Agent Paul Quotes in Flirting with Disaster (1996)

Agent Paul: You do know it is a federal offense to destroy a United States Post Office?

Agent Paul: You can't catch the wind!

Agent Paul: Without spontaneity, the world of B&B's is fairly meaningless.

Tina: Do you worry about the risk factor involved in gay sex?

Agent Paul: You know, it may be news to you, but not every gay man has, uh, anal sex. That's where a lot of the HIV risk lies.

Agent Tony: For example, I'm very anal. Uh, I-I mean, in, uh, in the sense... that I'm compulsively careful and clean about what touches my body. Not into penetration, at all.

Mel: Okay, do we have to talk about this right now?

Nancy Coplin: Well, why not? Are you a homophobic?

Mel: No, I...

Nancy Coplin: I think it's interesting.

Mel: Really? Well, I think in front of the baby we shouldn't.

Agent Paul: Nancy's just testing the risk factor for sex with Tony, Mel.

Mel: What?

Agent Tony: Paul, don't patronize her.

Agent Paul: I'm not patronizing her.

Agent Tony: She knows that I came of age in the era of AIDS... and even though I'm bisexual I've been incredibly careful, okay? Tested negative three times in the last seven months.

Nancy Coplin: Really?

Agent Paul: Runway ready for takeoff.

Agent Tony: If I remember correctly. Yeah, three times.

Sheriff: Bobby, take these forms back to the office, these release forms and get these nice people their car keys. This is all over here. This is a Federal agent here, and he just told me the whole story about the Shlytings.

Mr. Coplin: Schlitinooks.

Sheriff: Shitkings.

Mrs. Coplin: No, Schlichtings

Sheriff: Well, anyway, it's clear that we have the wrong people here.

Mel: That's what I've been trying to tell this guy for the last half hour.

Mrs. Coplin: Thank God for this Federal agent. And by the way, w-w-why are you not wearing pants?

Agent Paul: I had an experience, that's why.

Mrs. Coplin: What do you mean?

Agent Paul: I resisted at first, and then it evolved and it continues to evolve for me.

Mrs. Coplin: I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but I got some jewelery somewhere, if you please.

Mary Schlichting: How do you feel?

Agent Paul: Vivid. I'm seeing colors I don't want to see.

Agent Paul: Is this a musical table?