Ace Quotes in Paid in Full (2002)
Ace: I got shot in the head, baby!
Ace: [Chasing Rolls Royce through desert] The brakes are gone! Jump!
Sparky: [Driverless car continues on, disappearing behind large hill] Listen, it stopped...
Ace: Maybe we can fix it.
Sparky: [Car explodes in flames] I think not.
Ace: Sparky, think you can hotwire this mother?
Sparky: Know the scene, old man, El Keyo and El Ignitionario. I crack myself up when I talk Mexican.
Eli Cross: Would you tell the chief of police that Burt here was so busy being brilliant that he wouldn't have noticed sweet Jesus Christ walking across the water.
Ace: [mildly] He wouldn't have noticed.
Ace: Three fights. That's what you owe. You win me three fights and we good. You lose, you, you and that trim you rolled up with gonn' get got.
Ace: Take care of my horse, Jake. See you soon.
Don't Ask, Ace: [with the Lost Boys as they get Peter in shape] Pick 'em up! Move 'em down! Pick 'em on up! Move 'em on down! Ain't no time to celebrate! You are old and overweight! Gotta lose a million pounds! Get your fat butt off the ground! Reach on down and touch your toes! How long since you looked at those? Shape up! Lose weight! Get thin! Gotta win! Jumping jacks are good for you! Now your face is turning blue! Swing your arms around your back! Give yourself a heart attack! Gotta train! In the rain! In the sun! In the snow! Ten below! Gotta move! Gotta do! Gotta crow!
Thud Butt: [sadly] Don't leave us Peter, and don't say goodbye.
Too Small: What's goodbye?
Ace: [voice breaking] It's going away, that's what it is. Forgetting about us all over again.
Peter Banning: No, my Lost Boys, I'll never leave you, never. So who will I leave in charge?
[Peter takes out his sword and tries to figure out who will be the new Pan, he chooses Thud Butt]
Peter Banning: Now I want you to take care of everything that's smaller than you.
Thud Butt: Okay.
Too Small: Then who do I look after?
Peter Banning: Neverbugs - little ones.
[Peter backs away and flies off as the Lost Boys watch him as they all smile]
Too Small: That was a great game!
Peter Banning: [flies away] Thank you for believing.
[Peter and Hook are dueling]
Peter Banning: Good form, old man.
[Hook traps Peter and grinds his hook near his face]
Captain Hook: You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning, a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, who's obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!
Too Small: I believe in you.
Latchboy: I believe in you.
No Nap: I believe in you, Peter.
Maggie: I believe in you.
Thud Butt: You are the Pan.
Jack: You're Peter Pan.
Tinkerbell: I believe in you... Peter Pan.
[Peter pushes Hook off and returns his sword. As Hook takes it, he slices Peter's arm with his hook]
Jack: Bad form!
Ace: Jack, stop!
Ace: Okay, Chambers, you little faggot. This is your last chance. What do you say, kid?
Chris: Why don't you go home and fuck your mother some more?
[Ace pulls out a knife]
Ace: You're dead.
Ace: What are you gonna do? Shoot us all?
Gordie: No, Ace. Just you.
Eyeball: Hey girls, where ya goin'?
Gordie: [Ace passes Gordie on the sidewalk and snatches his baseball cap off his head] Hey, my brother gave me that!
Ace: [holds the hat up high so Gordie can't reach it] Now, you're giving it to me.
Gordie: Hey! C'mon, man! That's mine!
Chris: [glaring at Ace] You're a real asshole, you know that?
Ace: [flicks his cigarette to that ground] Ooo. You're brother's not very polite, Eyeball.
Eyeball: Now, Christopher. I know you didn't mean to insult my friend.
Ace: I know he didn't mean to insult me. That's why I'm going to give him the chance of taking it back.
Ace: [thrusts Chris on his stomach against the sidewalk and begins holding the lit cigarette close to his eye] Take it back, kid.
Chris: You bastard! Let go, man! Shit!
Gordie: Stop it, man! You're hurting him!
Chris: Filthy bastard...! Okay, I take it back! I take it back!
Ace: Now, I feel a whole let better about this. How 'bout you?
[grins at Chris and pats him on the cheek]
Eyeball: See ya later, girls.
Eyeball: [about Ray Brower] Shit! When they gonna give up? The kid's gone. They ain't never gonna find him.
Charlie Hogan: Not where they're looking.
Billy Tessio: Hey, Eyeball's right, Charlie. They ain't never gonna find him.
Eyeball: ["tatooing" Eyeball's arm with a knife blade] Would you hold still? You're making me fuck up the snake part.
Vince Desjardins: I'll tell you how they're gonna find him. Ten years from now, some hunter's gonna go in the woods to take a leak, wind up pissing on his bones.
Charlie Hogan: I bet you a thousand bucks they'll find him before then.
Eyeball: Bet you two thousand dollars they don't.
Charlie Hogan: Well, asshole...
Billy Tessio: Hey, what's the big deal? Who cares?
Ace: Will you two just shut the fuck up? If either of you assholes had two-thousand dollars, I'd kill you both.
Billy Tessio: [about to get in Ace's car to find Ray Brower's body] Hey, Ace, uh... maybe me and Charlie shouldn't go.
Charlie Hogan: Yeah, maybe you guys could go without us.
Ace: [sighs] You guys are like my grandmother having a conniption fit. I don't see your problem. We brought a whole bunch of fishing gear, and if a cop asks us what we're doing here, we're just here to take a couple steelhead out of the river, and look what we found!
Vince Desjardins: Yeah! Come on, man, we're gonna be famous! We're gonna be on every radio and TV show in the country!
Charlie Hogan: I still don't think we should go.
Ace: Okay... okay... you've stated your position clearly. Now I'm gonna state mine: get in the fucking car, now!
Ace: You got two choices. You leave quietly, we take the body. Or, you can stay, we beat the shit out of you, we take the body.
Ace: We're gonna get you for this.
Chris: Maybe you will, maybe you won't.
Ace: Oh, we will.
Eyeball: So, what's with you and this Connie Palermo chick?
Billy Tessio: I've been seeing her for over a month now and all she'll let me do is feel her tits.
Ace: She's a Catholic, man. There'll all like that. If you wanna get laid, you gotta get yourself a Protestant. A Jew's good.
The Writer: [voiceover] Around this time, Charlie and Billy were playing "Mailbox Baseball" with Ace and Eyeball.
[cuts to Ace hitting mailboxes with a bat in a moving car]
Ace: [Ace hits a wooden mailbox] Ahh shit! I'm out! Goddammit!
Eyeball: You shouldn't have gone for a wooden one. Huh-huh!
Ace: [Stares at Eyeball intensely] Why don't you tell me something I don't know, asshole?
[Hands bat to Billy]
Ace: Billy, you're up.
Billy Tessio: Nah, you guys win. I don't wanna play no more.
Eyeball: Hey, you can't quit! We've only played three innings! That would be a non-official game!
Charlie Hogan: Hey, Ace. Uh, we...
[Billy nudges him in the arm]
Ace: What's with you homos? You guys've been acting psycho all day.
Ace: What is it?
Billy Tessio: It's nothin'! It's nothin'! It's nothin', right?
[Looks over at Charlie who concurs]
Ace: Then, if you gentlemen don't mind, I'd like to finish this game before I start collecting my goddamn Social Security, okay? You're up Billy. Move it!
Billy Tessio: All right! Gimmie this fuckin' thing.
[grabs bat and assumes batter's position]
Ace: Let's play ball!
Ace: That's quite a wrap you're wearing! Perhaps I could get you some fluffy new slippers, made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
The Monopoly Guy: Who is this ghastly man?
Ace: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And YOU must be the Monopoly guy! Hey.
Ace: Thanks for the free parking.
Pompous woman: Another ACTIVIST, McGuire.
The Monopoly Guy: Activist, yes
Ace: [imitating him] activist, yes, mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!
Pompous woman: Mr. Ventura, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. You should try it sometime.
Ace: Alrighty then!
[smacks man in the face which knocks him unconscious, drapes him over his shoulders and begins to sing and dance exotically]
Ace: [shakes man] Do not pass go! Do not collect $200!
[hands back man to pompous woman]
Ace: It's lovely, but I fancy myself in autumn!
Ace: Just what sort of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace: Corpus Kilochiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
[the Wachati chief and his son bow upon hearing the name]
[they bow again]
[they bow again]
[they begin to bow, but stop]
Ace: Ohhh! Shishkebab.
[they almost bow]
Ace: Shawshank Redemption.
[they almost bow]
[the chief bows]
Ace: You're outta there! Go on, I gotcha, you're out.
[the confused chief exits the hut]
Ace: That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! And that explains the abrasion on your palm! Let me run that back for you.
Ace: Malp ruoy no noisarba eht snialpxe taht dna eohs ruoy no saw tahw staht ni deppils uoy tahw staht.
[starts moving forward again]
Ace: That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM! DAMN I'M GOOD!
Ace: You're an extreme workaholic. You recently returned from a short trip to Gotan in northern Africa, and upon your return you more than likely took a nasty spill because of some... shotty masonry work.
Vincent Cadby: Very impressive... might I ask, how?
Ace: Surely... The abrasion on the palm of your left hand is the type one sustains breaking a fall of 3 to 5 feet; the small remnants of plaster on the tip of your shoe pointed to a careless mason being the culprit: your new watch, a quality forgery of a Cartier was most likely purchased through the north African black market known to reside in Gotan.
[Ace gasps for air]
Vincent Cadby: And my work habits?
Ace: Yes, a workaholic; the urine stain on your pants would signify that you're a single shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.
Fulton Greenwall: Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace: Hi there. Nice to see ya. Bumblebee tuna. Bumblebee tuna!
[quickly turns to face one of the natives]
Ace: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective! How are you this afternoon? Alrighty Then!
[turns to another]
Ace: Excuse me, your balls are showing.
Ace: Bumblebee tuna.
[Ace is chasing the villain with a monster truck]
Ace: Nobody wants to play with me!
Fulton Greenwall: We can pay you handsomely.
Ace: I am now a child of light. Your earthly money holds no appeal to me.
Fulton Greenwall: Twenty thousand dollars.
Ace: Re-he-he-eally? No. I cannot. For I am sorely needed... here, at the ashram.
Ashram Monk: If I may interject! We're short of space, and it's important for you to use your talents. Let me help you pack.
Ace: But I am yet to attain omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Ashram Monk: No. Wait. THERE it is!
Ashram Monk: You've just attained it.
Ace: I have?
Ashram Monk: Yes! Just now! You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!
Ace: What about my medallion of spiritual accomplishment?
Ashram Monk: Take mine!
Ace: This took you eighty years to achieve!
Ashram Monk: That's okay. I don't like it anymore. Really.
Ace: In the light of this great personal sacrifice you've made, I have no choice... but to take the case.
Ashram Monk: Great! I'll go tell the others!
Ace: Master... break it to them gently.
Ace: [cut to Ace and Greenwall exiting the temple through the celebrating, drinking, and some stripped monks] I've never seen them like that before. Denial can be an ugly thing.
Ace: I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!
[with Greenwall at top of a huge set of stairs leading to a temple]
Ace: I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...
[close-up of slinky going down temple stairs]
Ace: Isn't this incredible? IT'S GONNA BE SOME KIND OF A RECORD! Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go!
[runs down to see Slinky stopped on second last step]
Ace: Awww man! Can you believe it. It was right there!
Ace: [Impersonates William Shatner] There's someone on the wing! Some... THING! I'm sorry, what were you saying?
Ace: Of course. How sssselfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.
The Wachati Princess: You make me smile. And yet, I am troubled. You see, the man my father wants me to marry... I am worried I will not please him.
[moves in close to Ace]
The Wachati Princess: I have never known a man.
[they slowly touch their tongues together. Ace pulls away]
Ace: I would love to help. But you see, I have vowed to take a life of celibacy.
The Wachati Princess: Well, perhaps this will assist your decision.
[takes off her top, revealing her bare chest]
Ace: Those are very nice! But I am a child of light. A pure spirit. I am no longer encumbered by the appetites of the flesh.
Ace: [singing] # Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you. And our pretty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang love us, too. Hi, ho. Everywhere we go on Chitty Chitty we depend. Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, our fine four-fendered friend. Our fine four-fendered... Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Bang Bang yeah! #
[spying, sitting in a mechanical rhino]
Ace: Kinda hot in these rhinos...
Ace: Take that, you winged spawn of Satan!
Ace: [smiling nervously] Well, everything here seems good! Big load off my mind, aw God. You can speculate all you want, but unless you check it out for yourself, you never know!
[face quickly turns serious]
Ace: We should head back now.
Fulton Greenwall: Don't you think you should investigate?
Ace: There's no reason to go in there. Ever. I sense it as a holy man.
Fulton Greenwall: But I thought you said...
Ace: It's DARK! I could fall into a precipice!
Ouda: [hands him a torch] Here! Take this
Ace: Spank you, Helpy Helperton.
Ace: If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use *your* body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!
Ace: [holding a skunk, imitating Tony Montana in Scarface] Say hello to my STINKY little friend!
[lifts the skunk's tail]
Ace: Cadby, from the consulate, right? This is weird!
Airplane Stewardess: Peanut?
[sounds like penis]
Ace: Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.
Airplane Stewardess: Peanut.
Ace: Guano bowls! Collect the whole set...
Ace: [the Tiny Warrior shrieks in Wachutu] What did he just say?
Fulton Greenwall: I *think* he said, she's not a virgin.
Ace: [pause] They can *tell* that?
[Wachootoo Chief exposes his rotten teeth while screaming at Ace]
Ace: You know, gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay.
Ace: Where iz zhe bat?
Ace: Greenwall, hit the lights! The switch on the wall beside you! Go for it!... Flick it, QUICK!
[Greenwall does nothing]
Ace: Allrighty, then! Shall we go to jail?
[clicks teeth at Cadby]
Fulton Greenwall: Well done, Ace! You must be very proud!
Ace: Pride is an abomination. One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.
Ace: [parking] Like a glove!
[Ace is going at top speed towards the parking lot]
Fulton Greenwall: Perhaps we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit?
Ace: Nonsense, Poopy-Pants!
Ace: Fe Fi Fo Fum! I smell... the fingerprints of scum!
Ashram Monk: What answer do you seek?
Ace: I need to know what the Wachatis possess that is of great value to civilized man.
Ashram Monk: The medallion will lead you to the answer. You do still have the medallion, don't you?
Ace: Medallion? Why surely! I left it back, er, with my body.
Ashram Monk: Your aura is weakening...
Ace: OKAY! I threw it in the cave! What do you want from me? What are you, Mr. Perfect? You wanna know where it is? It's probably lying in a big pile of
[coming to a realization, his spirit is transported back to his body]
Ace: Guano! They have Guano!
Ouda: [Ace has been hit in both legs by spears] Are your legs sore? Do you want me to carry you?
Ace: That's alright, I have an incredibly high threshold for pain
Ace: [is hit in the butt by dart] *Holy Monkey!*
Ace: Do I have something in my teeth?
Ace: [after being hit with a dart] I can feel it like it's right... In my neck!
Burton Quinn: [Ace brandishes a steak knife] What are you going to do with that?
Ace: Whatever I have to to get some answers.
[Ace slowly lowers the knife and, picking up a fork, begins scraping the two utensils against a plate]
Ace: [Ouda is translating to the Wachootoo] Did you just refer to me as "White Devil"?
Ouda: This how they know you.
Ace: Leave that part out from now on.
Ace: Meeting with sinister types much? A not too much, a much too much.
Ace: It is the mucus that binds us.
Ace: Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious. And the pottery is lovely.
Ouda: It's made from guano.
Ace: Guano! Why's that sounding so familiar?
[Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
Fulton Greenwall: Bat droppings.
[Ace drops the bowl, spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue]
Fulton Greenwall: Guano is their main raw material, they're using it to made a lot of things in the village.
Fulton Greenwall: Ace, the Wachutus are a blood-thirsty, savage tribe. If they catch you, they will show no mercy!
Ace: Worry not, my brother. For I will be as a fly on the wall - a grain of salt in the ocean. I will move amongst them like a transparent... *thing*.
Ace: Can you feel it, Captain Compost?
Vincent Cadby: [Ace moans and howls upon entering a room sporting numerous stuffed animal heads] Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death.
Ace: [while being arrested by Hitu] Hey! What are you? H. R. Shove 'n Stuff?
Ace: I was just... practicing my mantra.
Ace: [In a comedic tone of voice, looks over to stray raccoon] Look Spike!
Ace: [the Wachati Princess is dancing mere inches from Ace] They are a temple of the reproductive organs.
Ace: [to Greenwall] Do you have a dollar?
Helicopter Pilot: Negative. No sign. Wait a second, I think I got him.
Ace: You know you could poke somebody's eyes out with that thing.
Ace: All righty then.
Ace: I'm fighting something.
Ace: Say uncle! Say uncle!
Ace: Gang way baby!
Ace: Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!
Ace: Nobody wants to play with me.
Ace: Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your rears!
Ace: Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and loaded with danger.
Ace: [spying on the Wachutu tribe through a bush] "Wunderbar!", he exclaimed with great relish.
Ace: Bruto, weed isn't a vegetable.
Ace: So, is Kit short for Katherine?
Kit: Yes. Is Ace short for... Ace-a-rooney?
Kit: You couldn't be more wrong if you called it a Canadian Goose.
Ace: I'll give you a Canadian Goose.
[she slaps him, then a moment later, grabs him and kisses him passionately]
Ace: Point is, my friend, you are afraid of love.
Tripp: Bullshit. No, no, no, man. I'm not afraid of love. I love love. Look, I've had a lot of girlfriends, right? And sometimes I'm the rebound guy; other times, when I get lucky, I'm the explore-new-areas-of-your-sexuality guy; but, every single time, we have fun. Thank you. I have fun, they have fun; it's good for me, it's good for them, and I would argue that it's damn good for civilization as a whole.
Tripp: Dude, did you just drop me from a forty-foot cliff? I mean, you want to talk about a friend, man. You went behind my back and blackmailed your way into getting your girlfriend.
Demo: He's right.
Ace: I'm sorry I dropped you from a cliff.
Tripp: It's okay.
Demo: Granted, he used you, but not out of malice. Look at him. How many chances is he gonna get? He saw a chance for love, Tripp, and he took it, which is exactly what we wanted for you.
Tripp: Am I getting advice from my two loser buddies who still live at home?
Ace: Actually, I own my home.
Tripp: No, you don't.
Ace: I bought it a couple of years ago from my Mom. That way, she has a place to live and I don't get nailed on the inheritance tax.
Ace: And Demo, here, has chosen the life of a wanderer. I mean, sure, he technically still lives at home.
Ace: But his permanent address is in his heart. He's a bum.
Demo: I think what we're trying to say is that the two of us are happy, and we're perfectly functional.
Ace: And you, Tripp, are not.
Tripp: I do sleep well at night.
Ace: On a twin bed, with Superman sheets that you've had since you were six.
Demo: As opposed to you, who sleeps in a King-sized bed in your mother's basement.
Ace: It's orthopedic, and I need it. And at least I'm not sponging off my parents so I can afford to get laid on every continent.
Demo: Whoa, whoa... I'm a ramblin' man, I'm a tumble weed, I'm a seeker of truth! And one truth I've learned - a child is a parent's greatest joy, which is why I can't leave my parents' place, because... because they would miss me!
Tripp: It's over. She gotta go.
Ace: You're dumping Paula?
Demo: What happened?
Tripp: Same thing that always happens. Everything is going along nice and smooth, we're having a good time, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere - whoap! - she gets serious. I hate to say it, boys, but it is time to take the girl home.
Tripp: [at the top of a mountain, when Ace appears] Oh, hey there, Ace. Glad you could make it, man. We thought you went home.
Ace: [dropping to the ground, exhausted] I fell into a deep, dark crevasse. I was so scared.
Ace: What do you want?
Fang: Red jelly.
[Ace falls unconcious]
Ace: I can rock this.
Ace: What do you want?
Fang: Strawberry pudding. '
[Ace falls unconscious]
Sgt. Barnes: That cocksucker knows what I'm saying! He understands. Don't you, pop?
Ace: Goddamn right he does.
Ace: It would be the best city in the world if I could just find some okra.
Buttercup: What the hell do you know about Paris, Ace? You don't do nothin' but stay in that damn room in your robe and slippers cooking all day.
Ace: At least I'm doing it in Paris.
Ace: When you have to explore every night... even the most beautiful things that you find can be the most painful.
Ace: Rock 'n Roll is NOT over, baby! Rock 'n Roll NEVER DIES!
Ace: Hey mister, do you know 'Rock 'n Roll'?
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