Agnes Quotes in Despicable Me 3 (2017)

Gru: [from trailer]

[runs over to Agnes after she sells the fluffy unicorn]

Gru: Agnes, what are you doing?

Agnes: Since you don't have a job, I just wanted to help.

Minions: Aww...

Agnes: [from trailer]

[to Edith]

Agnes: Look, a unicorn horn!

The Scar Faced Man: I saw one once.

Agnes: Was it fluffy?

The Scar Faced Man: It was so fluffy, I thought I was going to die!

[Agnes screams]

Gru: [from trailer] Twin brother?

Agnes: Twin brother?

Minions: Twin brother?

[from trailer]

Gru: Seriously?

[Fritz limps back]

Fritz: I really must...

[adjusts his spine]

Fritz: ... have a word with you on behalf of your twin brother, Dru.

Gru: Whaa? Twin brother?

Agnes: Twin brother?

Minions: Twin brother?

[from trailer]

Agnes: [selling the Fluffy Unicorn] He's really good to snuggle with.

Gru: [after Agnes sell the Fluffy Unicorn; runs over to her] Agnes, what are you doing?

Agnes: Since you don't have a job, I just wanted to help.

Minions: Aww...

[from featurette]

Gru: [to Agnes] We're going to be fine.

Agnes: I just wanted to help, since you don't have a job. I got two whole dollars!

Minions: Aww...

[from trailer]

Agnes: [to Edith] Look, a unicorn horn!

The Scar Faced Man: I saw one once.

Agnes: Was it fluffy?

The Scar Faced Man: It was so fluffy, I thought I was gonna die!

Agnes: [screams]

Agnes: [to the Scar Faced Man] You saw a for real, like, unicorn? What did it look like? Did you pet it? Did it smell like candy? Was it FLUFFY?

The Scar Faced Man: It was so fluffy... I thought I was gonna die!

[Agnes smiles and screams extremely loud]

Lucy Wilde: [outside the shop] Agnes!

[breaks in and severely attacks everyone]

Lucy Wilde: Excuse me!

[grabs a dart from someone and puts it in another person]

Lucy Wilde: Don't worry, I'm here!

[picks Agnes up]

Lucy Wilde: Are you okay?

[pants]

Edith: Yeah, we're fine. Are you...?

Agnes: Unicorns are really real! And I'm gonna find ONE!

[happily runs outside the shop]

Lucy Wilde: [to everyone who is knocked out on the floor after she attacked them] Sorry. Went a little mamma bear on ya. You know, I heard a scream and... Yeah, okay. Have a good one!

Agnes, Margo: [to Gru and Lucy] Aloha!

[show them a Hawaiian decorated tree]

Gru: [irritated] This is unexpected...

Margo: [puts a lei with flowers on it on Gru] Well, you never got to go on a honeymoon, so...

Edith: [recording with her phone] ... we made you dinner!

Agnes: It's a luau!

[hands Lucy a lei with flowers on it]

Agnes: We got pineapples and coconuts and ukuleles!

[drags Lucy as Margo drags Gru]

Gru: [irritated still] Oh, yay...

Agnes: The soup of the day, madame and monsieur. The Gummi Bears were my idea.

Gru: [Looks warily at soup] Mmm. Looks almost too good to even eat. Am I right?

Agnes: But I made it for you.

Gru: [Takes a spoonful, struggles to avoid retching] Mmm, mmm, mmm! Good soup! I love the combination...

[swallows]

Gru: ... of Gummi Bears and meat.

Agnes: Oh, my gosh look at that fluffy unicorn!

[Agnes looks at the unicorn with awe]

Agnes: He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!

Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?

Gru: No.

Agnes: Pretty please?

Gru: The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep.

Agnes: Why are you wearing your pajamas?

Vector: [sputters] These aren't pajamas! It's a warm-up suit.

Edith: What are you warming up for?

Vector: Stuff.

Margo: What sort of stuff?

Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand.

Agnes: Like sleeping?

Vector: THEY ARE NOT PAJAMAS!

Agnes: Pinkie promise?

Gru: Oh yes, my pinkie promises.

Agnes: I like him. He's nice.

Edith: He's scary.

Agnes: Like Santa.

Margo: Hello? Cookies for sale!

Gru: Go away, I'm not home!

Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you.

Gru: No, you didn't. This... is a recording.

Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't.

Gru: Yes, it is. Watch this. Leave a message. Beep!

[Edith kicks the door, causing Gru to scream in pain]

Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message.

Margo: [off-screen] Agnes, come on!

Gru: Kyle. These are not treats. These are guests!

[to the girls]

Gru: Girls, this is Kyle, my... dog.

[Kyle growls]

Agnes: Ooh, fluffy doggie!

[She runs toward Kyle, who whines and runs away; she groans in disappointment]

Margo: What kind of dog is that?

Gru: He's a... I don't know.

Agnes: Aw. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly.

Edith: That's a Cheeto.

Agnes: Oh.

[eats it]

Gru: Clearly we need to set some rules. Rule number one: You will not touch *anything*.

Margo: Aha. What about the floor?

Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor.

Margo: What about the air?

Gru: Yes, you may touch the air.

Edith: What about this?

[holds a ray gun in her hands, the laser sight aimed right at Gru]

Gru: [screams, holding a frying pan for protection] Where did you get that?

Edith: [shrugs] Found it.

[Gru takes it away from her]

Gru: Okay, rule number two: You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?

Agnes: Does this count as annoying?

[lets go of Margo's hand and puckers her cheeks]

Gru: [stops Agnes] Very!

[sighs, irritated]

Gru: I'll see you in six hours.

[leaves the kitchen]

Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything is going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right...? Agnes?

[She and Edith turn and see Agnes scarfing from the bowl on the floor marked "food."]

Agnes: [mouth full] Mmm?

Agnes: [singing] Unicorns, I love them. Unicorns, I love them. Uni uni unicorns, I love them. Uni unicorns, I could pet one if they were really real. And they are! So I bought one so I could pet it. Now it loves me, now I love it. La lala la la...

Margo: Oh, uh, can we get stuffed crust?

Edith, Agnes, Jerry the Minion, Stuart the Minion: OOOOHHHH, stuffed crust.

Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust!

[Agnes giggles]

Agnes: You're funny!

Gru: Just don't come out of that room again!

Agnes: Cool, lets go destroy some other games!

Agnes: Just one more! I accidentally closed my eyes.

[on being told they are being adopted]

Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful!

Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle!

Agnes: I bet their house is made of gummy bears!

[off their looks]

Agnes: I'm just saying it'd be nice.

Miss Hattie: Now, go clean something of mine.

[Margo, Edith and Agnes trudge out, passing the Box of Shame]

Margo, Edith, Agnes: Hi, Penny.

Penny: [from inside] Hi, guys.

[the girls discover the entrance to Gru's underground lair]

Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on!

Agnes: [to Margo] I don't think he's a dentist.

[saying their prayers before bed]

Margo: And please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep.

Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains!

Agnes: Ugh!

Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith.

Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice... and have a pet unicorn.

[Margo and Edith roll their eyes]

Agnes: Amen.

Margo, Edith: Amen.

[after Vector refuses to hand over the girls]

Gru: Listen close, you little punk! When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain!

Vector: [laughing sarcastically] Ooh, I'm really scared!

[Gru punches the video camera, making Vector jump and fumble to hold on to the shrunken moon]

Agnes: [smugly] He is gonna kick your butt.

[after Vector refuses to release the girls]

Gru: [leans into the camera] Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain!

Vector: [laughs sarcastically] Ooh, I'm really scared!

[Gru punches the camera lens, making Vector jump and fumble not to drop the moon]

Agnes: [smugly] He is gonna kick your butt.

[after Gru lied about his fear of dating]

Gru: Good night, Edith.

[gives her a good night kiss and gently pulls the beanie over Edith's eyes]

Gru: Good night, Margo.

[gives her a goodnight kiss, but returns in suspicion]

Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the horses. Who are you texting?

Margo: No one. Just my friend Avery.

Gru: Avery...

[confused]

Gru: Avery? Is that a girl's name or a boy's name?

Margo: Does it matter?

Gru: No. No, it doesn't matter, unless it's a boy!

Agnes: I know what makes you a boy.

Gru: [concerned] Uhh... Oooh... you... do?

Agnes: Your bald head.

Gru: [relieved] Oh... yes.

Agnes: It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare it, and imagine a little chick popping out.

[imitating a chick]

Agnes: Peep-peep-peep.

Gru: Good night, Agnes.

[kisses her forehead]

Gru: Never get older.

Jillian: Gru! It's Jillian!

Gru: [whispers; to Agnes] Tell Jillian I'm not here.

Agnes: Gru's not here!

Jillian: Are you sure?

Agnes: Yes, he just told me.

Jillian: [laughs] Agnes, where is Gru?

[Gru zips his lip]

Agnes: He's... putting on lipstick!

[Gru swings his arms wildly, making buzzing sounds]

Agnes: He's... swatting on flies!

[Gru slices his hand beneath his chin]

Agnes: He's... chopping his head off!

[Gru covers his head, groaning loudly]

Agnes: He's...

[confused]

Agnes: pooping?

Agnes: [after rehearing for the Mother's Day play] I don't think I should do this.

Gru: Well, what do you mean? Why not?

Agnes: I don't even have a mom.

Gru: Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant and you haven't been in combat.

Gru: I have accepted a new job.

Margo: Whoa! Really?

Gru: Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!

Edith: You're gonna be a spy?

Gru: *That's* right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!

Edith: [amazed] Awesome!

Agnes: Are you really gonna save the world?

Gru: [coolly] Yes.

[puts on a pair of sunglasses]

Gru: Yes, I am.

Dave: [copies him] Mocha!

Tim: [wearing an old Dutch beard and tie] Cacao!

Stuart: [dresses like Pippi Longstocking] Papadum? Eh,

[chuckles]

Margo: Hey, what celebrity do you look like?

Gru: Uh, Bruce Willis.

Margo: Mmm, no.

Agnes: Humpty Dumpty!

Edith: Ooh, Gollum!

Agnes: Eat jelly, you purple freaks!

Beaver's Son: [lays down a box of supplies during a Science lab class] Why's your cousin such a wet sandwich?

Kristofferson: I beg your pardon?

Beaver's Son: What's that mean?

Kristofferson: That means that I don't understand what you just said. A wet sandwich?

Beaver's Son: Yeah! A wet sandwich. He's too short, he dresses like a girl, he's

[makes a motion with his hands]

Beaver's Son: different.

Kristofferson: Are you a bully? You're starting to sound like a bully.

Beaver's Son: Watch this.

[he takes a spoonful of yellow powder and drops it into the bubbling liquid over a Bunsen burner; it explodes and covers both of them in the yellow substance]

Kristofferson: That's... you just destroyed the whole experiment. We'd better extinguish this magnesium.

[they raise their safety goggles]

Kristofferson: Stand back.

[Kris sprays the fire with an extinguisher]

Agnes: [watching from a few feet away] Wow.

Kristofferson: [whistles] Whew!

Agnes: [to Kris] Hmm. I like your ears.

[gestures to her own]

Kristofferson: M... Mine?

Agnes: Mmhmm.

Kristofferson: Thank you! I like your... spots.

Agnes: Really? I used to cover them up, but, you know...

Ash: Ugh.

[scoffs]

Agnes: Hmm?

Ash: You're supposed to be *my* lab partner.

Agnes: I am!

Ash: No you're not. You're disloyal.

Ash: [points to a sign Agnes carries] What's that stand for?

Agnes: Huh? It's for, uh, it's for pep... pep.

Ash: It's a K.

Coach Skip: [runs into frame, grabs a bottle from the cooler; to players] Come on, now! Look alive!

[to score-keeper]

Coach Skip: 'Atta boy.

[runs out of frame]

Agnes: [to Ash, about Kristofferson] We're going steady.

[Ash exclaims angrily]

Agnes: Kids, this is... this is mommy's Hector.

Agnes: Will you show me how it's done? Then I'll know how to go about it.

Kathleen: Right here?

Agnes: No. Behind the bushes.

Kathleen: I don't feel like doing it right now.

Agnes: I insist you feel like it right now. You're my maid. You'll do as I say.

Steven: What are you doing in this filthy place? Are you looking for something?

Agnes: I read a book in the convent library, about love and black magic. There was a passage I found fascinating.

Steven: What was it about?

Agnes: A magic root. Mandrake. It grows in a place like this. If a man and a woman eat of it, they will love each other forever.

Steven: Did it also say why you have to dig in this particular spot?

Agnes: The nuns inked out that passage very carefully.

Steven: When a man is hanged, he comes and his semen spills to the ground. That's where your mandrake sprouts.

Agnes: Explains why the passage was inked out.

Agnes: We don't pay for chatting.

Gabriel: Can the young lady swim?

Agnes: No, I can't. But I'm sure that my horse can!

[to Gabriel, after she has clumsily managed to swim in the middle of the river]

Agnes: Are you...

[sputter]

Agnes: Are you still doubting in my abilities?

Henry: Do you love him?

Agnes: Yes.

Henry: Have you told him?

Agnes: Yes, but I don't think he heard me.

[Agnes and Elin are trying to hitch to Stockholm]

Elin: What the hell are we doing? We must be out of our damned minds!

Agnes: Yes, I know.

Elin: But we are so fucking cool.

Agnes: If this is the best you can do, don't bother. Go home, and keep your perfume. We just pretend to be friends because there's no one else to be with. You know what the most boring thing I've ever done is? When you took me to that wheelchair basketball game in Karlstad. I don't want to be friends with a palsied cripple who listens to Backstreet Boys or whatever shit you listen to.

Elin: Shit, let's go to the party. I have to anyway, cause my jacket's there. We'll go and hit someone.

Agnes: No, I'm not invited.

Elin: So? We'll burn the house down.

Agnes' Father Olof: When our class met, I think it was our 25-year reunion, when they found out that I'd done well for myself. Bengt, who was then the class king, he didn't become anything. And the girls who were considered the prettiest, they weren't special any longer. So I think you'll be glad that you don't have it so easily. Because those who have it easy often become quite uninteresting.

Agnes: But you're speaking in about 25 years. I'm sorry, but I'd rather be happy now than in 25 years.

Manny: No... no... no... you can't ask me to do that! You see... see... Carlo's got a long memory. He'll hunt me down and he'll eat me for breakfast. You know what I'm saying?

Agnes: Sounds like my kind of man!

Agnes: The last tenants made this room into a wine cellar but I don't really drink wine and this is where I let my little darlings sprout their roots.

Agnes: I mean, how erotic do you really want to go?

Felix Farmer: Go, go, E-R-O-T-I-C! GO! GO!

Agnes: Sally Miles, America's G-rated darling, in the B-U-F-F?

Felix Farmer: Why not?

Agnes: Ohhhh, Felix darling, some of her fans still don't think she goes to the bathroom!

Woman: Agnes? Did you see who moved in next door?

Agnes: Yes. Black as the ace of spades, they were.

Woman: Oh, well. There goes the neighbourhood!

[subtitled version]

Lucas: What are you saying? Have you got something to tell me?

Agnes: Stop it, Lucas.

Lucas: You want to tell me something?

Theo: Relax, Lucas.

Lucas: The whole town is listening. Tell me! What do you want to say?

Agnes: Stop it, you fucking psychopath!

Lucas: I want a word with Theo. Look into my eyes. Look me in the eyes. What do you see? Do you see anything? Nothing. There's nothing. There's nothing. You leave me alone now. You leave me alone now, Theo. Then I'll go. Thank you.

Agnès: You stole my man. You could a least buy me a pack of cigarettes.

[last lines]

Agnes: [narrating] I race the sun home in the morning, and the moon up at night. Anything can happen, and anything does. There's just today - and then there's tonight. And tonight is wonderful.

Agnes: Get in the car bitches!

Agnes: [narrating] I left my mother and the man I thought loved me in that house. I left my mother and my rapist in that house. I left my mother and my mother's pimp in that house. Look at all the people it takes to make up a person. Ain't that nothin'?

Agnes: [narrating] I remember when I was ten somebody gave me a diary for a present. But I felt like it was too late, so I didn't write in it. Too much had already happened. So, it wouldn't be the whole story. I feel that way again, and I'm fourteen. Nobody'd believe it. Ain't nobody to tell. A girl falls in the city, but nobody sees it. Did it happen?

[first lines]

1st 'John': [seeing her come in] Ah...

Agnes: [narrating] I race the sun home in the morning, and the moon up at night. There's just today, and then there's tonight. Anything can happen, then anything does. You get through it.

Agnes: [narrating] He probably won't kill me. It ain't happened yet. But, it's like when people tell you that their dog doesn't bite. How do they know?

Agnes: Hey Bee, you coming back?

Bee: You making breakfast?

Agnes: I can make macaroni & cheese. Only we don't have any milk, or any butter.

Bee: Orange water macaroni?

Agnes: I found some Nacho Cheese Doritos, I can smash 'em up in the bowl with the water.

[first lines - written]

Agnes: It is early Monday morning and I am in pain.

Agnes: Maria and Mother always had so much to whisper about, but then they were so alike. I used to wonder jealously what they had to laugh at.

Agnes: There's someone out there. Anna. There's someone out there.

Agnes: Can't anyone help me?

Anna: It's just a dream, Agnes.

Agnes: No, it's not a dream. Perhaps it's a dream for you, but not for me.

Kelli Presely: They're not your family... and your brother's not here

Agnes: No... MY DADDY IS!

[Her brother *and* father bursts through the floorboards behind them]

Agnes: [Indicating to all the corpses in the attic] They're my family now.

Agnes: Everyone will be home for Christmas

Young Patrick: Can I slide down the banister?

Mame: Well, why not.

Young Patrick: My father would never let me.

Mame: That's too bad. You must come from a dreadful family.

Young Patrick: I only have one relative in the whole world.

Mame: Oh, really, dear? And who is that?

Young Patrick: You.

Agnes: That's right.

Mame: Who are you?

Agnes: Agnes Gooch.

Mame: That's impossible. You aren't coming until tomorrow. Your telegram clearly said December 1, and this is November 31. And everyone knows that thirty days hath September, April, June, and Nov - . Oh my GOD. I'm your Auntie Mame.

Mrs. Upson: Now we all know about these women things, don't we.Come down here and sit beside me.

[Heavily pregnant Agnes sits down]

Mrs. Upson: Now, what's your name dear?

Agnes: Gooch.

Mrs. Upson: And what does Mr. Gooch do?

Agnes: Oh, my father passed on.

Mrs. Upson: No no, I meant your husband.

Agnes: I'm a bachelor girl. My baby is going to be a little bas...

Agnes: You were right Mrs Finch - he has a one-track mind.

Mrs. Finch: Yes, and it's a dirt track.

Agnes: Don't go, pretty lady. Don't go... yet.

Louise Mason: What do you want?

Agnes: You have such nice, ssssssoft, white skin.

Agnès: [looking aroud her new home] Are you sure all this is necessary? If so, I accept it. But do you realize what we are in for?

Mme. D: I do. Our life was a nightmare.

Agnès: And this is a dream?

Agnès: [on her new bedroom] I call this a prison.

Mme. D: Trees! You have a lovely view of the square.

Agnès: Am I allowed to look outside?

Jean: Since we met, I've felt attached to you by a string. I simply follow it.

Agnès: Is that string called indiscretion?

Agnès: There was a time when I would see a man's face behind every bouquet. Now look. Behind these flowers, there's still a man's face threatening us. That's what we've come to.

Agnès: We're unlucky. Every time we meet alone, it's raining.

[last lines]

Agnès: You're here. In time perhaps you'll forgive me. But don't hurry. So many honest girls become dishonest women. Perhaps I'll show the opposite can happen. I'm not yet worthy of having you come close to me. Wait. Just leave me a little hope. Then you can judge my behaviour. I'll be happy if you can bear my presence. Show me a corner of your house where I can live. I'll stay there without protest. I'm not evil. I know myself. I was weak. And I was in love with you. That's my only excuse. I lacked the courage to tell you the truth. Remember the letter you wouldn't read? It wasn't pleasant. You can forgive me. I won't trouble you anymore. It will be easy.

Jean: Hold on to life with all your strength! Hold on to me! I love you. You can't leave me! Try to hold on! Fight!

Agnès: I am fighting.

Jean: You are my wife. I love you! Stay with me!

Agnès: I will try.

Jean: That's an order. You can't disobey! Stay with me!

Agnès: I will stay.

Agnes: There goes the best cleaning lady in the 'ole bloomin' Empire!

Millie: I do think it's a bit thick carrying your implements back and forth with you Mrs Muggins. Can't say it adds to people's respect for us either.

Agnes: She's quite right Ella - there is no need to advertise that we're cleaning ladies.

Ella Muggins: Stop it you two. To do my job properly I need the proper tools. In the second place, are you suggesting that we're doing work that we ought to be ashamed off? I'm proud of my profession, I am - that's why I'm right at the top: cleaning out the office of the head of the firm...