Agador Quotes in The Birdcage (1996)

Armand: What are you giving him drugs for? What the hell are Pirin tablets?

Agador: It's aspirin with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.

Armand: My God, what a brilliant idea!

Agador: I know.

Agador: Armand, why don't you let me be in the show? Are you afraid of my Guatemalan-ness?

Armand: Your what?

Agador: My Guatemalan-ness, my natural heat. You're afraid I'm too primitive to be on the stage with your little estrogen rockettes, right?

Armand: You're right. I'm afraid of your heat.

Armand: Is Albert here?

Agador: No.

Armand: Great. Then he's driving back from Miami at 20 miles an hour with the parking brake on.

Armand: [to Agador] Pull yourself together! Because you have to cook dinner. And I'm going after fucking Albert.

[Exits]

Val: You... can *cook*, right?

Agador: Your father seems to think so...

Val: Agador, why aren't you wearing your shoes?

Agador: [manly voice] I do not wear the shoes... because... they make me fall down.

Armand: Now take that wig off or I'll tell Albert you're wearing it.

Agador: You do that, I'm gonna tell him you're seeing somebody else while he's on the stage.

Armand: I have two words for you: green card.

Albert: I'm leaving you my stereo...

Agador: I don't want it.

Albert: My red boots?

Agador: I don't want them.

Albert: And my wigs?

Agador: Which wig?

Agador: Senator, another shot for you?

Senator Kevin Keeley: I don't really drink...

Agador: Yeah, but now's the time to pretend!

Agador: When you gonna let me audition for you again?

Armand: When you have talent.

Armand: Agador, you're gonna have to get yourself a uniform and dress like a butler.

Agador: No! I'm gonna look like a fag!

Armand: Maybe, but you'll look like a fag in a uniform.

Armand: What is that crap you served us?

Agador: It's Guatemalan Peasant Soup.

Armand: What's Guatemalan Peasant Soup?

Agador: I don't know, I made it up. I made it up!

Agador: Good eve-e-ning. May I take jour purse as usual... or for the first tine?

Agador: [in a scene after one in which he was dressed like Lucy] Armand, why don't you let me be in the show?

Armand: You look like Lucy's stunt double.

Agador: [dancing around in red wig cleaning] No actually I'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky

Armand: That's horrifying.

Agador: My father was the shaman of his tribe and my mother was the high priestess.

Armand: So why the hell did they move to New Jersey?

Agador: I don't know, they're so stupid.

Armand: Ugh, what is this, sludge?

Agador: Yes, it's sludge; I thought it'd make a nice change from coffee.

Val: Put your shoes on Agador, it's getting late.

Agador: [In what he thinks is a normal waiter's voice] Ah, but there's no point in my putting shoes on.

[blows out match]

Agador: I never wear shoes because they make me fall down.

Val: Just, put your shoes on, okay? And talk in your normal voice, and just... give me a break, okay?

Agador: [In real voice] Okay.

Albert: Hmm, Turkish coffee.

Agador: See!

[Slaps Armand's arm]

Agador: My Guatemalaness; my natural heat!

Armand: Yes, I'm afraid of your heat.