Agent Phil Coulson Quotes in The Avengers (2012)

Agent Phil Coulson: [via phone] Mr Stark, we need to talk.

Tony Stark: You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark, please leave a message.

Agent Phil Coulson: This is urgent.

Tony Stark: Then leave it urgently.

[Coulson enters Stark's penthouse, hanging up his cellphone]

Tony Stark: Security breach.

Tony Stark: [to Pepper] That's on you.

Agent Phil Coulson: Mr Stark.

Pepper Potts: Phil! Come in.

Tony Stark: "Phil?" Uh, his first name is "Agent."

Agent Phil Coulson: You're at 114 Solenski Plaza, 3rd floor. We have an F-22 exactly eight miles out. Put the woman on the phone or I will blow up the block before you can make the lobby.

[Luchkov, intimidated, puts the phone between Natasha's ear and shoulder]

Agent Phil Coulson: We need you to come in.

Natasha Romanoff: [tied to a chair] Are you kidding? I'm working.

Agent Phil Coulson: This takes precedence.

Natasha Romanoff: I'm in the middle of an interrogation. This moron is giving me everything.

Georgi Luchkov: [to his cohorts] I don't... give everything.

Natasha Romanoff: Look, you can't pull me out of this right now

Agent Phil Coulson: Natasha, Barton's been compromised.

Natasha Romanoff: Let me put you on hold.

[Phil patiently holds while Natasha whips butt]

Thor: We on Asgard pretend that we are more advanced, but we, we come here battling like Bilgesnipe.

Agent Phil Coulson: Like what?

Thor: The Bilgesnipe, you know; huge, scaly, big antlers. You don't have those?

Agent Phil Coulson: Don't think so.

Thor: They are repulsive, and they trample everything in their path.

Natasha Romanoff: [on the phone] Where is Barton now?

Agent Phil Coulson: We don't know.

Natasha Romanoff: But he's alive?

Agent Phil Coulson: We think so. I'll brief you on everything when you get back. But first, we need you to talk to the big guy.

Natasha Romanoff: Coulson, you know that Stark trusts me about as far as he can throw me.

Agent Phil Coulson: Oh, I've got Stark. You get the big guy.

Natasha Romanoff: [realizing he means Bruce Banner, stops dead in her tracks] Bozhe moi.

[Russian for 'My God']

Agent Phil Coulson: You're gonna lose.

Loki: Am I?

Agent Phil Coulson: It's in your nature.

Loki: Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky... where is my disadvantage?

Agent Phil Coulson: You lack conviction.

Loki: I don't think I...

[Coulson shoots Loki with his BFG, causing Loki to be blown through the wall behind him]

Agent Phil Coulson: So that's what it does.

Pepper Potts: Come on in. We're celebrating.

Tony Stark: Which is why he can't stay.

[flashes Coulson phony smile]

Agent Phil Coulson: We need you to look this over as soon as possible.

Tony Stark: I don't like being handed things...

Pepper Potts: [cuts Tony off] That's fine, because I love to be handed things.

[Pepper exchanges her champagne glass for Coulson's tablet]

Pepper Potts: So, let's trade.

[She takes Tony's champagne and gives him the tablet]

Pepper Potts: Thank you.

Tony Stark: [to Coulson] Official consulting hours are between 8 and 5 every other Thursday.

[In a Quinjet, Agent Coulson walks to Steve Rogers who is seated and looks at Bruce Banner's file on his laptop]

Steve Rogers: So this Doctor Banner was trying to replicate the serum that was used on me?

Agent Phil Coulson: A lot of people were. You were the world's first superhero. Banner thought gamma radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine's original formula.

[Steve watches the footage of the Hulk's attack on the Army at Culver University and the Hulk roars with fury as he slams a jeep apart]

Steve Rogers: Didn't really go his way, did it?

Agent Phil Coulson: Not so much. When he's not that thing though, guy's like a Stephen Hawking.

[Steve looks puzzled, not understanding the reference]

Agent Phil Coulson: He's like a smart person. I gotta say, it's an honor to meet you, officially. I sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping. I mean, I was... I was present while you were unconscious from the ice. You know, it's really, it's just a... just a huge honor to have you on board.

Steve Rogers: Well, I hope I'm the man for the job.

Agent Phil Coulson: Oh, you are. Absolutely. Uh... we've made some modifications to the uniform. I had a little design input.

Steve Rogers: The uniform? Aren't the stars and stripes a little... old-fashioned?

Agent Phil Coulson: With everything that's happening, the things that are about to come to light, people might just need a little old-fashioned.

[Nick Fury and Dr. Bruce Banner shake hands]

Nick Fury: Doctor, thank you for coming.

Bruce Banner: Thanks for asking nicely. So, uh... how long am I staying?

Nick Fury: Once we get our hands on the Tesseract, you're in the clear.

Bruce Banner: Where are you with that?

[Nick Fury turns to Agent Coulson to explain, while Natasha Romanoff eyes an image of Clint Barton on a computer screen]

Agent Phil Coulson: We're sweeping every wirelessly accessible camera on the planet. Cell phones, laptops. If it's connected to a satellite, it's eyes and ears for us.

Natasha Romanoff: That's still not gonna find them in time.

Bruce Banner: You have to narrow the field. How many spectrometers do you have access to?

Nick Fury: How many are there?

Bruce Banner: Call every lab you know, tell them to put the spectrometers on the roof and calibrate them for gamma rays. I'll rough out a tracking algorithm based on cluster recognition. At least we could rule out a few places. Do you have somewhere for me to work?

Nick Fury: Agent Romanoff, would you show Dr. Banner to his laboratory, please.

[Natasha nods and walks off, leading Banner down the hall]

Natasha Romanoff: You're gonna love it, Doc. We got all the toys.

[Nick Fury goes over to the fatally-wounded Coulson]

Agent Phil Coulson: I'm sorry, boss. The god rabbited.

Nick Fury: Just stay awake. Eyes on me.

Agent Phil Coulson: No. I'm clocked out here.

Nick Fury: Not an option.

Agent Phil Coulson: It's okay, boss. This was never going to work... if they didn't have something... to...

[Agent Coulson looks away and sighs his last breath. Nick Fury looks on grimly at Coulson]

Nick Fury: Agent Coulson is down.

Unknown SHIELD Agent: Paramedics are on their way.

Nick Fury: They're already here.

[Maria Hill listens on her headset, as do Captain America and Iron Man from another room]

Nick Fury: They called it.

[from trailer]

Agent Phil Coulson: What do we do?

Nick Fury: We get ready.

[from trailer]

Agent Phil Coulson: [to Hill] I think we need to time-out.

Agent Phil Coulson: I'm Agent Phil Coulson with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.

Virginia 'Pepper' Potts: That's quite a mouthful.

Agent Phil Coulson: I know. We're working on it.

Virginia 'Pepper' Potts: Agent Coulson, I just wanted to say thank you very much for all of your help.

Agent Phil Coulson: That's what we do. You'll be hearing from us.

Virginia 'Pepper' Potts: From the Strategic Homeland...

Agent Phil Coulson: Just call us S.H.I.E.L.D.

Agent Phil Coulson: Mr. Stark.

Tony Stark: Yeah?

Agent Phil Coulson: Agent Coulson.

Tony Stark: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the guy from the...

Agent Phil Coulson: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.

Tony Stark: Whew! God, you really need a new name for that.

Agent Phil Coulson: Yeah, I hear that a lot.

Agent Phil Coulson: This isn't my first rodeo, Mr. Stark.

Agent Phil Coulson: [about Obadiah] Looks like you were right, he was building a suit.

Virginia 'Pepper' Potts: I thought it'd be bigger...

[the Iron Monger attacks]