step.

    Agnes Smith: Oh, if you killed her, I'll kill you! I'll stab you to death in your sleep, then I'll tie your body to two wild horses until you're pulled apart.

    Katie the Maid: Oh, won't that be terrible, now? There's your cat.

  • Agnes Smith: I can't get hungry till it gets dark.

    Katie the Maid: Dinner's at five-thirty. You can eat blind-folded!

    Mrs. Anna Smith: We have to be out of the dining room by six-thirty. Warren Sheffield is telephoning Rose from New York. And Rose, if I were you, I wouldn't committ myself one way or another. After all...

    Rose Smith: Mama, for goodness sakes!

    Mrs. Anna Smith: After all, we know very little about him. Why, we haven't even met his folks.

    Rose Smith: It seems to me that one little phone call is causing an awful lot of excitement in this family!

    Mrs. Anna Smith: Besides, you're entirely too young and I don't think your father will allow it.

    Katie the Maid: Mrs. Smith, if I'm going to keep lying to your daughters, I'll have to ask for more money.

    Mrs. Anna Smith: Now, remember, not a word of this to your papa. You know how he plagues the girls about their beaus.

    Agnes Smith: Everybody knows but Papa?

    Grandpa: Your papa's not supposed to know. It's enough we're letting him work hard every day to support the whole flock of us. He can't have everything.

  • Agnes Smith: Rose, what did you get me for Christmas?

    Rose Smith: You'll find out tomorrow.

    Agnes Smith: I hope it's a hunting knife!

  • Agnes Smith: Rose, it's six-thirty and Warren hasn't called yet.

    'Tootie' Smith: Maybe he found another girl.

    Mrs. Anna Smith: Quiet, you two.

    Rose Smith: Mama, I assure you that I'm not the slightest bit sensitive about Warren Sheffield.

    Grandpa: The queen has spoken.

    Alonzo 'Lon' Smith Jr.: I suppose Warren's too young, too. Every fellow I introduce her to is too young.

    Mrs. Anna Smith: Now, listen. Your papa will be down in a minute, and if we all eat quickly, we may still get out of here before the call comes through.

    Esther Smith: Warren is twenty-one and I think that's a perfect age.

    Rose Smith: He's practically a child.

    Mrs. Anna Smith: Your father was twenty when we were married.

    Grandpa: We gave him the bachelor dinner the night before. He almost missed the wedding!

  • 'Tootie' Smith: Hello, Papa, I buried Maude Rockefeller today, and you missed all the fun.

    Mr. Alonzo Smith: Oh, I wouldn't say that. I've had a pretty full day. Tootie, remind me to spank you right after dinner.

    'Tootie' Smith: Yes, Papa.

    Mr. Alonzo Smith: Lord, we thank thee for the bountiful blessing we are about to receive. Amen.

    'Tootie' Smith: Agnes, if I forget to remind Papa, you remind me.

    Agnes Smith: All right.

  • 'Tootie' Smith: We'll fix him fine. It'll serve him right for poisoning cats... He buys meat and then he buys poison and then he puts them all together.

    Agnes Smith: And then he burns the cats at midnight in his furnace. You could smell the smoke...

    'Tootie' Smith: ...and Mr. Braukoff was beating his wife with a red hot poker... and Mr. Braukoff has empty whiskey bottles in his cellar.

  • Grandpa: [moaning] Ohhhhhhh.

    Katie the Maid: What was that?

    Grandpa: Here are your sacks of flour.

    [Hand them to Tootie and Agnes]

    Grandpa: You couldn't get me out on a night like this for a million dollars!

    Agnes Smith: Did anyone here a noise just now?

    Grandpa: Did it sound like this?

    [moans again]

    Grandpa: Ohhhhhh?

    Agnes Smith: Uh-huh.

    Grandpa: [Shakes his head] I didn't hear it.

    Grandpa: If you wet the flour before you throw it, it makes it harder for the victim to remove it.

  • Katie the Maid: Mrs. Smith, who are these boys?

    Agnes Smith: It's me, Katie, it's Agnes!

    Katie the Maid: Saints preserve us, it is! You had me fooled!

    'Tootie' Smith: Mama, we fooled her!

    Mrs. Anna Smith: Well, if you can fool our Katie, you can fool anyone.

    Katie the Maid: Agnes, I thought you were a drunken ghost.

    Agnes Smith: But I am. Tootie's a horrible ghost, and I'm a terrible drunken ghost.

    'Tootie' Smith: She was murdered in a den of thieves, and I died of a broken heart. I've never even been buried because everyone's scared to come near me.

  • Agnes Smith: [Giggles] Roses are red, John's name is Truett, Esther's in love, We always knew it!

    Grandpa: Truett... Knew it... That's good. But I can't think of anything that rhymes with "Colonel" if it isn't "Infernal".

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