Agent K Quotes in Men in Black 3 (2012)

Agent K: Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

Agent K: You are suspended for two weeks.

Agent J: Bullshit.

Agent K: Four weeks.

Agent J: My daddy gave me this watch, it was the only thing he ever did as I never saw him while growing up...

Agent K: Don't you disrespect your daddy!

Agent K: Do you know the most destructive force in the universe?

Agent J: Sugar?

Agent K: Regret.

[last lines]

Griffin: This is my NEW favourite moment in human history... unless this is the one where K forgets to leave a tip...

[sees a meteor about to hit the Earth in the distant future]

Agent K: Almost forgot...

[leaves a tip - a satellite appears and collides with the meteor, rendering the Earth safe]

Griffin: That was a close one!

Mr. Wu: That is an Earth fish. Very traditional in China. You arrest me, that's a hate crime!

Agent K: It would be if you were Chinese!

Agent K: Boris the Animal: I blew off his arm and had him imprisoned at Lunamax. Biggest mistake I ever made.

Agent J: Sorry, man. Was he innocent?

Agent K: I should have killed him!

[Z's eulogy]

Agent K: I worked for Zed for over 40 years, and in all that time he never invited me to dinner. Heve never asked to me to his house to watch a game. He never shared a single detail of his personal life. Thank you.

Agent O: Thank you, Agent K. That was very moving.

Agent J: That was your eulogy?

Agent K: He was a good man.

Agent O: Ladies, gentlemen, other life forms, when I told the Felucian Zyglot about Zed's passing, she said something that I'm going to repeat. And I'm paraphrasing. Ahem.

[starts screeching in an alien tongue]

Agent O: That's just so Zed.

Agent K: I promised the secrets of the universe, nothing more.

Agent J: [on phone] Well, what other secrets are there?

Boris The Animal: Hello, K.

Agent K: Boris the Animal.

Boris The Animal: [angrily] It's just Boris.

Agent K: You haven't changed very much. I see the arm I shot off is still shot off.

Boris The Animal: Yes, my arm. We've thought about that moment every day for the last 40 years.

Agent K: Well, that's just not living a full life.

Agent J: Can you promise me something, if I go first, you'll do better than that at my funeral? Yeah, something like, uh: "J was a friend. Now there's a big part of me that's gone. Oh, J, all the things I should have said, except I was too old and craggy and surly and just tight. I was too tight. Now, I'm gonna just miss your caramel-brown skin."

Agent K: I'll wing something.

[from trailer]

Agent K: There are things out there you don't need to know about.

Agent J: That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me!

Agent K: There are things out there you don't need to know about.

Agent J: That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me!

Agent K: I promised the secrets of the universe, nothing more.

Agent J: [on phone] Well, what other secrets are there?

Agent K: Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

[from trailer]

Agent J: Who are we?

Agent K: We are no-one. Our mission is to monitor extraterrestrial activity on Earth.

Agent K: [holds up alien] Who's this Splky Bulba for?

Mr. Wu: Nobody...

[K hits him]

[repeated line]

Agent K: [Cross-checking Agent J while driving] Did you lose something over here hondo?

Agent K: You did not see a room full of shiny weapons, you did not see four alien night crawlers. You will love and cherish each other for the rest of your life.

Agent J: Which could be the next 27 or 28 minutes, so y'all should get to lovin' and cherishin'. Oh, and she gets to stay up as late as she wants and have candy and cookies and cake and junk and stuff...

[last lines]

Agent J: [in J's locker] All hail J! All hail J!

Agent J: Why did you put them rats in my locker, man?

Agent K: I thought it would put things in perspective for you.

Agent J: No, K, it's actually kind of sad, really. We need to let them out of there. I mean, they need to know that the world is bigger than that.

Agent K: Still a rookie.

[Kicks open a door to a room filled with gigantic aliens]

[in the midst of alien fight, K repeatedly kicks an alien in the crotch but nothing happens]

Agent J: K, he's a Balchinian!

Agent K: Oh.

[kicks the alien in the chin]

Agent J: [Looking at the picture of K and the pizza guy] You're pointing at something.

[Looks around]

Agent J: That astronaut.

[Goes to the astronaut picture]

Agent J: He like, he like.

[Goes to the ovens, seeing pizza boxes stacked like a diamond shape]

Agent J: Who would stack pizza boxes like this, its a pizza box stacker who's not stacking pizza boxes. He's leaving clues, it's an arrow.

Agent K: [notices a key hanging where the picture points] Um, J...?

Agent J: You're slowing me down slick! Whatever we're looking for is in these cabinets!

[Opens up the cabinets and takes out a thing of anchovies]

Agent J: Anchovy fillets in virgin olive oil!

[Looks at the can of anchovies dubiously]

Agent K: [takes key] I hope I'm not slowing you down, partner...

Newton: [to Hailey] There's a huge rat in the toilet, it's all stopped up so you're gonna have to pee in the sink...

[spots agents J & K]

Newton: Gentlemen! Seen any... aliens lately?

Agent K: Son, you need professional help.

Hailey: He's getting it, it's not working.

Serleena: You lost, you insignificant little speck! You wasted 20 years of my time, and for what? The complete destruction of the Zarthas, all because you went mushy!

Agent K: I'm giving you one last chance to surrender, you slimy Kylothian invertebrate.

Serleena: Oh, what are you gonna do?

Agent K: Not me, him...

Agent J: [behind Serleena] Your flight's been cancelled!

[blasts Serleena]

Agent J: Why didn't you tell me?

Agent K: Would you have let her go?

Agent J: So what was it like on the outside?

Agent K: It was nice. Sleep late on the weekends, watch the Weather Channel.

Agent K: I should've vaporized you when I had the chance.

Serleena: You really did love Laurana, didn't you K? You silly little man...

[licks his ear and sticks a tentacle down it]

Agent J: We're running out of time, K, where is the Light?

Agent K: Right here.

[points at Laura]

Agent K: You know things before they happen.

Laura: I'm a Libra!

Agent K: I'm sorry.

Agent K: [to Laura] You're just as beautiful as your mother...

Agent J: So Laura is Princess Laurana's daughter...

[looks at Agent K]

Agent J: Did y'all...

Agent K: MiB's a mess. Come on, let's go.

[Jeff the worm breaks out of the subway as J is having an emotional moment]

Agent J: Jeff, I am SO not in a mood for you! Get back in the subway! Right now!

[Serleena explodes out of Jeff's body]

Agent K: That's not good...

Agent K: Thanks for bringing me back, slick...

Agent J: No problem.