Abner Quotes in King David (1985)

Jonathan: ...Is Israel governed by a king, Father, or by the whims of a senile old prophet?

Saul: You cannot have the one without the other.

Jonathan: And who's to say that Samuel is not a false prophet?

Saul: If Samuel is a false prophet, I'm a false king. It was Samuel who annointed me, even as he has rejected me.

Jonathan: The people still look to you as their king, Father. They have not rejected you.

Saul: ...What was his name? The man who wrestled with me until daybreak.

Abner: What man, My Lord?

Jonathan: It was only a dream, Father.

Saul: Well, if it was a dream, send in my musician; let me dream on.

Saul: [at Nob, shortly after David has escaped] Abner, I want these priests killed, one by one, until their high priest "remembers" where David is, or is going. Then the killing will stop.

Abner: No soldier would carry out such an order. These priests...

Saul: THESE PRIESTS are maggots! In carrion! Fattening themselves on the offerings people give to the Lord! They are traitors, every one of them! And so is any soldier who refuses to obey the king's command.

[He runs his javelin through one soldier who couldn't bring himself to slay the priests]

Saul: Will no one obey the king?

[Another soldier volunteers]

Saul: It takes a gentile to obey.

[the second soldier kills several priests, but still no one "remembers" David's whereabouts, so Saul kills the high priest with his javelin]

Abner: ...Who are you, David ben Jesse, to shout down at the King of Israel?

David: Who are *you*, Abner ben Ner, to call yourself commander of the king's army? Why did you not keep watch over my lord the king while he slept? Where is the king's sword that was by his side?

[holds it up]

David: Here, in the hands of a man he calls his enemy.

Ernest: Boy this is great! This is just like that John Wayne movie when he and Sundance were in Bulgaria.

Abner: Bolivia. They were in Bolivia. Wait a minute, they were killed in Bolivia.

Ernest: Well maybe they should've stayed in Bulgaria.

Abner: Look, consider the ramifications!

Ernest: We don't have any ramifications, all we've got is this cannon!

Abner: I'm a professor with two Ph.D.'s, so why is it I'm running around with a refugee from Sesame Street?

Abner: I left my detector!

Ernest: So did I!

Abner: But it was a Ten Co.

Ernest: Mine was an Eleven-Co.

Abner: Ernest, are you dead?

Ernest: I guess I would be if I weren't just *that* close to being an actual cartoon.

Abner: You need a CAT scan, Ernest!