Agnes Smith Quotes in
Agnes Smith Quotes:
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Rose Smith: Agnes Smith, you're nothing less than a murderer. You could have killed dozens of people!
Agnes Smith: Oh, Rose, you're so stuck up.
-- Agnes Smith -
Agnes Smith: Katie, where's my cat?
Katie the Maid: I don't know... a little while ago, she got in my way and I kicked her down the cellar steps. I could hear her spine hitting on every step.
Agnes Smith: Oh, if you killed her, I'll kill you! I'll stab you to death in your sleep, then I'll tie your body to two wild horses until you're pulled apart.
Katie the Maid: Oh, won't that be terrible, now? There's your cat.
-- Agnes Smith -
Agnes Smith: I can't get hungry till it gets dark.
Katie the Maid: Dinner's at five-thirty. You can eat blind-folded!
Mrs. Anna Smith: We have to be out of the dining room by six-thirty. Warren Sheffield is telephoning Rose from New York. And Rose, if I were you, I wouldn't committ myself one way or another. After all...
Rose Smith: Mama, for goodness sakes!
Mrs. Anna Smith: After all, we know very little about him. Why, we haven't even met his folks.
Rose Smith: It seems to me that one little phone call is causing an awful lot of excitement in this family!
Mrs. Anna Smith: Besides, you're entirely too young and I don't think your father will allow it.
Katie the Maid: Mrs. Smith, if I'm going to keep lying to your daughters, I'll have to ask for more money.
Mrs. Anna Smith: Now, remember, not a word of this to your papa. You know how he plagues the girls about their beaus.
Agnes Smith: Everybody knows but Papa?
Grandpa: Your papa's not supposed to know. It's enough we're letting him work hard every day to support the whole flock of us. He can't have everything.
-- Agnes Smith -
Agnes Smith: Rose, what did you get me for Christmas?
Rose Smith: You'll find out tomorrow.
Agnes Smith: I hope it's a hunting knife!
-- Agnes Smith -
Agnes Smith: Rose, it's six-thirty and Warren hasn't called yet.
'Tootie' Smith: Maybe he found another girl.
Mrs. Anna Smith: Quiet, you two.
Rose Smith: Mama, I assure you that I'm not the slightest bit sensitive about Warren Sheffield.
Grandpa: The queen has spoken.
Alonzo 'Lon' Smith Jr.: I suppose Warren's too young, too. Every fellow I introduce her to is too young.
Mrs. Anna Smith: Now, listen. Your papa will be down in a minute, and if we all eat quickly, we may still get out of here before the call comes through.
Esther Smith: Warren is twenty-one and I think that's a perfect age.
Rose Smith: He's practically a child.
Mrs. Anna Smith: Your father was twenty when we were married.
Grandpa: We gave him the bachelor dinner the night before. He almost missed the wedding!
-- Agnes Smith -
'Tootie' Smith: Hello, Papa, I buried Maude Rockefeller today, and you missed all the fun.
Mr. Alonzo Smith: Oh, I wouldn't say that. I've had a pretty full day. Tootie, remind me to spank you right after dinner.
'Tootie' Smith: Yes, Papa.
Mr. Alonzo Smith: Lord, we thank thee for the bountiful blessing we are about to receive. Amen.
'Tootie' Smith: Agnes, if I forget to remind Papa, you remind me.
Agnes Smith: All right.
-- Agnes Smith -
'Tootie' Smith: We'll fix him fine. It'll serve him right for poisoning cats... He buys meat and then he buys poison and then he puts them all together.
Agnes Smith: And then he burns the cats at midnight in his furnace. You could smell the smoke...
'Tootie' Smith: ...and Mr. Braukoff was beating his wife with a red hot poker... and Mr. Braukoff has empty whiskey bottles in his cellar.
-- Agnes Smith -
Grandpa: [moaning] Ohhhhhhh.
Katie the Maid: What was that?
Grandpa: Here are your sacks of flour.
[Hand them to Tootie and Agnes]
Grandpa: You couldn't get me out on a night like this for a million dollars!
Agnes Smith: Did anyone here a noise just now?
Grandpa: Did it sound like this?
[moans again]
Grandpa: Ohhhhhh?
Agnes Smith: Uh-huh.
Grandpa: [Shakes his head] I didn't hear it.
Grandpa: If you wet the flour before you throw it, it makes it harder for the victim to remove it.
-- Agnes Smith -
Katie the Maid: Mrs. Smith, who are these boys?
Agnes Smith: It's me, Katie, it's Agnes!
Katie the Maid: Saints preserve us, it is! You had me fooled!
'Tootie' Smith: Mama, we fooled her!
Mrs. Anna Smith: Well, if you can fool our Katie, you can fool anyone.
Katie the Maid: Agnes, I thought you were a drunken ghost.
Agnes Smith: But I am. Tootie's a horrible ghost, and I'm a terrible drunken ghost.
'Tootie' Smith: She was murdered in a den of thieves, and I died of a broken heart. I've never even been buried because everyone's scared to come near me.
-- Agnes Smith -
Agnes Smith: [Giggles] Roses are red, John's name is Truett, Esther's in love, We always knew it!
Grandpa: Truett... Knew it... That's good. But I can't think of anything that rhymes with "Colonel" if it isn't "Infernal".
-- Agnes Smith
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