Agatha Trunchbull Quotes in Matilda (1996)


Agatha Trunchbull Quotes:

  • Agatha Trunchbull: I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.

  • Agatha Trunchbull: [pointing her riding crop at Amanda] Can you spell?

    Amanda Thripp: Miss Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. We can spell "difficulty".

    Agatha Trunchbull: You couldn't spell "difficulty" if your life depended on it.

    Amanda Thripp: She taught us with a poem.

    Agatha Trunchbull: [mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone] A poem? How sweet. What poem would that be?

    Amanda Thripp: Mrs. D, Mrs. I...

    [everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in]

    Amanda Thripp: [chanting with the rest of the class] Mrs. F-F-I. Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L-T-Y!

    Agatha Trunchbull: [strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward] WHY ARE ALL THESE WOMEN MARRIED?

    [moves between the desks]

    Agatha Trunchbull: Mrs. D? Mrs. I? You're supposed to be teaching SPELLING, not poetry!

    [whacks the desk again with her riding crop]

  • Agatha Trunchbull: This boy, Bruce Bogtrotter, is none other than a vicious sneak thief! You're a disgusting criminal, aren't you?

    Bruce 'Little Brucey: I don't know what you're talking about.

    Agatha Trunchbull: Cake. CHOCOLATE cake. You slithered like a serpent into the school kitchen and ate MY PERSONAL SNACK!

    [cracks the riding crop on the table]

    Agatha Trunchbull: Do you deny it?

    [Bruce is silent]

    Agatha Trunchbull: Confess!

    Bruce 'Little Brucey: Well it's hard for me to remember a specific cake.

    Agatha Trunchbull: This one was mine. And it was the most scrumptious cake in the entire world.

    Bruce 'Little Brucey: My mom's is better.

    [all the children gasp]

    Agatha Trunchbull: It is, is it? How can you be sure unless you have another PIECE?

  • Agatha Trunchbull: I need a car, inexpensive but reliable. Can you service me?

    Harry Wormwood: In a manner of speaking, yes. Uh, welcome to Wormwood Motors. Harry Wormwood, owner, founder, whatever.

    Agatha Trunchbull: Agatha Trunchbull, principal, Crunchem Hall Elementary School.

    Harry Wormwood: Huh.

    Agatha Trunchbull: I warn you, sir, I want a tight car, because I run a tight ship.

    Harry Wormwood: Oh yeah, huh, well, uh...

    Agatha Trunchbull: My school is a model of discipline! Use the rod, beat the child, that's my motto.

    Harry Wormwood: Terrific motto!

    Agatha Trunchbull: You have brats yourself?

    Harry Wormwood: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mis-*take*, Matilda.

    Agatha Trunchbull: They're all mistakes, children! Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one.

  • Agatha Trunchbull: You filthy ahh, crush the little weasel!

    Agatha Trunchbull: [On the phone] Wormwood! You useless, used-car-salesman scum! I want you around here now with another car! Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you low life liar! I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna burn down your showroom! I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill!

  • [Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house]

    Jenny: Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night, and I think...

    Agatha Trunchbull: [grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist] I broke your arm once before; I can do it again, Jenny.

    Jenny: [suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand] I am *not* seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull!

    [the class gasps]

    Agatha Trunchbull: Shut your mouths!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] You didn't like the chokey, did you? Thought you'd pay me back, didn't you? Well, I'll pay you back, young lady.

    Matilda: For what, Miss Trunchbull?

    Agatha Trunchbull: For this newt, you piss-worm!

    Matilda: I'm telling you, I didn't do it!

    Agatha Trunchbull: Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: Useless, flamin' car! Wormwood! Sell me a lemon? You're heading for the chokey, young lady!

    Matilda: Chokey?

    Agatha Trunchbull: Teach you a lesson!

    Matilda: What lesson?

    Agatha Trunchbull: You and your father think you can make a fool out of me!

    Matilda: My father?

    Agatha Trunchbull: The guy with the stupid haircut!

    Matilda: I'm nothing like my father.

    Agatha Trunchbull: You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: [speaking to Matilda about her and her father] You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat, one of the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization! Am I wrong? I'm never wrong!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: I like a joke as well as the next fat person!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: Amanda Thripp!

    Amanda Thripp: Yes, Miss Trunchbull?

    Agatha Trunchbull: What are those?

    Amanda Thripp: What's what, Ms. Trunchbull?

    Agatha Trunchbull: Hanging down by your ears.

    Amanda Thripp: You mean my pigtails?

    Agatha Trunchbull: Are you a pig, Amanda?

    Amanda Thripp: *No*, Ms. Trunchbull.

    Agatha Trunchbull: Do I allow pigs in my school?

    Amanda Thripp: My mommy thinks they're sweet.

    Agatha Trunchbull: [bends down] Your mommy... is a TWIT!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: The distance the shotput goes, depends upon the effort that you PUT INTO IT. PERSPERATION! If you can't handle the little brat, I'LL LOCK HER IN THE CHOKEY!

    [she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely]

    Agatha Trunchbull: Get it?

    Jenny: [nods] Yes, ma'am.

    Agatha Trunchbull: One day Jen, you'll see that everything I do is for your own good. And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN!

    [she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her]

  • Agatha Trunchbull: I have never been able to understand why small children are so disgusting. They're the bane of my life. They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible.

    [makes spraying gesture]

    Agatha Trunchbull: Psst! My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children... at all. Wouldn't you agree, Miss Honey?

    [Miss Honey briefly nods yes as she leaves to rescue Matilda from the Chokey]

  • Agatha Trunchbull: [Jenny knocks on Ms. Trunchbull's door] Come in, come in, whoever you are.

    [Jenny enters Ms. Trunchbull's office and almost get struck by a dart]

  • Agatha Trunchbull: [Talking about the cake] Smells chocolatey, eh? Now, eat it.

    Bruce 'Little Brucey: I don't want any, thank you.

    Agatha Trunchbull: EAT IT!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: You wanted cake, you got cake! Now EAT IT!

  • Harry Wormwood: Since you're an educator, I'll make you a deal.

    Agatha Trunchbull: You'd better.

    Harry Wormwood: Let's do business.

  • [the Trunchbull's car, sold to her by Harry Wormwood, has broken down, forcing her to haul it all the way back to her house]

    Agatha Trunchbull: [yells] Aaaargh! Crush that little weasel!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: [her car has broken down] Come on, move you piece of junkyard fodder! Shift you...!

  • Agatha Trunchbull: [wielding a hammer throw] Some rats are gonna die today.

Browse more character quotes from Matilda (1996)