A.J. Quotes in Armageddon (1998)

A.J.: Just tell Grace that, uh, that I'll always be with her. Okay? Can you do that?

Harry Stamper: Yeah. Okay, kid.

Harry Stamper: [pulls AJ's air hose out and rips off his own mission badge and hands it to AJ] Give this to Truman. Make sure Truman gets that! Get in there.

[pushes AJ back into the hatch and closes the door]

Harry Stamper: It's my turn now.

A.J.: Harry! Harry! You can't do this to me! It's my job!

Harry Stamper: You go take care of my little girl now. That's your job. Always thought of you as a son. Always. But, I'd be damn proud to have you marry Grace.

A.J.: [beginning to cry] Harry.

Harry Stamper: You take care of yourself.

[pushes a button sending the hatch up]

A.J.: Harry, no!

Harry Stamper: I love you,pal.

A.J.: Harry, I love you! Don't Harry! Wait a minute! Harry, no!

Harry Stamper: My son.

Harry Stamper: AJ, I got just five words for you: Damn glad to see you boy!

A.J.: That's six words.

Lev Andropov: I'm stepping outside.

A.J.: You're-you're going outside?

Lev Andropov: I am the only certified astronaut. And I'm saving your American ass!

A.J.: Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?

Lev Andropov: No, I never saw Star Wars.

Harry Stamper: How long you work for me?

A.J.: Five wonderful years.

Harry Stamper: In five years you have *never* apologized to me this quickly. Something's goin' on here, I'm gonna find out what it is.

Harry Stamper: None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody we know. United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?

Chick: 20 years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there.

Freddy Noonan: Guess I can't let you go up there alone.

Bear: I'm with you.

Oscar: Man, this is - this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in.

Rockhound: While I don't share *his* enthusiasm, you know me. Beam me up, Scotty!

Harry Stamper: You all right, Max?

Max: I-I don't, I-I don't... Whatever you think.

Harry Stamper: [to A.J] How about you?

A.J.: I'm in.

Harry Stamper: All right then. We go.

Rockhound: I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?

Grace Stamper: Baby, do you think its possible that anyone else in the world is doing this very same thing at this very same moment?

A.J.: I hope so, otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save?

A.J.: You know it's all funny until somebody gets shot in the leg.

Harry Stamper: You wanna go home? Is that it? You wanna be fired?

A.J.: No, I don't. My crew was doin' the right thing.

Harry Stamper: [Interrupting] Your crew?

A.J.: Yeah.

Harry Stamper: Your crew just blew the whole transmission, A.J.

A.J.: Listen, that NASA computer is just playin' it safe. The machine you built - the rig - can do it.

Harry Stamper: [Interrupting] Shut up! Just shut up! Shut your mouth! Those men in that room have zero tolerence for showin' off, hot doggin', going by your gut instinct or you tryin' to be a hero. You got that? Say the words, A.J.

A.J.: I got it.

A.J.: You know, Harry, there are only, uh, five words, I want to hear from you right now and those words are: you know A.J., I really look up to you, you been a hero of mine for sometime, and I'm really impressed with your work and I'm emotionally closed off...

[pause]

A.J.: That's like - I dunno, that's like eleven words or something. You know what how bout just: A.J., I'm sorry and I love you?

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh ?

A.J.: Is this supposed to be like this ?

Oscar: Don't worry. This is normal.

A.J.: You know what I was thinkin'?

Grace Stamper: What?

A.J.: I-I really don't think that the animal cracker qualifies as a cracker.

Grace Stamper: Why?

A.J.: Well cause it's sweet, which to me suggests cookie, and, you know, I mean putting cheese on something is sort of the defining characteristic of what makes a cracker a cracker. I don't know why I thought of that, I just...

Grace Stamper: Baby, you have such sweet pillow talk.

A.J.: [looking at ink blotted pictures] Here's Harry giving me a hard time. And, uh, this is Harry tellin' me it's not good enough. And, uh, this is Harry tellin' me I can't marry his daughter.

[to himself]

A.J.: Thanks alot, appreciate it.

A.J.: If anybody's anybody, I'm Han and you're-you're Chewbacca.

Oscar: Chewy? Have you even *seen* Star Wars?

A.J.: This is great. We just happen to run into the Grand Canyon on the asteroid.

Lev Andropov: I told you, you took wrong way, wrong road.

A.J.: What? What road? Do you see any roads around here?

Lev Andropov: You know what, I do not have much pleasure being near God's ear, but you think this is looking good or what?

A.J.: Lev, why don't you just do humanity a favor and just shut the hell up?

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh.

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy.

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh.

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy !

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh.

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy.

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh ?

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy !

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh ?

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy !

A.J.: Uhh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh ?

A.J.: If you had like little animal cracker Discovery Channel thing watch the gazelle as he graze's through the open plains, and now look as the cheetah approachs. Watch as he stalks his prey. Now the gazelle has looked spooked and he could head north, to the mountainous peeks above, or he could go south. The gazelle now faces man's most perilous question, north... Or south...

A.J.: Man, life's looking pretty good from right here.

A.J.: What you doin?

Ian: [Fiddling with a PDA] Oh, just sending an email to a friend.

A.J.: Oh, really?

[Ian smiles at A.J]

A.J.: You're a funny fucker.

A.J.: Listen up. We got a major problem. Looks like we have to make an emergency landing. Make sure you're strapped in, and if you believe in God, it's time to call in a favor.

[preparing for takeoff]

A.J.: [as Bill Cosby] OK, all set, Mr. President. I think it's about that time that we do the checklist as the two Bills. What do you say, buddy?

Frank Towns: [as Bill Clinton] Why change a good thing? Go ahead, good buddy.

A.J.: Allow me to grab my bulletin. Seatbelts.

Frank Towns: I always like to have a little something strapped to my lap. Check.

A.J.: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Windows, doors and hatches.

Frank Towns: Closed and secure, so no-one can disturb us.

A.J.: Water injection.

Frank Towns: That's what she said.

[A.J. laughs]

Frank Towns: Check.

A.J.: Gyro.

Frank Towns: Set and uncaged, just like yours truly.

A.J.: And last but not least, cowl flaps.

Frank Towns: Till the cows come home... Alright, I think we're ready to go. Gonna kiss your lucky man?

A.J.: I'll make it happen right now.

Frank Towns: All right. Clear left.

A.J.: Clear right.

Frank Towns: All right... here we go...

Warren: Who glued these quarters down?

A.J.: I did.

Warren: What the hell for, man?

A.J.: I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.

A.J.: What's with you? Yesterday you were normal and today you're like the Chinese guy from the Karate Kid. What's with you today?

Lucas: What's with today today?

A.J.: Lucas, hey Lucas. Hey Lucas. What the hell are you doin' here, man?

Lucas: Something happened to me last night. In Atlantic City.

A.J.: Oh, you went to Atlantic City?

Mark: Wow! Did you win anything?

Lucas: No. I did not win. So if you guys ever wonder if it was nice to know you, I tell you now that it was.

A.J.: Joe, I need to ask your advice. Now I know you know a lot about love and women and all that sort of thing...

Joe: Oh yeah, my wife left me for another woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint. Does this qualify me?

A.J.: Oh yeah, definitely.

A.J.: Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile.

Mark: [under his breath] Maybe I want to be sterile.

A.J.: You did have hair when you went in there, right?

Debra: Yeah. It's still in the sink, if you want to glue it.

A.J.: Lucas, do you think it's possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it?

Lucas: In this life there are nothing but possibilities.

A.J.: Well, that's good, because I have to tell Corey I love her by 1:37.

Lucas: That's an excellent time.

A.J.: Hi, what're you doing up here?

[Corey pushes A.J so he falls]

Corey: You listen to me! You're so special and you're so talented and you have everything it takes! You have MORE than everything it takes and you're REALLY stupid because you don't know that. And I know you don't love me anymore, and I know that I blew it but at least I know that, and if you don't go to art school and if you don't understand how special you are then you know nothing!

A.J.: Corey, I...

Corey: And I did love you, and I still... only I didn't realise that it really was love because it was more than love and it wasn't just some stupid feeling in my stomach like everything else and I'll never love anybody as much as you and I hate you! I hate you!

A.J.: Corey, I quit. I quit!

[pause]

A.J.: I'm going to art school, in Boston. So I can be near you.

Eddie: Can I ask you something? Do you know where Harvard is?

A.J.: It's near Boston.

Eddie: No I mean, do you really know where Harvard is? It's another planet man- another universe. Totally unlike the one we know. Filled with big blond guys who eat ivy and row boats. What I'm trying to say is, you and Corey just aren't made for each other. She's different from you.

A.J.: ...you know, I got to tell her that I, uh, well, you know, that I uh...

Joe: love her.

A.J.: Yeah, now how do I do that?

Joe: You say I love you. What do you want, written instructions?

A.J.: You know that feeling when you get out of a warm bath... well... you make me feel like a bath?

Lucas: Do you know how many people there are out there?

A.J.: Well, about 6 billion.

Lucas: Really... 6 billion... that's a lot of people...

A.J.: Hey Joe, I wanna tell Corey how I feel about her, and I thought you'd be the perfect guy for the job...

Joe: Oh, yeah. My wife left me for a woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave on gunpoint. Does this qualify me?

A.J.: Yeah, absolutely.

President Andrew Shepherd: [after playing pool] Is the view pretty good from the cheap seats, A.J.?

A.J.: I beg your pardon?

President Andrew Shepherd: Because it occurs to me that in twenty five years I've never seen YOUR name on a ballot. Now why is that? Why are you always one step behind ME?

A.J.: Because if I wasn't, you'd be the most popular history teacher at the University of Wisconsin!

President Andrew Shepherd: Fuck you!

A.J.: [to President Andrew Shepherd] You've said it yourself a million times. If there had been a TV in every living room sixty years ago, this country does not elect a man in a wheelchair.

A.J.: [after walking on west colonnade in the White House] Good night, Mr. President.

President Andrew Shepherd: A.J.?

A.J.: Yes, sir?

President Andrew Shepherd: When we're out of the office, and alone, you can call me Andy.

A.J.: I beg your pardon, sir?

President Andrew Shepherd: You were the best man at my wedding, for crying out loud. Call me Andy.

A.J.: Whatever you say, Mr. President.

President Andrew Shepherd: [after playing pool] If Mary hadn't died, would we have won three years ago?

A.J.: Would we have won?

President Andrew Shepherd: If we had to go through a character debate three years ago, would we have won?

A.J.: I don't know. But I would have liked that campaign. If my friend Andy Shepherd had shown up, I would have liked that campaign very much.

[after President Shepherd's speech]

Leon Kodak: Well, you don't see that every day of the week.

Lewis Rothschild: He's got the whole White House press corps asking each other how to spell erudite!

A.J.: Better call the printer, Lewis.

Lewis Rothschild: I know, we gotta rewrite the State of the Union.

A.J.: Every word, kid. It's a whole new ballgame. You have exactly 35 minutes.

Lewis Rothschild: [sarcastically, jokingly] Oh, good, I thought I was gonna be rushed!

President Andrew Shepherd: [while playing pool] This is NOT the business of the American people!

A.J.: With all due respect, sir, the American people have a funny way of deciding on their own what is and what is not their business.

President Andrew Shepherd: [while playing pool] She didn't say anything about me?

A.J.: [sarcastically, jokingly] No, but I could always pass her a note before study hall.

Lewis Rothschild: [in his bedroom] Can I just state very clearly I can't be part of anything illegal.

A.J.: Good for you, Lewis.

Lewis Rothschild: Say what you want. It's always the guy in my job that ends up doing 18 months in Danbury minimum security prison.

A.J.: [in the Oval Office] Excuse me, Mr. President, I just got off the phone with the federal mediator in St. Louis. Management just walked away from the table; the baggage handlers, pilots and flight attendants are all getting set to walk out in forty-eight hours.

President Andrew Shepherd: You know, I studied under a Nobel Prize-winning economist, and you know what he taught me?

A.J.: Never have an airline strike at Christmas?

A.J.: [after playing pool] Listen, I'm going to have Janie clear your schedule for the weekend, you need to get some rest

President Andrew Shepherd: Are you handling me A.J.?

A.J.: No sir but I will if you don't start taking your head out your ass

President Andrew Shepherd: Excuse me?

A.J.: Lewis is right, go after this guy

President Andrew Shepherd: Has Rumson lied in the past seven weeks?

A.J.: Has he lied?

President Andrew Shepherd: Other than not knowing the difference between Harvard and Stanford, has he said something that isn't true? Am I not a Commander in Chief who's never served in the military? Am I not opposed to a Constitution amendment banning flag burning? Am I not a unmarried father who shared a bed with a liberal lobbyist down the hall from his twelve year old daughter?

A.J.: And you think you're wrong?

President Andrew Shepherd: I don't think you win elections by telling fifty nine percent of voters that they are

A.J.: [while playing pool] Mr.President, this is an election year. If you're looking for female companionship, we can make certain arrangements that will ensure total privacy.

President Andrew Shepherd: I don't want you to get me a girl, A.J.! What is this, Vegas?

A.J.: No sir, this is the White House.

A.J.: Do you know what life really is, Jamie? A meaningless pile of shitty chaos. Accepting it, that's the real bravery. To know that nothing means anything and to still get out of fucking bed. God's will? There is no god.

Jamie Morgan: If there's no god, then there's no force of good. And that means that there can't be evil. But there's definitely evil. I mean, there are demons.

[A.J. goes to the barn to be alone]

Dewey: [whispers] A.J.? A.J?

A.J.: Go away Dewey, I want to be alone.

Dewey: [whispers] I love you.

A.J.: What?

Dewey: I love you.

[Dewey goes over to the loft doors and leans forward]

A.J.: Dewey, get away from there that's not safe. Dewey.

[A.J. catches Dewey]

A.J.: [angry] What do you think you're doing you could have been killed, go back to the house like I told you in the first place!

Dewey: Sorry.

A.J.: [angry] Sorry is not good enough Dewey! You scared me half to death! Now, go on before you get hurt and get us both in trouble!

[Dewey walks off crying]

A.J.: Dewey. Dewey wait a minute. Dewey. Dewey I'm sorry. Dewey.

[A.J. falls from the loft and screams]

[In the principal's office]

Principal: To tell you the truth Amelia Jean...

A.J.: A.J.

Principal: To tell you the truth A.J. I've never had a student defend herself from a teacher before.

[Milton just stole A.J.'s plans for Futureworld]

Milton: Crazy Amelia, you have got a sick mind.

A.J.: Just give those back.

[James walks in]

James: Is there a problem here Amelia?

A.J.: On no. There is no problem here at all.

Milton: Come on guys, lets go.

Shiela: Amelia, why aren't there any girls in line for this ride?

A.J.: Girls can't ride this ride.

Shelia: Nonsense, I will ride any ride I want to.

A.J.: It's not that girls can't ride it...

Shiela: I will ride any ride I please. What's the name of this ride anyway?

A.J.: The Pit.

Shiela: 'The Pit' stupid name. Why would they call it The Pit?

[Shiela falls down The Pit and comes out soaking wet]

Allen: 75 cents, that's a rip off.

A.J.: Supply and demand Allen.

Allen: You took all my milk money.

A.J.: Bottle of water. Laura Cannon drinks it.

Allen: Laura Cannon.

A.J.: Go on. Take a chance.

A.J.: I milk cows?

Frank: Yeah, twice a day. Just like I did.

A.J.: I'm sorry, but I've never milked a cow in my life.